Let's Talk About Sex
New Orleans, LA - 17 months post TVD finale
"What's sex?" Klaus was rendered speechless by his little girl's question. One minute they were happily making beignets in the compound's expansive kitchen and the next he was struggling to form words.
"Um, where did that come from, Hope?' He replied, clearing his throat and brushing the stray flour from his jeans to buy a little extra time. "I mean, uh, what do you know about..."
"Sex," she repeated, wiping some icing sugar from the nearby plate and licking it off her index finger. She looked so sweet and innocent and then she just had to go and throw that three letter word at him without any warning whatsoever.
"Let me rephrase that," he coughed. "Why are you asking about..."
"Sex."
"Could you please stop saying that word? I'm acutely aware of the subject matter of this particularly awkward and painful discussion with my seven year-old daughter," he rambled, more so to himself than his rather confused child.
Klaus thought it might come one day but never this soon. His most pressing concern wasn't the fact he'd been celibate since a certain tryst in the woods but the fact that he had to explain the birds and bees to his only daughter.
If he'd known, Klaus might have at least done some reading and practiced his spiel in advance. How she'd stumbled across this knowledge was another concern, and if it was who he thought they'd be liver-less come dinner.
"Well," he began, motioning for Hope to sit down on the nearby stool next to him. Even though it was a foreign feeling, Klaus was fairly certain it was something resembling embarrassment. Who knew the big, bad hybrid could be vulnerable to such an emotion? "Uh, when a man and a woman really love each other..."
"Like you and mom?'
"Well," he mumbled, avoiding that particular question for obvious reasons. Explaining sexual intercourse was one thing but having to revisit his fleeting past with Hayley was another. "They like to show that love by sharing a very, uh, intimate experience..."
"What does intimate mean?" Klaus resisted the urge to roll his eyes in his daughter's presence. It was difficult enough he couldn't articulate what he wanted to say but he was having to simplify his vocabulary too. Kids were a tough crowd that was for sure.
"Looks like I arrived at the perfect time," she interrupted, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed over her chest in amusement.
"Don't you have anything better to do, Rebekah?"
"Apparently not, please don't let me interrupt your little chat," she replied, her tone saccharine laced. Klaus couldn't miss the sly smirk tugging at her lips and all he wanted to do was wipe it off her face. Unfortunately some good old Mikaelson sparring in the courtyard would have to wait until Hope wasn't in their presence.
"Does Aunt Rebekah know what sex is?" Hope asked, her eyes trained on his sister now.
"Well..."
"Maybe she could explain it instead, dad," Hope interrupted. Patience never really was her strong suit, much like her father.
"Well, if you'd prefer to speak to your Aunt about this subject, then who am I to object?" Rebekah's grin had now morphed into an outraged glare in his direction. That's what she got for trying to be so smug during his time of parental need.
"Hope, sweetie," Rebekah smiled, making her way towards the bench and placing her hand on the little girl's mane of red hair. "I'm not sure if I'm the best person to explain that."
"I'm hardly surprised given that drought you've been experiencing of late, sister dear," a cheeky, male voice chuckled from the stair case above. Klaus was seriously rethinking this shared living arrangement yet again, if only to spare his poor daughter.
"Why you son of a..."
"Enough both of you! Watch those unsanitary mouths," Klaus muttered, protectively placing his hands over his daughter's ears. "You are both over 2000 combined but yet my seven year-old daughter is even more mature than you!"
"For all she knows I'm talking about the bloody weather," he growled. Kol always did have to get the last word. "Not Rebekah's lack of..."
"I already had my daughter saying that word multiple times, the last thing I need is you joining the damn chorus," he hissed, finally removing his hands from Hope. "Although that reminds me that we need to have a chat about what specific terms are deemed acceptable in this house."
"And here I thought freedom of speech was written into the Constitution," Rebekah drawled.
"What's the constitution?" Hope piped up. At least she'd moved onto something more savoury conversation-wise. Now this was definitely something Klaus could explain. Before he could elaborate his suit-clad elder brother entered looking at them all curiously before fixing his gaze on Hope.
"Politics at such a young age, I am impressed Hope."
"We were actually talking about something much more exciting like S-E-X," Kol spelled out. "But King Klaus has apparently decided to legalise censorship."
"I can spell you know, Uncle Kol," Hope offered, nibbling on a beignet. She seemed unusually calm while her father and his siblings bickered, Klaus hated to admit it but it was kind of a normal occurrence in the Mikaelson household.
"I really shouldn't be surprised that you've filled the poor girl's head with these mature terms," Elijah scoffed. All of the siblings recognised this as the beginning of one of his long-winded lectures. They could be here for a long time at this rate. "Kol, it's time you started to realise just how much your actions reflect upon impressionable minds..."
"I overheard Aunt Katherine telling you just how good you were at sex last night and that she really wanted to show you..."
"What was that you were saying Elijah?" Kol boasted triumphantly. He didn't reply but his flushed cheeks were a clear indication that he'd been caught out by his niece.
"And you were the one I thought I could trust," Klaus muttered. This situation had been escalating out of control the past fifteen minutes. All Klaus knew was that he had to get Hope out of there and now. "How about we go out for some ice-cream, honey?" The one thing he knew was that the promise of sugar would surely dampen her persistent interest, well for a few hours at least.
As he walked out, Hope ahead of him, Klaus whipped back around. "We are having a family meeting when I get back, oh and make sure Katherine gets that memo too." The look on all their faces was enough to tell Klaus he'd made his point.
He opened the heavy, wooden door, gesturing for Hope to walk outside. What Klaus hadn't counted on was the familiar blonde standing on his front door step dressed perfectly in a white dress, denim jacket and boots. Especially after that pesky sex discussion which had stirred some unexpected arousal within him at the thought of their hot and heavy outdoor activity. Sexual frustration was an understatement.
She looked just as beautiful as the last time he'd seen her up against that tree sans shirt and panting heavily with that creamy skin flushed and those golden waves tousled. As much as he was happy by the surprise visit he wished she hadn't turned up with such an unpredictable little girl on the loose.
"Hello," he offered, albeit feebly.
"Yeah, hi," she bit out. It sounded like someone was a little nervous herself. All of the possible reasons for her surprise appearance ran through his mind, the most obvious being a certain cheque he'd donated to her magic school that Klaus knew hadn't been cashed.
"Who are you?" Hope asked, interrupting the prolonged silence. Caroline tore her blue eyes from his and focused on his daughter.
"That's not very polite, sweetheart," he chided. "This is Caroline."
"You must be Hope," Caroline smiled. "It's nice to meet you."
"You're pretty," she grinned. Klaus couldn't have said it better himself and didn't even have to bribe her to say it.
"Thank you," Caroline uttered, her cheeks slightly tinged pink from the unexpected and lovely compliment from his daughter.
"So, do you know about sex, Caroline?" She asked. Whatever pride he was feeling towards his daughter was replaced with instant mortification. There wasn't much else he could feel at this point.
Obviously the promise of ice-cream wasn't enough to quell those questions and to his ex-lover of all people. If Klaus could have melted into the floor he would have. If Caroline was shocked she was doing an impressive job of masking her reaction. "Apparently no one here can explain it."
"Why am I not surprised?" She asked, shrugging her shoulders in his direction.
"Excuse me?" He baulked incredulously. Caroline didn't respond just folded her arms against her chest defiantly. "Hope, honey why don't you go to the car?" Her curious glance between the two before she walked away told them she would have preferred to hear the rest of the conversation.
"I wasn't having sex with myself against that tree last time I checked."
"Charming," she drawled. "Maybe you should start with that as an explanation to your daughter, Romeo."
"Fine," he admitted. "I had no idea what to do or say. She just came out with it and then I had Rebekah, Kol and Elijah interfering as bloody usual."
"Well, I have to admit when I was on my way here I didn't see this being our first conversation."
"I'm shocked," he joked. "How did you envisage it happening?"
"I was going to throw your cheque back unceremoniously and then leave but I have to be honest I'm entirely too intrigued to see how this all plays out first."
"Believe me if I knew that I'd give you a preview."
"She's a bit of a handful like her father, huh?" Klaus looked over at his gorgeous girl as she played animatedly in the front garden.
"I wouldn't have her any other way," he grinned.
"You've really changed, Klaus."
"Is that a good or a bad thing?" He asked leaning in closer so that he could inhale that vanilla scent he'd missed terribly.
"I don't know I'll have to get back to you on that," she replied, nudging him playfully.
"How about some ice-cream?"
"Fine, but don't think you can rope me into this whole birds and the bees talk, Mikaelson."
"Well, it was worth a try at least," he teased, placing a stray lock of hair behind her ear and then guiding her towards his car, thinking he could get used to outings like this with Caroline and his daughter.
