Chapter Eleven: The X-Laws' New Job
It seems we'll have to forget about Hao's misadventures and his twin's distress, seeing as there's another calling coming from a distant part of Patch Village.
It came from the Patch Diver, operated by none else but Silva, the priest, who had recently employed new staff to help him look after the restaurant. The business was kinda low in the last couple of weeks and he was beginning to have serious doubts people avoided entering his diner. He was running out of ideas how to attract customers, and the diner was his greatest responsibility right now.
He was really desperate.
He needed customers!
And so, when hard times came upon him, drastic measures had to be taken.
Silva gazed at his two newest employees. De facto, these two were the only people who worked in this diner.
One was a tall husky man, with straight, short blond hair, and cold blue eyes, watching behind their glasses. He used to wear a white uniform with a wide blue band around the waist, a holster hanging on his belt where he would keep his handgun, tall black soldier boots and a silver armor plate on his left shoulder. But now... the man was wearing a blue shirt and a white apron with red edges and a yellow text in the middle, announcing: 'Happy Patch Diner'. The man had a dark, stiffened mug on his face; he was a true candidate for Guinness's book of world records for the gloomiest facial expression ever.
The other employee was a young girl, about twelve years old, with long, wavy silver hair, falling down her back. She had warm claret eyes, looking kind-heartedly at the priest, not even objecting for wearing the small, white, really tight waitress' dress, with a little piece of cardboard, saying 'Hi, my name is Jeanne'. The girl's heart was generous and good-willing enough to perform a strip in the middle of the street and then walk around, asking people to give money for charity. She would doubtlessly succeed.
However, the circumstances led her to Silva's Patch Diner, where the working conditions didn't oblige her to take off her clothes. And so, Jeanne, the Iron Maiden, former leader of the paramilitary X-Law order, zealously followed by her right hand, Marco, started her first day as a waitress in the Patch Diner.
Silva stood straight and gave the staff a firm, employer's look, always spared for the new workers. He then spoke:
- I don't think there's any need for us to introduce ourselves, seeing as we're all familiar here. - He gazed at Marco, then back at Jeanne. - You'll be working here ten hours a day, and your payment will depend on the flow of customers coming here. Now... I know that Patch Diner has become a bit unpopular since the Shaman Fight began a second time, but I'm sure that'll change pretty soon...
Marco groaned deeply. Jeanne beamed up at the priest and smiled.
Then suddenly, the door bell rang when someone entered the room. Multiple footsteps sounded inside the diner.
Silva heard the following conversation:
- Oh, come on... Why did we come here? - A boy's bored voice drawled out.
- The sign says 'Buy two Patch Burgers at the price of one'! You can't miss an offer like that! - Another voice, a girl's voice, explained cheerfully.
- Why not? If I recall, the prices around here were pretty high.
- This place seems old. I don't like it... - A third, male voice, muffled this.
- Why?
- ...And the coffee they serve around here is a bit sour.
- Ugh... 'Sour'?
- Compared to the coffee we used to drink in Brazil, this here is total crap!
- You've been in Brazil, Peyote?
- No, but one of my cousins sent me coffee from there.
- Oh? So you also have Brazilian blood, eh? - The girl inquired perkily.
- Yup. Let's just say I have a really big family.
- So tell me again, why are we here? There are a lot more cafes and restaurants not far from here with cheaper prices...
- Two Patch Burgers! At the price of one! Don't you want cheap burgers, Ashil?
- They are not cheap! Besides, I've heard that the food here tastes like shi...
- Oh, look! - The girl exclaimed. - They've got new employees!
The customers were three people: one was a tall Mexican-looking man with a big sombrero, a mask with a skull on it, carrying a guitar in his hands, the other was a redhead girl with two spiky tails, violet eyes and a wide, mischievous grin, and the third was a small kid with dark shoulder-length hair and the clothes of a nifty English prince. He was holding negligently a balloon by the cord. That balloon's appearance reminded Silva of...
- Hi, there! - The girl exclaimed and popped up in front of Silva, with a huge smile on her face. - We saw your offer and would like five Patch Burgers, please!
Silva recoiled in surprise.
- Ugh... yeah, sure! - He stammered, then glared at his new employees. - Get down to work!
Marco and Jeanne disappeared towards the kitchen. Silva thought in startled relief:
'Wow! That sure was fast... If I knew the sign would attract customers, I would've put it there a long time ago!'
The group sat around a table. Hao was tied to the leg of Ashil's chair.
- Why did you order five burgers? - He muttered dully.
The girl snickered:
- I'm hungry!
Peyote rolled his eyes. Ashil then spoke to the balloon:
- So, Hao-sama, what are you planning to do now?
The balloon stretched his arms forward and caught the cord, tied around his leg. He hauled himself down to Ashil's head level and squeaked out:
- We eat. Then we go and find Yoh. I have a good hunch where he could be...
Everyone around him exploded in unrestrained laughter.
- Will you STOP it already! - Hao roared out, as much as that was possible when you've gobbled up with helium.
He turned back and saw Marco, rushing through the kitchen, carrying a pile of plates in his hands.
- The X-Laws are here! - Hao whispered squeakily. - What the hell are they doing here?
Machi glanced at the man.
- Got themselves a new job?
- Don't be stupid! - Hao chided her. - The Iron Maiden? Working as a waitress? In that suit?
- Are you suggestion we're being ambushed, Hao-sama? - Peyote inquired.
The pyromaster cocked eyebrows and rolled his eyes.
- Well, duh! What else do you think's going on here? Keep your eyes peeled! They'll probably try to poison our food or spike our drinks!
- We didn't order any drinks... - Peyote babbled out desperately.
- Or maybe use their Archangel Oversouls to beat the shit out of us. - Machi added loquaciously.
Hao frowned. He glanced skeptically at the Spirit of Cactus, floating near his left shoulder, and stated, this time with a more normal voice:
- The only thing I've got is the Spirit of Cactus! How are we supposed to fight them?
Peyote raised a finger edifyingly.
- You should not underestimate the magnificent power of The Cactus, Hao-sama! - The Mexican exclaimed. - This mighty spirit will save your life one day!
- I'd like to see this happen... - The Asakura twin murmured under his nose.
Peyote was just about to object, when Marco arrived at their table, carrying a plate filled with burgers. Machi was overjoyed.
- Yay! The burgers are here!
Ashil groaned and took one burger. Marco left them the check and walked away, still keeping his grim mug on.
- That guy looks like he's seen hell. - Ashil muttered.
- Or is about to see one. - Peyote added. - I hear things about this here diner, and I'm telling you; there's no good thing about it!
- Like what? - Hao got intrigued.
Peyote obviously cheered up a bit for finding people to listen to his story, and started talkatively:
- Well, I've heard rumors that Silva is running low on products for his meals...
- And? - The boy muttered evenly. He had eaten a single bite of Silva's famous Patch Burgers and immediately lost his appetite. Machi had already devoured half of her burger, not even looking at what she was eating.
- And... - Peyote drawled spookily, as if telling stories around the campfire. - I heard that Silva and Kalim use rats as one of their main ingredients of the Patch Burger!
Machi choked up. Her face turned blue and spit out the bite of her burger.
- What! - She nearly screamed. - No way!
- Uh-huh.
- So I've been eating a roasted rat?
- Probably.
She went 'Uuuuuggh!' and pushed her burger away from her.
- And as much as I know, they are also low on chilli sauce right now...
Hao slapped his palm on his face. Machi stood up and rushed towards the bathroom.
- Oh, God!... - Hao wailed desperately. - Don't tell me they put something else in the sauce, too!
A loud puking sound was heard from the ladies' room.
Peyote was nonetheless not embarrassed at all. He kept talking cheerfully:
- I heard Silva and Kalim often go to a nearby chicken farm...
- Oh, no... - Hao groaned.
- There's a chicken farm in Patch?... - Ashil inquired weakly.
- ...And they always clean up after the chickens and fill up a bucket with their...
- Peyote, stop it! - The Asakura exclaimed fiercely.
- I think he's high again. - Ashil suggested.
Peyote glared at the kid.
- You, bastard! Do you think I don't know what I'm talking about?
Ashil raised eyebrows.
- Of course you don't! You're high!
- I keep telling you I'm not high, you little motherf... - Peyote shouted out and stood up.
Just then Marco appeared out of nowhere and said:
- Before you leave, please, pay the bill.
Ashil and Peyote glared at Marco.
- We're not leaving, you moron! - Peyote exclaimed. - I'm about to kick the shit out of this punk!
- You dumbass druggy won't leave this place alive!
Just before they lunged on each other, Marco recalled something:
- Wait a minute! - He shouted out. - Do I know you guys from somewhere?
They froze. Hao froze as well, trying to resemble a harmless balloon.
- You people are Hao's henchmen! - He recoiled and pointed at them accusingly. - And that balloon over there is Hao himself!
Hao's face turned white.
Peyote and Ashil looked around in sincere confusion. The Mexican seemed the most innocent-looking one.
- A balloon? - He asked in surprise. - What balloon?
- The one with the long hair, big red earrings, brown gloves and white poncho! - Marco exclaimed fiercely and waved a hand at the inflated Asakura.
The Chilean gazed at Marco and spoke cheerfully:
- This balloon here can't possibly be Hao-sama, my good man! It's just a balloon that looks like the Great One.
- That balloon has hands! - Marco stated the obvious.
- It's just a life-sized balloon in Hao's form!
- I saw him breathing!
- He was just deflating...
- Aaa-HAH! - The X-Law shouted triumphantly. - You referred to the balloon as a person!
- Oh, no, no... it's just that it looks so much like our good old Hao-sama. - Peyote explained with innocent loyalty.
- Do you take me for an idiot!
- Nope.
- Good! - Marco stood straight and gave the Mexican a complacent, royal glare. - Because when I say it's Hao, then I mean that it's Hao!
Hao rolled his eyes. Ashil sighed.
- He rolled his eyes! - The former X-Law shrieked. He grabbed the plate from the table and smacked Hao against the wall. The inflated shaman completely deflated and span around the room: possibly the most ridiculous thing that could be seen in this life, not to mention the sounds Hao was making.
The pyromaster finally stood up, rubbed the dust off his poncho, and made a mighty expression:
- You are correct, X-Law! - He exclaimed and pointed a finger at the skies. - I AM the Great One! I am the One and Only! I AM Asakura Hao!
Marco was born to dramatize in such situations, and it's been a long time since he last had a good Shaman Fight. So, it was of no one's surprise that he pointed out a finger and roared out in amazement:
- Foul demon! Why are you still alive! You were supposed to burn in the lowest pits of Hell right now!
Marco's illness was obviously contagious, and Hao had caught it as well. He laughed out maniacally:
- AAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAH! You ignorant fool! What makes you think there is a force on this world that can put me to an end? - A colossal grin popped on his face and his eyes went wide. - You idiotic buffoons have no way to stop me!
Marco raised a hand in the air and mouthed out with shining glasses:
- Ah, you unholy beast! How dare you look at me, the representative of sanctity of justice, in the eyes, and speak out such cold-blooded words? You heartless beast will not linger for too long, as I will send you to eternal oblivion myself!
Everyone in the restaurant was completely aghast. Silva's mouth was hanging loose.
'Jesus Christ! I have to get him to work here, too! I'll make a fortune if these two carry out such performances every night!'
Hao laughed out again, this time more triumphantly:
- AHAH! Have you not realized yet? I am indestructible! I am the embodied future of this planet! You will either accept me or perish in infernal flames!
Jeanne suddenly appeared outside the bar. She was wearing that waitress suit, the pink apron, and was carrying a plate in her hands.
- Marco! - She exclaimed. - What is the meaning of this?
Machi's mouth dropped widely when Marco suddenly collapsed before Jeanne and wailed out:
- Oh, beloved Maiden! Hear my plea, for the hour of darkness has come at last! The wicked devil himself has entered this diner, and even now is plotting his next evil plans! He is standing right in front of you, oh, beloved Jeanne! The embodiment of evil itself: Asakura Hao!
Ashil groaned at the scene. It was more boring than 'Hamlet' itself.
The girl got infected as well. She gazed at Hao with wide eyes, suddenly overfilled with hatred towards the Asakura. Jeanne stretched her hands and put her index fingers before her face in the form of a cross. She shouted out:
- Evil-doer! Begone from this place! This diner is protected by the holy seal of my presence!
- Holy what? - Peyote murmured.
Ashil shrugged. Machi was still staring, wide-eyed.
- You shall not escape the judgement this time, Asakura Hao! - Jeanne exclaimed in righteous fury once again. - Marco! Attack him!
Marco saluted, then screamed out:
- Silva! Turn on the radio!
The priest was daydreaming about becoming millionaire and overtaking the Council from Goldva once he made his fortune through Hao and Marco. The X-Law interrupted his sweet fantasies. Silva mumbled out in bafflement:
- Ugh... the radio?
- Yes! The radio! Play my theme!
- Ugh... theme?
- The X-Law theme, of course!
Silva's thought train entered a dark tunnel.
- What X-Law theme?
Marco pouted:
- Seigi no Shisha, you moron!
Silva finally remembered. He snapped with fingers and exclaimed:
- Oh, yeah! Sure!
He switched the radio on. The disk inside it started playing.
'AAAAAAaaahhh...'
Marco seemed pleased, now that the X-Law theme was playing. He smirked at Hao.
- Now, evil one... ('AAAAAaaaaahhh...') I am going to finish you off right here.
The X-Law was holding a gun ('AAAAaaaaahhh...'). He raised it ominously at the Asakura. Hao and his minions were now completely alarmed.
- This is for Justice... - Marco murmured and pressed the trigger...
- STOP!
The music skipped and stopped like in most hilarious situations like this one.
It was Silva. And Marco had not yet pushed the trigger.
- WHAT? - Marco shrieked and span towards Silva.
- You can't fight here! - The priest yelled out. - Do you have any idea what that Archangel Oversoul will do to the furniture?
Jeanne and her underling gaped at the priest.
- You stopped him for that? - Jeanne screamed furiously.
Marco turned back to shoot Hao.
- Now I will destroy you once and for... Hey! Where they go?
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Hao's minions were smart enough to flee from the battlefield with their master while they had the chance. Hao was picked up by the shoulders by Ashil and Peyote, and now the four were jogging down the street at a very decent speed.
- Cowards! Get back in there! - Hao roared out.
- Do you think he's sane now? - Peyote asked.
- Of course not! - Ashil snapped. - He's never been sane!
- Let's just keep moving before that guy comes after us!
They soon disappeared behind the corner, just when Marco burst from the diner, with his weapon in hand.
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And in the meantime, Yoh and his gang had already taken shelter in an abandoned warehouse where the Judges used to stock food for the Shaman Fight. The Asakura wandered deep in the building, in hope of evading Anna's wrath.
What Yoh didn't realize was that Anna already knew where he had gone to.
The darkest shadow of all, in the form of a blond girl with black dress and a red bandana, stood outside the warehouse's entrance. Her eyes were crimson red.
She entered the building with the overt urge to kill.
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From the Author: And this is how Anna set out to destroy her fiancé! Find out what happens to Hao and Yoh in the next chapter!
