Disclaimer: Owning Dragonball Z would mean I couldn't write all these WONDERFUL stories for you! Since I do not own Dragonball Z, that means I get to pump you full of my document until I get bored or die! Aren't you so happy?
HAPPINESS IS A WARM PM FULL OF CASE IDEAS. SADNESS IS A CASE IDEA PRESENTED IN A REVIEW. THANK YOU.
(Today's Case: The girls of Dragonball Z, Android 18, Bulma, Breast-Father, and several others, are suing that son of a bitch Master Roshi for being a disgusting, grope-happy, pervert bastard asshole prick, as the girls so lovingly call him.
Plaintiff: DBZ Girls
Defendant: Master Roshi.)
"All rise for a judge who never went to a day of law school in his whole, entire life." Cell barked. Literally. He lost a bet.
Justin sauntered into the courtroom and took his place at the podium.
"Okay, so, what are today's pointless rants about this time?" Justin asked.
"Sexual abuse." Cell said, getting Justin's interest immediately, because there's two things in this world that Justin loves more than anything: "Sex" and "ual abuse." "The women of DBZ have banded together to sue Master Roshi for his, and I'm quoting the girls on this, 'disgusting view of women as simply pieces of meat for a man's pleasure.'"
"Uh... don't they realize that Roshi is about 400 years old?" Justin wondered aloud. "Back in whenever-Roshi-was-born-since-you-never-learn-the-freaking-year-in-DBZ, that's probably how women were looked at. I don't think this case has any real standing."
"Well, their argument is that Roshi needs to realize that it's not that way anymore and that women can do every little thing a man can do just as good."
"Yeah, and I completely agree with that. I'm just saying I don't think you COULD convert old Roshi. Have you ever tried to convince an old person they were wrong about something? It's like traveling back in time."
"Well, Trunks can do that."
"Oh, yeah."
"Anyway, the girls are going to try to get Roshi to change his ways, impossible though it may seem."
"Oh well, now's as good a time as any to find out if it can be done. Send them all in."
"The girls are deciding who is going to represent them in the case." Cell pointed out the complete absence of females in the court.
"Oh, I didn't notice that they weren't in the audience at first, since there are almost no girls in DBZ. Okay, I'll wait."
About four minutes later, the representative for the girls and Master Roshi walked out to their respective places.
"Android 18?" said Justin. "That makes sense. Okay, Android 18, present your case."
"I, and the rest of the girls in the show, are completely sick of Roshi's misogynistic outlook." Android 18 began, arms crossed over her nice tits while every male character in the show oogled her ass. "It needs to be stopped, I don't want to have my daughter grow up around him. He always watches those damn exercise tapes, and I'm tired of having to take Marron out of the room when he plugs in one of the tapes that Dragonball Z won't show viewers."
Krillin stood up in the back and winked while giving a thumbs up, being discreet so his fine-ass wife wouldn't notice. Then he went back to sitting down.
"Okay, now, what about you, Roshi?" Justin asked, pointing the business end of his gavel at the defendant's desk.
"Err, what?" Roshi asked, holding a hand to his ear while leaning his head forward. "I'm sorry, mah ears haven't been the same since ANDROID 18 SCREAMED IN MY GODDAMN EAR FOR TRIPPING AND LANDING ON HER!"
"You didn't trip, you jumped!" Android 18 snapped. "Besides, your ears were bad before then! It's like carrying on a conversation from opposite sides of a football stadium!"
"YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT, YOU HAVEN'T PAID THE RENT SINCE I WAS 14 YEARS OLD! PAY ME!"
"Okay, Roshi, first off, lower your voice an octave, I think you just woke up my dead relatives." Justin ordered. "Second of all, what in the name of all that is spotted dick are you talking about?"
"YOU UNGRATEFUL BRAT, YOU HAVEN'T PAID THE RENT SINCE I WAS 5 YEARS OLD! PAY ME!"
"I haven't got a clue what you're shouting about. Shut the hell up." Justin turned back to Android 18. "Okay, so, Roshi's girl-laden exploits are very well documented in the Dragonball Z series, so we have the evidence to support this case. The question is, do we need to put Roshi away over this? I mean, this is the way he's always going to be, and it's not really hurting anyone."
"YEAH, I NEVER HURT A LADY A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE! NO SIREE! I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING! BACK IN MY DAY WE GRABBED OUR WOMEN BY THE NAP OF THE NECK INSTEAD OF THE HAIR LIKE OUR FOREFATHERS. AND FURTHERMORE-"
"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Justin shrieked, all patience out the window. "Jury, go make your decision before I commit murder-suicide!"
"He's guilty, and we demand the judge sentence him to get a hearing aid and a voice reduction." The Cell Jrs miraculously managed to say at the same time.
"With pleasure!" Justin slammed his almighty gavel down. "Case closed! Now, everyone get the hell out of here!"
"But what about-" 18 began.
"Fine, give him manners lessons or something also, just make him go away! Case closed, for Christ's sake!"
THE END
(Next Case: Brief.)
