Give All My Secrets Away

Black-Angel-001: i know this is slow going, but please be patient and bear with me!

Give All My Secrets Away

"I'm just a step away, I'm just a breath away, loosing my faith today (falling off the edge today) I am just a man, not superhuman (I'm not superhuman), someone save me from the haze...just another family torn...just a step from the edge." -Skillet, 'Hero'

Chris wasn't talking to them. Any time Roy or Karen tried to bring it up, Chris would brush them off with a 'I'm fine, quite worrying' or 'It's no big deal.' The teen was starting to get annoyed with the questions and lashed out angrily, snapping and biting their heads off. The thing was, his parents could see that he wasn't fine, that something about the whole thing was getting to him. They could guess at what it was but there was no way to know for sure unless Chris told them. Hence, the problem.

Dr. Brackett had halted all further tests until Chris came clean about what was bothering him and the doctors in Palo Alto agreed. When Pete had found out, he'd called pitching a fit, yelling and shouting until Roy had hung up on him. It sent Chris further into stoney silence, making him even more unapprochable. Brackett talked about a therapist but when Chris blew up in his office, shouting loud enough to be heard outside, he hadn't brought it up again. To Roy and Karen, however, he did say that if Chris didn't talk to someone, wether he was an eligable match or not he would not be allowed to undergo the procedure.

That conversation had brought them to their current situation. In a last ditch effort to get Chris to open up, Roy and Karen had told him what Brackett had said. Instead of the effect they were hoping, Chris' expression became stoney and angry and he got up and left without saying much of anything. They'd figured he'd gone to sit outside to cool off, but when they checked he wasn't there. Then they figured he'd gone for a walk around the neighborhood, but a subsequent search by Roy proved that to be untrue as well. All they could do was sit and wait, see if Chris came back before they brought the police in.

Chris had wandered around the block for a while, not really seeing where it was he was going. All he knew was that he needed out of that house, away from all the concerned glances and constant questions. Eventually he started walking down the streets of LA, nearly a block from his destination before he realized where he was heading. Johnny's apartment building was in view and Chris had a good idea why he'd ended up there. When dad and Uncle Johnny had started working together, he just kind of inserted himself in their lives and never really left. When mom had died, he became a much more intergrated part of their little family, truely becoming the uncle they'd called him. Those months without him, both when he was taking drugs and in rehab, had been hard. They'd never really gotten used to not having him around, even caught themselves talking about what they were going to tell Uncle Johnny next time they saw him. It was better now, had been for a couple of years. Even when Chris and his dad had been at each others throats, Johnny had been a constant for both of them, a willing ear, a sounding board, a shoulder to lean on, a distracting presence. The entire DeSoto family relied on him for so many things.

Chris needed him now, wether he was willing to admit it or not. He just wanted someone to not ask if he was okay, how he was doing, what he was thinking, or feeling. He wanted someone to just be there, to be able to wait for him to be ready to talk if and when he wanted to. He knocked on Johnny's door and waited.

It took a few minutes, and when the door opened Johnny was standing in jeans with his now short hair plastered wetly to his head. Chris found himself embarressed suddenly; he should've called. Johnny could've been busy, maybe had to go to work. But before he could make exscuses and apologies and leave, Johnny had him inside and on the couch, pressing a glass of water to his hand. He left for a few minutes, came back with a shirt on and his hair now mused from what Chris assumed was a towel. Johnny sat in the armchair across from the couch and waited, patiently, not judging and not saying much of anything.

Chris drained the water, suddenly aware of how thirsty he was. Johnny got him more, admonishing him to drink it slowly this time.

"Can I call your dad and let him know you're here? They'll be worried."

He may have wanted space, but Chris didn't want his parents to worry needlessly. He nodded his agreement, leaned back and closed his eyes, letting the one side of the conversation he could hear wash over him. It didn't last long, a few reassurances, a few promises, maybe a joke, and then the click of the phone being put back in the cradle. He cracked open an eye to warily watch Johnny, waiting for the inevitable, "Are you okay?"

Instead, Johnny nodded back to the glass. "You should finish the rest of that. You're a bit dehydrated and need to replenish your fluid volume."

The quiet concern of a different sort made something crack in Chris' chest. He felt his face flush warm, his ears start to ring. There was a tingling feeling spreading throughout his body. He slammed the glass down on the coffee table and stood in a rush, face contorting in what felt like anger but didn't quite feel right; why was he angry at Uncle Johnny?

The thought made him pause, mouth open, breath panting in heavily. Johnny watched him quietly, waiting to see what Chris would do. After a moment, Chris sat heavily in his seat again, hands hanging between his knees and head hanging.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"I know," came the response. He waited again.

The sigh Chris heaved was large and full, staying in his lungs for all of three seconds before being slowly exhaled. When he looked up at Johnny, there were unshed tears filling his eyes, making the whites red. Johnny frowned and leaned forward. Chris sniffled and rubbed at his eyes, and Johnny flashed to when he first met the kid, when he was about five. He'd looked up at Johnny, eyes big and wide, in tears from the fright of being around strangers, sniffling and rubbing his eyes while clutching his mother's hand desperately. Like then, Johnny wanted to do something to make it better.

Unfortunatly, he just wasn't sure how.

When Chris blinked, the tears spilled over and he snorted wetly. "Look at me, crying over some jerk I've only known for a few years."

"But you've connected with him, right?"

"It was a lie!" The tears were flowing freely now, cheeks turning splotchy and nose starting to run. "He didn't get in touch with me to get to know me, he just wanted to cozy up so I'd do something for him! He never would've cared otherwise."

"Chris." Johnny couldn't say more than that-what else can you say to a truth like that?

"Getting me to Palo Alto, that was just to meet Ryan. He figured I never would've even considered a transplant like this if I hadn't met the kid! If I'd never met Ryan, I wouldn't be doing this!"

"You still don't have to. Chris, you honestly don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"Yeah I do," the boy sniffled miserably. "I gotta now."

"Why?"

"'Cause that's what big brothers do," Chris said simply, as if that said it all.

And it pretty much did. Johnny didn't know for sure what it was like to be a big brother since he'd never been one nor had one. Well, that wasn't entirely true. He figured Roy was like his big brother in a lot of ways. Roy did things for Johnny he didn't think the man normally wouldn't do. Still, this was major, potentially deadly surgery they were talking about.

"You have the right to consider yourself, Chris. To think about what's best for you first," Johnny said seriously. "Put yourself first right now, and tell me if you still want to do the surgery."

Chris sat back and considered. Slowly, Chris shook his head no.

Johnny smiled sympathetically. "But you're still going to do it, aren't you?"

Chris nodded, tears starting again. "I'm still gonna do it."

Johnny moved to sit next to him on the couch and quietly held Chris will he cried.

Black-Angel-001: oh my gosh, i've finally updated! sorry about that, been crazy at work and whatnot. but better late than never! so chris has had some of his emotional dilema come out, but that's not all of it, is it? and what about that fire? hmmm...well, why don't we go on to the next chapter and find out, yeah?