Chapter Two: Paranoia or Finding The Headless Horseman's Head
(I'd like to give a couple of shout outs to TheNewIdea and zurpocalypse. You guys are awesome! Thanks for reviewing and keep up with this story, it means a lot. Hey, check out these guys stuff, it's good and worth reading! As always, I'm welcome to reviews, I consider and implement your ideas (if you want to see something happen, let me know, I thrive on feedback!) and remember, it's all comedy. Nothing literal here. Let's keep the laughs coming, spread the word!)
Tina woke up tied to a chair in a dark cold room with a single lamp and a table. "W-where am I?" She said. "You my dear," Rat said standing upon the table, "are at the police station, or, the garage." Tina laughed, "Did you just call the garage a police station?" Rat wasn't in the mood, "It's about to be one." He said. Tina smiled, "Are you are the policeman?" She asked. "Here I am the law, the judge, the jury, the arbiter of your life you wench!" Rat got in her face, his head was about to explode. He was furious, and had the look of a crazy mad man. "You're going to rot in the Mexican jail for this. There will be no sweets for you." Rat said with a smile. Tina laughed, "Like I give a fuck about that" She said. Suddenly from behind her in the shadows of the room, a lasso flew through the air and landed on the woman's neck. She coughed and chocked, "What the hell is this!" She screamed as the rope was taught around her neck like a noose. Rat smiled, "You are charged with committing murder my dear," Rat said with a smile, "I'm afraid it's the Mexican jail for you." Tina looked at the Rat and laughed, "What's the Mexican jail?" She said. The rope pulled, and pulled, and pulled until Tina flew backwards out of her seat and was dragged forcefully with one pull on the ground. The shadows prevented her from seeing who it was who held the lasso but she could guess on who it was. The lassoer quickly lifted the rope up, bringing Tina with it. He pulled out a shiny, silver barrel revolver. "Panchito?" Tina asked. The lassoer smiled, "Ahola senora, you like the effect yes?" The rooster said with a playful smile. "Panchito," Rat said very assertively. "the Mexican Jail please." Panchito nodded, "Si jefe," he said, "come on, let's go."
Panchito led Tina out of the garage and back into the house. "Where are you taking me?" Tina said still be dragged around with the lasso. "Oh, just no place." Panchito said with a smile as they entered the kitchen. It was a mess. The food that was in the fridge was now in coolers. Terry was putting the last of the food in the last cooler he had when they walked over to the fridge. "Everything ready?" Panchito asked. "Yep," Terry said, "everything's ready, we're letting her go after tonight though right?" Terry looked at Tina and winked, he had something up his sleeve. "Si senor!" Panchito said, "we're not heartless or anything." Tina laughed, "You just gave me rope burns." Panchito smiled and removed the lasso from her neck. "Lo siento senora, I'll make it up to you." He said. "You could tango with me again." Tina said. Panchito laughed as Terry opened the fridge and Panchito pushed Tina into the fridge. "Hey!" She said as the door shut behind her, "what the hell man!" Panchito and Terry high fived. "I'll send you a sympathy card later." Panchito said and put a sticky note on the fridge, "Warning: Beware of Dog"
Rat come in moments later, smiling and laughing at his engineered plan. "Well that worked." He said. "Si!" Panchito said, giving Rat a low five. "Who's playing?" Rat asked sitting in the chair. "Packers and Saints." Terry said.
"Oh..." Rat said with a pause, "go Packers!" He shouted. A touchdown, screaming and mini flag waving. Cyril, with his cheese head hat on, waved a mini flag as he stuck his head through the living room window which was graciously opened for him, "Hey Ratty!" He said looking behind him. "Looks like Ichabod is coming down the road!" Rat got up from his seat and quickly ran across the room and jumped up to the windowsill. "Oh," he said looking out the window, "so he is." He waved towards him, "Hello Mr. Crane!" He shouted, "How are you today?" Ichabod smiled and ran over. "Oh hello Mr. Rat," he said with a tip of his heat, "how are things?" Rat smiled, "Couldn't been better, just stopping by for a few days with friends, want to come in?" He asked. Ichabod shook his head, "Actually Rat, I can't, I think I'm being followed." He said. "Followed by whom?" Rat asked.
"The Headless Horsemen!" Ichabod cried. "Who else would be following me, he wants," he swallowed his fear down his throat, "my head." Rat smiled, "Oh stop doing this to yourself, you're going to be just fine. It's just one night, you can survive one night can't you?" Ichabod shook his head and began to shake, "N-n-no, I-I-I can't, I need help." Rat sighed, "Come on in you miserable fool." He said. Ichabod quickly nodded, and hurried inside.
Ichabod quickly closed the door behind him, his heart was racing a million miles a minute. "Hey," Cyril said looking at him, "easy does it Mr. Crane, you'll be alright with us." He said, British cockney coming on strong. "Y-y-you think so?" He said. He looked around the room and started to calm down but as soon as he saw Panchito he started reaching for the doorknob, "I'm getting out of here!" He said, as he quickly opened the door. "I'm not being in the same house with that-that-that arsonist!" he shouted and ran outside again. He ran down the street, faster than any horse could to the nearest garbage can to hide in. He didn't get far though, because outside, doing some early trick-or-treating, the Headless Horseman, who was really just a big softy, was handing out his head, a pumpkin, as a candy bucket. After every visit, he would bow, cause his horse to do the same and be off to the next house. Ichabod was shaking in fear as the Horseman came by. He waved and his jack-o-lantern head smiled. Ichabod waved slowly and smiled, fearful for his life. He was about to shit his pants. "Hello Horseman." He said. The Horseman noticed that Crane was sacred so he put the pumpkin on his horse's head, who was a trusty stead, and got off. He extended his hand and patiently waited for Ichabod to receive him. He did, after the handshake, the Horseman saluted casually, got back on his horse and left galloping down the street.
Ichabod took a sigh of relief and headed back towards Terry's house. He saw that Panchito handed out the Horseman his candy, said goodbye, wished him luck and closed the door. Ichabod was walking up to the front door when the Horseman looked back and wielded his sword. Ichabod screamed like a little girl. Really, it was that scream. "LET ME IN!" He shouted pounded fiercely on the door. "Come on, let me in!" Cyril, who was standing next to him basically, turned towards him and stood in horror, "Crane! Look out!" He screamed. Ichabod turned and saw Scotty McFarley, who wasn't dead, charging towards him, ready to kill. Crane froze, his face full of fear, he whimpered, "HELP!" He screamed. Horseman to the rescue. The horse galloped full speed and the Horseman jumped on top of Scotty as the man was just about to run into the horse. "Who the hell are you supposed to be?" Scotty said, angry that the Horseman interrupted his siege of the house. "I'm your worst nightmare," The Horseman said, he got off the Scotsman and lifted him by the collar above his head, if he had one. "Don't ever think about coming near here again Mr. McFarley," he raised his sword up to the Scots neck, "I will haunt you for the rest of your days, and," he looked out onto the road and saw that his candy had been spilled, "you made me spill my candy." The Horseman said, "Now, I'm going to have to get some more," he said, "have any, no? Alright, fuck you bitch." The Horseman stabbed him into Oblivion's depths, he would deal with him later. "Ah, that's better," The Horseman said, sheathing his sword, "I hate being the bad guy." He said, walking over to Mr. Crane who was picking up the candy in the road for him and putting it in the pumpkin. "Thank you Mr. Crane, but it's by far ruined now, but thank you for helping." The Horseman said. Crane nodded, still shaking, "N-n-no problem." The Horseman laughed, "Ease up Crane," he said helping him up, "I got your back." Crane nodded, "Thanks I guess." The Horseman laughed again, "Stay safe now." He said getting back on his horse and rode down the street. Ichabod laughed, the type of laugh one gets when they can't believe something is happening to them and fainted.
"Hey, he's coming to!" Rat cried. "Pour water on him." Panchito said. Water. Ichabod opened his eyes and noticed that he was on the floor, Rat and Panchito were standing over him. They both smiled, "You alright Senor?" The rooster asked. He sat up and saw that the Horseman was sitting in the chair waving, "Hey, sorry, didn't mean to scare you like that." Ichabod screamed like a girl again, "Get, get away from me!" He said kicking and crawling backwards towards the wall. "Alright," The Horseman said, and his disappeared because he was a ghost and ghosts can do that. The next they heard sounded like crying. "Nobody likes me anyway!" It was the Horseman. Panchito looked at Crane, "Oh now look what you did, he was a nice fellow, apologize to him Senor." He said. Ichabod laughed, "Yeah right, he tried to kill me once you know, he's a crazy psychopath!" Panchito pulled out a pistol and looked at him, pleading. "Alright!" Ichabod said, "I'm sorry," he looked up at the ceiling, not really sure where the Horseman went. "You don't mean it!" The Horseman said, wherever he was, he was still crying like a baby. Ichabod sighed and stood up, "I'll try to do better about this, I promise, thanks for saving me back there, I do mean that," he said, "and," he sighed, can't believing he was doing this, "I'm sorry." The Horseman reappeared in the chair, a box of tissues in his hand and wadded up ones in the other. He was blowing his nose and wiping away the tears. "You mean that?" He said in between tears. Ichabod looked at him, "Of course I do, um, I'm sorry I'm not sure what to call you." The Horseman sniffled a bit, "Sergeant Reginald P. Winter," he said, "or just Horseman, I really don't care, just don't call me Headless Horseman if you please, I find it insulting and it makes me cry a little. I miss my head and still can't find it." Ichabod nodded, "Noted." He said, "What if we find it for you, your head I mean?" Panchito said. "You mean, you would help me find it?" The Horseman asked. "Of course! You're a Caballero now, I'll be happy to help you!" The rooster said enthusiastically pumping his chest a bit. "Thanks Mr., sorry I didn't catch your name?" The Horseman said. "Panchito." the rooster answered. The Horseman nodded and looked around the room. "You're sure you'll help me find it?" He said. "Of course sir," Rat said with a smile, "as my friend Toad would say, it'll be an adventure, excitement, the thrills of mischief!" He paused, "In other words," he said calming down, "I'll help you." Terry sighed and shrugged his shoulders, "Hell, it's not like I got a social life anyway, I'm in." Donald and Jose nodded, they were in this thing anyway, if Panchito was in it, they knew he would drag them along so they said in unison, "Well it's not like we haven't accomplished anything major in our lives anyway so, let's go."
So the group of friends and the Horseman with his horse, whose name was Baskerville, (who liked to be called Basks) walked down the street. "So," Terry said walking next to Basks, "where is this head of yours?" The Horseman shrugged his shoulders, "Well if I know where it was I wouldn't need help finding it now would I?" Terry rolled his eyes, "I meant where did you last have it?" He said. "Oh," the Horseman said, he stopped his horse and thought for a moment, "I believe it was on a hill somewhere, it was a battlefield, many fought and died, it was near here I suspect." He said, as he led the horse up the slow incline of the road. He stopped at the stop sign and looked around, "Yes I suspect that it used to be around here." He said. He extended his hand and summoned a series of shuffles out of thin air, he's a ghost, he can do that. "Here," he said, "everybody grab one and start digging!" He cried as he got off his horse and started excavating the road. "Isn't this illegal, tearing up a road without permits and all?" Terry asked. "Now is not the time for rules Mr. Dicks, you have an unfortunate last name," the Horseman said, "I can turn you into one of those if you don't shut up and start digging!" He said in a bellowing frightening voice that made everyone scared of him. The Horseman sighed, "Sorry, I just, miss my head is all." Terry nodded, "None taken," he said his voice a bit squeaky. Ichabod smiled, and Terry turned to him, "now I know how you feel." He said. Ichabod laughed and they started digging.
After about three hours or so, the sun was beginning to set and they had basically backed up traffic coming into this road. It was horrible. The news was there, the police, everybody who was anybody was at the corner of Victory and Barnes Street. Duke Wales was on the scene first as usual, "Excuse me sir," he said asking the Horseman, "but you're costume appears to be authentic. How did you manage to gather all the parts?" The Horseman stopped digging and answered, "They're all original, it's not a costume, as you so put it, they're my clothes, and I died in them thank you very much." Duke nodded, thinking this was all a publicity stunt of some kind, "And your horse?" He said. "Baskerville," The Horseman said, "he's an undead horse, but he's a good boy." He said, looking at his horse who was helping with the dig as best he could, because unlike Cyril, who was anamorphic horse, Baskerville was literally a normal horse, there was nothing Disney about him. The only one would could really understand him was Cyril for obvious reasons. "Right," Duke said, enjoying the moment, "you've obviously taken Robert Louis Stevenson's character well." He said. The Horseman was confused, "Who's he?" He asked. "Robert Louis Stevenson, he wrote," Duke laughed, "your book." He said. "Wrote my book?" The Horseman said, "I was never aware I was a literary character."
"Well," Duke said smiling and laughing, "you are!" He exploded into laugher. "You actually think you're the Headless Horseman!" He cried, "If you're the real deal," Duke said, "then kill don't you kill me with your pumpkin head." The Horseman held out his hand and in an instant, a large pumpkin appeared from a dark black mist. Duke stopped laughing and his face went from comical to fear in three seconds flat. "You were saying?" The Horseman said. "N-n-nothing sir." Duke said. "Right, now, leave us alone won't you? We're busy." Duke nodded, "What are you trying to find?" He asked. "My head." The Horseman answered. "Right," Duke said, "good luck with that." He said as he ran down the street along with everyone else.
"I found it!" Ichabod said, "Really?" The Horseman said, walking over to him. "I think so," Ichabod said, "Is it a large skull, faints of a mustache, and all that sort of thing?" The Horseman leaned over and examined the find. It was a skull, a large cranium, mustache remnants, everything was correct. "Let's see," the Horseman said and picked up the skull and placed it on his shoulders. "Yup, it's mine." He said turning his head side to side and moving his mouth in various shapes. He smiled, "Thank you all," he said, "now," he whistled, and Baskerville came over, the Horseman saddled up, "anything I can help you with?" He asked. Terry smiled, "Mind heckling someone out of my house." He said. The Horseman laughed, "Who is it?"
Tina was in the fridge still, she was freezing and probably developing hypothermia. "When I get out of here," she thought, "I'm going to kill them all." She kicked the door, but it was no use because for extra measure, Panchito tied the fridge shut. It wasn't pulled it or anything but it was still cold. She finally started shivering, "I'LL SEND YOU ALL TO KINGDOM COME IF YOU DON'T GET ME OUT OF HERE!" She screamed and began trying to knock the fridge over, because you know, that always works. Suddenly she heard the rope being untied. "Finally," she said. The fridge door opened, "I'm going to kill you-" she looked and saw the Horseman, who didn't have his head for the moment, it was on the table in the living room with the others. He stood there on Baskerville, and his massive size cast a shadow of death and mystery. "W-w-who are you?" The Horseman laughed despicably, "You foolish mortal!" He said, his skull saying the words in the other room with everyone else laughing quietly, "You dare tamper with me you wench!" The Horseman pulled Tina up, who was screaming, "Put me down right now!" She said. "Oh don't worry," The Horseman said, "you'll be on the ground soon!" He said and placing Tina on his horse, he galloped towards the wall and travelled through it, Tina just slammed into it. "Ow!" She said feeling her head, she walked into the living room and saw the Horseman again, near his skull. The Horseman turned around and put on his head, "Leave mortal, never return, and if you do I'll smite thee to Oblivion!" He said wielding his sword and swinging at her Tina ducked, screamed, and ran out of the house terrified out her mind.
When she was gone the room filled up with cheers, applause, and hurrahs. "Well done Senor!" Jose said. "Si, Bienvenido amigo a mi familia." Panchito exclaimed. He looked around the room, "You know, you guys are all I got." He said, with all seriousness. He looked at me, "You count in this too." The rooster said.
Aw, I'm loved! :)
The rooster smiled, "Si mi amigo! Now, let's divirtámonos!" He shouted and told everyone to come outside. Once they were standing on the lawn Panchito turned towards the rest of the cul-de-sac, "Let's do some tricking yes?" He said, his mischievous smile and evil little gears in his head turning. "What do are you suggesting?" Rat said. "Oh," the rooster said with a smile, "a little bit of recon!" He said running towards the garage and opening it, revealing a massive barricade. Remember all that stuff he bought? This is the result of that stuff. Panchito had turned the garage into the ultimate man cave/fort. The TV was in the corner, the baseball, bat, and chainsaw were all on a rack. Panchito walked over and put the red cape, it was part of his costume, as well as the hockey stick, and goalie mask. He was going as a hockey playing chainsaw wielding vampire matador. The beer was in a mini fridge that was plugged in near the TV. Socks, full of dirt that Panchito took from the digging, were on a small table. Ammo was in a safe that was near the wall leading to the house. Fishing pole and tackle were upstairs in Tina's bedroom that overlooked the cul-de-sac as well as the paintball gun and paintballs. The fan was rotating air around the room and it was plugged up near the table. Toothpaste, body wash, and shaving cream because he was out of it and needed some. The gift card to Lowe's was used to buy wood which was then used to fortify the place. The sixteen pillows were just for comfort, and the string and bowling ball was part of a booby trap that Panchito constructed. All of this in preparation for teenage trick-o-treaters. He did all of this when the Horseman was heckling Tina, a very short time span. But nonetheless it was done and Terry was impressed, "I'm keeping this up." He said. "Hell ya you will!" Panchito said, "Come on amigos, enjoy, relax, and prepare to dominate the night!" He said as the group of friends entered the garage, watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre and prepared for the barrage of teenagers that were sure to come, that is until something unexpected happened...
