After I basically kicked open my front door I groggily realized two things. First, Italy was sleeping peacefully on the couch. He must have taken pity on my poor back and decided to spend his last night on the couch. The second thing I realized was that in my alcohol induced state for some reason I had thought it a good idea to take Antonio home with me. No big deal, right? Except for the fact that Italy was sleeping on my couch. And Italy wasn't supposed to know I knew Antonio. Italy is sleeping on the couch and I'm bringing his brother's bodyguard through the front door with the finesse of a drunken asshole.
I would have pissed my pants if I hadn't been suddenly concerned with making any movements or noises that would wake Feliciano. Luckily, Antonio was being super quiet, basically asleep standing up with his head on my shoulder. I crept quietly towards my room. As quietly as one could while dragging a hundred and fifty pounds of dead weight along with them, that is. Finally, we were in my room and I closed my door quietly. My heart was hammering unevenly from the adrenalin and I had given myself a slight headache from focusing so hard in my buzzed state.
Ok. Well, immediate danger minimized. But, uh, what the hell am I supposed to do with Antonio? We are not sharing a bed. I do not know you like that, Toni. While I was standing there debating, Toni came round a little. Enough to groggily stand on his own and shuffle over to the bed with a dreamy smile and a few mumbled words. Then he took his pants off. Yes, he took his fucking pants off revealing yellow boxers. Are those turtles on them? It's too dark to tell. He climbed halfway onto the bed before just simply face planting right in the middle. He didn't stir after that.
Well I suppose that answers that question.
Bastard.
I grabbed a pillow from the bed and ripped a blanket out that was partially trapped under Antonio's body. His face is facing straight down into that mattress. That can't be healthy. Should I turn his face or let the bastard smother? Ah, better turn his face. I don't think I could explain to anyone why I snuck Antonio into my apartment late last night and he why was later found dead, pantsless, and liquored up, laying ass up on my bed.
I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible on the floor. Which is to say not very comfortable at all. ah, I just need to sleep dammit! I'm so fucking tired. Ugh.
XxXxX
I awoke with a start, sitting up and gasping for breath. Oh shit. Everything is just oh shit right now. I need to take action, minimize damage. I'm fucking my plan up already!
I scrambled to stand up and realized too late that I am a fucking idiot. My head is spinning like you can't believe. Don't throw up don't throw up don't throw up, I silently chanted as my insides rioted. I'm too busy to be hung over right now! Seriously, nobody likes being hung over but damn, did it have to come at such an inconvenient time? Yeah, yeah, I know I'm bitching like it isn't completely my fault. So sue me. But later cos I have shit to do.
I roused Toni, keeping a hand over his mouth to quiet him. He awoke easily, if not a little confused. But then again, that's just his natural state of being, in my opinion. I raised my finger to my lips. Be quiet. I removed my hand from his mouth and said quietly, "be quiet, Toni. Ita—uh, Feliciano is here and he cannot know you are here. It's fundamental to our plan that he doesn't know. Ugh. I can't believe I fucked this up already. Why did I let us drink so much? I'm so fucking hung over."
"Really," Toni asked, sitting up and stretching. "I feel fine." He turned to me and smiled dopily. You're telling me this bastard doesn't get hung over? There's no justice in this world. "Why are my pants off?" Toni asked, bemused.
"You took them off yourself before welcoming yourself to my bed," I said.
"Really," he asked.
"Yup," I said, beginning to pull a change of clothes out of my dresser.
"Reeeaaallllyy?" he asked again, slyly.
I stopped what I was doing and turned to him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean," I squawked, a little loudly.
"Oh, nothing, nothing," Toni said airily, looking away. "It's just that I know I would have a hard time resisting such an exotic hunk like me."
"Piss off," I hissed. Slamming the dresser drawer shut. "And wait here. I have some damage control to do."
First I slipped into the bathroom to change my clothes. I was glad that I didn't see Italy because he would find it curious that I changed in the bathroom instead of my bedroom. Italy, of course, was in the kitchen. I swear he spends the majority of his time there.
"Oh, good morning, Gilbert," he said, looking up from his crossword puzzle. "You're up awful early. When did you even get home last night?"
"What time is West coming for you," I blurted.
"Huh. I think he said about noon. Is that ok," Italy asked, concerned.
"NO! Uh, I mean, I have a surprise for you today."
"A surprise? What is it?" Feliciano was visibly exited.
"Uh, lemme call West and get permission to keep you a little longer, ok?"
Italy dialed West's cell phone number and I took the call in the bathroom, telling Italy that it had to remain a surprise. "Hey, uh, West? I know I was bitching at you to come and pick up Feliciano as soon as you got into town but I wanted to, uh, thank him for all the awesome cooking and cleaning he did for me. So I was gonna take him out for a nice lunch. I'll drop him at your house afterwards. Is that cool?"
"Is that cool?" West repeated, surprised. "Why yes, that's fine, Gilbert. That sounds really nice, actually. I'm glad that you appreciated everything Feliciano has been doing for you lately. Sometimes I think that you—"
"Yeah, yeah, that's nice. I have to go. People to do and things to see. Later." I hung up the phone and for good measure removed the battery from the back. Now that West was out of the way I didn't want him butting in again. Since I was in the bathroom anyways I grabbed about five aspirin and downed them with water right out of the tap. Gott in himmel. If I can get through today then I'm not going to get out of bed for a week.
XxXxX
Around eleven I began to hustle Italy to get ready. About a half hour later we were ready to head out the door. I ducked back into my bedroom to tell Toni what was going on. Naturally, he was sleeping. Well I'm glad someone around here can get a good fucking rest. "Get up, you Spanish ass!" I hissed, shaking him. "Listen, Feliciano and I are getting ready to go. We're gonna get something to eat and then we'll meet you there in an hour and a half. Exactly an hour and a half, got it?"
"Yes, yes. I got it," satisfied, I grabbed my shoes and prepared to leave. "Hey Gil? Don't sweat it. Everything is going to turn out fine, ok?"
"Ok," I said, before closing the door. Of course it's going to be ok, I coached myself. This awesome plan is Gilbert approved. Now let's rock this shit.
XxXxX
Of course we went to an Italian place. I went along with my original story and told Italy that I was taking him out to eat as a thank you present for all the laundry, cooking, and cleaning that he did for me. He was elated. "Ooh~ How thoughtful!" he cooed before telling me where his favorite Italian joint was.
I tried to be as relaxed as possible while we ate. Why was I so nervous for this? Honestly, I wasn't nervous at all when I confronted Roderich, Ivan, Natalia, or anyone. Could—could it be that I actually care how this plays out? Could it be that I've grown sort of attached to Italy and would really like to see him happy?
Whatever. Who cares? I'm allowed to have feelings too ya know!
Ah, yes. But this was going to involve a significant amount of tricking Italy. I'm not sure how forgiving he is going to be about that. And then there's Romano. He's going to be even less forgiving. But then, I'm counting on having Antonio and Feliciano on my side to talk Romano into forgiving me. And hellsfire upon me if West ever finds out what I'm about to do.
Italy was chattering about the merits of biscotti so I just made polite noises while I twirled the noodles on my plate. Damned Italian food is so carby. I always feel so sleepy after I eat it. Which reminds me that the universe is on a conspiracy to cock block me from getting a good night's rest as of late.
I live such a hard life, I thought tiredly as I took a sip of wine.
XxXxX
We were just pulling out of the parking lot when I snapped my fingers. "Oh, darn. I just remembered that I have some errands to run. You don't mind if we do those before going to your place, do you?"
"No~It's ok Gilbert. I like to run errands." Of course. Of course he does. He's just fucking domestic like that.
"What?" Italy said, confused. "You have to run an errand here?"
"Yes, yes I do," I said, turning the engine off. "You better come in with me. I don't know how long it will take."
We both got out of the car and Italy still looked dubious. That's ok. He can be as dubious as he wants as long as he walks through the door. I pulled open the heavy door of McGinty's and held it open for Italy. "We're going to the party room in the back. There's something I have to pick up." I had worked out a deal with McGinty last night. Paid cash money to get him to open this early. Since it wasn't regular bar hours I knew no one would think to come by and disturb us. We walked past all of the empty tables. McGinty wasn't even behind the bar. I could hear a television coming down the staircase behind the bar. It led up to the apartment above the bar where McGinty lived. He must not have figured us worth the trouble to come down. Maybe he didn't want mixed in with a "lot of queers," as he had kindly put it last night.
The "party room," as McGinty called it, wasn't very festive, but it was private. Just what I wanted. The room itself wasn't very large, probably only a quarter of the size of the bar. There was a beat up old table with six chairs around it and a couple of shitty paintings on the wall. Based on the status of the frayed decorations and furniture, this must be a glorified store room for all of McGinty's old shit that he wasn't quite ready to part with. Ah, well. It would do.
"Go ahead and have a seat," I said, pulling out a chair on the far side of the table. "We have to wait for my friend to get here then we can get on our way." I checked my watch as Italy sat down. Any minute now, really. I went to stand by the door.
Finally, I could faintly hear someone talking on the other side of the door. "Are we there yet, idiot? I can't see a damned thing." Toni murmured a reply and the door handle turned. Italy, who had been examining his nails with great interest, looked up casually. His face froze a moment before falling heavily as he saw Romano walk through the door, blindfolded and being led by Toni. "If this is a fucking surprise party I'm going to disembowel you, Antonio," Romano threatened. I took this moment to pounce towards the door, shutting it and locking it with a key.
I was locked in a room with Toni, Romano, and Feliciano. Things were about to get hairy.
XxXxX
Growing too impatient with the blindfold, Romano simply ripped it off. He turned to give Antonio a full glare before focusing his attention on his whereabouts. Italy said nothing, frozen as he was, hand still hovering about the table. It certainly didn't take Romano long to notice his brother sitting behind the table. He gave an unmanly squawk. "Fucking shit dammit! Wh-wh-what's going on here?" Romano said, directing his rage towards Toni. Poor, poor Toni.
"Hey," I said, drawing Romano's attention from Toni. Saving his life, in a way. "You and your brother have some things to work out and both of you are too proud to do it. This is the only way I could figure to get you two together."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Romano fumed. His fists were clenched and his face was a very unsavory shade of red. It was actually rather alarming. "I'm getting the fuck out of here," he announced, trying the doorknob. Of course it didn't work. "Gilbert, if you want to keep your ballsack in between your legs you will unlock this door now!"
"No," I said firmly, unconsciously crossing my legs in front of me to deflect any sudden balls-based carnage that may or may not be inflicted upon me.
"There's no way I'm saying one word to th-that that malandrino. That little faggot is dead to me."
"Hey!" Italy said, reacting at last. He stood up and planted his palms on the table. "I won't sit here and listen to you say such mean things about me like I'm not even here."
"Va' a farti la sega! I'll say anything I like. I'm just surprised you're even here. I didn't know that you could go twenty minutes without taking a dick up the ass."
Toni reacted to Romano's hurtful words, flinching at their vile. Hell, even I cringed a little. Italy doesn't deserve any of this. I knew better than to step in. This was between them now. It wasn't any of my business.
"F-f-f-f-fuck you!" Italy finally hurled. You could tell it pained him to say it, unused as he was to cursing. Even Romano seemed taking aback. "Why are you so hateful, Romano? All you ever do is yell and stomp around. Don't hate me because I'm finally happy."
"Oh, ho. Hate you because you're happy? Whatever. If that's what you tell yourself then fine. I h-hate you because you're, you're a dumb little prick who dares go against the family. I'm the head of the family and you've never respected that. Never! After Papa Roma died you just acted like you were free to do whatever you choose. Well, you're not! I'm your big brother and I'm eldest. What I say goes."
"And what have you ever told me to do? Nothing for the family. You think I'm too dumb," Italy cried. "You never let me handle anything!"
"That's right," Romano snapped. "You hit the nail on the head, Feliciano. I think you're dumb as fucking rocks. Dumber even! You went and proved me right, too, when you ran off with that state boy."
"Don't you DARE bring Ludwig into this," Feliciano said, pointing a finger in Romano's face. Feliciano was getting genuinely pissed now. I've never seen anything like it.
"Oh, I dare alright," Romano shot back, tauntingly. "I'll say whatever I want about your figlio di putana boyfriend. That cafone thinks that I will ever forgive him for corrupting my brother?"
"Stop it Romano. Just stop! Why can't you accept me for who I am?" Italy said, finally breaking down.
"Break up with Ludwig Beilschmidt and I'll forgive you. Come home, Feliciano. You don't belong with that frocio."
"Col cazzo," Italy snapped, back to being angry. "You can't ask me to choose between my love and my family. At least Ludwig doesn't treat me like crap! He listens to me and pays attention to me and doesn't treat me like I'm dumb!"
At this point Romano just let forth a stream of cursing, all in Italian. Italy just stood there defiantly. I was actually kind of in awe of him standing there, that hard look in his eye. Antonio refused to be still any longer. He shook off my attempts to hold him back and reached forward to grasp Romano roughly on the forearm. "That's enough, Romano," he said gruffly. What the hell? There's genuine authority in Toni's voice. What is going on here?
"Get the hell off of me," Romano snapped, turning his burning eyes towards Toni. Antonio, dead serious, looked him straight in the eyes without flinching. "Enough," he said, softly. Romano seemed torn, a little unsure of himself. He glanced back to Feliciano then seemed to snap out of it. Drawing himself up as much as he could, Romano pulled free from Antonio's grasp and took a step backwards. "Don't ever touch me like that or speak to me like that ever again, Antonio. Have you lost your fucking mind?"
"Just stop it, Lovi," Toni said, his voice still serious and commanding. I hardly recognize the man. Where did he get this sudden burst of dominancy?
"D-don't call me that!" Romano shouted nervously. Antonio took a step forward, closing the distance between them. He reached over and touched Romano's shoulder softly. Romano responded by slapping Antonio hard. The air seemed to stand still in the aftermath. Feliciano gave a soft gasp. The mark stood clear against Antonio's tanned skin, each of Romano's fingers standing out in perfect clarity.
I wasn't sure what Toni would do but I sure as hell did not expect his response. He grabbed Romano roughly by both shoulders. Romano gave a frightened squawk that was soon muffled as Antonio kissed him roughly. What the hell is going on here?
I expected Romano to fight Toni tooth and nail but instead he seemed to melt in the embrace. Oh. Oh my. I fucking get it now. How did I not see that they were together before? I'm dumbfounded.
Finally, Antonio pulled away from the kiss. Romano was breathing heavily and didn't seem to remember exactly where he was.
"Romano," Feliciano said quietly. "You're with Toni? How could you be so hurtful with me when you were having the same feelings? How could you hide something like this from me?" You could tell he was hurt by his brother's betrayal. And really, I could see his point.
"I-I-I, It's not like that," Romano said, back pedaling.
"Yes, it is," Toni contradicted calmly. "We're in love. You've said so yourself a couple of times, Lovi. We've been together a year and a half. I've made love to you every chance we've had for the last year. It's time to come clean. You're no straighter than the rest of us in this room." Oh, sure, go ahead and lump me in with the gays. "So stop pretending that you're something that you're not. We all love you and accept you for who you are. It's time for you to return the favor."
Romano looked like he would cry for a moment, his eyes becoming watery and his lip trembling dangerously. Feli was already crying by this point. "I forgive you, Romano," he cried, throwing himself forward to embrace his brother. "So please forgive me? We've not been good brothers to each other but it's going to be different from now on, yes?"
"Y-yes," Romano said quietly, returning Feliciano's hug. "I just want us to get along," he finished, dabbing at his eyes. Antonio looked as if he might cry as well. Oh, give me a break. I'm sure as hell not sporting any water works.
And thus, the Vargas brothers were reconciled with much cursing, screaming, and spilling of secrets.
I'm worn the fuck out.
XxXxX
After those three idiots were calmed down I decided to breech the subject. "So, Romano, everything cool now?"
Romano scowled at me, "this isn't' what I wanted and you know it. But since it looks like everything is going to be ok now I'm not going to bother kicking your ass. I have bigger fish to fry. Your check will be in the mail, briccone."
"Uh, can I ask a favor?"
"Why, because you did such a fantastic job," Romano snapped, deeply sarcastic.
"Well, yes," I said, blatantly ignoring his jab. "I need a warehouse. One where I can plant something for the police to find."
Romano looked like he was going to say something, something nasty by the look on his face, but then stopped and smiled. It wasn't a joyful smile. "Oh, ok, Gilbert. Sure. I can get you what you need but you'll have to forfeit the money I promised to pay you."
What? Th-that little prick! But what choice did I have? I suppose I was just lucky he was going to do it at all. "Fuck me. Fine. The warehouse instead of the money," I grumbled.
Roderich better fucking appreciate this. I mean really appreciate this, if you know what I mean.
XxXxX
"Hey Italy," I said, brightly as we were leaving the parking lot of McGinty's. "You're not going to tell West about my part in this, are you?"
"Oh, of course I am," he said breezily. "After all, it was a real asshole thing to do, Gil." What? Did Feliciano just call me an asshole?
Seeing the dumbfounded look on my face Italy nodded and continued. "Yup. And I'm going to tell him about Roderich. Then we'll be even for you tricking me. Tricking me twice, might I add." I let one hand leave the steering wheel so I could punch Italy in the shoulder as hard as I could.
"Hey," he squawked indignantly. He began slapping me back and soon we were in a full on slap battle. The car swerved back and forth down the length of the street because I'm not going to lose this fight and who needs two hands to drive anyways?
XxXxX
[A/N Ahhhhh so. Chapter 11. Agh. I feel like we've come so far! There's probably only going to be one more chapter after this. I'm seriously crying right now! The author's note for that chapter is going to be RIDICULOUS, I'm telling you.
TRANSLATIONS:
Gott in himmel—goodness gracious
Malandrino—fuck-off (adjective)
Va' a farti la sega—fuck off (expression)
Figli di putana—son of a bitch
Cafone—redneck, peasant
Frocio—fag
Col cazzo—like fuck! (like fuck I will!)
Briccone—asshole (rascal)
Thanks for reading and please review!]
