Chapter 11: How similar was that John Sheppard to you?
The day dragged as we did what we could to find the Daedalus. Essentially that amounted to not much at all, aside from being able to quickly identify the same energy signature if it reappeared. We didn't know where John and his team were but we had no choice but to count on them to get themselves home.
"Why don't you take a break," Evan suggested, speaking quietly. "Get something to eat."
"Not yet," I replied, giving him a quick glance before I returned my eyes to the display. We had the sector of space the Daedalus had disappeared from on continuous scanners and I couldn't look away. I was too tense, waiting for them to appear with so much expectation and fear. I believed they would come back but at the same time I was so scared they wouldn't.
"It's been three hours and you've hardly moved," Evan said more forcefully. He put a hand to my shoulder and leaned down a little so he could speak close to my ear. "Don't make me have to order you."
"You've been here the same amount of time," I intended to look at him for a moment but he was so close. His eyes, those too pretty for a man blue orbs, were locked on mine and I felt like he was looking right into the heart of me. His concern was so clear my eyes instantly filled with tears. "Don't," I pleaded, deploring even a hint of sympathy. "Just let me sit here, please."
Evan sighed but I knew he'd cave. "Don't cry," he ordered, eying me almost warily now. He'd deal with it if I did burst into tears but his tough guy image would be ruined forever if he had to comfort me in the middle of the control room. "I'll let you stay for another hour but if there's no change by then you clock off, and that will be an order. The Colonel will kick my ass if I don't make you look after yourself."
"Deal," I sniffed, wiping quickly at my eyes and giving him as much of a smile as I could manage, heartened by his instinctive belief that John would be back to berate him. "Thanks."
He nodded, straightening again and moving away. I turned and saw Radek watching me in concern. "I'm okay," I said, "well, not okay but I'm not gonna blubber all over the console or anything."
"It is difficult to wait for news, no," Radek made it clear he didn't see a problem in any reaction I might reveal.
"I guess you'd have that a lot, being Rodney's back up," I joked.
"Yes, this is true," Radek agreed. "It is always stand back and let me fix it with him, until he has trouble and then expects an immediate solution."
"That does sound like Rodney McKay." I was one of the physicists biggest supporters but there was no getting around the less attractive aspects of what made Rodney who he was. "He must have been absent the day they handed out patience."
"And humility," Radek added.
"Modesty as well," I replied.
We could have gone on and probably would have if the monitoring program Radek set up didn't start beeping.
"Major, we're picking up another energy signature," Radek reported.
"Any sign of the Daedalus?" Evan came over to us and glanced down at Doctor Zelenka's screen.
"Not yet," Radek squinted, leaning forward abruptly. "Wait, there is something – another contact."
"Is it the Daedalus?" Lorne asked.
"They are too far out for us to get I.F.F.," Zelenka replied, turning to see what Evan wanted to do next.
"Try sub-space."
Radek nodded, hitting a few keys and then nodding that it was ready to go.
"Colonel Sheppard, do you read?" Lorne had his hands on his hips again as he waited for an answer. "Colonel Sheppard, this is Major Lorne. Do you read?" He tried again.
When the silence persisted he turned to Chuck. "Was there a hyperspace window?"
"No, sir," Chuck advised. "They just appeared out of nowhere."
It was John. It had to be. We didn't have them back yet but I could already feel relief weakening the tense posture I'd been holding for hours.
"It's gotta be them," Evan echoed my thoughts. "Alert Mr Woolsey.' He looked at Radek. "Doc, you're with me. Let's go. Come on."
"Wait," I jumped up, almost bouncing on my toes as I looked at Evan pleadingly.
He pursed his lips, eyeing me assessingly before nodding. "Okay, but you stay in the Jumper, no matter what happens, okay."
"Okay," I hurried to keep up with him as he strode to the bay and quickly powered up the Jumper. Radek sat beside him, already bringing up the scanners in preparation for when we were far enough out in space to use them. I dropped in the chair behind Evan, leaning forward so that I could look through the front view screen unimpeded.
"All right, we should be within radio range," Doctor Zelenka announced after a few minutes.
"Colonel Sheppard, come in. Doctor McKay, this is Major Lorne, do you read?"
"There's too much interference," Radek said when all we got back was static. "I'm picking up the same kind of energy reading, but much stronger now. It's spiking."
We were heading right for the source of that energy spike so we all saw it. The Daedalus clearly outlined for a moment as it was engulfed by bright white light. When the light dissipated the ship was gone.
"No," I whispered, my eyes locked on empty space.
"What the hell just happened?" Evan demanded.
"They disappeared, much quicker than the first time."
"Do we have anything?" Lorne frowned, looking out into the blackness just like I was.
Inside my head I was repeating one word over and over again. Please. Please don't let that have been our one chance to rescue John and his team. Please don't take him away from me. Please.
Doctor Zelenka's console beeping was loud in the sudden silence inside the Jumper. "Oh, wait a minute. I'm picking up four life signs."
"Where?" I demanded before Evan could speak.
"Dead ahead," Radek gestured and we all squinted to see clearly through the front window. As the Jumper closed the distance four tiny shapes slowly became visible. Four people in space suits, floating freely.
"Colonel Sheppard, is that you?" Evan asked uncertainly.
"Major, nice of you to stop by." A huge smile broke over my face as I heard John's voice. "Kind of hard to get a cab in this neighbourhood," he joked.
"Picking up a fare isn't all that easy either," I quipped.
"Sabina?" John sounded surprised.
"This isn't a rescue," I said quickly.
"Even though it looks very much like exactly that," Evan commented under his breath.
"Okay, it is a rescue, but not a guns blazing, danger all around, take big risks rescue," I expanded. "It's just a nice little ride in a Puddle Jumper I had no intention of leaving."
"It's okay," John excused. "Just bring her closer Major and open the back hatch. We'll do the rest."
"Yes Sir," Lorne nodded for Radek to seal up the front section before he depressurised the back and hit the hatch release.
"Is Torren all right?" Teyla asked, still on radio.
"It's only been a few hours," Evan reminded her. "He's fine, although I did hear he wasn't too happy having Mr Woolsey be his escort back to the Mess Hall."
"I have never seen someone so stiff around a baby," Teyla replied.
"See McKay, you're not the worse babysitter in Atlantis," John joked.
"It was one little drop!" Rodney protested. "I was dropped like a dozen times when I was a kid."
"That explains it," Evan muttered to Radek and I.
"Okay Major, you can repressurise," John advised. "We're all aboard."
"Repressurising, yes Sir," Lorne gave the command and a few moments later the door between sections opened to reveal John and the others.
John had taken off the space suit helmet and his hair was even scruffier than usual ... and he was the best thing I'd see since he'd left that morning.
"Honey, I'm home," he joked, smiling at me.
That was the signal I'd been subconsciously waiting for. I was up and in his arms instantly, both of us holding on even tighter than usual.
"That was too close," I murmured just to him.
"You have no idea," he nuzzled his head into my neck, breathing me in before he reluctantly let me go. "Let's get this taxi back to Atlantis," he told Evan.
"Yes Sir," Lorne reengaged the drive controls and took the ship on a wide loop back towards the city.
Later, after the medical check in and the debriefing with Mr Woolsey, I was finally able to get some time with John alone.
"I was scared," I said as soon as we inside our quarters.
"So was I," John admitted freely.
"I'm glad I didn't know what was really happening for you," I moved to the bed and sat down, suddenly tired. "I can't believe you found an alternate team up there. It's just so sad."
"It is," John sat down beside me, resting a hand over mine. "Listen, while I was up there I found the messages the other me left behind."
"Messages?" he hadn't mentioned them when he'd been telling Woolsey what happened.
"Last words," John said intently.
"Oh," I looked away, my fingers subconsciously tracing patterns over his hands. "Did you listen to them?"
"Yeah, I had to, to make sure there weren't any clues that could have helped us," he admitted. "I made a copy because who knows, one day we might be able to deliver them."
"That would be something," I met his eyes. "How similar was that John Sheppard to you?"
"Very. He had a Sabina waiting for him back on Atlantis, and a son as well."
"Another reality where that storage closet got put to good use," I tried to joke but it fell flat. "Are you telling me this because you want me to listen to the messages?"
"No," John denied. "In fact, I don't think you should listen to them. As much as there were similarities, he wasn't me and she isn't you. Don't get me wrong, I feel for her and for that boy who's gonna grow up without his father, but they aren't us."
"We can't influence what goes on in all the other possible realities," I concluded. "In the end all we can do is focus on the one that's ours."
"Exactly," John put his arm around me, gathering me close. "I don't know what kind of message I'd leave for you, if I got to the point where I believed I wasn't gonna make it home."
"Don't talk like that!" I shifted to glare up at him.
"Quiet, I'm trying to make a point here," he shot back. "Just … listen."
I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"Right, well as I was saying," he began, "when I listened to that John's personal message it struck me that there are things I still haven't said to you. Important stuff that shouldn't wait for a 'last words' situation." He touched his hand to my cheek, his expression softening as he continued to regard me. I felt the tears well up as the silent regard continued. He loved me, I knew that, and sometimes, most often when we were engaged in intimacy, I could see it reflected in his eyes. This was different … this was more. It was like he'd opened a door to his soul and let me look inside. I could see his love just like I'd always been able to feel it tingling over my skin when we touched. It was beautiful, this strong man of strong convictions and equally strong emotions.
"John," I whispered achingly.
"I'm better because I have you," he said simply. "I can't even imagine how different I'd be now if I didn't."
"You'll never have to find out, because I am never leaving you. I'm so much better because I have you too," I returned.
"Lucky for us we found each other then, isn't it?" he lightened the mood with an easier tone.
"It certainly is," I agreed, tucking myself close into his side again.
