Chapter 10- A Deadly Game of Croquet
On the other side was a huge hedge-mazed garden, and I could see a castle in the distance. Alice went on ahead inside. I was a little hesitant, at first, but then went after her.
As we navigated our way through the maze, my only concern being that the walls would close in like in the fourth Harry Potter, there was some singing in the distance. Suddenly, a splash of red flew over one of the hedge walls and splattered in front of us. When I took a closer look, I noticed that it was paint. At least it wasn't the other thing that I was thinking. The singing had gotten louder.
Painting the roses red
We're painting the roses red.
We cannot stop
Or waste a drop
So let the painting spread.
We're painting the roses reeeeeeed.
We're painting the roses red
Alice began hopping so that she could see over the hedge. As she made her way down, she jumped passed an opening. She stopped and we both peered inside. I would've been surprised by what I'd seen, but given all the other crap I'd seen today, I wasn't all that surprised. They looked like life-sized playing cards with heads, arms, hands, and feet. They clearly seemed to be painting some white roses, well, red.
Ooooooh
Painting the roses red,
With every tear we shed
Because we know
They'll cease to grow.
In fact, they'll soon be dead.
Yet, we go ahead;
Painting the roses red.
They walked over to another tree and began working on that one. Alice and I walked up to them. She tapped one of the cards on the shoulder and joined in on the singing.
Oh, pardon us,
But Mr. Three,
Why must you paint them red?
Like I was interested.
"Huh?" they all said together. "Oooooh." One of the cards had accidentally hit the other two cards in the face with the wet paint brush.
"Well, the fact is, you two," the card explained, "we planted the white roses by mistake, and-" They started singing again.
The Queen, she likes them red
As she so likely said.
She'd raise a fuss,
And each of us
Would quickly lose his head.
They made a slashing gesture across their necks with the red paint brush, making it look even more unsettling.
"Goodness," Alice said.
"Yeesh," I agreed.
Since this is the part we dread
We're painting the roses red.
"Oh dear," Alice said. "Well then, let me help you." She grabbed a nearby bucket with a brush in it. I was about to object to this idea, but then I decided to let her go. "You want to help?"
"Nah, I'm good," I said honestly. The four of them went back to singing as I watched.
Painting the roses red.
We're painting the roses red.
Don't tell the Queen
Until they've seen
Or say that's what we said
But we're painting the roses red.
Yes, painting the roses.
Not pink;
Not green;
Not aquamarine.
We're painting the roses red.
There was a sudden trumpetting in the distance.
"The Queen!" the cards started shouting.
"The Queen," Alice gasped.
The cards began running around like dogs without horses until they fell flat on their faces. Both Alice and I joined them for … reasons.
When Alice and I looked up, there were a bunch more card guys marching around us. However, I guessed that these guys were soldiers.
"CARDS! HALT!" someone hollered.
The card soldiers stopped marching and formed a big heart around us.
"PAIR OFF!" the voice yelled again.
The soldiers in front of us began parting and holding their spears in an archway like way. Then, from behind us came a trumpetting. And who else could it be but the-
"The Rabbit!" Alice whispered. Well, she finally got her answer as to where he was heading.
He came running past us and passed all of the soldiers.
"Her imperial highness," he said completely out of breath, "her grace, her excellency, her royal majesty, the Queen of Hearts."
Out came possibly the fattest woman, no, person I'd ever seen. Her obesity even matched out Oogie's, and that was saying something. Oh, she also had black hair, a golden crown on top of it, and a face that was just as ugly. Either way, a lot of people cheered for her when she came out. Then, from behind her came a diminutive man.
"And the King," the Rabbit finished. Only one person cheered for him. Poor guy.
Suddenly, the Queen's face contorted into fury. She began stomping over to the rose trees, making an evil smile which I was sure would haunt me in my nightmares that night. When she made it to the trees, she touched one of them. It was then when I noticed that one of the rose's paint was dripping off.
"Who's been painting my roses red?" she asked, although she sounded like a serial killer asking his victims which one of them wanted to be killed first. She then pulled out the tree from the ground. If the woman's body didn't make up for her fatness, then her muscles surely did. "WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED!" After that, I couldn't understand her because she just started yelling nonsense. I wondered if she had become so angry that she couldn't think of words, so she just decided to make sounds.
"Oh no, your majesty, please, it's all his fault," one of the cards said, pointing his paintbrush at one of the other cards.
"Not me, your grace!" the other cards pleaded. "The ace! The ace!" He pointed at the card next to him.
"You!" the Queen yelled.
"No!" the third card yelled. "Two!"
"The two, you say!" I think the Queen was starting to figure out what was going on.
"Not me! The three!"
"THAT'S ENOUGH! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" The soldiers began cheering as the three poor cards were dragged away to their deaths.
"SILENCE!" The Queen screamed, jumping in the air and, when she hit the ground, the cards all fell over.
"Oh, please, please," Alice pleaded, hiding the brush that she had. "They were only trying to-"
"And who is this?" the Queen asked, pointing at us.
"Well now, let me see, my dear," the King said, walking up to us. "They certainly aren't hearts. Do you suppose they're clubs?"
"Why, it's a little girl and boy," the Queen said, her voice suddenly getting all sweet.
"Yes," Alice said, both of us getting up, "a-and we were just wondering-"
"Look up!" the Queen ordered. "Speak nicely, AND DON'T TWIDDLE YOUR FINGERS!"
Alice threw her fingers behind her.
"Turn out your toes," she ordered. "Curtsy. Open your mouth a little wider, and always say 'YES, YOUR MAJESTY'!"
"Yes, your majesty," Alice said.
The Queen giggled, patting Alice on the head. I was surprised that she wasn't ordering me to do anything. "Now, where do you both come from and where are you both going?" she asked.
"Well, we're trying to find our way home," Alice explained.
"YOUR WAY!" The Queen yelled. "ALWAYS HERE, IT'S MY WAY!" She yelled so loudly that Alice and I fell over.
"Yes, w-we know, but we were just thinking -"
"Curtsy while you're thinking. It saves time."
"Yes, your majesty." Alice curtsied and then got up. "But I was only going to ask you-"
"I'LL ASK THE QUESTION! Do you play croquet?"
"No," I said flatly, though I don't think she heard me. Thank goodness.
"Why, yes your majesty," Alice said.
"THEN LET THE GAME BEGIN!" the Queen announced.
A bunch of card soldiers around us began forming themselves into croquet hoops. I looked over and saw that they wouldn't be playing with croquet mallets, but … flamingos?... Whatever.
The Queen went first and picked out a green flamingo from the pile. I then noticed that they would be playing with hedgehogs instead of balls. I was starting to wonder if this was going to be a croquet game or an example of animal abuse. As the Queen was about to make her shot, Alice went to pick from the pile of flamingos. Unfortunately, they had plans of their own and started flying around like crazy.
"SILENCE!" the Queen screamed, forcing Alice to choose a pink flamingo. Figures she'd get the stereotypical one.
The Queen made her shot, or at least, attempted. She swung so hard that she spun around in circles for a few minutes. The King then came up and urged the green hedgehog to get rolling. The card soldiers then started jumping around as to make sure that the hedgehog got through them. I figured that they were only doing that so that the Queen wouldn't kill the crap out of them. Also, from the way the hedgehog was rolling, this was starting to feel like Sonic the Hedgehog, except they weren't going that fast. Everyone clapped for the Queen once the animal had stopped rolling.
The Queen went up to take her second shot. She, once again, missed, and the hedgehog took off. This time, the card soldiers formed a straight line for the animal to roll through. It went through all of them, except for one card soldier at the end who was too slow to to form up with the others. It chased after the hedgehog, but tripped.
"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" the Queen ordered. The card soldier was then taken away to his death.
"You're next!" the Queen ordered to Alice.
At first, I think Alice thought she was going to get her head cut off, but then realized it was her turn in the game. A look of relief appeared on her face, Alice stepped up to … bat? Honestly, I don't know how this game works, people.
She stepped up, but then the flamingo went limp and made a stupid noise. Alice tried again by scrunching up the flamingo and trying to use only its head to make it hit the hedgehog. But then it stood up, forcing her to mess up her turn. Everyone laughed at her expense, except me, which was a first. Alice then turned over the flamingo to face her, but all it did was roll onto its back and pushed her up with its feet. It then began tickling her, making her laugh like crazy. I sighed. Of course this would be going badly. Alice whispered something to the flamingo and it nodded its head stupidly. I figured that whatever she had said to it, it wasn't hearing it. It then rolled over, forcing Alice to roll with it. It began to fly away, but Alice kept a firm grip on its feet. And after a skirmish of which I couldn't make out, the flamingo ended up having Alice on the ground as the mallet and it up to bat. The crowd cheered for this. I was about to go up there and pull a Homer Simpson strangle on the bird, but then Alice tricked it into leaning towards her, enabling her to grab its neck. She then took her turn and hit the pink hedgehog hard. As it rolled across the field, all of the cards dodged it and it went careening into a rose tree. Everyone, once again, laughed at this. I knew it; this game was fixed, even more than the 1919 World Series.
As the Queen walked up to take her turn, I walked over to Alice and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. And then I saw something that made me begin to think that this world was getting to me: the Queen had a tail! However, it looked vaguely familiar. I was about to swear loudly when the Cheshire Cat appeared on the Queen's butt.
"I say," he said, "how are you both getting on?"
"Not at all," Alice said ticked.
"Beg pardon?"
"I said 'Not at all'."
"WHO ARE YOU BOTH TALKING TO!?" the Queen yelled.
Alice was about to give away the cat, but then I stepped in.
"To each other! We were talking to each other."
The Queen gave us a testy look. "Well, be more quiet!" she commanded. "I'm trying to concentrate."
Alice pushed me out of the way.
"No. We weren't talking to each other. We were talking to the cat." Alice pointed to where the cat's face was.
"Cat?" the Queen asked, looking around. "Where?" The cat kept disappearing and reappearing.
"There!" Alice pointed. The cat disappeared again. The Queen turned around, and when she did, the cat appeared on her but again. "Oh, there he is again."
"I warn you, children," the Queen said dangerously. "IF I LOSE MY TEMPER, YOU BOTH LOSE YOUR HEADS! UNDERSTAND!" She waved her flamingo in our faces and then went back to take her turn.
"What are you doing?" I hissed, grabbing Alice by the arm and forcing her to face me.
"Telling the truth," Alice whispered back.
"Noooo," I said through clenched teeth. "Because right now would be a good time for us to lie!"
The cat then appeared on the Queen's butt again. "You know," he said. "We could make her really angry. Shall we try."
"Oh, no, no, no," Alice said in panic. I was equally freaking out. What was wrong with this guy!
"Oh, but it's loads of fun." The cat grabbed onto the flamingo as the Queen took aim and put its beak under her dress. At that moment, I wished more than anything that I would just die so that I wouldn't have to face this next part. The Queen tried to swing her flamingo over, but when she did, she made herself fall right on her face. Everyone panicked.
"Oh no!" Alice cried.
"Oh my fur and whiskers," the Rabbit freaked.
"Oh crap," I groaned.
"Oh dear, save the Queen!" the King commanded.
A bunch of card soldiers gathered around her, including the King.
"Someone's head will roll for this!" she said in a deadly voice. She pushed all of the card soldiers down. The look on her face made me think of a red version of Hulk. Alice and I backed up into a bunch of card soldiers. "OFF WITH THEIR-"
"But consider, my dear," the King said quickly, "couldn't they have a trial? Huh? First?"
"TRIAL!" the Queen yelled.
"Well, just a little trial?"
Alice nodded. At least this would delay our death for a little while.
"Very well, then," the Queen agreed. "LET THE TRIAL BEGIN!"
I then prayed that, somehow, we would get ourselves out of this situation. Though, probably unlikely.
Author's Note:
Hi everyone. Here's the next chapter. So a few things: One, school is starting for me again so I may not be posting for a while, but I will try my best. Two, I know that Pinocchio doesn't do much in this chapter, but I promise next chapter, there will be more of his shenanigans. Enjoy and please review
