"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome. Tonight we will be starting the bidding for the first date. Please step up Ms. Lynn," said the auctioneer pompously.
Clark was surprised. Usually auctions back in Smallville were less fancy and often faster paced. The auctioneer however was taken his sweet time.
"Smallville I got a question for you," asked Lois interrupting his thoughts.
Clark looked at her raising an eyebrow.
"How much do you think I would make if I sold myself?"
"Like a prostitute?" Clark joked.
"The farm boy has some humor after all!" She laughed and punched him the arm. She did not really punch that hard like she usually did, probably because she was a bit intoxicated. She was right; she would drink too much here.
For a while the two sat quietly throughout the whole auction not keeping any real conversation except for an occasional drunken snide remark or outburst from Lois. Thank God they were in the back so no one would notice.
"I wunda whooz lasp?" slurred Lois.
"What was that?" said Clark while he slowly took Lois's glass away from her unnoticed. She had plenty tonight.
"I said who's gonna be last? They always save the last date for usually the most expensive or famous one at these kind of events."
"I do not know, probably Bruce Wayne," he said sarcastically.
"Hey I know sarcasm when I see it Superman!" she said loudly.
Unfortunately Clark was not aware of her little slip because he had decided to use his x-ray vision to look behind the stage. Not for any perverted ways of course. He was the boy scout still. He just wanted to see who was last in line. When he saw a woman in red he yelped in shock right when Lois accidently called him Superman.
"What she doing here?"
"Who Vikki? I don't know she is a real bitch I tell you!"
"Never mind you will see soon" groaned Clark.
"Come on. Come on!" Bruce yelled in frustration as he tried to get thru traffic. His phone was ringing again.
Swearing under his breath while simultaneously honking the horn he pulled out his cell and opened it.
"What?" he said very annoyed and exasperated.
"Mr. Wayne! It's Patti! Where are you? The auction is almost over! I told Mr. Hastings you would be here."
"Alright look, I am running a little late. Just bid on the last item and make it large and generous. If someone tries to outbid you just outbid them!"
"But I do not have that kind of money…"
"God dammit Patti, you bid for me!"
"O okay but don't you want to know who?"
"Don't care!" Bruce shouted as he hung up.
He really felt like an ass for how he treated Patti on his phone. She was a really nice person and did not deserve that.
Mr. Hastings deserved a large donation from him, especially after he missed the entire auction. That is why he told Patti to buy the last item for a generous price. It would probably be some celebrity. He dated so many it would be nothing new.
He finally saw an opening on an exit and floored it. This shortcut of his went right by the Iceberg Lounge and the museum. Unfortunately he forgot to account for that there were police cars still on stakeout as he sped by, way pass the speed limit.
He groaned inwardly when he saw the sirens flash on him as he turned around the corner. This was exactly what he did not need. Driving as far as he was allowed, he finally stopped about a block away from the auction. God could be ironic like that.
Patti went to the auctioneer who was talking to Mr. Hastings.
Mr. Hastings was giving the auctioneer for some instructions,
"Now make sure to be really respectful for these ladies. They are gracious and polite enough to come out here to be our grand prize, I think it would be wise to start at a high bid…O Patti where is Mr. Wayne? We are about to get the final prize."
"He is on his way sir. I will be bidding for him on his behalf until he gets here."
"So Mr. Wayne wants the grand prize, that is so much like Bruce."
Bob walked away chuckling leaving Patti nervous. She never actually bid on an auction before so she was not sure what to do. Usually she did not attend these charity events.
"Nervous my dear?" said the auctioneer privately.
"I just do not know how to bid really. I have not been paying attention because of my boss…"
The auctioneer smiled. "Just raise your hand and say the amount. Do not worry. It will not get out of control with people yelling at each other like some redneck county fair."
Patti chuckled nervously and went back with the audience as the auctioneer began to clear his throat.
"Ladies and gentlemen. We now have a special surprise gift. We here at the Heartridge Foundation have saved the best for last. And by best, I mean three best. With us today are three of the Justice League's most beautiful ladies. May I first introduce, Zatanna Zatara, Mistress of Magic."
Zatanna stepped out grinning at the crowd which was given her a polite, but nonetheless thunderous applause. She was a local heroine after all since she lived in Gotham and was actually known to perform her show at high class functions. She was even named one of Gotham's most eligible bachelorettes.
"And soaring down the skies with her angelic wings, may I welcome the very lovely Shayera Hol!"
If Zatanna's entrance was graceful, Shayera's was anything but. She had lost her balance and almost tripped and face planted to the floor. Luckily the auctioneer caught her arm just in time. Also unlike Zatanna, Shayera's applause was not excited but lukewarm at best. She could even hear a few people muttering behind their breaths. Maybe it was a mistake to come here, at least without her mace.
"And lastly, ladies and gentlemen we are graced by the presence of royalty today. May we all take a bow to Diana, Princess of Thermyscara!"
If Zatanna's applause was great, Diana's was a hurricane. Diana was surprised that so many upper class people would get so excited to see her. She almost blushed by all the support she was receiving, but she was royalty, she was used to this. She, with the poise only a princess could muster, smiled and wave and made to stand next to Shayera and Zatanna.
"Well Mr. Wayne what brings you out here this evening?" the patrol cop mocked as he shone a light in his face.
To any man hung over the light would have made the person sensitive and dizzy. It took Bruce all the amount of self-control he could muster to not flinch. Thank God he got the alcohol stank away from him earlier.
"Look officer, I do not mean to be rude, but I am kind of late to this auction right now."
"O I see, you think because you donate to a charity you can get off scot free?"
"No officer, look I am really late and I promised the foundation manager I would…"
"I clocked you at going 95 bub; there is no way I am letting you off. And since you have been soo polite to me I am going take my sweet ass time in writing this up."
Bruce groaned inwardly, he did not need to deal with this now, not with this idiot. His life was really falling apart. He cannot even make it to one auction without causing trouble. The idea of killing off Bruce Wayne and becoming Batman all the time was becoming more likeable by the minute. However neither billionaire nor cop was aware of two shadowy figures standing on the rooftop a few blocks away staring at the museum that was short one police car.
"Look they are short on security. It is time to strike now Pierre!" said one man as he got a grappling hook.
"It is still swarming with plenty of men. We will need to be quick or else incur the wrath of the master!"
"Alright we will start the bidding at 250,000. Do I hear a 250?"
Shayera smirked and nudged Diana. "We are close and it's only the opening bid."
By now the bid had raised pass 300. Several men were raising their hands along with a scared looking woman. Diana was not sure but she could have sworn she saw Zatanna eyeing and mouthing something to the woman who was bidding. Oh well, she was actually feeling a little of pride of how much the three of them were raising by just standing there.
By the time it got to 500, there were only a few left, the woman, and two men.
"Do I hear a 525?" said the auctioneer. "525 anyone?"
"550!" said an arrogant old man smugly.
"Damn it Powers, you win!" said the defeated other man. That left only the woman and Mr. Powers.
"Going 550 once,"
"600!" squeaked a nervous voice causing everyone to stare at the nervous woman.
God this was exciting and scary at the same time. She was not only worried on how her boss would react but how Zatanna would, who seemed to be staring daggers. She guessed Zatanna wanted to make Bruce jealous, not actually be bought by Bruce.
"600? Can I get a… 650?"
"700!" blurted Powers looking down Patti like a lion does before its prey.
"850!" said Patti impulsively.
"Shit is definitely going to hit the fan tonight," swore the boy scout under his breath. He normally did not swear, but who could not in the train wreck that was unfolding.
"Hahaha, you said shit!" said Lois a little too loudly causing a few stares at them.
"Just what I need. All I need is Darkseid, Brainiac, and Luthor to all come back right now. I would even take Doomsday at the moment," he thought to himself darkly.
Shayera was looking smug with herself. She was hoping the creepy man would win. Not that she would ever let that creep touch her, but it would make John more jealous and protective of her. Oh she could be manipulative when she wanted to.
Diana smiled at her friend's smug look. It was good Shayera seemed to be enjoying herself. She was a little worried the money was going too much, but it was for charity. She remained oblivious to a sweating Zatanna on the other side of Shayera.
Zatanna was fuming with anger and frustration. There was no way Patti had that kind of money, which could mean only one thing: Bruce told her to buy the last item no matter what the bid without even looking into it. This plan was spiraling out of control. She was trying to end the drama and now she was throwing the match in the dynamite factory.
"Going 1.25 million once…."
Bruce frustratingly bang his head on the steering wheel dramatically. This cop was being a royal ass. He wish Gordon was still in charge, he would not let crap like this fly.
As if some god finally heard his cries, the cop's radio buzzed. Whatever it was it seemed urgent enough for the cop to look annoyed.
"You got lucky Mr. Wayne. Unlike you I am busy protecting this city. Next time I will not be so easy," and with reluctance the officer went into his car and sped off.
"Have a good night officer," Bruce muttered sarcastically before speeding away. Normally he would be interested to see what the police disturbance was, but he was not Batman right now. He was Bruce Wayne a man of his word, who was very much late.
"Almost there," he said as he looked desperately for a valet.
"1.5 million!"
This was the most fun Patti was ever having. The look on that arrogant Powers's face was priceless. Obviously he was not expecting a little secretary to outbid him.
"Looks like somebody's not getting what he wants!" Lois cackled gleefully while Clark tried to restrain her. She was still mad about Powers hitting on her and was taking in great delight of seeing him being angry at someone beating him.
Zatanna sat cursing to herself; this was definitely getting out of control. Thank God Bruce was not here, this would make it more awkward than it already was.
"1.6 million!"
The room went quiet. Everyone looking at Patti expecting her to make the next move. Patti swallowed hard and decided to go big to get Powers off his feet.
"2 million!"
There was a lot of gasps from the crowd and an "oh shit!" from a drunken Lois. Zatanna was really groaning on the inside. Shayera was shocked. Clark was distracted by Lois. Powers was fuming. Only Diana seemed oblivious, she was happy that they were raising so much money.
"Going two million once…"
Powers stormed off angrily with his arrogant son Derek following him. That meant it was all over.
"Going two million twice…"
The whole crowd started clapping at Patti. Zatanna sighed. At least it was over for now. She knew Bruce would give her hell about this but at least he was not here. When she looked at a man coming in the door she realized she spoke too soon.
"Sold. These three lovely ladies will be going on a date with the one and only Mr. Wayne who has just arrived folks!" The auctioneer said smugly as a spotlight shone on a confused Bruce, blinding him momentarily.
At the mention of his name, the room went silent for the umpteenth time tonight. This time accompanied by a lot of whispers and murmurs and gasps of shock.
Clark had just realized what had happened; looking at Bruce with a look that definitely did say "Oh Shit!" which Lois was happily able to say again tonight.
Bruce finally adjusted his eyes to see who was on the stage. What he saw caused him to even be caught off guard.
On the stage stood Zatanna looking shocked and guilty; next to her stood a just as shocked Shayera; but what struck out him the most was the angry Amazon next to her staring daggers back at him.
