A/N This is the final 'proper' part - just an epilogue to go. And this is also the part which makes it definitely an AU. I wasn't (and I'm still not, despite having written it well over a month ago) completely sure of this, but boutondor and my beta, Divinia Serit, were both happy with this so it stuck.
Thank you to: dogeatdog, Frogster, autumnftw, Jisbon4ever and shadow for reviewing part nine. I appreciate it so much. Especially so to dogeatdog and shadow, who both signed in anonymously and therefore I couldn't reply personally. Both your reviews mean the world to me and I'm incredibly grateful.
x tromana
Part Ten
She was still shaking slightly when Jane finally found her. His bloody nose had finally stopped spouting red liquid, but it didn't stop him from looking a mess. Lisbon hadn't meant to take flight, but she honestly hadn't known what else to do; it was clear she couldn't trust herself anymore. The moment he opened the door to her closet, she thrust her guns - both the one she carried around with herself on the job and her off-duty weapon - into his unsuspecting hands and for half a second he didn't know what to do with them. Eventually, she watched as he nervously placed them on her bed, clearly scared that they might just go off at any second. Were she feeling more herself, Lisbon would have laughed at his tentative nature with the firearms; they were not bombs, after all, and required a lot more effort for them to become dangerous. A psychotic mind being one of them.
Like hers.
All she wanted to do was hurt herself. Like she'd hurt so many people before now. It didn't matter that half of them had already become killers; they could have reformed, theoretically. They could have been saved from themselves.
Her brother was just another name in a long list. And she couldn't even remember it.
People would just forget that. Say he had it coming. Claim she was merely defending herself.
Anything to justify it away into neat little boxes and let her - a murderer - carry on roaming the streets, armed. Free to strike again, to kill some unsuspecting victim and say that she was 'protecting other people'.
From whom, exactly?
It was them who needed protecting.
From her.
Who watched the watchmen?
She couldn't do it anymore, she had to take a stand. The pills on her dressing table had looked all too tempting and that was why she hid herself in her closet, simply so she couldn't see them anymore. So she wouldn't just take them and eat them like candy. That would have been a bad thing to do. Lisbon knew that; it was something her Mommy had told her when she was little and she still remembered to this day. But it was hard, just seeing them sitting there and she needed to get away from them. To a better place. To somewhere where they could control the pills so they could do their job rather than having her swallow them in a way her Mom would never have approved of. She wanted to make her happy and knew she had done bad.
Now she just had to explain that to Patrick Jane.
"Are you okay, Lisbon?" he asked tentatively.
"Don't call me that."
"What, Lisbon?"
She nodded.
"Okay. Fine. Is there anything I can do for you, Teresa?"
"Yes. Get rid of my guns. And… and… I need help."
"That's what I'm here for."
"No, no. I can't remember."
Patrick frowned and she knew that she wasn't making much sense to him. She still hadn't moved from her curled up position in her closet, but she didn't care. Lisbon wasn't going to move until he understood what she wanted and they were on the move.
"I can help you with that."
"No, medical help."
"Isn't that a bit of a… rash decision?" he queried, obviously making the connection.
Lisbon shook her head furiously. Of all the people in the world, she'd assumed that Patrick would understand. One thing her frazzled mind could remember was a discussion with him. It felt like it happened forever ago, but it kept replaying in her mind. How he'd told her he'd sought out help after his breakdown, how he'd kept it hidden out of sheer embarrassment. Well, she didn't quite get the embarrassment, but she understood the terror. The sooner she was with people who could help her, the better.
"Okay, I get you," he muttered, straightening up. "I'll be five minutes. You… you just stay put."
Patrick was true to his word and when he returned, cleaned up a little, she finally had the confidence to leave her comfortable little hole. Within the hour, they were on the road and she felt torn. Her heart was still thumping in her chest, feeling like it was playing out the bass line of a particularly frenetic rock song and yet, with Patrick at her side, she felt calm. At least, calmer than she had in a while. What was it she'd been doing yesterday? She shook her head; she couldn't even remember that anymore. All she could remember properly was that she'd been a cop, in charge of her own team. What they specialized in was beyond her. But still, they'd worry. Having their… their boss, she supposed… disappear into thin air. It would be rather odd, at least.
"Promise me one thing?"
"Yes?"
"Don't tell the others. Just say I quit… because of my brother."
He nodded and satisfied, she settled back into the seat, fingering at the straps of the bag she'd insisted upon packing. There wasn't much in there, just a few clothes, her toothbrush and the locket her mother had given her when she was seven. But she'd need the stuff when she was at… wherever she was going, wouldn't she? Patrick hadn't told her but he seemed to know exactly where he was taking her. That was okay though; she trusted him. Right now, she'd trust him with her life if it came down to it.
"We're here."
Nodding, Lisbon slipped out of the car. She didn't really have the energy to focus on her surroundings. It had been a rather exhausting morning, but she didn't quite know why. Remaining mute, she followed Patrick to the reception of the building, where he asked to see a Sophie Miller. The name was vaguely familiar, but again, she wasn't sure why. That was frustrating. It seemed as time progressed, the less tangible everything became and the only things she had confidence in were things in the immediate vicinity. Her bag, this Sophie Miller person, Patrick, who remained steadfast by her side.
A blonde woman appeared, wearing a genial smile. She whispered quickly to Patrick and then addressed her. Lisbon suddenly felt very small as Sophie asked her to follow her. It felt too early to be leaving him, he'd, he'd been so good to her. And it was making him upset too, he was even crying. But Sophie was so insistent that she followed her, so Lisbon did. It felt like the right thing to do and she was at a loss as to anything else she could do now. The walls were an olive green. They made her feel more sick, not better. She quickly crossed her fingers as she laid down on the bed with threadbare sheets in the room offered to her. This was the right decision, wasn't it? It had to be. She didn't really know anything else now.
000
Jane would be lying if he said he said that Lisbon's request hadn't taken him off guard. He remembered the pain and agony that he'd gone through when deciding whether or not to have himself committed. Then again, at that time, he also didn't have a strong network of people around him. Everybody he knew was either semi-celebrities, just feeding off one another's fame to try and get that little bit more popular or clientele. Not exactly the best support to have when you were in the middle of a mental breakdown. He hated thinking about that time of his life and tried to dismiss the thought. Jane shook his head slightly. It wasn't exactly easy to do and he had a feeling it was only going to get harder until Lisbon was completely better, back to her old self and ready to take on the world again.
Then again, Lisbon was probably the last person in the world he'd expected to suffer from one. She always seemed so strong, so self-assured, like nothing could break her. Of course, he'd been wrong. Nobody was infallible, not even Lisbon, and clearly this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. He cursed quietly at his self as he mopped up the blood, revealing the sign of some bruising. If only he'd noticed sooner, then maybe, just maybe, he would have been able to stop this from happening. It wasn't as if he was completely inexperienced when it came to mental breakdowns, after all.
With a sigh, he pulled out his cell phone, deciding to call the one person he trusted with this kind of matter. He'd promised himself never to call her again, that her debt had been repaid in full when they had stopped her from being falsely arrested for murder. But Sophie Miller had decided, because of that, that research wasn't for her and that she would go back to practicing. She would be able to help Lisbon, drag her kicking and screaming out of this state, comfort her when needs be. Sophie was pretty much a miracle worker; she'd (pretty much) saved him from himself, so therefore, Jane knew she could do exactly the same thing with Lisbon. And Lisbon was more than worth 'owing' somebody over. Since his release from hospital, she'd helped him so much, as much, or if not, more than Sophie had done. That was why she deserved the best and she was sure as hell going to get it, regardless of how much it cost Jane personally. Money was just money; he still had far too much of it anyway. As for another personal debt, well he owed so many people so many different things, another one wouldn't make all that much difference.
Sophie was in good spirits, albeit very surprised to hear from Jane. However, she listened to his request, was equally surprised to hear about the fiery brunette's predicament, but agreed to help anyway. Feeling a little relieved, Jane returned to Lisbon's bedroom, where she remained huddled in her closet. She looked so small, so tiny and the way she shied away from him seemed as though she was trying to escape to a fantasy world where everything was perfect, or at least the same but a little bit different. But there was no Narnia in there and no merry old land of Oz either. Instead, she had a doctor to meet, somebody who could bring her firmly back to reality.
It took longer than he expected to get her into the car. She was still surprisingly stubborn, insistent on taking a night bag with her. Jane smirked; it was rather amusing to think that even with how she was right now, she still had to be terribly organized. Lisbon settled in the car, napping occasionally on the journey. In a now-rare moment of lucidity, she requested that he didn't tell the team the whole truth, something that he took to heart. Jane cared deeply about her and she deserved the utmost respect, though he hadn't always shown it in ways she would have approved of.
Though he had been trying to mentally prepare himself for it throughout the journey, he still wasn't ready to leave her behind. It was agony, seeing her meekly follow Sophie Miller through those double doors. He had no idea when he would see her again; Sophie promised him she would call as soon as Lisbon was ready to take visitors. Until then, he just had to rely on his memories and right at that very moment, all he could think of were the bad. It didn't help either that he vaguely knew what she was going to go through, though every case was different. Jane offered a quiet prayer, to a God he didn't believe in, though she did, asking for a swift recovery. It was the last thing of use that he could to do at that moment.
He headed straight back to the CBI headquarters, remembering that it would be incredibly odd that neither he nor Lisbon had turned up to work. Especially so as they were in the middle of an important case, or at least, important to them. Maybe Cho would have said something, covered for him. He hoped he had. If he were in Cho's shoes, he'd say that they'd gone to do some early morning investigating and had probably got caught up somewhere. Then again, Cho was pathologically honest, so the others might already know she was responsible for her brother's death.
Cho was the first person he saw when he arrived. He was getting something out of his car as Jane parked up. Jane jogged over and Cho raised a quizzical eyebrow, intrigued by his lateness and the fact his boss hadn't turned up for work either.
"Where's Lisbon?" Cho demanded and Jane took a couple of steps back. "I assume you told her."
"Yeah. She's taking a break from work."
"Makes sense," he answered and Jane breathed a sigh of relief. "Though we'll still have to talk to her about the case."
Wordlessly, Cho and Jane walked upstairs together, taking the staircase as the elevator was broken and awaiting repairs. Jane glanced at Cho; had he already worked out that he was omitting major details. All he wanted to do was sleep now; the events of the past twenty four hours had been terribly draining.
"Is Lisbon okay?" Van Pelt demanded and Rigsby nodded in concurrence. "It's weird for her not to come into work. I hope she's…"
"She's gone away for awhile," Jane replied dully, knowing it was bending the truth to the highest degree. "It's because of Tommy. She needs a little time to herself."
"Oh, okay," Van Pelt said with a shrug. "I'd do the same if I were her."
Jane nodded and laid back on his couch. At least they seemed to be accepting of what he'd said. Though Cho's statement was already troubling him. There was only so long he would be able to stall them from finding out about what happened to her.
But he was sure as hell going to try.
TBC…
