A/N: I keep forgetting to do this, but thanks so much to river and to anyone else who has commented anonymously or has PMs switched off. Your comments really mean a lot to me and I love reading them!
This one's for The Ink Spiller: wait till you get home to read it, and I hope that school went OK!
Thorin's announcement was followed by an excited rumble from the assembled company, and then questions, the route, the supplies, the ponies, most of which were answered by Balin. It was clear the two of them had planned it all carefully: they would pass through Mirkwood to Laketown, which apparently was some kind of village built actually on the water of a lake, and from there to the Lonely Mountain. It all sounded suspiciously like it was going to involve boats - possibly even houses built on boats, although that seemed rather implausible (not to mention horrifying) - and Bilbo was certainly not looking forward to that.
But Bilbo was also not very clear on whether he would be expected to go. It seemed odd that Thorin would lay out this plan without any mention of what had happened in the last few days, and Bilbo caught some of the company glancing uneasily at Kili in the corner and knew he was not the only one who thought so. But be that as it may, none of them mentioned it - not even Fili, although he asked no questions at all and seemed barely to be listening - and so it was that, when everyone had calmed down a little and begun to drift away from the table, Bilbo found himself approaching Thorin once more.
"Er," he said. He always found that er made an excellent opening statement.
Thorin looked up from the map. "What is it now?"
"What about Kili?" Bilbo said.
Thorin raised an eyebrow. "What is it you wish to know about Kili?"
"I mean," Bilbo said, "what are you going to do with him?" They could leave him at Beorn's, he supposed, but he couldn't imagine Beorn would take too kindly to that. And then what about Bilbo? Was he to go with Kili, or with the company?
"Kili will come with us," Thorin said, rolling up the map and turning to tuck it back into his pack.
Bilbo felt his mouth fall slightly open. "Are you serious?" he said.
Thorin turned back, then, and gave Bilbo a long look. "When have you ever known me to be anything else, Mr. Baggins?" he said.
"But," Bilbo shook his head, "he's not well!"
"He is physically able, so far as I can ascertain," Thorin said. "I have no doubt he has been used to travelling long distances with -" He stopped, and then turned away from Bilbo. "You should be attending to your own business," he said. "There is much to do if we are to be ready on the morrow."
He started away from the table, then, and Bilbo went to follow him, already forming another protest in his mind, but he was prevented by a gentle hand on his arm. He turned to see Balin smiling at him sadly.
"There's no point arguing," he said. "His mind's already made up."
"But it's ridiculous!" Bilbo said.
"Is it?" Balin asked. "What would you do, in his place?"
"Well, I would send Kili somewhere safe rather than dragging him through a perilous forest and onto who knows what manner of boats-" here Bilbo shuddered "-and ending up in a cave with a dragon. That's what I would do!"
"You would, aye," Balin said. "And where would you send him that's safe?"
"Back to his family, I suppose," Bilbo said. Balin raised his eyebrows, and Bilbo hastily added, "His mother, I mean. She must miss him terribly."
"Back to the Blue Mountains, then," Balin said. "Would you send him through Goblintown? Or maybe just over the High Pass? Maybe the stone giants have finished their quarrel by now."
Bilbo started to feel rather foolish. "Well, I wouldn't send him alone," he said.
"And who would you send with him?" Balin asked.
"Me, of course!" Bilbo said. "And, er, and Fili." He was sure Fili would not wish to be parted from his brother, no matter what cruel things Kili had told him in Black Speech.
"You and Fili," Balin said, stroking his beard. "So that's one well-trained dwarf and one burglar to keep an eye on him all the way from here to the Blue Mountains, is it, aye?"
Oh, yes, that was definitely foolishness that Bilbo felt. It crept up from somewhere around his toes, and when it reached his face it kindly heated his cheeks for him.
"Well," he said. "I mean, I certainly do see what you're saying, that it isn't - But surely there's something else that can be done?"
Balin chuckled. "Don't you worry your head, master hobbit, that lad's safer with us than he would be anywhere," he said. "We'll none of us let anything happen to him. And besides, I imagine it'll be another twenty-five years before Thorin lets him out of his sight again."
That was not quite what Bilbo had expected, and he glanced at Thorin, who stood now deep in conversation with Gloin on the other side of the room. He did not seem particularly interested in paying attention to Kili, nor had he since the disastrous bath and the revelations that followed it. But Bilbo didn't pretend to understand Thorin - nor, most of the time, did he want to.
"And Fili?" he said. "He's not in - perfect health himself." He did not really know how to describe what was wrong with Fili, but that something was wrong there was no doubt.
Balin sighed. "It will do Fili good to get back on the road," he said. "Give him something to think about other than his brother."
So they had talked about it, then, and that was what they had decided. Privately, Bilbo doubted that any kind of adventure, be it never so filled with peril and excitement, would induce Fili to think about anything but his brother. In fact, remembering how the young dwarf had been up until the moment they found Kili, the air of melancholy thoughtfulness that hung always around him, Bilbo wondered if Fili had really thought about anything else for the last twenty-five years.
But, as Balin said, the decision was made, and it seemed that Bilbo would not be able to make any of them see sense. It certainly didn't help matters that he had no coherent plan of his own, only a sense of impending disaster. It had been his experience that impending disaster was something that dwarves liked to run towards full tilt, and so he simply nodded at Balin and decided that from then on he would keep his thoughts to himself.
The evening passed much like the day had, although the general feeling of the company had changed from cheerful idleness to suppressed excitement. It seemed that all had been feeling rather constrained by the days of rest at Beorn's, and Bilbo wondered once more at dwarves and their desire to run from food and warmth and comfort into the arms of darkness and uncertainty. On the other hand, these dwarves had been sitting idle for some days now, with the exception of whatever searching they had done for Fili and Bilbo, while Bilbo himself had spent days wandering lost in the wildlands and had had little but worry and sleeplessness since his return. He supposed that, well-rested and well-fed and with the triumph of Kili's unexpected return, they felt ready to take on Smaug himself.
It seemed, however, that Bilbo was not the only member of the company who was not enthused by the prospect of marching onwards. Fili worked at preparing his gear as they all did, but he seemed barely more conscious of his actions than he had all day, and there was a distant look in his eyes that tugged at Bilbo's heart. More than once, Bilbo tried to talk to him, but Fili - if he answered at all - spoke only a few words and those listlessly and without inflection. If Thorin and Balin hoped to shake him from his malaise with the resumption of the quest, Bilbo was afraid their plan would not succeed.
Dinner and supper passed away, and this time Bilbo managed to eat before everything was cold, and taught Kili words for various types of food into the bargain. The other dwarves stayed in the other half of the hall, as they had the night before, and Thorin stayed with them this time, planning with Balin, preparing his gear, or simply deep in thought. A few times Bilbo caught him looking at Kili, but he never stepped over the invisible line, and Bilbo wondered what he was thinking of and decided it was probably all dragons and gold.
When it came time to sleep, Bilbo wrapped Kili in his blankets and furs and went to his own bed, sure that he would be kept awake once again, this time by thoughts of their journey on the morrow. But he fell asleep almost as soon as his head touched the pillow, and he didn't wake until he had the distinct feeling of someone stepping over him.
Bilbo opened his eyes to near darkness. The fire was low and glowing, and outside the windows all was still black. There was enough light, though, to see that the hulking figure who had stepped over him was Dwalin, and that he now stood looming over Kili in the corner. Bilbo sat up, opening his mouth to ask Dwalin what he was doing, only to see that Kili's face was twisted in pain, his jaw clenched, and he silently wrung the blankets with his fingers until they were white and bloodless. His eyes, though, were still closed, and in a moment Bilbo realised that Kili was not in pain at all, but only dreaming that he was.
And then Dwalin reached down to shake him by the shoulder, murmuring words that were too low for Bilbo to make out, and in a moment everything changed.
At Dwalin's touch, Kili surged upwards from his nest of blankets, eyes snapping open and flashing in the firelight. Something else flashed, too, and Bilbo found his own eyes widening in astonishment as he recognised one of Fili's knives. One of Fili's knives which now gleamed in Kili's hand, the blade pressed against Dwalin's throat.
They stood frozen like that a moment, Dwalin with his hands raised and empty, Kili, eyes huge, holding the knife in one hand and with the other fisted before his chest. Blood beaded around the knife where it pressed into Dwalin's flesh, and Dwalin cleared his throat.
"Come now, laddie," he said. "It was only a dream."
Kili moved, then, but Dwalin moved faster, one huge hand coming up to wrap around Kili's wrist, spinning him round and dragging the knife away from Dwalin's throat. Dwalin's other arm looped around Kili's chest, pinning him against Dwalin with Kili's back against Dwalin's own mountainous chest. Kili struggled silently, trying to hook his foot around Dwalin's ankle to fell him, and, when that yielded no results, kicking backwards with all his might and twisting his wrist in Dwalin's grip to try and get free. Dwalin lifted him bodily from the ground and carried him, struggling and thrashing, over to the table, where he pushed Kili face-down onto the table-top - though more gently than Bilbo had thought it was possible to do such a thing - and slammed his wrist repeatedly on the wood until Kili had no choice but to let the knife go. Then he calmly twisted Kili's wrist up behind his back and turned to Bilbo.
"Get me some water, would you?" he said.
The whole incident had taken only minutes, and had occurred almost entirely in silence, and it seemed that it had not been enough to wake any of the other dwarves, save one. Fili now sat up in his bed, rubbing his eyes and squinting to see what had caused him to wake. When he did see it, though, all signs of sleep left him in an instant.
"Kili!" he cried, and the shout was enough to cause several of the sleeping dwarves to groan, but more importantly, it drew Dwalin's attention, and Kili chose that moment to twist sharply under Dwalin's hands and sink his teeth into Dwalin's meaty forearm.
Dwalin cursed, more from surprise than pain, Bilbo suspected, although blood was running down his arm, and he let up his grip on Kili for long enough for the little dwarf to writhe out from underneath him. Bilbo shouted a warning, but it was too late, for Kili had grabbed the knife and now ran along the table and threw himself at the door, flinging it open with a bang and disappearing into the night.
"Catch him!" Fili cried, and then all was pandemonium as twelve dwarves and one hobbit tried to disentangle themselves from their blankets and each other and all fit through the door at the same time. Bilbo, who had the advantage both of having already been on his feet and of being smaller and more nimble than the rest, found himself the first out of doors, and he snatched up Beorn's lantern, his heart in his mouth as he ran to see if the gate was closed.
The sturdy wooden barrier loomed up before him out of the dark, and Bilbo took a moment to breathe a sigh of relief before turning and swinging the lantern, trying to see where Kili might have gone. He must still be inside the fence, but Beorn's gardens and orchards were extensive, and there were many places a little dwarf might hide. He ran along the fence, aware that there were more lights, now, bobbing in different directions, the dwarves scattering to find their lost companion. A voice that sounded like Ori's called Kili's name, and was resoundingly shushed. Bilbo shifted the lantern to his other hand and hurried on.
Whether it was sheer luck or the fact that it was he who had shown Kili the grounds earlier, it was Bilbo who came upon him first. Pattering through a cherry orchard, he saw a shadow move out of the corner of his eye, and he turned sharply to see Kili trying to scale the fence that stood behind the trees. Bilbo let out a squeak and hurried over, forgetting in his relief that Kili had last been seen doing violence to a much larger creature than Bilbo, and he barely avoided getting his head sliced off when Kili dropped to the ground at his approach and swung wildly with the knife that he still clutched in his hand. Bilbo fell back hurriedly, and Kili stood half-crouched before him and snarled, his teeth still stained with Dwalin's blood.
"Kili," Bilbo whispered. "It's me. It's Bilbo."
Whatever Kili replied, Bilbo did not understand it, for it was Black Speech, and somehow harsher and more dangerous-sounding than anything that Bilbo had heard in that tongue since he had last heard it spoken by orcs themselves. His stomach turned over in dread, and he raised the hand that wasn't carrying the lantern in supplication.
"Don't," he said. "Oh, don't!"
But the Black Speech had not fallen only on Bilbo's ears. There came a shout from further away, and then another light moving towards them at speed, as if the bearer was running. Kili growled and darted to one side, but his progress was arrested by Dwalin, who barrelled into him at full tilt and sent him tumbling to the ground. Kili writhed, stumbling to his feet and slashing at Dwalin with the knife, and Dwalin grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head back, and then Fili was there, too, crashing into the circle of lamplight and punching Dwalin hard in the face.
"Get off him!" he cried.
Dwalin let go of Kili's hair and staggered backwards, eyes widening. "Don't be a fool-" he said, but it was too late for Fili not to be a fool, for Kili had an arm around his chest and a knife to his neck.
Bilbo's hands flew to his mouth, his lantern forgotten on the ground. He became aware that the rest of the dwarves had all arrived, and now they stood ranged in a tense semi-circle, blocking Kili's way out. No-one spoke, and Kili's eyes darted from face to face, wide and frantic.
"Kili." It was Thorin, his voice even as though he did not see what Bilbo saw. "Let your brother go."
Kili's eyes went to him for a moment, then skittered away. He was shaking, Bilbo saw, the knife trembling against Fili's throat.
"Mr. Baggins," Ori piped up. "You talk to him. He listens to you."
Bilbo took his hands away from his mouth, although he had to open and close it several times before he could persuade any sound to come out. "Kili," he croaked. "It's all right. Come on."
Kili shook his head rapidly, dragging Fili backwards until they stood against the fence. Bilbo raised his hands.
"No kill," he whispered.
Kili's eyes snapped to him. "Vrasubta," he said, his voice cracking. "Vrasubta, vrasubta!"
What came over Bilbo then, he would never know. But he took a step forward, his hands still raised, and then another, and he did not heed the dwarves who hissed at him to stay where he was. Instead he walked forward until he was an arm's length from Fili, and Kili stared at him the whole way, but did not move away. When Bilbo was close enough, he shook his head.
"No kill," he said, and pointed at Fili. "Brother."
Kili bared his teeth, glancing around as if he hoped that somehow a way out had appeared. But there was nothing but a wall of silent dwarves, and he let out a growl that was more than half a sob. Bilbo reached out slowly and laid a hand over Kili's, feeling the warmth of Fili's throat against the backs of his fingers.
"It's all right," he said, curling his fingers around Kili's hand, feeling how tightly he held the knife. "Just let it go."
And, somewhat to his astonishment, Kili did.
The knife fell to the ground, landing on the grass with a dull thud, and Kili sank down after it, falling to his knees and bowing his head. He made no move to pick up the knife again, but Dwalin had already snatched it from the ground and stowed it in his belt, and then Thorin was there, dragging Fili away and into a tight embrace as the other dwarves all burst into relieved life, their questions and comments rising quickly to a feverish pitch. Bilbo staggered a pace backward and landed rather suddenly on his posterior in the grass, his legs simply refusing to hold him up any longer. He would not have believed what he had done if he had not been watching it from behind his own eyes. Now, though, he found himself on the same level as Kili, and even after all he had just witnessed, he could not bring himself to move away. Kili sat motionless, his hands on his knees and his head bowed, and Bilbo reached out and patted his arm.
"I suppose it probably won't be all right," he said. "But at least you didn't kill your brother."
Then Fili was pulling away from Thorin and dropping to his knees in front of his brother, reaching out to grip him by the upper arms. Dwalin growled out a warning, but Fili paid no heed.
"Kili, Kili," he said, and then seemed overcome and unable to say anything else, and he bowed his own head so that they sat like a matched pair and seemed to be leaning towards each other in the lamplight. The other dwarves grew quiet, then, and even Dwalin did not try to intervene.
Somewhere overhead, a bird called, a high and lonely sound, and Bilbo looked up at the stars and the moon and knew that there would be no more sleep for any of them tonight.
In the end, it was Dwalin who took charge. He bound Kili's wrists, taking no heed of any of Fili's protests, and searched his clothes to find a second knife, a small one of Gloin's, hidden at his waist. He held it up before Kili, as if waiting for comment, but Kili stood silent and still and made no struggle nor even once raised his eyes from the ground.
There were three other knives concealed among Kili's nest of blankets. Two belonged to members of the company, and one was the bread knife that Bilbo had lost the evening before. Dwalin dumped them on the table without ceremony, eyes sharp under his bushy brows, blood dried now on his neck and a bruise beginning to bloom around his left eye where Fili's fist had caught him. Thorin looked on, and his face bore no expression at all.
"Are you all right, Dwalin?" Oin asked, bustling over to the table with a bowl of steaming water and a clean cloth. "That bite looks unpleasant."
Dwalin ignored him, looking only at Thorin. "I was never in any danger," he said. "Fili, though."
All eyes turned to Fili, who stared down at the table. His hair was in disarray, his undershirt slightly torn at the neck, but he had not even been cut by the knife at his throat and he bore no bruises.
"I'm fine," he said, in a voice that was barely more than a whisper.
"He could have been killed," Dwalin growled. "Thorin, that boy is not in his right mind." He pointed to Kili, who he had bound to one of the pillars that supported the roof. "We cannot take him with us."
"We cannot leave him here," Thorin said.
"I don't think he would have hurt Fili," Ori spoke up, and then looked a little worried when everyone turned to look at him. "Well, I don't."
"He had a knife to his neck," Dwalin said. "What was he yelling about?"
They all turned their eyes on Bilbo then, and Bilbo raised his hands.
"Don't look at me," he said. "I don't speak orc." But he did, a few words anyway, and he had recognised at least part of what Kili said.
"Gandalf?" Thorin asked. "Did you hear it?"
"I'm afraid not, my dear fellow," Gandalf replied from where he sat at the head of the table, but the look he cast at Bilbo was a troubled one.
"And what do you think we should do?" Balin asked.
Gandalf sucked on his pipe and thought for a long moment. "I think the decision must be yours," he said, which of course was not helpful in the slightest.
Dwalin put his fists on the table. "We leave him," he said.
"We will not make this decision now," Thorin replied. "It is late, and it has been a hard night. We will delay another day, if Master Beorn does not object. I do not think it would be auspicious to ride so soon."
There was a general murmur of assent, and the dwarves began to fall away from the table, most of them giving Kili a wide berth, for he had been bound in the centre of the room, far away from his favoured corner. Ori stopped by him, though, standing close enough that Bilbo felt rather nervous.
"Don't worry, Kili," he said. "I'm sure everything will turn out all right."
Kili made no answer.
Dawn found them awake and grim-faced, for the most part. A few of the dwarves had managed to doze a little, but most had tossed and turned and some had simply sat up and occupied themselves through the small hours of the night. There was wisdom indeed in Thorin's decision to delay, for it was no well-rested and eager company that sat to breakfast, and there was little talk or song at the table. Kili had spent the night under Dwalin's watchful eye, still bound to the pillar, and now Dwalin fed him, keeping his fingers well away from the little dwarf's teeth. Bilbo, suddenly stripped of all responsibility for Kili, found himself listlessly drifting from place to place and wondering what it was he used to do before. He stopped once or twice by Kili, but Dwalin glared at him and Kili did not even seem to notice he was there, so he drifted onwards.
Some time around mid-morning, Bofur sat down next to him with a smile. He looked a little the worse for wear from lack of sleep, but seemed still cheerful, and Bilbo rather envied him.
"Quite a to-do last night," he said.
"Well, that's one way of putting it, I suppose," Bilbo said. He sighed. "I suppose I was foolish to think that he had begun to trust us."
"Twenty-five years is a long time," Bofur said. "I imagine it'll be quite a while before he stops wanting to stick a knife in anyone who looks at him cross-eyed."
"If he ever does," Bilbo muttered. He stared at Kili, who sat as he had all through the latter part of the night and morning, still as a stone, head bowed. It was only two nights since the little dwarf had told them he thought death was a mercy, and yet Bilbo had not really taken it to heart, not then. Now, though. Now he began to realise just what that meant.
"Do you think," he started, and then stopped, chewing on a fingernail.
"Aye, sometimes," Bofur replied, and that drew a small laugh from Bilbo, and a twinge of gratefulness for good friends.
"Do you think it would have been better if they'd killed him?" he said. "Straight away, I mean."
Bofur gave him a surprised look. "Who thinks that?" he asked.
"Oh, just-" Bilbo shrugged, "someone I overheard."
Bofur frowned and glanced around the room, but he did not seem to light on a culprit, and for that Bilbo was glad. Bofur settled back on the bench, then, and chewed his pipe.
"I'm just a simple miner," he said, "I don't know very much of anything. But I do know one thing." He fixed Bilbo with a look, then, all cheerfulness gone from his face. "There may be some things that are worse than death, but there's not a lot that's more final."
Bilbo nodded. "You're right," he said. "Of course you're right. Thank you."
"There's nothing to be thanking me for," Bofur said. "I'm only speaking my mind. And since I'm doing that anyway, I've been thinking about having a word with young Fili."
"Fili?" Bilbo glanced around until he saw the young dwarf, sitting in a corner of the room. Kili's corner.
"Aye," said Bofur. "You see, the way I'm seeing things, Fili's not doing very well. Now, I don't know why that is, but nobody who does know seems to be doing much about it, so I was thinking about just going over there and asking him." He looked at Bilbo and smiled. "You know?"
"Yes," said Bilbo. "Yes, I think I do."
Fili looked up when Bilbo sat down next to him, though he did not smile. Still, it was more than Bilbo had had from him the day before, and he was in a mood to be grateful for small mercies.
"He could have killed you, you know," he said.
"He wouldn't have," Fili said.
Bilbo was not so sure, but he had not come there to start an argument, and so he held his tongue and simply sat by Fili's side, watching him watch his brother.
"But you are not hurt at all?" he said finally, only for something to say to break the silence.
Fili sat back with a sigh. "I am at the end of my rope, Mister Baggins," he said. "I don't know what more I can do."
Bilbo had nothing to say in response to that, for he felt much the same way. But Fili was turning to him with a note of hope in his eyes. "You have taught him many things," he said. "Surely you-?"
"Oh," Bilbo said, "I have taught him words for flowers, and food, but I can't teach him what it is you want him to learn. He has nothing in his mind that can help him understand it."
"I don't believe that," Fili said. "I will not believe it."
They fell silent, then, and Bilbo found himself watching Kili too. The little dwarf moved not a muscle, and Bilbo wondered how he could sit so still for so very long. What did he have in his mind, that moved him to violence and fear when others sought only to give him love and help? What, Bilbo wondered, had he been dreaming of when Dwalin had shaken him awake to such disastrous consequences? How could they do anything to help him, when it seemed that he was nothing but darkness?
And then, once upon a time, Bilbo had had nothing in his mind but food and comfort and the warm hearth in his hobbit hole. And now he was halfway across the world and he was a different hobbit indeed. And Kili - Kili had held a knife to his brother's neck, but Kili had stood between Bilbo and Thorin, Kili had learned the word for celandine though he would surely never need it, Kili had once been a dwarf child who had laughed more than any Bofur had ever known.
Perhaps Thorin was right and it was too late, Bilbo thought. But surely there was no harm in trying, even if only one more time.
"I can't teach him," he said, "but maybe you can. Maybe you can teach him what it is to be a brother."
Fili frowned at him. "How?" he asked.
Bilbo smiled and patted his arm.
"By being one," he said.
Dwalin rose to his feet as Fili crossed the floor towards him, Bilbo at his side. He towered, arms folded, managing somehow to be frowning down at Fili while still watching every move that Kili made (not, of course, that he made any at all). His eye was purple and black, now, and the marks of teeth stood out clearly on his hairy forearm.
"Mister Dwalin," said Fili, and then seemed to be at a loss for words, but simply held Dwalin's gaze.
Dwalin glowered and reached a hand out, and Fili did not flinch or cringe away, but merely braced himself. But Dwalin's hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed, and he gave him a gruff nod.
"You've improved, lad," he said. "Still need to work on your blocking, though."
Some of the tension seemed to leave Fili, then, and he nodded and gripped Dwalin's arm. "You'll have to show me again some time," he said.
"Aye, that I will," said Dwalin.
"Well, then," said Fili. "And can I borrow my brother for a spell?"
Dwalin shrugged. "I don't care where he goes, so long as I go with him," he said. "And where will you be taking him?"
Fili looked down at Kili, who had not so much as twitched a finger since they had been standing there.
"To find Gandalf," he said.
They made quite a little group, sitting out under the apple trees in the cheery sun. Gandalf was there, and Fili and Kili, of course, and Thorin had been fetched from his brooding, which Bilbo had some misgivings over. Dwalin, true to his word, had followed and not once taken his eyes off Kili, and Bilbo made six. The grass was green and the birds sang in the trees, and it was not a bit like the first time they had done this, in the dark, with the lantern casting shadows over them all. And yet, Bilbo thought, somehow the foreboding in his stomach was much the greater this time.
"Ask him why he tried to run away," Fili said. He did not sit, but paced backwards and forwards in front of Kili, who knelt on the grass with his hands behind his back, exactly as he had the night before.
Gandalf spoke softly in Black Speech, but Kili did not raise his head nor give any other indication that he had heard, let alone understood what was being said to him. Gandalf waited a moment, and then said something else, but Kili remained still and silent, just as he had all that day.
"Gandalf?" Fili asked.
"I have asked him," Gandalf said. "You have seen his response."
Fili shook his head. "Ask him again," he said. "Tell him he must answer."
Once again Gandalf spoke, and once again, Kili did not stir. Bilbo felt a cold feeling begin to creep through his stomach, for it was truly unsettling to watch the little dwarf sit as though carved from stone. Had he then lost his mind all together after the events of the previous night? Was there anything left of him at all?
But then Dwalin spoke, his voice deep and rumbling. "Ask him why he does not speak," he said.
"Amat nar flas?" Gandalf asked.
Kili did not look up, nor even seem to move his lips, but he spoke one word, quiet and hoarse. "Fauth," he said.
"He says he is waiting," said Gandalf.
"Ask what he waits for," Fili said, and Gandalf translated the question.
"Danojizish," said Kili.
Gandalf drew in a long breath. "He is waiting to be punished," he said.
A silence fell across them, then, and even Fili stopped pacing and simply stared at his brother. Kili made no move, and finally it was Thorin who spoke up, rising from the bench.
"Tell him Dwalin and Fili shall decide his punishment, since it was they who were most injured by his actions," he said.
Both Dwalin and Fili looked at Thorin in some surprise, as too did Bilbo, but Gandalf relayed the question and Thorin simply looked back at them all and nodded.
"Dwalin," he said. "You will take the first turn."
Dwalin frowned, but then he turned back to Kili and drew a knife from his belt. Kili twitched, though had he not been so unsettlingly still all day Bilbo would not even have noticed it, so small was the movement. But he did not look up, nor speak, though he seemed to bow his head even further when Dwalin moved to crouch behind him.
Dwalin bowed his own head a moment, then took Kili's bound wrists in his hand and cut through the rope that held them. He crouched there a moment, both of Kili's wrists held in one great hand, and then he stood, tucking the knife back into his belt.
"He has no skill at fighting," he said to Thorin, as if continuing some earlier conversation. "And I will keep my eyes on him."
"See that you do," was all Thorin said.
Dwalin stepped away from Kili, and Kili did move, then, glancing up at him with an expression of doubt and confusion. But when Fili stepped forward, he dropped his head again, and though his arms were free he kept them behind his back. Fili crouched before him and raised a hand towards his face, but seemed to think the better of it and lowered it to his side again.
"Ask him to look at me," he said to Gandalf.
"Honta," said Gandalf, and after a moment's hesitation, Kili lifted his head. He wore no expression, and his eyes seemed blank.
"Ask him if he'll try to hurt any of us again," Fili said.
Gandalf spoke, and something flickered in Kili's eyes.
"Nar," he said, and then, "no."
"Ask him to swear it to me," said Fili.
Again, Gandalf relayed the words, and Kili frowned and seemed to be thinking.
"Gadhlat," he said finally. "Yes."
Fili nodded, then, and reached out, taking Kili by the upper arms and bringing them both to their feet. "No punishment is needed," he said, and waited for Gandalf to translate.
"Nar danojubutlat," said Gandalf, and Kili looked sharply at him, eyes wide. But Fili still gripped him by the shoulders, and it was he that spoke.
"Do you understand, my brother?" he asked.
"Srinkshata?" Gandalf said.
But the little dwarf made no reply.
After that, Kili was not bound again, although Dwalin followed him like a shadow wherever he went. Bilbo, who still found Dwalin really quite unnerving, stayed away from the two of them for most of the afternoon, but Fili walked beside his brother and spoke often to him, although it seemed to Bilbo that Kili rarely replied, if indeed he ever did at all. It was not until the shadows had begun to lengthen that Thorin called Fili away, and Bilbo found Kili seated alone on a bench, Dwalin far enough away that it gave the illusion of solitude, though he still watched from a distance. Bilbo hesitated - for the desire he felt to help the little dwarf and once more to pick up the burden he had promised Gandalf he would bear was still tempered with the memory of Kili's bloody teeth in the lamplight - but finally he plucked up his courage, for Dwalin was watching, and Dwalin was terrifying enough to make Bilbo feel oddly safe.
"Well," he said, plumping himself down on the bench beside Kili. "You have caused quite a palaver, and no mistake."
For a moment, he thought Kili would not speak to him, but then the little dwarf turned and frowned.
"Amat no danojutizish?" he asked, and then growled as if in frustration.
"All right, all right," Bilbo said. He supposed he could go to find Gandalf, but he thought - he really thought perhaps he could do this alone. "Now," he said. "Amat." he had heard it before, he knew, and he tried to remember back. They had been inside the hall, which meant it must have been before Beorn had banned Black Speech inside. What had they said?
They had said they would not kill Kili. And Kili had asked-
"Why!" Bilbo cried. "Amat is why."
"Why," said Kili. "Why no danojutizish, why?"
"Ah," Bilbo said, for he remembered the second word from earlier that day. "Punish," he said. "You want to know why you have not been punished."
Kili nodded. "Why no punsh?" he said. "Khozd shrakhun kill, punsh, no punsh." He seemed almost hysterical, and Bilbo saw Dwalin rise to his feet. He waved in what he hoped was a reassuring manner, and turned on the bench so he was facing Kili.
"Fili is your brother," he said. "Dwalin is your friend."
"No," Kili said. "No Fili brother, no I'm is brother."
"Why do you think that?" Bilbo asked, and when Kili just shook his head, and Bilbo tried again. "Why - you," he pointed at Kili, "think," tapping his head now, "Fili not your brother?"
Kili's hands clenched on his knees, and he let out a string of Black Speech that Bilbo felt sure was nothing at all pleasant, but then he drew a breath and seemed to calm himself.
"Think," he said, and tapped his own head. "No Fili here."
"You don't remember him," Bilbo said. "But that is because you've forgotten, not because he was never there." Which, of course, was far too much for Kili, and Bilbo sighed and thought about it. He raised his hand and tapped Kili's head.
"Fili was there," he said. "Then orcs - uruk. Orcs punish Kili, now Fili is not there. You forgot."
Kili's lips formed a word. "Forgot," he said. "No Fili here, forgot?"
"Yes," said Bilbo, although in truth he had no real idea if Kili had understood or if he was just repeating words. "You forgot."
"No punish brother," Kili said. "Brother kill, no punish."
"You didn't kill anyone," Bilbo said. "You didn't even really hurt anyone, although I suppose Mr. Dwalin wasn't too pleased about the biting." He pointed at Kili and mimed biting his own arm, then shook his head. "No biting," he said. "Biting bad."
"Bad," said Kili.
"That's right," Bilbo said. He gave a broad smile. "Good," he said, and then frowned as deeply as he could. "Bad."
Kili nodded slowly. "I'm is bad," he said. "Yes?"
"No," Bilbo said firmly. "You're is good. I mean - drat it - you're good. But biting is bad. And killing is bad, too."
"No I'm kill dwarf," Kili said suddenly, and pointed at Dwalin. "No I'm nargzab kill dwarf. Dwarf good. Sleep bad. Forgot."
"Well," Bilbo said, a little stunned by the stream of words. "Now I'm afraid I'm the one who doesn't understand."
Kili stared at him, and he tried to remember the word that Gandalf had used. "Nar shrink?" he said hopefully.
"Srinksha?" Kili asked, and Bilbo nodded.
"Understand," he said. "I don't understand."
"Undstan," said Kili, and then pointed at Dwalin again and at himself, laying his head on his clasped hands. "Sleep bad," he said again. "Forgot."
"You had a bad dream," Bilbo said.
Kili nodded. "Forgot, no undstan. Sleep bad."
"Oh, my lad," Bilbo said. "What a mess we have all made of this." Kili gave him a blank look, and he smiled and tried to look as reassuring as he could. "But we will find a way out of it," he said, though he felt far less confident than he sounded.
"No I'm undstan," Kili said.
"No." Bilbo patted his knee. "I know you don't."
Bilbo was returning to the house when a deep voice called his name, stopping him in his tracks. He turned to see Thorin crossing the turf towards him. He waited, bracing himself for whatever was coming next, and Thorin stopped before him, looking him up and down speculatively.
"I have something to ask you, Mr. Baggins," he said.
Bilbo hoped it was something nice. Maybe something about flowers, or cake. Although he found it hard to believe that Thorin had even noticed flowers existed, so it probably wasn't that.
"Yes?" he said.
"I have been assaulted all day with opinions on whether my nephew should come with us or be left behind," Thorin said. "It seems everyone knows best in this matter. Fili, I'm sure you know, thinks he should come."
"Dwalin thinks he should stay," supplied Bilbo, wondering where all this was going.
"Dwalin's thoughts on the matter are... complicated," Thorin said. "But I did not come here to talk of Dwalin."
"Then what?" Bilbo asked. "It is your choice, in the end."
"It is," Thorin said. "But Gandalf thinks it should be yours."
"Mine?" Bilbo spluttered. "I am the last person who should choose such a thing!"
Thorin regarded him coolly, and Bilbo felt a flush rise to his cheeks, as he always did when pinned under Thorin's gaze.
"I am sometimes foolish, Mr. Baggins," Thorin said finally, and Bilbo bit his tongue to keep from agreeing, "but I am not blind. Do not think I did not see what you did last night."
Bilbo gaped a little, then. "What are you saying?" he asked.
"I am saying that I would have your opinion," Thorin said. "Yesterday evening you told me in no uncertain terms that I was a fool to think to take Kili with us. Is your mind still the same?"
Well, that was a question indeed. For Bilbo certainly had thought Thorin a fool, and since then Kili had proved to be more trouble than even Bilbo had thought. How could they take him, when he had almost killed Fili?
And then, if they left him, Fili would stay too - there was no doubt about that in Bilbo's mind. Indeed, the choices were no more in number than they had been the previous night, when Balin had laid them out before him, but if anything, they were starker still, for it was clear that Kili needed a watchful eye not just to protect him, but to protect those around him as well. And all this over a bad dream.
In the end, Bilbo chose not with his mind, but with his heart. And it was with a full heart that he squared his shoulders and gave his answer to Thorin.
"He should come," he said. "I think he should come."
Thorin nodded slowly. "Then I shall ask Beorn for another pony," he said, and turned away, leaving Bilbo gaping again.
"Just like that?" Bilbo said, but Thorin was already striding away. Bilbo blinked, and then waved a hand at his retreating back. "We should probably not give him any more knives!" he called.
Thorin raised a hand in acknowledgement, but did not look back. Bilbo stared after him, still rather astonished by the whole exchange.
"Well, Bilbo my lad," he said to himself, "let's hope you haven't just made this mess even worse."
And he went to see if there was any tea to be had.
