11- Trouble's Brewing (The Coffee Maker)


"Oh, is it my turn to speak?" A heavily French-accented voice said. "Monsieur Cafetiere at your service." A coffee pot with forks for arms dove out of a cabinet. He tried to reach behind him and get the cable from around his handle. "Someone, help." He swung around still trying to get untangled.

Fantine walked over and undid the cable with her teeth.

"Oh, merci, Mademoiselle!" Monsieur Cafetiere, Cafe for short, beamed. "Now this tale is one of... well... coffee. And one unfortunate soul."


Cafe's Mistress was French. And she loved coffee.

He sat on her kitchen counter, anxiously awaiting morning.

She would sit in the living room, eating a croissant and drinking her coffee. The TV would be on a black-and-white movie channel.


"The life of a Coffee Maker is boring, but I was such a fool when I wished for excitement."


Cafe sat at home while Mistress went off to run errands. Someone broke a window and sneaked in. A burglar.

Cafe remained still as the intruder made his way into the kitchen. He looked around.

He'd leave some time. No one hides valuables in the kitchen.

This burglar was not the brightest one.

He picked up Cafe and shoved him into a bag. He also took a few more trinkets.

The bag jostled as his abductor dove out of the hole in the window. He loosened the bag a bit, enough to see Mistress return home.

"So, Dave, whaddya got?" Another criminal asked.

Dave dumped the contents of the bag onto the seat of the getaway car.

Dave's partner looked irritated. "I sent ya in to get Ms. Belrose's sapphire earrings, not her coffee maker."

Dave backed away. "Uh, sorry, Gus. I... uh..."

"Really need glasses." Dave just packed the loot into the bag. He threw the bag in the passenger seat. "Now should we dump this?"

"Might as well," Dave replied. The two crooks drove off. The car stopped at a swamp. Dave got out of the car and hurled the bag in. Cafe scrambled out of the bag, only to take in a bunch of mud.


"I was stolen by some thief with bad eyesight. No sane person would think to hide jewelry in an electric coffee pot. Then disposed of in the swamp."


Cafe woke up in some kind of sink. Two forks had been grafted onto his body. He wriggled one, then the other.

"What a great addition! I have arms!"

"Well, someone's having a good time," a lamp without a shade sneered. "Do you like being..."

"Shush!" a female voice hissed. "Not in front of the new guy."

Cafe climbed out of the sink. "Oh, Bonjour. How are we today?"

"Horrible!" The lamp without a shade replied. "Do you even know where you are?"

"No," Cafe replied.

The lamp face-plugged. "You're in a parts shop. You're going to get dismantled." He paused, narrowing his eyes. "Looks like you were already altered."