Thank you for the reviews all, means alot! Sorry this took a while to update, dedications to every Chryedian out there!


The next day..

"Christian…Christian…Christian.." Roxy had tried, shouting his name the last time

"Alright babe?" Christian answered, folding his arms as if he had just heard her

"Oh, finally.." Roxy said, raising an eyebrow into the air

"Sorry" Christian said, in a voice similar to a child "im tired" he stated

"What time did you get off to sleep in the end?" Roxy asked, tossing him some cleaning materials to clean the bar

"I don't even know if I did sleep Rox" he chuckled in response.

It wasn't through lack of trying, he just seemed to sit and watch Syed, for what he thought were minutes. It turns out that according to the sky, it was hours, and it was always too bright to sleep whenever he had put his head back onto the pillow.

He would always sit with his head propped up on his hand, elbow digging into the mattress, watching his partners soft breaths, but tonight was different. He had a gash on his head, but being Syed, managed to wangle going home instead of to the hospital. Those puppy dog eyes defeated any normalities, any time.

Syed could pull that face and tell him to jump from a tall bridge, and he probably would.

"Christian, I know its stupid to say, but you've gotta stop worrying so much" Roxy said, standing back a little.

She knew Christian, and she also knew Christian when he was in a sensitive or grouchy mood. She was probably about to get her head bitten off

"Yes, why don't I take your advice and not worry, like I took Janes advice and didn't worry when he had symptoms of cancer but I ignored it because people told me not to worry.."

Christian started, rubbing the bar with extra vigour, he hadn't meant to snap like that, but he always stood by Roxy even when she was acting like a peroxide jerk, so why was she suddenly becoming all high mighty and honest with him?

"I don't mean it like that" Roxy started, with an eyeroll that Christan saw, and in response it made him sigh heavily.

Roxy began to regret speaking up, but she knew that she was the only one that could

"How do you mean it? Rox you have a chip on your shoulder, and I know you don't like Sy but that's just heartless" Christian scowled

"What?"

"Telling me not to worry about him!" Christian retorted, as if he was talking to a stupid five year old

"one, I do like Syed, and two, im not saying don't worry, im saying he wouldn't want you worrying to point where you cant sleep, Christian" Roxy firmly said, crossing her arms and standing her ground, and suddenly Christian got her point. He felt horrible. He was only this grouchy and touchy when he didn't have any sleep

"Right..sorry Rox..im really on edge" Christian sighed, feeling like a complete idiot for snapping like that at his best friend. Paired with his, he know also felt awkward and tired

"I know you are. And you know why? Your letting the worry consume you. Worry, but don't let it overshadow you and Syed.." Roxy said, muttering something else about taking her break, then giving Christian a small shove

"And I do not have a chip on my shoulder" she said, eyebrows raised again, and Christian softly laughed, and knew he was ok as Roxy returned the smile that he shot her..


"Syed, your not in for today!" Tanya said, upon seeing the dark haired man enter the salon, she sounded sort of panicked, as if he shouldn't be allowed outside the house after what had been revealed. She put her nail file down and rushed up to greet him

"How are y-" she had begun to say, but Syed was ahead of her, she was floundering around him already.. this was almost a illustration of why he didn't want everybody to know

"Oh please Tanya" Syed started, turning on the charm, deciding that he could sway her to at least have a cup of tea or something with him..he couldn't spend anymore time locked up in bed, even if his body wanted him too, it was overbearing, it was either hot or stupidly cold, and with Christian working to keep a roof over their heads, there was also a unpleasant lack of company too, apart from the TV and Internet that had never gripped Syed anyway.

Tanya let him continue

"Christians not in and the four walls of the flat are driving me crazy!" Syed said, sitting down before she told him to, and smiling sincerely

"Theres no customers but I suppose having a chat isn't against the law" Tanya replied with a small smile.. "tea?" she asked, and she grimaced slightly after looking at her phone

"Looks like you need something stronger" Syed quipped, and Tanya rolled her eyes a little and turned to him

"I cant say last night was the best of nights" she replied, looking at him with a small sigh, then she knew she needed to say something

"Sy, why didn't you say anything?" she asked.

She needed to know. She thought they had become pretty tight in the last few months, but he had been hiding this..

"The only people who knew were Christian and Roxy" Syed confided

"Roxy?" Tanya asked, contorting her face into one of confusion

"Not by choice..Christian needs someone to talk to" Syed gently replied

"Max and Greg didn't affect your head did they?" she asked, moving her eyes from gazing into Syed's. to looking at the mark on his head, visibly wincing as she saw it

"Its fine, a walk in the park..so whats going on with Max and Greg?" Syed asked, keen to change the subject from him. It was almost like he had seen a doorway, something to get out of talking about Cancer for five minutes

He liked talking with Tanya and talking about her life. It was refreshing to hear that sometimes, he wasn't the only person lost in translation, and that he wasn't the only person who didn't have all of the answers. They were just two friends with strong composures that broke down at the smallest thing

"I wish I knew..Greg knows.." Tanya cast her eyes down

"Did you want him to know?" Syed asked, watching her intently

"I don't know. Im always going to love Max but its dangerous, right?" Tanya started

"I mean Gregs so reliable and considerate, I know im it for him. but Max is the only person who I feel completes me, but am I that for him? and the girls.." Tanya fretted, and she felt a warm arm wrap around her shoulder

"Lauren and Abi are old enough to know about love..think about you" Syed calmly said, thinking of his own parents.

Was Zainab thinking of him, or Tamwar? Did Zainab ever think about him? That was a whole complication he hadn't thought about..his family. And now it was probable, that they were going to find out second hand, unless he got to them first. But the thought of admitting again, that he had a disease..

The thought alone killed him


Zainab Masood was a woman of strength, pride, and sometimes a air of wit about her. Walking into the Vic to meet her husband Masood, to talk over their problems was not her favourite choice of things to do, but it was something that needed to be done.

She had chosen the local pub because it was neutral. It wasn't their home where every memory would have her pining for him, and it wasn't his B & B so she would sympathise with his situation. It was completely normal in the pub, no sides, no underlying feelings ready to burst, just her him, two orange juices, no Tamwar, Afia or Yusef, and hopefully a rational conversation.

"Two orange juices please" she said to Roxy, trying to be polite. Trying. She didn't liked Roxy. She probably never would.

She was everything Zainab disliked in a woman. Tacky, promiscuous, a Mitchell.

"Spoken to Syed lately?" Roxy asked, in a oddly sincere voice. Zainab of course, took it as Roxy trying to be somewhat funny

"After what he did. Ha!" Zainab replied, in a deadpan voice, handing over Roxys money almost immediately, wanting to discontinue this conversation with immediate affect

"You really are something else?" Roxy snarled, stomping off to get her order with a look of disbelief on her face

"Excuse me?" Zainab spat, watching Roxy practically slam the two glasses ofOrangejuice onto the bar

"Whats going on peroxide?" Alfie asked, frowning at the massive bang that had erupted round the pub. Roxy ignored him and faced Zainab

"Your still not talking to him, after everything hes gone through..you look down your nose at us, but at least we understand the value of family.." Roxy said, eyes narrowed

"Come on Rox, not here" Alfie said quietly, he did agree, but he didn't want the situation being blown up in the pub, for two nights in a row. Syed and Christian were not even here, it didn't seem right at all

"I think I lost you" Zainab said in another monotone, looking as though she didn't care. Which she didn't really, Roxy's opinion counted for beyond nothing in her books

"Your son has a cancerous brain tumoru and your more interested in the fact that hes gay, and your more interested in the fact that you want to hold that against him. you disgust me" Roxy said, rolling her eyes and walking away, sprinkling Zainabs change on the counter

"Sorry about that darling" Alfie started scooping up the change, watching the woman in front of him falter with her expression. He didn't want to be around her any more then Roxy but she was a punter. And with her odd little quirks and Masala Queen, he had separated her from Syed and Christian in his head already.

"What did she just say?" Zainab snapped

"Who?" Alfie asked, feigning ignorance and watching the womans eyes pop open with frustration

"Roxy! About Syed" she said, slowly as if she needed him to understand

"About him having cancer.." Alfie muttered awkwardly, and the look on Zainabs face taught him everything.

She didn't know..

Syed walked through the square and tried not to chuckle at everyones expressions. On the way to the salon, he was just overly annoyed by everyones stares, but the way people were looking at him like he was going to keel over was starting to amuse him. either that or his mood had dramatically changed again.

Being the one with the actual disease made it a little less scary. As Syed had done with so many things in the past, he had sort of shut it off and focused on peoples reactions.

He had cancer, that's all he described.

Growth on the brain, tumour, blah blah blah, all through one ear and out the other, he was denying it for now. He didn't want to walk around believing that he was going to die until he was told. The symptoms had calmed down a little, and frankly he felt the best he had in days. He knew that was all going to be turned upside down at one point.

He focused his attentions on Christian, his reactions, his worries. He tried not to be plagued by his own.

Usually he would spend his nightime worrying away, but he was usually asleep by 9pm

He was still thinking of things as "an illness"

He treated it like some tropical disease.

But it was cancer..and it didn't wait for instructions, or acceptance..


"Sy!" a breathless Christian said, running after him and panting a little

"What happened to you?" an amused Syed asked, stopping in the road

"Was chasing after you for about 10 minutes, I was shouting your name" Christian moaned slightly, with a pout

"Oh..sorry" Syed innocently said with a grin, and his smile stretched when he felt Christians arm wrap around his waist, although he didn't return the gesture. He didn't know what was wrong with him, he just felt odd..snappy.

"How are you?" Christian asked, as if a bomb was about to go off, he could feel Syed's tense mood from the way that he was stiff in his arms

Syed level of frustration rose

Was that all he was going to hear now? No casual jokes, no fun, just "oh how are you" from everyone? From Christian? He might aswell bring the hoover next time to zap all of the fun out of conversations himself, it would be easier.

He appreciated people worrying about him, but the constant "you must be devastated" "how are you coping" "how are you" was getting incredibly tedious.

He wanted something else to focus on, not constant reminders of what was wrong with him. he might aswell have "new Cancer patient" stamped on his forehead

"Fine" Syed said, staring off into the distance

"I went by the surgery and picked you up some leaflets" Christian said, dragging Syed to a bench, where he just stared

"Leaflets?" Syed asked, confused, looking at the assortment of colours displayed in front of him

"Yeah, for people going through what you are.." Christian zoned off. He had finished work at the vic two hours before, and thought it would be a good idea. He was reading them aswell, it turned out of be kind of relieving. Scary aswell, but relieving

"People going through what I am..im not some sort of stray animal!" Syed said, his voice full of annoyance

"Im not saying you are babe, im just saying maybe if you learn more we can talk to the doctor more" Christian said, placing a hand on Syeds, who didn't take it. Christian looked down at the leaflets, suddenly doubting himself. He could be right, if he knew more, surely there could be more discussion with the doctor, then they could both understand what was going on more, and maybe then this would make them both feel more at ease

"I don't care what the doctors say I just want them to cure it and then its gone" Syed irritably said, feeling hidden by the rage that was consuming him

"Its not that easy" Christian whispered

"I know, its all I hear, cancer this, cancer that, I don't want to talk about it!" Syed snapped

"Im only trying to help, im sorry if im a bit overbearing.."

Christian sighed, starting to feel bad, but his thoughts were stopped by seeing Syed rise away from the bench, aiming a neat kick at a tree next to him in some sort of abnormal frustration, and muttering something darkly like "I need a walk in space away from my brain tumour..oh wait" in a sarcastic tone, and stomping off.

Normally Christian would follow, but he knew Syed just needed to let off some steam.

Maybe he was smothering him, but it was from a place of love..and now he had started to overanalyse things. and Syed was walking off into the dark..he opened his mouth to shout after him

"Sy.." he tried, and Syed whipped around a little, no fault in his expression.

"Don't wait up" he said darkly, the angry side of him completely taking over. Syed didn't know what it was that set him off..it was almost as if he was convincing himself that people were talking to him to be a pity party. He wanted Christian, his gorgeous partner to joke with him, gossip with him. It was lovely being cuddled and being told everything was ok, but its all he heard lately, from everyone. He wanted Christian to be different. Even drunk Christian would be a damn sight more fun then the morose Christian who seemed afraid to crack a joke incase Syed dropped dead from laughing..he wanted to understand

Understand? Understand? a voice sounded inside his head..of course he understood! He understood Christians point of view completely..or did he? His head felt like a big black cloud of doom had taken over, and suddenly he was engulfed in it, negativity and anger coursing through his veins.

He felt different, odd. Sort of gleeful in a horrible way. He walked quickly, up and down dark alleys, not even bothering to put a hood up when it started to rain. He felt free, free, annoyed, and lonely..


Christian looked down at the leaflet he had picked up for himself, while he had been at the surgery. If anything he had been looking for peace of mind for both of them, stemmed by Roxy's advice. This was probably why he had ended up looking at a powder blue leaflet named "friends of brain tumour patients"

The third bullet point on the "symptoms" sector said:

"The tumour doesn't only affect the patient medically; it also has an effect on the mental state of the patient. Expect some abnormal, out of character displays, and don't take them personally. If a normally placid person is lashing out, they probably don't even know it"

Christian emphasised the bullet point in his head sadly. "Don't take it personally" seemed miles away right now, just like Syed's mind..