First of all, huge shoutout to caseylf123, who has reviewed every single chapter and has seriously renewed my motivation to write this. You are a wonderful person, those reviews mean so much! And thank you to everyone else for all of your kind reviews, I appreciate them more than you know.
I believe there will be one more chapter after this one. It's hard to believe I am wrapping up my very first fanfiction :')
Chapter 11
Patience and Patients
Peter waited anxiously in the small room. He could no longer sit, and had started to pace back and forth, looking at the various medical posters on the wall. He felt like Neal, who could never sit still, and wished that he could see Neal with his same eccentric energy that lifted up any room he entered. Except now, all the energy was sucked out of him, and his normally beaming smile and bright features were pale, ashen, and solemn. Thinking of him made Peter's stomach twist. It's my fault he's here. He might not make it and it's all because of me.
Peter's thoughts were interrupted when there was a quiet knock at the door. A young doctor entered quickly and shook Peter's hand.
"I'm Dr. Layton, Mr. Caffrey's surgeon." She said to him, and sat in the chair next to the computer station.
"Peter Burke." He replied, eyeing her anxiously.
"So you are Mr. Caffrey's….?" She asked skeptically.
"He's my partner. I'm an FBI agent." He said. Neal will get a kick out of that, "Partner".
"I see." She replied. "Well, you're partner is in rough shape, Mr. Burke. I hate to be blunt, but I am amazed he made it here alive."
Not the news I wanted so far, but he's still alive, thank God. Peter kept his thoughts to himself and simply nodded, telling her to go on.
"I was told by the paramedics that he coded again in the helicopter. Luckily, they revived him quickly, but his body is very weak right now."
Peter tensed at the word "coded." He already saw it happen once, and he couldn't imagine Neal having to be revived again. He knew Neal was running on empty and his body was on the verge of giving up on him. But Neal was still alive and still fighting, so Peter had to keep believing in him too.
Peter finally broke his silence and asked, "So, what's the prognosis now?"
"Upon examination, I can tell the wound to his abdomen is superficial. We will go in to clean it up and make sure there is no underlying damage, but he was stabbed in the best place possible, there are no major organs or arteries there." She replied.
Congrats Neal, you were stabbed in the best place possible. God, if we are considering that good news, what can the rest of the prognosis be?
She continued, "His hand is a little tricky. X-rays showed severe damage to the 1st metacarpal and index metacarpal. Because of the 'explosiveness' I should say, of the injuries, a blood clot formed. However, despite that I believe I can go in and limit the damage."
"Will he regain full use?" Peter asked, thinking of how Neal would react if he couldn't paint or draw anymore.
"We will see how he responds to the procedure. And Mr. Burke, like I said I hate to be blunt, but his hand is the least of his worries right now. He is in critical condition, and I cannot guarantee he will make it through surgery." She took a deep breath. Although she was a professional, dishing out bad news was not her favorite thing. "I just want you to be prepared for every outcome."
Peter felt his face stiffen. After all he'd been through to get Neal back and after all Neal had suffered, he still might not make it.
Peter took a shaky breath before asking, "Okay. What else?"
"The bruising to his ribs is not an immediate concern. He may have cracked one, but it is definitely not life threatening. His head is the main concern. The hits he received have caused elevated intracranial pressure, or ICP. We won't know how bad the damage is until we get inside, however the CT scan indicates significant swelling of the right frontal lobe. Now, we will go in and relieve the pressure on his brain and we can only hope that the damaged brain cells either recover, if it hasn't been too long, or do not cause long-term damage."
Peter felt his chest tighten. His worst fear would be Neal waking up, only to have brain damage or not remembering who he was. He wanted to scream, to curse God for allowing this to happen. Neal didn't deserve this, and Peter would feel guilty for the rest of his life if he didn't pull through.
When Peter didn't respond, the doctor said, "He is being prepped for surgery right now. I normally wouldn't allow this, but you can see him for a minute. After they revived him the second time in the chopper he was in and out of consciousness, but every time he woke he was saying your name." Peter felt a pang in his chest. "I think you being there, letting him know you're here for him, could make a big difference. He may not be awake, but I assure you he can hear you and can sense you're there. It might be what he needs to get him through this."
"Okay." He said immediately after. Peter swallowed and took a deep breath. He stood up and followed the Dr. Layton out the door.
Peter was led into a well-lit room. There were nurses gathered around the center busying themselves with prepping for surgery. Dr. Layton asked them to step back for a minute, and when they did, Peter saw him.
Neal didn't look real. The tubes and wires sticking out of him made Peter feel like he was looking at someone who wasn't Neal—who couldn't be Neal. It was hard to imagine that the charming, energetic, and sarcastic man he knew was lying in front of him, lifeless and struggling to survive. Peter tentatively walked over to the bed he was in and reached a shaky hand out to him. He put his hand on the top of Neal's left, and almost retreated when he felt how cold and limp it was. He looked up to his partner's face, which was still horribly pale, except for the dark smudges beneath his eyes and the dark bruise just above his eyebrow. Peter didn't dare to look at the wound on the other side of his head, and it was heavily bandaged anyway.
He knew he didn't have long, so he tightened his grip on his hand and whispered, "I'm here for you, buddy. El and Mozzie are too. We'll be waiting for you on the other side." He felt like his throat was tightening up, wondering if this would be the last thing he would ever say to him. "I know you can get through this. We still have plenty of time left together. I'm proud of you, Neal okay? Just please make it through this. Be strong buddy, there are people out here that love you and need you to make it through this." Peter let his head fall toward the bed and rested his forehead on Neal's hand. He was no longer holding back the tears that had been fighting to get free for the past hour. Peter Burke was not a man of faith, but he prayed anyway. He lifted his head from Neal's hand, took one last look at him, and walked out the door in a hurry. He met Dr. Layton on the outside, who simply said, "I will do everything I can, I can promise you that." Peter nodded and proceeded down the hallway, not bothering to wipe the tears that clung to his face.
He felt hot. His cheeks were flushed with heat and his head felt like it was going to burst. His throat was burning and his eyes were watering and he felt his legs giving out at any second. Once he turned the corner from the room where they were prepping Neal, he let himself fall into one of the hallway hospital chairs. All the emotions that were built up inside him from the day suddenly released, like the dam he had built up had finally been broken down. With no one around, he held his head in his hands, not quieting the sobs that escaped his chest. The pain he was feeling was like no other. He hadn't realized how much he had cared for Neal until he had to wonder if he'd ever see him again. The thought of having to go back to the office without him was unbearable. He loved—although he'd never admit it—seeing Neal sitting at his desk, usually playing with a pen or flipping his hat on and off. Peter always picked on him for the extravagant suits he'd waltz around it, but secretly, Peter admired his passion, and plus, he looked damn good in those suits. Thinking of Neal made Peter feel both better and worse. Better in the sense of how much he would appreciate him from now on, and how much of an impact Neal had made on his life. Worse in the sense that seeing Neal again wasn't a guarantee. Peter, after several minutes, finally took in a shaky breath and wiped his eyes. Peter Burke was a strong man, he could hide his emotions, or at least put on a mask when he was hurting. But after this, Peter felt broken. He felt weak, and he needed to relieve the pressure of the pent up emotions inside him. He knew he would have to strong when he went back to El and Mozzie, so after his brief breakdown, he stood up and began walking back toward the waiting area. Be strong for them. Be strong for Neal.
When he walked in, Elizabeth immediately stood up and rushed over to him. Although Peter tried to hide it, she knew he was hurting. She hugged him tightly and walked back over to Mozzie with her arms still wrapped around his side.
"So?" Mozzie asked. Elizabeth didn't have the nerves to.
"He's…alive." Peter said, trying to sound positive, but the words that escaped his mouth betrayed him. "He's going into surgery. The doctor said she will do the best she can." Peter kept his eyes focused on his hands. There was no way he could make eye contact with Mozzie or El while he delivered the news. He continued, "They need to relieve the pressure in his head, but besides that, nothing else is life threatening." He didn't feel like going into details about the rest of Neal's injuries, and he definitely didn't want to tell them that Neal coded again on the way over. "You guys should go, get some rest. I'll call you if there's any news."
Peter could feel both El and Mozzie's glares penetrating his skin.
"There's no way in hell we are going anywhere. We wait together." El said, to his surprise.
Peter, not feeling up for arguing, simply said, "Then we'll wait."
They waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
El had dozed off on Peter's shoulder after a few hours and Mozzie had taken a walk to stretch his legs, but Peter remained seated, motionless. His eyes had drifted off to the far wall and he let his mind wander to the depths of his subconscious. He thought of Neal, mostly. How he spent so long trying to catch him, trying to catch the criminal known as Neal Caffrey. How he caught him again and sent him back to prison, but how the second time he was caught, Neal looked at him with amazement and conviction. He requested a meeting, to which Peter obliged after Neal told him that the red band on his shoulder was the security strip to the new Canadian one hundred dollar bill. He thought of how serious and even excited Neal was as he dutifully presented his plan to become Peter's CI, tracking anklet and all. Peter originally thought his plan was ridiculously, and promptly denied it, but after consideration and a talk with El, he changed his mind and allowed the criminal he once pursued to become the consultant that would ride in the car beside him. Peter was happy he gave Neal a chance, but he couldn't help wonder what would've happened if he didn't. Well he wouldn't be here, fighting for his life, for starters. Except, he'd be in prison, serving the extra four years tacked on to his sentence. All of his skills would be of no use, and after he was released, he'd most likely go back to his life of crime. Peter could see in Neal's face, the way he carried himself while on the job, wasn't a look of fakery. He truly enjoyed working with Peter and helping others. Neal would never admit it, but Peter knew he liked being on his side of the law.
Peter's eyes shifted back into focus and he looked down at his watch. It was already past 6 o'clock. Have we really been here this long? They had found Neal a little before noon, and by the time Peter got to the hospital, it was approaching 1:00pm. He figured Neal had been in surgery for over four hours, and he had no idea who much longer it would take.
Diana and Jones had stopped by, but couldn't stay due to the situation back at the office. They were digging everything up on Wesley's past and sending teams out to the cabin and his apartment in the city. They wished Peter well, and reminded him that Neal was strong and would be back in the office annoying everyone in no time. Peter forced a smile at that, but his lips returned to a frown when he remembered how worried June must be. He really didn't wasn't in the mood to call her, especially with Neal in surgery, but felt he owed it to her to be honest.
"Hi June." He said weakly on the phone.
"Peter! Did you find him? Is he okay?" She asked anxiously, as if she'd been waiting by the phone all day.
"Yes, we have him, but he's at the hospital in surgery. I promise I'll explain more once he's out. I just wanted to let you know." Peter replied.
"Oh my God, surgery?" She gasped. "What hospital?" She said, not asking Peter's permission. No one could stop her from coming, not even Peter Burke.
Not wanting to tell her to stay home, he said, "Colombia and Cornell. We've been here for hours, you really don't have to come if you don't want to." However, he figured that the more people that were there that cared about Neal, the better. He liked what Dr. Layton said about Neal being able to sense they were there. Maybe it was bogus, or just a coping strategy, but he believed that if anyone could sense them, it was Neal.
"I can't come by today, but I will be there first thing tomorrow, see you soon." June said.
Peter ended the call and put his phone away. He turned his head and saw Mozzie approaching.
"Hey," was all Peter could manage.
"Hey," Mozzie replied as he sat down. The waiting was wearing on all of them, even Mozzie, who didn't even add his infamous "Suit" when addressing Peter.
After a few minutes of silence, Mozzie said, "You know, he always has an exit plan. He always has a way out."
Peter let out a small laugh and said, "Yeah, when he's stealing something." His smiled faded when he added, "This is different Mozzie, he's fighting for his life."
"If anyone can make it, it's him. We know Neal." Mozzie's voice was stronger and more convincing than Peter's could've been at the time, which somewhat surprised him. He was right after all. Neal was strong and a fighter. He wouldn't give up no matter what, and that thought made Peter feel slightly more convinced that he'd be okay.
They both jumped when the door behind them swung open. El lifted her head off Peter's shoulder and they all stared at the nurse who entered with anticipation.
"Peter Burke?" she said.
Peter rose.
"Please, come with me."
He nodded at Mozzie and El. Their eyes were begging him to return with good news, but they all knew he had no control over that.
When they were walking down the hallway, Peter couldn't contain his anxiety to find out the news.
"Do you know anything?" He asked the nurse.
"I'll let Dr. Layton update you on his condition. She has the full report." She said, trying to sound sympathetic.
"But…But is he—? He couldn't finish the question.
However, the nurse knew what he was going to say, and replied, "He's alive Mr. Burke, I can tell you that. But please, don't get your hopes up until you speak with the doctor."
Peter felt a combination of relief and dread. He was relieved that Neal was alive, obviously, but dreaded what she could have discovered in surgery. He prepared himself for the worst as he sat down in the same small room as before and waited for the doctor.
Thankfully, Dr. Layton came in fairly quickly. She shook his hand again and sat down on the same stool as before.
She took a deep breath, evidently exhausted from the procedure she had performed, before saying, "He's stable, as of now." Peter felt a weight get lifted off his chest. "We were able to relieve the pressure in his head. There was no evidence of significant damage to the brain that I could see, but we'll know more when he wakes up. He does have a skull fracture, which I was worried about, and the small fragments broke some blood vessels, but like I said, if any significant damage is there, it is unnoticeable right now." She reported.
"When…" Peter cleared his throat. "When will he wake up?"
"He's in a medically induced coma right now." She stopped when she saw Peter tense. "Don't worry, it's the best thing for him. We need to have all his energy directed toward healing." El would certainly like that phrase. He'd use it when he told her the news. Dr. Layton continued, "We'll ween him off it in a few days and monitor his response to the treatment and medication. If he does well, we will take him off and let him wake up on his own."
"What about everything else?" Peter asked, still trying not to get his hopes up.
"The stab wound was like I predicted, so we patched that up and it should heal fine. His hand was another story, and it's hard to say for certain how he'll heal." She said as she looked up at Peter with empathy. "If he wakes up, he'll have to go through at least one more surgery. We put pins in place where the bones were broken. With luck, his bones will heal normally and we can remove the pins if the trauma and swelling didn't cause too much stress on his hand."
Peter wasn't really listening anymore. After he heard "if he wakes up" he felt his chest tighten again. He hadn't realized he was gripping his chair until his hand started to go numb.
Dr. Layton could sense his discomfort, and said, "Listen Mr. Burke, with any other patient I'd say their chances were slim, but Neal is different. He's not ready to give up on us, especially after making it this far." Peter forced a small smile up at her. She patted his knee as she stood up, then said, "You can come with me back to the waiting area."
"I can't see him?" Peter asked. His voice sounded so small and lost, and he immediately felt helpless.
"I'm afraid not. He is being closely monitored and we don't want any outside circumstances affecting his response to the surgery and treatment. If he does well through the night, you can see him tomorrow." She replied.
She led Peter back to the waiting room. El once again ran up to embrace Peter tightly. Peter was thankful Dr. Layton decided to fill Mozzie and El in on everything because he simply did not have the energy to real off Neal's prognosis and various list of issues.
After answering all of their questions and concerns, Dr. Layton said, "You guys should go home and get some rest. We will call if anything changes, and you can be here first thing tomorrow if you want."
Peter was about to protest, there is no way in hell I am leaving here, but El grabbed his arm and said, "You are right, that is probably the best idea."
They shook hands and Dr. Layton disappeared behind the doors.
"Honey," El began. "I know you want to stay, but we aren't doing any good being here. She said we might get to see him tomorrow, and it won't help him if you are tired and cranky."
Peter sighed, and reluctantly agreed. He looked down at his hands and clothes where he could still see smudges of Neal's blood. He needed to change and shower, and throw away the clothes he was wearing. He could wash out the blood, but he'd always be able to see it, even if it wasn't really there.
All three of them walked out of the hospital together. El insisted that they all drive together, and convinced Peter to leave his car overnight. He was thankful for that, because he was exhausted and driving was the last thing he wanted to do. Also, the adrenaline from the day had worn off, and his previous priority of worry and stress had dissipated, and he could feel his head beginning to throb where Wesley had pistol-whipped him. He didn't want to worry El, or have to walk back into that hospital, so he just took some aspirin and decided to deal with it in the morning.
All three arrived at the Burke house past seven. It was hard to believe that the nightmare began for Peter over twelve hours ago. Mozzie grabbed his stuff from the coffee table and despite El's protests that he should stay for dinner, he left and said he'd see them at the hospital in the morning. Peter collapsed on the couch and pet Satchmo, who had taken the liberty of putting his head in Peter's lap. Peter immediately felt like he could sleep. He hadn't realized how much of a toll the day had taken on him, and this was the first time he had truly "relaxed." He wasn't hungry at all, but El still heated up leftovers for both of them, which they ate silently. They both knew the other was thinking of Neal, however there were no words to express how they were feeling.
Peter went up to shower and change. When he finally got in bed, he felt himself slip into darkness rather quickly. El climbed in next to him, and fell asleep next to her husband.
Peter slept well, to start, but that quickly faded when his mind started to wander into the past day's events. He dreamed they were back in the cabin, and Peter had just solved the last riddle.
"Coffin." Peter said smugly at Wesley.
"Wow Peter, I can't say I'm not surprised. I'm glad you mentioned it, because your friend here could use a coffin in a few moments." Wesley raised his gun at Neal, and without warning, pulled the trigger twice. Peter saw Neal's eyes widen in shock and then look down at the two expanding red spots on his shirt. Neal slumped over, eyes closed, and not breathing.
"No! That's not supposed to happen! You sick son-of-a—"
Before Peter could finish, he felt two hands on his shoulders and his eyes shot open, revealing the ceiling of his bedroom. He sat up sharply, and only felt the tension release when he saw Elizabeth staring at him with concern.
"Hon?" She asked, still unsure if Peter was pulled from his daze.
"Yeah…yeah I'm here." He panted. He didn't realize until now that he was sweating.
"It's okay, everything is fine. You were dreaming." She said soothingly.
He sighed and looked at her. "I know, I know. It just seemed so real." He looked over at the clock, it was still before 5:00am. He figured he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, not after his mind kept replaying the image of Neal getting shot and killed by Wesley. "I'm going to get up and make some coffee, you can stay here if you want."
"I'll come down in a little bit after I shower. No sense in going back to sleep at this point." She gave him a reassuring smile.
Peter left the bedroom and stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen. His head was still throbbing and he felt extremely dizzy. Maybe I should get this checked out. He agreed with himself when he caught a glimpse of his forehead in the reflection from the mirror on the wall. He could tell the cut above his eye had swollen and turned a darker shade of purple than before. He decided he's get it checked out after they got an update on Neal's condition.
Peter took out two mugs and started making coffee for him and El. As he impatiently waited for the coffee pot to fill, he couldn't stop thinking of Neal and whether he made it through the night okay. They would have called if he wasn't okay right? They wouldn't wait for us to come, would they?
In the middle of his internal dilemma, his phone buzzed to life on the counter. He felt his heart jump in his chest and he quickly answered it.
"Hello?"
"Mr. Burke? It's Dr. Layton."
Oh God, why is she calling this early?
"Oh my God, what's wrong?" He asked anxiously.
She paused. "I…I can't believe I'm saying this, but he's responding incredibly well to treatment. He's still in the ICU, but with his progress, we expect him to be moved within the day."
Peter felt like he could cry, except finally they would be tears of joy.
"He's going to be okay?" He asked, ignoring the lump in his throat.
"He's not completely out of the woods, but if he keeps this up, I am confident he will be okay. We may even start the process of waking him up today. You can come by in the next hour, if you'd like." She replied.
"Thank you so, so much. We'll be there in an hour!" He couldn't contain his excitement. He forgot about the pain in his head and practically sprinted up the stairs. He reached the bedroom and saw El drying her hair. She turned off the dryer and turned to him questioningly.
He smiled—a genuine smile—and hugged her.
"He's going to be okay."
Yay! Finally, worried Peter gets slight relief. I plan on having lots of conversation between Neal and everyone at the hospital, especially during the process of him waking up and fading in and out. Figured we need some light humor, father/son moments, El/June mother hen moments, as well as heartfelt dialogue between everyone, especially after everything that has happened. There may still be some surprises so stick with me!
Thank you for reviewing! More reviews=faster updates! ;)
