Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Chapter 11

Built for sin

My Grandpa had called me to ask me to come back to Beverly Hills for the weekend. It was my parent's anniversary. Grandpa was having a cookout by the pool Saturday for close friends and family. Then Sunday night, they were having a formal party for them. All of their rich friends and everyone would be invited to that one. It was just like mother to make her anniversary a two day event.

I decided to go that weekend and stay for the week after. I needed to spend time with my family and be away from here. Maybe it wouldn't be so stressful over there. I wouldn't have to deal with hollows or crap associated with that.

I once asked Kisuke why I didn't have powers before I came here. He told me that Tokyo had a lot of concentrated spiritual energy and that Beverly Hills didn't. He suspected there weren't hollows at all there, because of the low spiritual energy. If it had been high, I would have already got my powers. That was nice to know. I would be safe from things like that there. Be safe from Aizen.

I didn't tell Renji I was going. I left him a note in my room. He would find it. I needed to be away from him a while. Especially since Aizen told me to kill him. I wasn't going to kill him, but Aizen could play tricks on people. He could make someone look like the enemy. I hated him for that and many other reasons.

The premonition I had was amazing. But they aren't set in stone. One little thing can completely change them. Plus, I didn't even see Renji in my vision. Did that mean he was dead? How could I have been happy with him dead? Maybe I had had time to cope with it. I'd rather not be with Renji and him be alive than have his baby and him be dead.

Grandpa had got me a first class ticket, so the flight was very comfortable. When I got there, I saw Grandpa waiting for me. We walked out to the parking lot and that's when I saw it.

"My car!!!!!" I screamed.

He had driven my Ashton Martin DBS Volante to get me. I loved that car and missed it so much. It was silver with maroon leather interior. It had a V12 engine, so it was extremely fast. It only got 18mpg, which was the bad part. It was about $100,000 less than my Lexus LFA. Though my LFA only had a V10. My LFA went from 0-60 faster though. I didn't get that. V12 is supposed to accelerate faster than V10. But I've never been good with cars.

"I'm driving!" I said with excitement.

"I figured you would want to." Grandpa said laughing as he handed me the keys.

We put my bags in the trunk and got in.

"Do you still remember the way?" He asked.

"Of course I do!"

We left. It was hot outside, but we had the top down. I loved the feel of the wind blowing though my hair. I missed the California sun. I cranked up the radio and Grandpa smiled. I loved how he never minded anything. He was so laid back. I guess that's where my dad got it from.

We stopped at a red light and a car full of boys pulled up next to us. They were in a Ford Mustang convertible. Another thing I missed about here was the boys. They were so much hotter than the Japanese ones. Funny thing was none of the soul reapers and such seemed Japanese to me. They didn't look like it.

They driver yelled at me. "Hey! Wana race?"

I shook my head no, not even looking at them. Grandpa just laughed. He knew they would lose.

"At least look at me!" he yelled.

I took off my sunglasses and looked at them.

"Oh my God!!!!! You have sexy eyes, baby!" the driver said.

The other guys were hollering and standing up. I guess they were trying to see what the rest of me looked like. I thought my Grandpa was going to die of laughter.

"C'mon, baby! Race me!" he yelled again.

I rolled my eyes. "You would lose!"

"If I win, you gota give me a kiss!"

"But you won't!" I said laughing.

"If I lose, you get a kiss from me then!"

"Sounds like you win either way."

"Yea, pretty much! So what do you say?"

I looked a Grandpa and he said. "Go ahead, have some fun."

"Ok!" I yelled at him.

There wasn't anyone in front of us, so I didn't see the problem. He pointed at a parking lot. That was where we would stop. The light was about to change and I told Grandpa to hold on. He was having the time of his life. The light turned and we were off. I was in the lead like I knew I would be. I was surprised that they weren't far behind.

Needless to say, I won. It was very close though.

"I told you I was going to win." I said as I got out of the car.

The driver got out of his mustang, but not the normal way. He pulled himself up and jumped out.

"Damn baby! You're hotter than I thought." He said while walking towards me.

"Umm thanks." I said.

"What's this thing have in it?" he said pointing to the car.

"A 5.9L 48-valve V12." Said my Grandpa

"Nice! How much does a car like this run?"

"Over $250,000." I said

"Wow! So here's your prize for winning."

He leaned in to kiss me before I could stop him. I was going to have him kiss me on the cheek, but I guess not now. I have to admit he was a good kisser. I had to push him off of me or I'm sure he wouldn't have stopped.

"Thanks for the warning." I said laughing.

"I said I was going to."

"But you didn't give me any time to react. I was just going to take a kiss on the cheek."

"This way we both win. I'm told I'm a good kisser."

"Well, this has been fun. But I have to go." I said getting back in the car.

"Wait, I didn't even get your name. I'm Taylor."

"Kristen."

"That's a pretty name. I would love to get together again sometime. We can exchange numbers."

"I'm not exactly available."

"Boyfriend?"

"Well, not really. It's just complicated."

"Just let me give you my number. Can I see your phone?"

I handed him my phone and he programmed his number in.

He handed me my phone back. "Hopefully I will hear from you soon."

We say goodbye and left.

"Complicated huh?" Grandpa asked. "Is there a boy back in Japan?"

"Kind of. It's just really complicated. I would never be able to explain it. I feel if I'm with him, he will get hurt and I don't want that."

"How would he get hurt?"

"I can't explain it."

I could, but he wouldn't understand. He doesn't need to know about that stuff. He would be the only who would believe me about it though.

When we got to Grandpa and Nana's house, I went directly up to my room. I had my own room at their house. It hadn't changed much through the years. It still had my doll house in it. I sat on the bed and looked at my phone. Renji and I were the background. I missed him so much and I hadn't even been away from him that long. I went to my contacts and deleted the Taylor guy's number. I would never call him, so there wasn't a point in keeping the number.

The note I had left Renji explained everything. I told him about what Aizen had said and that I was afraid of being around him because I didn't want to kill him. Aizen could manipulate the situation with his stupid Zanpakuto.

I know I had the whole soul society on my side. But I didn't know if he was beatable. I had never seen anyone or anything block my powers like he did. Sure when I was just learning, all the hollows resisted it. But I have pretty much mastered it and since then, no one has blocked it but him. I was always told I was powerful, but what does that make Aizen. A god?

I had noticed a Framing Hanley poster up when we stopped in that parking lot. They were playing at some club tonight. I could go. I did know them after all. I was in there "Lollipop" video. I got to kiss Kenneth Nixon, the lead singer. I still had his phone number. I decided to text him.

Me: Hey, it's Kristen. The girl from the lollipop vid. Mayb u member me.

Nixon: Hey of course I remember u. how could I 4get those eyes ;)

Me: thx =]

Nixon: hows the bf?

Me: I wouldn't kno I left him

Nixon: o I sry

Me: don't b. its his fault

Nixon: good news for me then lol

Me: Rele? I was thinkin bout comin to the show

Nixon: Awesome, you could hang with us backstage. Im sure the guys would love 2 c u. I kno I would.

Me: I thnk im gona get wasted just warnin u lol. Having a bad day.

Nixon: aww wats wrong?

Me: just a bunch of crap. U don't wana kno, trust me. Lets just have fun.

Nixon: fine by me. I'm all about fun haha

Nixon: U know wat would b cool? If u got on stage with us when we did lollipop.

Me: ppl wouldn't kno who I was

Nixon: yes they would. The vid had like 7million hits on youtube.

Me: ok!

Nixon: wear sumthn hot haha

Me: lol I will. Im gona go, I'll c u 2nite.

Nixon: ok ttyl

Night came fast and before I knew it I was on way to the club. As soon as I got there, I started drinking. I got up and danced on stage when they sung lollipop. I don't remember much, because I was pretty drunk. I know that when he said "Man I ain't ever seen an ass like hers" I turned around and he popped my butt. I remember thinking that he sounded so sexy singing and he looked just as sexy. I also loved his southern accent. When I'm drunk I tended to want to go to the bedroom if you catch my drift. With that being said, I'm pretty sure my dancing was very provocative. I vaguely remember kissing him when the song was over.

Then I remember them singing built for sin. When he sung "You taste like heaven, but God knows you're built for sin." I felt like he was singing directly to me. I mean look me, I am built for sin. When guys looks at me, that's all they're thinking about. They think about sinful things. They can't see past my looks.

Next thing I remember is my alarm clock going off. I had an awful headache. I haven't been hung over in so long and now I remember why I stopped drinking so much. I seen my clothes on the floor and realized I was in my underwear. I didn't see anyone else, so maybe I didn't sleep with anyone. I laid there for a few minutes. I thought about how much I missed Renji and the pain I had caused everyone. Then I just ran away from it all. I left them all to fend for themselves. That's what I do, I guess. I run away when it gets hard.

I finally got up and went to the bath room to take something for my headache. I looked in the mirror. I didn't like the person in front of me. I didn't like the pain I had caused. I kept thinking back to Nixon singing built for sin. Maybe I shouldn't exist. I was built for sin and that's all I am. No one sees passed it.

I picked up a razor off the counter and took it apart. I pulled out the blade. I put the blade to my wrist. I pressed down and started bleeding. I paused and heard someone whisper "Do it." in my ear. I pressed harder and started to move the blade across my wrist.