Thank you whirlinground for your review, I have realized that sometimes my speech is a little weird lol... I try to read and reread and fix things when I see them. I'm going to go through these chapters before posting and see about fixing if need be.

So there is a death in this chapter. I just wanted to give a heads up. I'm not gonna say who it is but just wanted to make everyone aware of it.

Chapter 10

As we walked around the city that we currently resided in I couldn't help but not notice any of it. My attention stayed on Bellamy. I felt like some teenage girl who has her first real crush.

I felt an arm around my shoulder "So what's this mean? You two finally an item?"

I looked over at a grinning Raven. "Honestly I don't know."

"Well I know friends don't kiss like that. So you can't use that excuse anymore."

I let out a breath "I'm not denying there's something between us. It's just nothing official yet."

I couldn't help but glance back his way again but his eyes were fixed on the path in front of us. That's the thing I've learned about Bellamy once he's on the outside he goes straight into the military/leader role. He wants to make sure that everyone that goes out comes back in one piece.

Once we got a little further into town we split off into smaller groups so we could cover more ground. I wasn't surprised when me, Raven and Octavia were both told to stay with Bellamy but what did surprise me was that Murphy and Emori was also told to stay with our group. I wasn't sure what the reasoning behind it was but I didn't understand it. Without even thinking about it I approached Bellamy and asked him if we could talk for a minute.

"Look I'm not trying to double guess your choices here. But do you think it's the right thing to have Murphy and Emori with us?" I just blurted it out.

"Why wouldn't it be?" He seriously didn't see the issue.

"I just think it would be better not to spend much time around him." I told him honestly.

"Well if you're seriously over him it shouldn't be a problem." He said without hesitation.

I just stared at him for a moment before saying "I'll always care for him and nothing can change that. I don't think it's right to rub it in his face that I've moved on. And that's what this feels like to me, like your trying to rub it in his face that you have me now."

Now it was Bellamy's time to be quiet. "Do you really think I would do that?"

I sighed "Not intentionally."

He took a step toward me taking my hands in his at the same time. "That wasn't my intention. I actually really like Murphy and I trust him more than I trust about anyone else. I know things aren't exactly in a good place right now but I hope in time, he'll forgive me."

I couldn't help but smile, it was because of things like this that made me fall for him in the first place. I took a step into him, wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head on his chest. "I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you."

"You talk like were actually a couple or something." I heard Bellamy say in a joking tone above my head.

"I kind of think we may be. At least the most you can be in this kind of world." I said into his chest.

"I'm alright with that." He said and then I gently felt his lips on the top of my head.

Automatically I looked up and the moment our eyes met he brought his lips down to mine. This kiss didn't last nearly as long as the first but it still felt magical. When we finally separated I felt giddy and I knew I was smiling ear to ear but I didn't care. We walked back to the rest of our group and even though I tried to make it look like I wasn't beyond happy inside I was failing miserably. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

The moment we reached the rest of the group Bellamy started ordering everyone to follow him. I don't know how he composed himself so well but I would need some major pointers.

I felt both Raven and Octavia loop their arms around mine again. Octavia was the first to say something "why do you look like you just got lucky."

Raven started cracking up.

"We were just talking." I tried to say but I knew right away that my expression showed too much. "Ok…Ok… We may have also kissed again. But just once."

"That must've been a hell of a kiss." Raven responded.

"It actually kind of was. Both times." I knew my face was bright red, I usually didn't share intimate things about my private life.

"Not that I don't love this girl talk but you are talking about my brother." Octavia acted grossed out but I could tell it wasn't really bothering her.

"Could we please have everyone quiet? We're trying to not attract the dead." I heard Bellamy's very businesslike voice boom over everyone.

"Sorry Bell I just can't get enough about how good of a kisser you are." Octavia said very loudly. I attempted to elbow her but since our arms were still linked it made it hard.

"Really O." I whispered.

No one really talked much the next few hours, we just went and did a sweep of each place that we came across. Most had already been gone through but figured we'd do one more sweep to make sure nothing was missed.

We were just about to the next building when I felt someone's hands on the back of my arms. I turned around half expecting either Raven or Octavia but I was completely wrong. It was Murphy. And he looked like hell. It made me feel bad that I hadn't realized that until that moment.

He pulled me back as the rest of the group went into the building. "Can we talk?"

I nodded "Sure."

"Look I know I've been an ass but do you think I really deserve to have your new relationship rubbed in my face?" He didn't sound hateful but he was very accusing.

"I'm not doing anything intentionally. I'm sorry if you heard about earlier that wasn't meant to get back to you. Honestly that wasn't meant for anyone but the two of us." I felt like it was my job to make him understand.

"So you're really doing it then? You're really moving on and to him." His stance completely changed.

"I already told you I was ready to move on Murphy. It's why I came to you first, so you wouldn't be blindsided." I really didn't want to be arguing with him.

"It's too soon." He grabbed ahold of my hands. "I know we had some problems but I know you still have to love me."

"Murphy we've been over for months. There's no going back. There's only moving forward." I didn't try to remove my hands from his but I felt his grip lessen then finally he just let his hands fall to his sides.

"I can't stay here. I can't watch the two of you fall in love and act like I'm happy for you." He sounded so depressed that it actually worried me.

"What do you mean? Where would you go?" I started panicking a little.

"It doesn't matter, any place would be better than this." He took a deep breath then turned around and started walking the opposite way.

"Where are you going?" I shouted out to him but he ignored my question and kept walking.

"Murphy… Murphy…" He had just reached one of the building across the street was obviously about to disappear behind it but he turned around to look at me. "Please don't go. You don't have to do this."

"Yes I do. I'm not needed here anymore and honestly I don't want to be." Just as he said the last word I thought I saw movement behind him.

I kept looking to see if I was imaging it when I finally saw there was something there I screamed "turn around."

But he didn't he just stood there staring at me, I immediately started running toward him screaming his name and telling him to turn around but he never budged. He kept him eyes on me the entire time and I watch as the zombie finally reached him and everything went in slow motion after that. I saw the shock in his eyes when the zombie bit down on his neck he tried to move forward which just did more damage. By the time I reached them I was blinded by the tears that had started falling but I still had my knife out and the moment I reached them I had the knife through the skull and I fell to the ground right next to Murphy. He had blood pouring out of his neck, I didn't care though I gently put his head in my lap and started rubbing his cheek.

"You can't leave me" I was crying hysterically. "Do you hear me? I can't do this without you."

"I'm sorry." He barely got out.

"Shh don't say anything. Just breathe." I could see the life slowly slipping from his eyes.

"I…" He started coughing up blood "I love you Clarke."

"I love you too." Just as the last words left my mouth I knew it was too late, I knew he was gone.

I couldn't move I just sat there staring into his lifeless eyes.

"Clarke. You need to move. Get up." I could hear the shouts but I couldn't move. How could I? How could I leave him?

Just as the undead Murphy started to wake up I felt someone grab ahold me, pulling me away. I didn't fight it. I couldn't. I didn't have the energy to. My eyes never left Murphy. I watched as someone, I wasn't sure who stuck a knife through his head. I knew I shouldn't have watched but I couldn't look away.

I saw Emori run by us toward Murphy's now lifeless corpse. After she knelt down next to him her eyes met mine. "This is your fault."

I didn't respond. I couldn't. I knew her words were the truth.

I felt the hands loosen around my arms so I shook them off the rest of the way.

I heard Bellamy calling my name but I couldn't talk to him, not right now. I walked away from Bellamy, away from everyone. I hoped I was walking the right way, the tears were blinding me but I couldn't stay. I needed to be moving so my mind wouldn't have time to sit.

It wasn't until I hit the ground that I realized someone had been following me. I looked up to see Emori hoovering over me. She looked pissed and I couldn't blame her. I just laid there as she hit me time and time again. I welcomed the pain. I didn't even attempt to fight her back. I didn't have the energy.

Even though Emori was beating the shit out of me, she didn't have my attention it was the girl who was running up behind her. Raven, my savior. When she reached us she was not gentle with Emori she grabbed her by the back of her hair and yanked her off of me. I heard a scream escape her mouth.

"I understand that you're hurting but this is unacceptable." Raven screamed at Emori.

Emori now laid on the ground staring at Raven with the same hate she was just looking at me with a few moments before. She attempted to go after Raven but that didn't work in her favor. Raven was a lot faster and she wasn't going to just sit there and do nothing like I had. One punch directly to the face and Emori was down.

Raven turned back to me and knelt by my side. I had no idea how I looked but just by Raven's expression I had a feeling it wasn't very good.

"You alright?" She asked barley more than a whisper.

I very slowly shook my head. The pain was excruciating.

I heard Bellamy's voice before I saw him "what the hell happened here?"

Raven turned back and looked up at him "Emori attacked her."

I saw him turn and look down at Emori. "You're not welcome in this group anymore. We don't attack our own."

I saw her expression change quickly. "What do you mean?"

"You won't be coming back with us." Bellamy stated.

"It's ok." I was barely able to get out. "She let her emotions get the best of her. I don't blame her."

"I don't trust her." Bellamy got defensive.

"I deserved this and more. Don't you see that? He's dead and it's my fault." I told him and anyone else that would listen as I tried to stand back up, Raven was right there helping me to my feet.

"Clarke this isn't your fault." I knew I could never get him to see it my way and I would never see it his so I didn't argue with him I just turned around and had Raven help me walk back to the house.

Once we got back to the house Raven helped me to the bathroom and without even asking her she helped get me cleaned up. When I finally looked in a mirror I saw just how bad I looked. Looking at my nose I was almost sure it was broken, my top lip was really bad swollen and it looked like I would also have two black eyes. Emori got me good. After cleaning my face I knew for sure that my nose was in fact broken I knew I had to set it. Raven just stared at me as I set it back in place.

"Didn't that hurt?" She asked noticing I didn't even flinch from the pain.

I just shook my head. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything." She said with having to think for even a second.

"Will you make sure Bellamy doesn't kick Emori out? I know we have the rule about not attacking our own but I think we should pardon her for this." I already had Murphy's death on my conscience. I couldn't have another.

"Clarke people are going to die, it's going to happen. So you're saying as long as you blame someone for the death than you can beat the shit out of them." Raven obviously wasn't happy about this.

"But Raven this was my fault. Why can't anyone see that?" I said louder than I meant to "If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have wanted to leave. Hell if I would have just stayed with him, he wouldn't be dead"

Raven shook her head "well you couldn't have just stayed with him to please him. That wouldn't have been fair to either of you."

"But he would still be alive." I stated.

"How do you know that?" This time it was Raven who got loud. "You have absolutely no way of knowing that."

"I don't want to argue Raven." I said as I climbed into bed. "Will you just please do it? Even if you don't agree with it."

Raven looked at me like she wanted to say something else but she didn't, she kept her mouth closed. She just nodded then went out the door closing it a little harder than usual on her way out.