I'm so embarassed to admit this but I'm hoping that by putting it down on paper they're stop. I've been having nightmares lately. It is always the same. It starts back before you when I was pineing over Akihiko. I see him captivated by Takahiro and I feel that familiar stab to my chest. Then it goes to that one night. I don't think I ever told you about that but we did have a one night. I could feel his touch and the possibility of my heart finally mending but then I hear it. That one word spoiling it all- Takahiro. I could feel my heartache, my pain. Then you were there. I felt your love radiating around me. I felt safe and at peace. We made love beauitfully and then agressively. I loved every moment of it but then the dream shifted and you were wearing a blindfold. I became nervious but tried to remain calm. It was you after all. You wouldn't do anything to cut my heart out right? Then I heard it-Takahiro. First in his voice then yours. Then I found myself alone in darkness. I screamed but nothing came to my rescue. Then the darkness swept around me constrincting me, making me sufficate. Then I would wake up alone still. I really don't know how long I can keep going on like this. I miss you so much and I can't help but blame myself. Am I just meant to be unloved? Have I committed some grave injustice in a past life that I have to pay for? I don't know. All I know is that your gone and I think I may go insane without you.