Disclaimer: Inuyasha may belong to Rumiko Takahashi, but I stole the puppeteer strings!
A/N Howdy everybody! I didn't think I'd get this one out until the holidays, but there was studying to be done, so naturally that meant I started writing instead! Of course, utter boredom in class helped this chapter a lot too. I wrote it in bits and pieces while in class, and then typed those up and wrote in the scenes that joined them together. I am very impressed with myself over this chapter, so I hope you all like it too. You guys all seemed to like last chapter, and really, that started out as just a filler! So now let's get started with this bit of awesomeness!
Kagome's boots crunched on the gravel beneath her feet as she stepped out of the taxi. She looked up at the familiar surroundings, sighing as she felt the inescapable pull it held for her. She heard Souta climb out of the other side of the vehicle and turned to close her car door. Once her brother had done the same, the taxi drove off, kicking up a cloud of dust behind it.
The raven haired girl looked forward once more, feeling a dull ache rise in her heart. "Souta...do you think it's wrong that the place that holds the most attachment for us is a cemetery?"
"Not when the most important people to us lie there," he responded quietly. "Come on. Let's go greet Mom and Dad."
Kagome made a soft sound of agreement and started walking towards their solemn destination. It was the ninth anniversary of their parents' death and she and Souta had travelled back to their hometown to visit their graves. Kaede had acquiesced to give them the day off from school in order for them to make this trip and they had been very grateful. Kagome had told her friends about the day and though they had offered to accompany her, despite not having permission themselves, she had declined, saying it was a private matter for her and Souta.
She trudged up the slope towards the hundreds of graves, her heart sinking with each step. It was the ninth year...the ninth time to face her parents on the day of their death and silently wonder if they could ever forgive her... the ninth time she would stare down at the graves of those she'd lost and wonder if she could ever move on. If there would ever be a day when she would recall their faces and smile, instead of weep over her failure.
Before she knew it, they had arrived at the modest plot where their parents rested. Kagome stared down at the cold grave, willing no memories to come back to her this year. She clenched her teeth and steered her thoughts towards the happy times with her parents, the times before her own personal nightmare began.
Her father's face rose up in her mind, smiling fondly in her memory. Before she could truly appreciate it, however, his eyes grew wide and glassy and his mouth gaped open in shock.
Kagome shook herself and instead focused on her mother. She imagined her dark brown hair with relief, her warm, brown eyes, the trickle of blood leaking out from the corner of her loving smile.
Kagome gave a small intake of breath, Souta slipped his hand into hers for support, and the memories came flooding back.
"Kagome honey, it's time for bed," the warm, honeyed voice in her memory called.
Kagome remembered pouting from her perch on the couch. "But Mommy, I'm not tired!"
"Now, now, Kagome, you know the rule. When it's bedtime, we've got to go to bed, whether or not we're tired, so that we'll have enough energy to play tomorrow."
Kagome pouted again, but shuffled off the couch. "Okay..."
"That's my good girl," her mother smiled, holding her baby brother, fast asleep in her arms.
Kagome followed her mother up the stairs, quickly brushing her teeth and changing into her pajamas. Despite her earlier protest, as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was fast asleep.
Her dreams were particularly scary that night. Lately she'd been having nightmares of her parents on the ground, completely still. Their eyes were wide open but glassy, and they lay next to each other in a pool of shared blood. Whenever these dreams would visit Kagome, she would wake up crying and immediately search out her parents, seeking their comfort and reassuring herself they were both safe and alive.
Tonight the dream came again, but almost with more urgency, if that was possible. She could see nothing at first, only darkness surrounded her. But she could hear. Angry voices came out of the darkness, then sounds of struggle. A loud bang sounded, then a woman screaming, which was soon silenced by another bang. Then the thick blackness faded and the familiar scene of her dead parents appeared before Kagome's eyes once more.
Someone was shaking her awake and she could already feel the tears on her cheeks. "Mommy, Mommy!" she cried, reaching out for the familiar presence.
"Shhh," her mother hushed her urgently. "You must be quiet now, Kagome. Someone's in the house, and he mustn't know you're here."
Kagome's tears subsided with a few hiccups. "Someone...in the house?"
"Yes, dear. Shhh...it'll be alright. Your father's gone down to deal with him."
Kagome's eyes opened wide, recalling her dream. "A bad man in the house? Oh no, Mommy, you have to stop Daddy. Make him come back, Mommy, make him come back!"
"Hush, honey, hush. You father will be fine." Against her words, however, a worried expression stole over her features. "But perhaps I'd better check on him all the same. Here, dear, take your younger brother and stay completely silent, okay? Stay quiet and safe. I love you."
Kagome trembled, wanting to protest, but cowed by her fear. She took Souta from her mother with shaking hands, keeping silent. Her mother gave her one more reassuring smile before slipping out the door.
Kagome stood in the darkness, holding her brother tightly and listening for any sounds she could hear coming from outside the room. Soon a loud angry voice rang out and Kagome realized her mother hadn't reached her father in time: he was confronting the intruder. As another angry voice answered in turn, a feeling of dread crept into Kagome's stomach.
Her mother's words flew out of her head as Kagome rushed for the door. She ran down the hallway towards the stairs, tears blurring her vision. She saw her mother quietly reaching the bottom of the staircase ahead of her. In the entrance hall below, Kagome saw a terrible scene. Her father, a dropped baseball bat at his feet, was being held at gunpoint but a scrappy looking stranger. In a panic, she sobbed and scuffled forwards as fast as she could, Souta cradled in her arms.
Her mother heard her behind her and turned around with a frantic expression. "Kagome, no!" she cried out in desperation.
Everything seemed to happen at once. The intruder, who hadn't been aware of Mrs. Higurashi's presence, snapped his head towards her. Meanwhile, Kagome's father took this moment of surprise to try and wrestle the gun away. The intruder's attention snapped back to the father and he panicked, his finger squeezing the trigger.
Mr. Higurashi stumbled back in shock, his hands pressed to the bleeding wound in his chest. He fell to the ground without a word.
"NOOO!" Kagome's mother screamed, rushing forward. At the sight of her running towards him, the intruder once again panicked and another shot rang out. Mrs. Higurashi fell, her chest wound matching her husband's.
"D-Daddy...! M-Mommy...!" Kagome sobbed, slowly coming down the stairs. The intruder, his hand shaking, looked up at her in dismay.
Kagome looked down at her parents' bodies, exactly as she'd seen them in her dream, and then looked directly into the face of their killer. Souta had awoken and was crying in her arms.
The killer didn't look like a killer at all. He looked worn, his clothes dirty, but his face was clean and almost distinguished. His expression as he looked back at her was one of the most intense regret Kagome had ever seen in her life.
He held eye contact with her for a moment more before dashing out of the house.
Kagome hesitantly moved forward, as if in a dream. Her parents were completely still and their wide, empty eyes stared back at her. She dropped to her knees in their sticky blood, clutched Souta close to her, and cried her heart out.
The police had found her that way five minutes later. Apparently her mother had phoned them before waking her up. With much coaxing, they managed to get her away from her parents' bodies and into the care of a kindly female police officer.
Kagome shuddered and came back to herself for a moment. She took a deep breath to keep the tears at bay and gripped Souta's hand more tightly. With trepidation, she recalled the day of the killer's trial when she testified against him.
"Alright, Kagome, right this way. Nothing to fear, dear, we're just going to ask you a few questions. Just put your hand on this bible and repeat after me."
After she had sworn in, Kagome had been led up to the witness stand, where a booster seat had been provided for her. She was seven years old now, but still quite small.
The prosecutor smiled kindly at her before beginning. "Hi, Kagome."
"Hi," she responded in a small voice, daunted by the large courtroom before her.
"How are you today?"
"G-good."
"That's a very pretty dress, Kagome. Is it new?"
"Yes. Ms. Cornwall just got it for me," Kagome boasted with a small smile.
"The people will note that Ms. Cornwall is the owner of the orphanage where Kagome and her younger brother Souta now live." Turning back to the young girl, the prosecutor continued, "Now, Kagome, could you describe the events as you remember them that occurred on the night of December 8th?"
The smile had slipped from Kagome's face. Brows furrowed in hate, she replied, "A bad man snuck into my house and took away my parents."
The prosecutor tried a different approach. "On the night when this happened, what do you remember happening first?"
"My mommy woke me up from a bad dream," Kagome replied hesitantly.
"And what happened next?"
"She said there was a bad man in the house and that Daddy had gone down to see him."
"And then what?"
"Mommy gave me Souta and went down to see if Daddy was okay. But then I got scared and followed after her. When Mommy called out to me, the bad man shot Daddy! When Mommy went to see Daddy, the bad man shot her too! ...Then he ran away."
"Did you get a good look at the bad man's face, Kagome?"
The little girl nodded furiously. "Yes!"
"And do you see him in the courtroom today?"
"Yes!"
"Could you point to him please?"
Kagome raised a small finger to point at a man behind a desk across the room. "That man! He killed my Mommy and Daddy! He took them away from me! It's his fault they're gone! It's all his fault!" Angry tears spilled down her quivering cheeks as she glared at the killer.
"Objection!" the defendant's lawyer exclaimed.
"The jury will disregard the witness's last statements," the judge intoned.
"No... Wait..." a soft voice sounded out. The defendant, the killer, stood up slowly. "She's right. I want to change my plea. I did it. I killed this little girl's parents. I'm guilty."
A stunned silence followed this statement, before the defendant's lawyer stood up. "Objection, your honour! My client doesn't understand the implications of his words."
"N-no," the killer protested. "I do. I didn't mean to kill them, but I panicked and the gun went off! When I saw the little girl and her brother, I couldn't believe what I'd just done. I was only a petty burglar...I never wanted to be a murderer."
The judge slammed his mallet down. "The court will take a recess. Councillors, I want to see you in my chambers immediately."
Kagome gazed around confused before the assistant district attorney beckoned her down from the stand. As she was being led towards the aisle between the pews, the killer stepped out in front of her. She looked up in fear, but there was only despair in his eyes.
"I can never express enough my sorrow of what I've done," he said slowly. "I've committed a treacherous crime I can never take back... I only hope jail can adequately punish me for what I've taken away from you. Kagome, I am so sorry."
Kagome stared at him wide-eyed for a few moments before a hateful expression crossed her face. "No!" she screeched. "Don't say my name like that! You took Daddy and Mommy away! You're not a good person! I won't forgive you, not ever!" Hot tears coursed down her cheeks as she fought the grip of the ADA beside her. "You killed them! It's your fault! Why are you sorry? You can't be sorry! I hate you, I hate you! I wish you'd died instead!"
As Kagome collapsed and dissolved into tears, the killer, with a shocked, despairing expression, was led out of the courtroom. The ADA tried to move the sobbing girl, but she was beyond reason.
That man. He was the reason her Mommy and Daddy were gone. But he was sorry. He didn't mean it. She couldn't hate him... But shewanted to hate him. She needed to hate him. Because...
Memories of the dreams she'd had flashed through her head; memories of her parents dead on the floor, of her having seen it coming, of her doing nothing to stop it.
Quietly, so that not even the ADA by her side could hear her, she sobbed, "I wish I'd died instead..."
She had needed to hate him. But it was an accident and he hadn't meant it. She felt her anger slip away as she was lost to her sorrow.
Without him to hate, there was no one left to blame but herself.
Souta looked up at his sister as tears silently streamed out of her tightly shut eyes. He regarded her sadly, wondering what could be going through her mind this year. He had no doubt it involved the night of their parents' murder, but he could not recall that night himself. As he gazed silently at her, he wondered what could have happened. She never spoke of it except to say that she had foreseen it and done nothing. She blamed the entire incident on herself. So he knew that whenever they came here, she was replaying that night in her head and berating herself yet again. But he didn't know why she took the blame upon herself so fully, or why she kept the darkest of her secrets to herself.
He supposed that even to him, she was wont to conceal some secrets. Even though he had assured her he could never think badly of her, she was bound to keep the greatest shame and guilt to herself. Another reason might be that she didn't want to worry him further, and burden him with her problems. Souta's brows furrowed at this thought. It worried him more when she kept things from him and carried the pain by herself. He wished more than anything that he could remember the night their parents had died, so that he could at least take some of that blame onto himself somehow.
It frustrated him to no end that he didn't know how to help his sister. Even when he was there and aware during the next two deaths, he couldn't seem to do anything to help. He listened to her worries and her grief, but other than offering her his support, he didn't know how to alleviate her pain. She continued to suffer and he continued to watch in agony. She was his whole world. He thought and cared about her more than anything and his inability to help her caused him more pain than he'd ever admit.
This reasoning was perhaps why the effect Inuyasha had on his sister was more obvious to him than to either of the two involved. Her smiles these days had become almost commonplace and she rarely dwelt on her troubled past. Whether this was because her guilt had been alleviated somewhat, or she was simply becoming too distracted to constantly think about it, Souta had to attribute both of these possibilities to Inuyasha's presence. He was almost jealous of the comfort Inuyasha brought her, and yet seeing her happy lifted the heavy weight in his chest that had been with him for several years now. For this reason above all others, he admired the older boy and saw him as his own personal hero.
But despite the relief Kagome had been experiencing lately, Souta knew this day was different. This was the day their parents had been killed. This day would bring back the memories to Kagome full force. The three days of the year when she hurt the most were the death anniversaries of her parents and two friends. As their parents' deaths were the very first she'd failed to prevent and they had haunted her the longest, Souta knew the pain on this day was even more excruciating. The torturous thoughts of self blame and hatred followed her like a cloud on this day and her dreams at night were particularly intense. Souta knew he wouldn't be able to sleep that night. He would worriedly await her in his room, ready to comfort and love her until the desperate tears abated. It was all he was capable of doing.
Kagome sank to her knees beside him and buried her face in her hands. "It's my fault...it's all my fault... Mom, Dad, Kikyo, Hojo... Oh god, it's all my fault..."
Souta blinked furiously to hold back his own tears as he watched her shoulders shudder from her sobs. He knelt down beside her and wrapped his small arms around her shaking frame. Burying his face in her neck and shoulder, he kept repeating, "It's alright, Kagome, it's alright... I'm here, it's alright..."
He always felt at his worst when he lied to his sister.
..:V:..
Inuyasha muttered a few choice phrases under his breath as he closed his Calculus textbook for the night. It was beyond him why Sesshoumaru thought it would be a good idea to sign him up for some of the hardest courses after having been asleep for the past five years. Did he think it was funny or something, to see him suffer? Inuyasha snorted. He doubted "funny" was even in Sesshoumaru's vocabulary. Sadism, on the other hand, wasn't a stretch...
As he stared down at his shut textbook, the thoughts that had been whirling around his head during the course of the day came back to him. Specifically, thoughts about Kagome.
She had announced to the group yesterday that she and Souta would be visiting their parents' grave today and thus, be absent. It concerned him that she didn't want any of them accompanying her. From her reactions in the past, he knew this would be a difficult day for her, and he paled at the thought of the state it might leave her in. But he couldn't support her if he wasn't even there. In chagrin, he had been forced to have faith in her younger brother, hoping no overly negative thoughts would plague her while he was by her side. Despite his grudging affection for the younger boy, however, he had little hope of this actually being true. Souta had been with her through all of her trials, and he had seen the state she was in when she first came to the school.
And so he had been on pins and needles all day, his mind anywhere but where his body was, and his mouth snapping at anyone who so much as looked at him the wrong way. Sango and Miroku hadn't dared comment on his mood, though they had equally troubled expressions on their faces so Inuyasha supposed they considered him the least of their concerns.
Despite the two of them not knowing Kagome's past, the fact alone that she was visiting her parents' graves alerted them to the potential trouble. Both of them could see her fragile state, and there was no telling what damage such an event could inflict. It was to their credit they did not try to pry more information out of him as, with their intellect and observation skills, they could tell that one, he and she were quite close and two, he knew a lot more than they did. But they knew that if she hadn't told them of her past herself, they had no right to it and so they respected her wishes and kept their concerns to themselves.
Inuyasha was downright restless by the time Souta had returned to their dorm later that night. He was on his feet in a flash, but the younger boy had shook his head in warning. "It's been a rough day," he said quietly. "I just took her to her room and she's going to sleep. Please don't disturb her now."
Despite his reluctance, Inuyasha had swallowed thickly and nodded. Rest was probably best for her right now, though Souta's allusion to a rough day had heightened his concerns. To mask his frustration, he'd abruptly sank down in his desk chair and pulled out his homework.
His mind had kept straying, however. He wasn't sure what it was, but ever since their night out with Rin five days ago, his concern for her had intensified. He had been deeply impressed by her that night and for the first time, felt that she was actually the older one between them. She had offered such strength and comfort to him and he was at a loss to what state he would have been in without her. Now he wished he could repay that somehow, offer his strength when she was feeling vulnerable. But Kagome had just faced an especially rough day, and he wasn't even able to see her. Being kept from her like this was making him anxious.
Inuyasha looked down at his English homework. Describe three ways Christian knew he was in love with Andrea. Only a three second stare was enough to elicit a faint blush across the bridge of his nose. With a growl of annoyance, he shoved his English away and pulled out his math. That was the other new development that had occurred since Friday. Anything love or romance related immediately brought back thoughts of that kiss she'd given him and it was at this point that something would stir within him and his brain would essentially cease functioning.
It wasn't that it had been a romantic kiss, or that he'd thought of anything about it at the time other than being a form of comfort. It had been an outlet of strength, a way of Kagome showing she shared his pain and was there for him. It was even as a mother might kiss her child to soothe his distress.
But the simple fact of the matter was was that Kagome was not his mother. And the mere thought of Kagome kissing him in any way, shape or form was enough to stain his cheeks crimson. Every time he thought back to that night, he was immediately in the mind frame of a twelve year old being kissed by an older girl. An older, extremely pretty girl. Inuyasha sighed. It would be his ruin if he kept on with this train of thought. He was happy enough just being friends with her, and it was lucky enough they were able to be friends in the first place, with all the troubles they'd been through. He wouldn't have been constantly plagued with these troubling thoughts in the first place if things like his stupid English homework didn't keep reminding him.
After all, it hadn't been a romantic kiss. And it wasn't one likely to be repeated. Inuyasha just had to be sure to keep telling himself that. Because she was his best friend. And that was all.
Inuyasha stared hard at his blank notebook before furiously picking his pencil up and flipping to the right page in his textbook. All this thinking was taking him to places he didn't want to go and distraction via work seemed to be the best idea at the moment.
His calculus homework had started out well enough and he'd been solving problems he easily understood. But as he got further into it, the problems increased in difficulty and he soon found himself struggling. The old feeling of frustration began rising in him once again, and with it, thoughts of his outburst on Friday. This inevitably brought him right back where he started before using math as a distraction.
And it was at this point he decided to leave the rest of his homework for tomorrow and go to bed. His brain had suffered enough already.
As he came out of the bathroom, clad in his pajamas and boasting a freshly brushed mouth, he noticed Souta was sitting on his bed and making no show of going to sleep. Raising a brow at him as he turned out his light, he said gruffly, "You'd better go to bed, kid. It's late."
Souta looked at him solemnly before reaching to click off his own light. "You're right," was all he said.
Inuyasha settled down in his sheets and closed his eyes. But even as he felt sleep slowly creep upon him, he noticed Souta hadn't made a move to lie down and a funny feeling in his gut told him the boy was waiting for something...
..:V:..
Darkness filled her vision. It blocked her senses and disoriented her completely. But as she watched, a familiar scene unfolded before her.
It was the night her parents died. She watched it like a movie, from a third perspective. A sinking feeling started in her stomach; she knew the inevitable ending of this horror scene.
As she watched her own little figure cry out for her mother to bring her father back, a voice spoke at her ear.
"You see that, Kagome? That's where you killed me."
Shaking, Kagome turned her head to see her mother beside her, smiling bitterly. "M-mom...?" she choked.
As the woman before her stepped back, the bleeding hole in her chest was directly apparent. Kagome gasped out loud, but her mother paid her no heed as she looked down at the scene once again.
"You knew what was going to happen. You had seen it coming for months –months – beforehand. But the first chance you got, you sent me to my death."
Kagome felt tears prick her eyes. "I didn't, Mommy, I didn't! I-I didn't know! I'd just had the scary dream and I was afraid for Daddy! I just wanted him next to me, safe!" Kagome pled desperately, needing her mother's forgiveness.
"Didn't know?" her mother mocked. "You knew then, didn't you?" She pointed a finger at the younger Kagome running after her mother, Souta in her arms.
"I-I was just trying to save you, Mommy! I didn't want you and Daddy to die! I wanted to prevent it!"
"Prevent it?" a new, cold voice said in disdain. Kagome turned with dread to see her father standing behind her, the bullet hole gaping in his chest and the red blood staining his shirt. "You did a fine job, little daughter."
Kagome winced at his harsh tone. "I-I'm sorry, Daddy. I did my best...I tried my hardest..I...I..."
"Did your best?" he sneered. "You didn't just do nothing when you saw the visions, you caused our deaths yourself!"
Kagome collapsed to her knees, tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm sorry, Mommy. I just didn't understand...I didn't understand what the visions meant until it was too late!"
"Didn't understand?" her mother shrieked. "Could they have been more obvious? Did we really have to die for you to get a clue?"
"How foolish of us. We never thought we raised a stupid daughter," her father said as Kagome shrank away.
In a meek voice with hardly any conviction, she said, "I was only six... I didn't even know it was possible those visions could predict what was to come. It was the first time...how was I to know?"
A high, cold laugh rang out. "Does the second time not count either then?"
Kagome spun around on the ground, looking up at her old school friend in disbelief. "K-Kikyo!"
"You understood what the visions meant when it came to me!" the ten year old girl accused. "But you still ignored them! You're the reason I'm dead. The reason I'm like this!" She gestured at her body, the right side horribly mutilated. Her arm and leg hung at funny angles, cuts ran up and down her body, and blood and torn flesh marred her once pretty face.
Kagome flinched and looked away, feeling sick.
This enraged Kikyo, who leapt forward and grabbed her face. Turning it back towards her, she shrieked, "Look at me! Look! You did this to me! And you don't even have the guts to look at your own handiwork!"
Kagome choked on her sobs as the hot tears flowed anew down her cheeks. In the face of her guilt and sorrow, words failed her utterly. Kikyo thrust her chin aside with disdain.
"You disgust me. I actually felt sorry for you at first, you know that? There you were, the poor girl whose parents had been killed. Little did I know you caused those deaths just as you would cause mine!"
"N-no...! I didn't want–I didn't mean–"
"'Didn't want, didn't mean.' Didn't care is more like it."
Kagome whipped her head around to see Hojo behind her, blood dripping from his countless stab wounds. He stared her down, hate in his once-gentle eyes.
Kagome gasped. "Oh, no... No, Hojo, not you too! You were my best friend! You know I would never hurt you! I couldn't!"
"Oh?" he sneered, kicking away her pleading hands. "So you just lured me into an alley and got some thugs to finish me off instead."
"No! No, I would never...! It wasn't me, I didn't kill you–!"
"You might as well have!" Hojo thundered, enraged. Kagome looked up in shock, the tears frozen on her face. "You saw my death coming! You knew it was going to happen! And still you did nothing! So don't preach to me, little Kagome, about not killing me; doing nothing and killing me were the same thing!"
Kagome felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. She couldn't get her breath and her eyes unfocused. The four apparitions began circling her, continuing to shout accusations.
"Did we mean that little to you?"
"We gave everything to you!"
"And how did you repay us?"
"How could you call yourself a friend?"
"We thought you loved us!"
"How many people do you have to let die before you're satisfied?"
"Our blood is on your hands!"
"It's your fault we're dead!"
"You killed us!"
Our blood is on your hands... it's your fault... you killed us...with those bloody hands... our blood... your fault... how could you ever atone? You can't... You're blood soaked. Stained forever with our deaths. Our murders. It's your fault... you killed us... OUR BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS!
Kagome felt something inside her break and she let out a soul-piercing scream.
..:V:..
Inuyasha grumbled incoherently as his alarm clock pierced through his sleepy haze. Turning it off with practised swiftness, he rolled out of bed and onto his feet within seconds. Not paying attention to anything but his destination, he made his way into the bathroom and proceeded to wake himself up more thoroughly with a shower.
When he emerged, awake and ready to tackle the day, his eyes landed on the boy across the room. Souta was sitting up slouched against the wall, and yet sound asleep. He hadn't even heard Inuyasha's alarm go off. Inuyasha's brow furrowed as he contemplated the boy's odd actions. Looking at the time, he realized he had no time to dwell on it now and he better wake the kid up so that he wasn't late for his own classes.
As Inuyasha shook the younger boy awake, he looked around in bemusement, as if unsure of his surroundings. He seemed to be confused by his state of sleep and after a few moments, he murmured, "She didn't come..."
Inuyasha gave him another odd and slightly worried look, but a quick glance at the clock reminded him of his original intention. "Hey, look, if you don't hurry now, you'll be late to class. What were you thinking, trying to stay up like that?"
Souta looked at him with sleep filled eyes before averting his gaze and moving to get up. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I just couldn't sleep... I'll get ready now."
Inuyasha watched as the boy walked to the bathroom, but he shook his head before thinking about it too much. He needed to get some breakfast before class and his own time was draining away faster than he'd like.
Usually he met up with Kagome in the cafeteria before their simultaneous class in the morning. Today she was nowhere to be seen. This confused him slightly, but it was not uncommon that one of them would miss the morning meeting. Sometimes one or the other would sleep in too long and breakfast had to be sacrificed. Either that or they had a granola bar laying around in their dorm room and would eat that instead before heading off to class. So Inuyasha only paid her absence a moment's notice, and perhaps a moment's disappointment, before carrying on with his own business.
When she didn't show up for class, however, he wasn't impressed.
"Alright, everyone," the teacher said loudly, clapping her hands. "We're doing a lab today so get with your partners, find the instructions on page 144 of your textbooks, and off you go! All materials can be found here at the front and as always, I'm here for any questions you might have."
Inuyasha sat still as the rest of the class stood up around him. As they all shuffled towards the front of the class, his eyes slid to the empty seat beside him. He felt his irritation rise the longer he stared.
She may be his best friend, he may care deeply for her, but where thehell was she? There was no way he was going to be stuck doing this nonsensical lab on his own! He wouldn't even understand what he was doing! She knew he wouldn't understand! So why was she leaving him alone to do it?! In his panic, all memories of yesterday flew out the window.
Abruptly, he stood up and headed for the door. The teacher noticed his unusual movements and barked, "Inuyasha! Where are you going?"
"To get my lab partner," he retorted as he stormed out.
He made record time racing down the school hallways and into the connecting dorm building. In no time at all, he had arrived in front of her room.
"Kagome!" he called angrily, banging on the door. "Kagome, I know you're in there! There's no way you're sticking me with this physics lab! Wake up and come out!" He paused for a minute in silence before saying, "Okay, I'm coming in. Don't say I didn't warn you."
The doorknob turned easily in his hand and the door swung open, further proof Kagome was somewhere inside. Inuyasha knew that whichever girl left first left the door to be locked by the second when she herself went out. For the door to be unlocked now meant Sango had already left, but that Kagome was definitely still inside.
But she wasn't there. Her bed sheets were rumpled and twisted at the foot of her bed, but there was no Kagome to be seen anywhere in the room. This was a very odd morning indeed.
Sudden sounds of splashing alerted his attention to the bathroom. Normally Inuyasha would never think about entering a girl's bathroom while she was so evidently inside, but the door was wide open. So he cautiously proceeded forward, wondering what the heck could be going on. His previous anger was lost in his confusion.
And upon entering the small room, his confusion was soon lost in his fear.
Kagome was in the bathtub, furiously washing herself as the water filled up. She was still wearing her pajamas. Her eyes were unfocused and she was scrubbing her limbs desperately as if to clean off some unseen dirt. She didn't seem to be aware of his presence at all and instead just continued her actions.
As Inuyasha stared down at her, he could see that something was very, very wrong. But his brain was frozen numb in shock and his body wouldn't move. Faintly, his ears started to pick up the words she was muttering under her breath.
"All the blood...too much blood...must get it off...it's all over...so much blood...all their blood...all my fault...won't wash off...stained...so bloody...their blood on my hands...killed them...all my fault...all their blood..."
It was a never ending mantra and it instilled a dread in Inuyasha akin to when he awoke from his coma to find his world upended. His caring, understanding best friend, who had shown him her strength seven nights before, was currently sitting fully clad in her bathtub, broken and out of her mind, rubbing her arms raw. He almost wanted to run away.
Instead he collapsed to his knees beside her and reached a shaking hand out to grasp her shoulder. "K-Kagome," he said hesitantly. She made no show of noticing him. "Kagome, you're scaring me..." Still no response. She kept scrubbing. Panicking, he reached down and grabbed her arms, holding them still. "Stop it, Kagome! You're clean, there's no blood on you!"
She kept gazing ahead, unblinking, and when she spoke, it still held the airy, distracted quality of before. "The blood...it's all over me... I can't get it off."
"But there's nothing there!" he protested desperately. Why couldn't she see?!
She turned her head slowly to face him and her blank eyes bored into his. "I killed them all. Can't you see I'm soaked in their blood?"
Inuyasha swallowed with difficulty. A huge lump seemed to have lodged itself in his throat. The longer she stared at him, the more it unnerved him. "S-stop looking at me with those eyes," he stuttered finally. "Please, Kagome, come back to your senses."
She gazed back down at her restrained arms and stared at her open palms. "It won't ever come off, will it...? Stained forever..." She pulled against his hands as if to continue her scrubbing.
Inuyasha's desperate look hardened. He needed to get her out of the bathtub. He knew this, if nothing else. Turning off the tap, he said, "Come on, Kagome. You're coming with me. Enough washing." He tried to reach for her knees, but she shied away from him.
"Such pretty white... I'll stain it forever red..." she whispered almost in fear as she stared at his curtain of hair.
Inuyasha refused to back down. "I was splashed with blood a long time ago, Kagome. If that didn't stain me, then touching you certainly won't." Before she could say anything else, he leaned forward and scooped his right arm under her knees. With his left supporting her back, he hauled her up and towards him, standing up in the process. Despite her feeble resistance, he cradled her to his chest and carried her out of the bathroom. Setting her down on the floor of the main room, he dashed back for a towel. He returned within the blink of an eye and wrapped her up tightly, hoping to dry and warm her.
"Come on, Kagome...speak to me, come back to me," he said quietly, taking her once more in his arms and rocking her gently. "You're so strong. You're stronger than this. I don't know why you keep thinking you killed these people, I don't understand why you think it's your fault they died. But I can't believe you'd ever willingly kill anyone. That's just not who you are. Please believe me, Kagome. I know it couldn't have been your fault."
He began stroking her hair as she stilled in his arms. "You can't let the shadows of the past destroy you like this. I know it's hard, I really do, but didn't you show me the other night we'd press on towards the future? Isn't that what you were trying to say? Please don't give up on yourself, Kagome. Whatever is haunting you from your past, you mustn't give in. I'm here. I'll never give up on you. Please, please come back to me..."
A shudder racked Kagome's body and she collapsed fully against him. "I-Inuyasha?" she questioned hesitantly. He could have cried in relief.
Instead, he collected himself. "I'm here, Kagome."
Her next words were lost to him as her tears took over. She was shaking violently and he could only clutch her tighter as her tears soaked through his already wet shirt. He had no idea how long they stayed there, him holding her as she cried. He paid no attention to the clock, more focused on the sobbing girl in his arms.
She tried once or twice to raise her head and look at him, but he kept pressing it back to his chest. He couldn't bear to have her look at him right now. He was sure that never before had such a lost and confused expression adorned his face. He had no explanation for what had just happened and to see his friend in such a state was beyond unsettling. She had shown him such strength the night he'd broken down, but now when she needed him most, he felt like he had no strength to offer. He couldn't stand the thought of her seeing him too weak to comfort her. And so he held her more tightly and rocked with her, hoping to soothe his own pain as much as hers.
However confused he was by what he'd just witnessed, however, one thing was clearer than ever. Kagome was keeping something very, very important from him.
..:V:..
Kagome awoke without realizing she'd ever fallen asleep. Her room was unlit and no sun even shone through the blinds, signalling evening. She saw a figure before her and realized it was Inuyasha in her desk chair, fast asleep. He looked as if he'd been watching her and her lips curved up into a sad smile at the thought.
She couldn't really remember the day's events. With a shudder and a heavy, suffocating feeling, she remembered her dream the night before. Before she could dwell on it, however, she pulled her thoughts from it and tried to remember what had happened once she'd woken up. Nothing seemed to make sense, though. She had brief flashes of being covered in red and washing herself in the tub...and then being engulfed in a warm presence. The first clear memory she had was coming to in Inuyasha's arms and crying her heart out.
She was glad he was by her side. She was scared and confused. She wasn't sure what to think anymore. She felt responsible for all the deaths she'd indirectly caused. But Inuyasha had told her before that she wasn't to blame. He'd also said there was no way she could have known. How wrong he was on that point. Couldn't he be wrong about the other?
And her dream. All her killed family and friends had blamed her...theyhated her. They couldn't ever forgive her. But was it a vision or just a nightmare? Kagome couldn't tell and the thought alone of them hating her made it difficult for her to breathe. She couldn't go on like this. She needed some answers. If she didn't get any soon, she was liable to drown in despair.
She gazed fondly up at Inuyasha's sleeping face. She had a feeling he'd brought her back from the edge already. But she wasn't sure he was the one to help her with her current problem. She needed an unbiased opinion, and one with experience and wisdom. Tomorrow she would seek out Miroku.
She heard the dorm door open and light from the hallway invaded the room. Quickly she shut her eyes and feigned sleep. She didn't want to deal with anyone right now; she wasn't sure how to act or what to say.
"Inuyasha," she heard Sango's voice say. "Wake up, you have to go back to your dorm."
"Mm?" Inuyasha's groggy voice spoke up. "What time is it?"
"It's quarter to nine. Fifteen minutes to curfew."
There was a pause. "But Kagome..."
"I'll stay with her. And I don't have swim practice like this morning, so I'll make sure she gets up alright."
Another pause.
"I know you're reluctant, but the dorm inspector will be by soon. She won't let you stay anyway."
"I guess... Okay, well come get me if anything happens. Like...just anything you think might be odd."
Sango's voice sounded worried. "I'm not sure what happened this morning, but it sounds pretty serious. I'll let you know if I sense anything wrong."
"I... thanks, Sango. Good night."
"Night, Inuyasha." The door clicked softly closed. A warm hand smoothed the hair away from her forehead and Sango let out a delicate sigh. "He's pretty worried about you... Scratch that, we're all pretty worried. But please don't despair, Kagome. We're all here to support you. Just...don't forget that."
The hand pulled away and Kagome was once again left to her muddled thoughts.
..:V:..
The next afternoon, Miroku sat in his desk chair, continuously throwing up a tennis ball and catching it. He couldn't say the activity was thoroughly productive, but he could say he was thoroughly bored. His homework assignments had all been completed and Sango was busy training at the pool for a swim meet coming up.
For intelligent company, that left Inuyasha and Kagome. The other boy, however, hadn't spoken to him much since Wednesday and even then he had been in an irritable mood because of Kagome's absence. As for said girl, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of her since before her parents' death anniversary. Judging from his other two friends' jittery behaviour at lunch, something was amiss, but they had yet to inform him exactly what it was.
And so, Miroku continued to throw and catch his tennis ball to stave off his boredom. That was, until a quiet knock sounded at his open door.
"May I come in...?"
Miroku blinked a few times to be sure he was really seeing Kagome alone in his doorway before hastening to reply. "But of course. You know my door's always open to you. What do you need?" He noted her troubled expression.
"Oh, well i-it's just for a bit of school work," she stammered. "My English mark has been dipping a bit lately and I wanted to do really well on the Independent Study Unit coming up. Inuyasha mentioned that you were tutoring him so I thought you might be willing to give me some advice."
"School, eh?" Miroku said, eyeing her carefully. "Well sure then. Come sit down and tell me what you're having trouble with." He patted the bed beside him.
Kagome sank down on the bed and took a moment to collect herself, oblivious to Miroku's calculating stare. "Okay, so we're supposed to analyse in depth the individual books we picked out. You know, the standard – plot, setting, characters, theme, etcetera. Most of it I can figure out on my own, but I'm having difficulty seeing what the premise of the story is."
"The premise?" Miroku pressed gently.
"You know...like, the point of it all. I can't figure out the overall meaning of the story and so then I can't decipher the themes, or the true nature of one of the characters."
Miroku hummed thoughtfully. "Well, I'll do my best to help you. Could you explain some of the story to me, or what this character appears to be on the surface?"
"Well...the character is an introvert, so far as I can tell, and he doesn't seem to have any specific skills. There's nothing overtly special about him, except that he was cursed at birth by a witch."
"Why did she curse him?" Miroku inquired politely.
"Oh...well, the book never explained that, which is partly what has me so confused," Kagome responded.
"Alright then. What's the nature of this curse?"
"Well...it's complicated. First it seems that all those close to him are doomed to die unnatural deaths. And in addition, his head is filled with images of their deaths long before they ever occur. When they do die, he's always present, and oftentimes, he's the indirect cause of why they die. He doesn't understand why he's plagued with this vision and he's slowly becoming more lost within himself, despite anyone's best efforts to save him. He can't see the value of his own life if it's only there to predict and cause the deaths of those around him. And I don't understand either, Miroku! Did the witch mean to turn him into an Angel of Death, spreading death wherever he goes? Cursing him to witness it all, beforehand and during, until he goes mad with guilt?" Kagome looked at Miroku with such emotion in her eyes that he was taken aback for a moment.
Quickly gathering his wits, he scratched his head. "That's pretty intense. This must be quite the story."
"Oh...yes, it's really complicated," Kagome said, recovering her composure.
"Well..." Miroku said after a moment of thought. "Let me ask you this – has this character ever been successful in preventing anyone's death, because of these visions?"
Kagome hesitated. "Just once. But it was different from the other times. He saw the vision just before the near death occurred. Only because he knew it was happening immediately and had a good idea of where was he able to save the victim."
"Hmm...and how does the story end?"
"Oh...well, I don't know yet. I just read the first book and it's a trilogy," Kagome said quickly.
"I see..." Miroku said slowly.
"So do you have any idea what it could mean? Why did the witch curse him? What's the true nature of the curse? Why must this character live through this hell?" Kagome pled desperately.
"Now, now, no need to get all worked up. It's just a story," Miroku chided good-naturedly while eyeing her out of the corner of his eye. She swallowed nervously and nodded.
"R-right. Of course."
"But you know, Kagome, I think you're looking at this story the wrong way."
"Wrong way?" Kagome said in surprise. "What other way is there?"
"I don't think the witch is a witch at all. I think she's an angel."
"An angel?" Kagome said, the shock evident on her face. "You mean that instead of the character, she's the Angel of Death?"
Miroku shook his head. "No, no. There is no 'Angel of Death.' The 'witch' is a normal angel, perhaps more benevolent than most."
"Benevolent?" Kagome exclaimed, her astonishment turning to anger. "Haven't you heard anything I've said? She cursed him!"
"Have you ever thought of it this way?" Miroku questioned softly. "Have you ever considered that instead of a curse...it's a gift?"
"A gift? Are you out of your mind, Miroku?!" she demanded, springing up from the bed. "What part of predicting and seeing the bloody deaths of those you love is a gift?!"
Miroku sat calmly in the face of her rage. "To me, it doesn't seem like that's the purpose of the gift."
"Oh? And so, pray tell me, what is?" Kagome said softly, a dangerous note in her voice.
"Predicting the deaths, yes, I think that's right. But seeing them happen? No, I don't think that's supposed to occur. You said yourself that these were unnatural deaths. They're unfortunate and unnecessary. I may be assuming too much, but I think the character is given these visions because he's close to these victims."
"But, wha–"
"He's close to these people and so he has the ability to do something about their deaths...if he sees them coming," Miroku explained.
"You...you mean–"
"Yes. The angel gave the boy these visions as a gift so he could see andprevent the deaths of those close to him. In fact, he might be inevitably drawn to people whose deaths are imminent just for this purpose. He's not meant to cause people's deaths, Kagome, but to save them."
Kagome was shaking. "I s-see. So then...all the deaths he's seen up until this point...are his failures."
"No," Miroku cut in sharply. "I believe those deaths would have happened regardless. It's not that he causes their deaths or fails to save them. It's that they're going to die and if this character makes a conscious effort to save them, he has the ability to prevent their deaths."
"It's the same thing," Kagome said flatly, sitting back down on the bed. "You're just using different words."
"Perspective is everything," he told her seriously. "Just because he has the remote possibility of saving someone doesn't mean it's his fault if they die."
Kagome was silent for a few minutes, scrutinizing her folded hands closely. "You've given me a lot to think about, Miroku."
"Keep your chin up," Miroku advised genially. "The story's not over yet. And besides, doesn't the main character always succeed in the end?"
Kagome pursed her lips. "But what if he's not strong enough?" she asked in a voice no louder than a whisper.
"That's why he has family and friends around him to support him. Ones that are not so easily killed," Miroku replied with a soft smile.
"Miroku?" she asked in a small voice. "Can I ask you one more thing?"
"Of course."
Kagome twisted her hands in her lap. "What if...what if those who died blamed him for their deaths?"
"What a silly thing to ask," he said, placing a hand on the top of her head. When she looked up at him, he continued, "These people who died were all close to him, yes? He'll have to look down deep inside and ask himself if those that really loved him would really blame him for their death, when it wasn't really his fault? Wouldn't they instead mourn the fact that this boy they love so much has to live through this horror, now without their support? Don't you think that sounds more likely?"
Kagome looked deep into Miroku's eyes which were kindly and reassuring, and she felt new hope building inside her. "I guess... I guess you could be right."
Miroku smiled and leaned back, letting out a great sigh of relief. "Ahhh, good! I was hoping you'd agree with me; I've never actually read the book, after all!"
Kagome laughed nervously and stood up from the bed. "You really have been a big help, Miroku. I feel like I understand the character and his purpose a bit better now. This ISU won't stand a chance!"
"I'm glad to hear it," he replied, smiling as she bid him good-bye and exited the room.
..:V:..
The next day, Miroku was in Inuyasha's room, helping him with his Calculus homework. As Inuyasha grumbled over the same set of problems from three nights before, Miroku asked innocently, "What about your English ISU, Inuyasha? Hadn't you better start working on it? You can't let yourself get behind."
Inuyasha shot him a disgruntled glare. "What're you on about? The teacher hasn't even assigned it yet! How am I supposed to even know what it is?"
"Ah," Miroku said secretively, hiding a knowing smile.
A/N –cheshire grin– Did you liiike eet? I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Well, perhaps fun shouldn't be the optimum word, but it brought me great enjoyment. Especially the dream sequence and the scene where Inuyasha finds her in the tub.
So now the dream allowed me to show you all Kagome's innermost thoughts about the events in her life. The deep down doubts and ultimate guilt manifested through those who died. I couldn't really give the full picture before, at the beginning, 'cause no one knew her full back story! But anymewho, I have studying to do and a project to write up so I'll be moseying on my way now. Ciao 'til next time!
