Author's Note: This chapter contains what could be sensitive subject matter. It was a little hard for me to write, so it may be even harder for some to read.
CHAPTER TEN - ROLLERCOASTER
The room was spinning around me. How many drinks had I had? I lost count after about five. Jacob was the nicest guy though. He listened to every word that came out of my mouth and nodded attentively at all the right places and smiled where he should.
"You know," I slurred, slamming my empty glass down on the bar. "You are so great. I mean it. You're the nicest guy ever!"
Jacob grinned and took a swig of his beer. "I try."
I reached around and pulled lightly on his ponytail. "Why do you grow your hair like this?"
He laughed at my quick change of subject. "I don't know, I just decided to grow it out and never cut it." He shrugged. "Girls like you think it's sexy." He wiggled his eyebrows.
I looked at Jacob, all fuzzy around the edges, and I was really glad I went out with him. This was just what I needed after the awful day I had. I had thought I sounded desperate when I called him earlier, but it seemed like he was having a good time, so I wasn't worried about it.
"Hello?"
"Jacob?"
"Uh, yeah? Who's this?"
"My name is Bella, you met me at the gym earlier?"
"Oh yeah! Hey! You need a trainer?"
"No, no. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a drink or something."
"Oh. Well—"
"I've just had an awful day and need to get the hell out of my apartment. I didn't know who else to call and you seemed really nice so…"
"Um, yeah, sure, why not!"
"Ok. How about Annies? On Rainbow and Fourth?"
"Yeah, sure! Give me like an hour?"
"Sounds good, see you then!"
It had to have been weird having his chick you met once for five minutes call you up and ask you out, but he seemed eager to impress me so I didn't think anything of it.
I had spent most of the night bitching about Edward and Alice. Jacob was the most patient guy I had ever met. He seemed willing to listen to anything I had to say, he even offered advice.
"Maybe you should just stay away from them for a while?" He suggested.
"They're my best friends… Well, we're my best friends. Who knows anymore." I motioned for the bartender to bring me another rum and coke. "I don't know, maybe you're right. Maybe it is time to move on with my life."
"I could help you with that," Jacob proposed. He tossed another ten dollar bill on the counter for my drink.
"You really don't have to keep paying for those," I said. With each drink, I was getting more and more comfortable around Jacob, and maybe he was right; maybe he could help me to get over Edward. A little fling sounded harmless. I had been hung up on Edward for so long, it was just what I needed.
Without really thinking, I blurted, "Wanna go back to my apartment?"
Jacob beamed. "Sure!" He hopped off his barstool and extended his arm towards me. I gulped down the rest of my drink and put my hand in his. We walked out of the bar into the cool night air and I breathed it in deeply. It was refreshing after the smoky atmosphere inside.
Jacob headed towards his car as I stumbled towards mine. "Hey, hey!" Jacob lightly grabbed my arm. "You can't drive like that."
I opened my mouth to protest, but he was right. I could barely see straight, let alone drive home. I'd come get my car later. I followed him to his car and got in when he opened the passenger side door for me.
Such a gentleman.
"Where to, boss?" Jacob asked starting the car. I directed him to my apartment, giggling and flirting and touching his arm and face and hair and where ever else I could run my fingers.
The back of my mind was telling me that maybe I shouldn't invite this guy over that I've known for only a few hours, but I was having such a good time with Jacob, I didn't want the night to end.
I led him to my apartment digging my keys out of my purse. I fumbled with them for a few minutes in the dark, cursing myself for not leaving my porch light on. I couldn't see a damn thing.
"Here, let me," Jacob took the keys out of my hand and slipped the key into the lock with no problem.
"Thanks," I laughed, stumbling inside. Jacob followed and shut the door behind him. Within seconds, he was standing over me. He wrapped his arms around me without warning, his lips were crushing mine.
Kissing Jacob felt all wrong. Even wasted I could feel that. His lips were too eager and practically engulfed my own. His tongue was probing and insistent. His hands wrapped around the back of my head were too tight. And he was so hot. I felt like his body temperature was ten degrees above my own. I lightly pushed at his chest.
"Hey, slow it down buddy," I said. As he pulled away, I stumbled forward, catching myself on his shoulders. I giggled as I righted myself.
"Sorry," I laughed. I looked up at Jacob's face and instead of seeing the look I expected to see, amusement, I saw anger. Jacob's face was twisted into an offended scowl. The fact that I was so drunk I was seeing double made him look twice as menacing. Two pissed off Jacobs in front of me. I was a little intimidated.
"What?" I asked.
"What's your deal?" Jacob demanded.
"My what?" I was confused. "What are you talking about?"
"You're a fucking tease!" Jacob stepped closer to me and grabbed my arm.
"Ow, that hurts!" I complained trying to pry his tight grip off the top of my arm. He was beginning to scare me, and I wanted him not only to get away from me, to get out of my apartment.
His grasp on my arm didn't loosen and he was right in my face. "You practically throw yourself at me and now you tell me to slow down?"
I looked up into his dark, angry eyes. "I didn't throw myself at you!"
"Yes you did!" He grabbed my other arm and pushed me down onto the couch. He towered over me. He was huge. "You call me to go out for drinks, I pay for everything, and all you do is you bitch and moan about this asshole that doesn't want you anymore! Then you invite me back to your apartment. If that's not an invitation for a fuck, I don't know what is!"
I rubbed my arms trying to get the blood to start flowing through them again. I was scared now. I had no idea what to do. Jacob was fuming over me, blocking my escape to the door. I didn't even know where my phone was. I couldn't remember two minutes ago with my head spinning the way it was, and I had no idea where I had dropped my purse.
Jacob leaned down towards me placing his hands on my waist. "You're going to give me what I came here for," he growled menacingly. He roughly tried to pull my shirt up but I pushed his hands back down.
I wasn't going to go down without a fight, drunk or not. "Stop it, Jacob."
"I'm a lot stronger then you darling," Jacob drawled kneeling onto the couch. He put his whole body on top of mine and started kissing down my neck, his stubble rubbing roughly against my skin. I felt nauseated. He gripped the bottom of my shirt and against my will, yanked it forcefully over my head.
When my brain realized exactly what was about to happen, I tried to sober myself, but my mind wasn't working correctly with all the booze pulsing through my system. I tried to push Jacob off of me, but he was all muscle. It was like pushing against a brick wall. I settled for screaming instead, hoping the neighbors would hear me and call the cops. Midway through my first call for help, Jacob clamped a hand over my mouth. I felt his other hand tugging at the waistband of my jeans.
Suddenly, I heard a deep, familiar voice. "Hey!!" The next thing I knew, Jacob was yanked off of me and I was lying on my couch, half naked, alone.
I looked up in time to see Edward, gimp leg and all, lay a hard punch right in Jacob's face. Blood squirted out of his nose and sprayed all over my carpet.
Damn, that's gonna be a bitch to get out…
"You get the fuck out of here, you low life piece of shit!" Edward forcefully pulled Jacob up, halfway by his hair, halfway by his arm and carried him to the door. If it wasn't for the huge cast on his leg, you never would have even known it was broken. He was in a frenzy. He socked Jacob in the face a few more times before throwing him out the front door and slamming it behind him.
The whole time, I didn't hear Jacob say a word. He groaned and grunted a few times when Edward hit him, and I couldn't help but think that that's exactly what he would have sounded like had he achieved what he was planning on doing to me.
My stomach turned and I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep myself from throwing up. I squeezed my eyes shut to block out the image.
The next thing I knew, I was in my bed. When I came to, my head was throbbing and my mouth felt like I had spent the entire night licking the pavement. I slowly opened my eyes, groaning as the harsh sunlight scorched my retinas.
What the hell happened?
I slowly sat up, trying not to further aggravate the hammer pounding nails into my brain. I cursed myself internally for putting the aspirin in the kitchen cabinet and not the bathroom cabinet as I swung my legs over the side of my bed. My foot connected with my bathroom trashcan.
"What the…?" I tried to remember how I got to bed last night, but came up with nothing. I figured I must have put the trashcan there in case I threw up.
I was far more concerned with getting some drugs in me that would cure this excruciating headache.
As I padded down the hallway and towards the kitchen, something caught my peripheral vision that made me stop short.
A bucket, sitting on the carpet by the front door, filled with a pinkish liquid. A sponge floated on top of the fluid. Next to the bucket was a large reddish-pinkish stain.
What the fuck?!
As I moved closer to examine the stain on the carpet, something moved out of the corner of my eye. My hand flew to my mouth to muffle the shriek escaping my lips. Once I realized what the giant lump on my couch was, I calmed down a bit.
Edward was fast asleep, clutching a couch pillow, a sheet tangled in his legs. He snored softly as he slumbered.
Now I was freaked out. I had no idea what had happened the night before; there was what looked like a giant bloodstain on my carpet, and Edward had spent the night. None of it made any sense.
I figured I would ask Edward when he woke up, before I kicked him out. I was still livid with him for what had happened the day before, and really had no desire to talk to him at all.
As I turned to walk back into the kitchen, the entire night suddenly came flooding back to me.
Drinks. Lots of drinks.
Jacob, the personal trainer from the gym.
Heading back to my apartment, flirting in Jacob's car.
Me, on the couch, my shirt ripped off, with Jacob hovering over me.
My worst fears coming true.
Edward appearing out of nowhere, pulling Jacob off of me and beating the shit out of him.
"Oh my God…" I felt dizzy with all this information streaking through my head and had to steady myself on the kitchen counter.
I felt nauseas with the realization of what almost happened to me the night before. If Edward hadn't showed up…
"Oh my God!" I said again. I suddenly had an irresistible urge to take a shower; a scalding hot shower.
I rushed back to my room, peeling my clothes off as fast as I could. I turned the shower on to as hot as I could handle and jumped in. I immediately began scrubbing my skin as hard as I could with my loofa.
I felt disgusting.
How could I have been so fucking stupid? I could have been killed by this guy last night. I naively bought his act as the "nice guy" in the beginning of the night. No wonder he was so eager to pay the bartender every time I ordered a drink, saying, "No! No, let me get it!" when I would pull out my wallet. Thinking back, I remembered him sipping on one, maybe two beers the entire night. I kept pounding drink after drink, and he would watch me, sipping his bottle, his smile getting bigger and bigger with each empty glass I put down on the bar.
I thought he was being friendly.
He was making his plans.
Out of nowhere, my stomach decided to empty its contents, which really wasn't much. I threw up bile and brown liquid all over the bathtub and my feet.
Puking made me feel a little bit better.
I continued with the scrubbing, rubbing and rubbing my skin until it was red and burning. I kept this up until the hot water ran out.
I still didn't feel clean.
I decided to take another shower in an hour or so once the hot water came back. I stepped out of the bathtub wrapping a towel around myself.
I could hear noise coming from the living room. Some banging and water running and cursing, so I knew Edward was awake. I had to figure out how I was going to approach him. My plan to kick him out was now off the table. If it wasn't for him, who knew where I would be right now. I practically owed him my life.
The feelings I had towards him were severely conflicting. One part of me was still really, really mad about what happened between us yesterday, while the other part of me was eternally grateful for him to have been there for me last night.
Which brought up the question, why was he here last night?
I had to talk to him.
I got dressed as quickly as possible, well, as fast as my pounding head would allow me to. I carefully inched open my door and peeked down the hallway. I could see half of Edward's body; he was sitting down on the floor scrubbing furiously at the stain on the carpet. It didn't look easy, what he was doing. He was sitting in an awkward position to be scrubbing the floor, with his broken leg stretched out in front of him. It didn't seem like he could get enough pressure on the carpet to really do anything.
I crept down the hallway, trying to be as quiet as possible. I thought in the thirty seconds it took me to get to Edward, I might be able to figure out what I wanted to say to him.
He looked up just as I reached the end of the hallway. His face went from frustrated to relieved.
"Hey…" he said, giving me a halfhearted smile. "How are you feeling?"
I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall. "Like shit."
He just stared at me. I could see a million questions burning behind his eyes, but he stayed silent.
I had a million questions of my own, but I didn't want to be the first one to break the silence. So I pushed myself up from the wall and walked to the kitchen. I popped four aspirin and downed a glass of water before Edward was able to struggle his way over to me. He kept a safe distance standing in the dining room and continued to stare at me.
After a few more seconds of silence he asked, "What happened?" His voice was soft and calm. I wondered how much practice it took him to be able to say the words with any sort of composure.
I slowly put the glass on the counter and turned around. I shrugged. "I was going to ask you the same question."
Edward cocked his head to the side and pushed his eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"
I rubbed my forehead. "I had a lot to drink last night. I don't remember much."
"You don't remember almost being—"
"Don't say that word," I cut Edward off, putting my hands up in front of me.
"So you do remember what happened." Edward crossed his arms in front of him. I could see his temper starting to flare a bit. His composure was becoming strained.
I avoided his statement, turning the water on in the sink to wash my glass. I really didn't want to have to explain myself to him, and I had no idea what to say. So I settled on changing the subject. "Why were you here last night?"
The look on Edward's face showed that he caught on to what I was trying to do, but he played along. He sighed heavily before answering. "I came over to apologize for yesterday, since you weren't answering any of my calls… I couldn't sleep until I talked to you. I felt awful."
His statement reminded me that I didn't know where the hell my purse was. "Oh shit, I don't even know where my phone is."
Edward turned around and picked up my bag off the kitchen table. "It was wedged in the couch cushions."
I took it from him and dug my phone out. I had five missed calls from Edward, three from Alice and two voicemails, along with seven texts, probably all from Alice. I'd check them later. I tossed the phone on the counter and looked back to Edward expectantly.
He rolled his eyes. "Things got blown way out of proportion yesterday. That's why I wanted to talk to you. You don't know Alice by now?" He looked exasperated. "You know how she exaggerates."
I wasn't happy with his explanation.
He continued, "I never said I wanted nothing to do with you. You have to understand how hard this is for me. I hate seeing you hurt, and that's all I feel like I do to you: hurt you. It makes me so uncomfortable and I know that sounds selfish, because whatever I'm going through, it's gotta be ten times worse for you. I thought though, that maybe if I distanced myself from you and stopped hurting you so damn much that maybe it would make things easier on you. Alice didn't want me doing that, so she shows up at my door with that stupid Xbox, telling me to just keep trying." He took a breath. "And when we had lunch yesterday, I genuinely had a lot of fun. I felt like maybe things were starting to work out… And that maybe if I couldn't remember you, we could still have some sort of relationship. I don't want you out of my life at all and the more I thought about it, the more it hurt me."
He stopped with his rambling and again, his hands went to his hair. "I came over and when I got to the front door, I was about to knock and I heard you scream. I opened the door and I saw that…" He took a shuddering breath and dropped his hands. His eyes were blazing. "He was on top of you, and you were screaming. And I wanted to kill him. This… I don't know, feeling took over my entire body and I wanted him dead." He looked back up at me. "Who was he?"
I was speechless. It took me a second to find my head again. "Some guy I uh," my voice came out strangled so I cleared my throat. "I met him at the gym. He gave me his card. I just wanted someone to talk to."
Edward hobbled over to me and without warning, enveloped me in a hug. I was so severely caught off guard, I had to steady myself against the counter before wrapping my arms around him. "Thank you," I muffled into his shirt. I inhaled his woodsy scent and everything felt almost normal again.
"Don't do that again, ok?" He whispered. I felt his breath in my hair and I got the sudden urge to cry. I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes before he could see my emotion.
A sudden thought occurred to me. "How did you even get over here?" I asked. "And how did you know where I live?" He hadn't been to my apartment since before the accident. He must have called Alice or something.
"Oh," Edward looked surprised. "Wow, I don't know… I called a cab and I just… Knew where to go." He smiled at me. "Weird."
"Yeah, weird." I wanted to get excited at what he had just told me, but I had been disappointed over and over again lately, so I tucked it away to get excited over later, maybe when he had shown more progress.
I glanced at the stain on the carpet. "That's his, right? His blood?"
Edward looked behind him. "Yeah, sorry about that. I spent half the night and all morning trying to get it out."
"It's ok," I said, shivering. "Ugh, now I feel like I need another shower."
"Didn't you just take one?" Edward asked.
"Yeah, but I feel really gross after what happened last night," I explained.
"Well, go take another one, and I'll finish trying to get that stain up, and then we can have some breakfast?" Edward asked hopefully.
I smiled at him. "Sure." As I turned to walk past him, he caught my arm and pulled me into another hug.
"Don't do that again, please? I do care about you, ok?" He placed a tentative kiss on my forehead and released me. I thrilled at his lips on my skin.
I had no idea what to think anymore. All my feelings of anger towards Edward were gone. I had no desire to "move on" anymore like I was thinking about last night… But I was still unsure of exactly what I wanted. All I knew was that I was getting tired of this yo-yo routine we were going through. Up and down, up and down. Last night, I felt like I was at my lowest point, and right now, I felt like I was flying.
I wasn't sure how much longer my body could handle this rollercoaster.
Ok, sorry again that this chapter took so long. I'm not even entirely happy with it... I wrote it in a bit of a rush just so I could get it up for you few dedicated readers. That's how much I love ya'll. :) I sincerely hope it didn't offend anyone...
Anyway, the reason it took me so long this time around is because I am working on something new! It's a little darker, and a LOT smuttier then this one. It's a one shot, and I should have it up soon, once I can get it perfected. So if you're interested, put me on author alert!
Again, thank you for all the reviews. It makes my day when I see them in my inbox. Much love. :) *muah*
