Author's Note: This is in response to Penelope the Perky Penguin's song challenge. The challenge was to write a one-shot of 1000 words or less, focusing on one character and containing the entirety of a song. "Better Man" was written by Brian Bunn, Boone Daughdrill, Eric Miker, Josh Reedy, and Scotty recorded the song on their album, Satisfied. This one comes out to 646 words. Hope you enjoy! ~lg
oOo
I throw away my regrets.
I'm forgiven, but I can't forget.
Every day, I fall behind,
But I take up my cross,
Nobody's changing my mind!
The odd lyrics drowned out the sounds of sparring as Teyla stepped into the gym. She cocked her head to one side, surprised to see Ronon and Sheppard pounding the stuffings out of each other in time to a rock song. And not just any rock song. "Better Man" had always been one song other than someone named Johnny Cash that John Sheppard loved. She'd never taken the time to listen to the song, the heavy guitar grating on her Athosian sensibilities. Now, however, fascination with this odd sparring ritual caused her to listen to the words.
'Cause I'm no hero, and I wear no halo,
But I do the best, best I can.
I'm out on a wire, steppin' straight through the fire,
And it makes me who I am.
I'm a better man.
She clenched her teeth at the wailing guitar that followed the last line. But, somehow, she understood the draw to the music. Teyla knew both Ronon and Sheppard viewed themselves as somehow broken. With Ronon's history as a runner, he'd killed so many times that he often shied away from personal contact. He allowed his team to get close, but no one else really saw what lay under his mask.
And John kept his mask up at all times. Unlike most military men on Atlantis, John Sheppard intrigued Teyla. She'd been drawn to him since that first meeting, but she'd never understood him until this moment. He wanted to be a better man.
I've come this far,
Turn the page,
I don't ever have to be afraid.
The only way I will survive,
Is to take up my cross,
Nobody's changin' my mind.
The tempo of the sparring picked up again.
'Cause I'm no hero, and I wear no halo,
But I do the best, best I can.
I'm out on a wire, steppin' straight through the fire,
And it makes me who I am.
I'm a better man!
Disengaging from the fight, Sheppard and Ronon circled each other during a break in the music. Teyla watched, amused. Neither of them admitted the distraction of the song, but both men fought intensely when the music crescendo-ed. Now, however, Teyla thought about her realization.
Ronon had known love and lost it. He'd shared part of that past after his recent run-in with the Wraith that had originally made him a runner. Melena's death nearly destroyed him. For many years, he took that anger and bitterness out on the Wraith. By joining the Atlantis Expedition, he found redemption for himself, not to mention a legitimate reason to kill Wraith. Other than the fact that they were Wraith, of course.
Sheppard, however, surprised Teyla. She knew so little about his time on Earth save what he told her. When the topic turned to family, John said he had none outside of his team. When emotions came into play, he typically withdrew. But he willingly sacrificed himself time after time, taking insane risks to save lives. She couldn't begin to count the times she'd nearly grieved for him only to have him return to Atlantis, a little battered or bruised.
Both Ronon and Sheppard were atoning. Neither saw themselves as heroes. Neither wanted accolades or a spotlight. Both, however, wanted release from their pasts. As the final chorus of the song played, Teyla left them to finish their battle in private. As she walked, however, she hummed the chorus of the song she'd forever view as Sheppard's and Ronon's battle cry.
I'm no hero, and I wear no halo,
But I do the best, best I can.
I'm out on a wire, steppin' straight through the fire,
And it makes me who I am.
I'm a better man!
