Hey everyone! Another (almost 5k word) update for your favorite story! ;)
'Starting Over Again' was just recently updated and 'Philophobia' is up next! To those who aren't up to speed on my story updates, that has replaced 'Time After Time' and is starring Hotaru! ;)
xoxo Lexi1989
Previously:
He turned on the radio to ease the silence in the car. The song playing doing nothing to pacify his thoughts.
~So little time~
~Try to understand that I'm~
~Trying to make a move just to stay in the game~
~I try to stay awake and remember my name~
~But everybody's changing~
~And I don't feel the same.~
Both of them had loads on their minds. But neither of them had the courage to talk to one another about it. Even if unbeknownst to them, they had each other on their minds.
CHAPTER 11: INNER STRUGGLES
They got to the stadium just a few minutes before the opening act was about to wrap up. Having secured weekend passes with Tsubasa for the four of them (originally planning to be with Luna), they were guaranteed VIP seats in the different exclusive boxes available in the stadium. They had chosen the lower box, near the stage so Ruka would enjoy watching his favorite (guilty pleasure) band.
There was a short intermission so most of the people had made their way to the different snack bars set up outside the concert area. It gave Natsume and Mikan the opportunity to navigate to their seats easily and found both Tsubasa and Ruka in their adjacent seats, staring dumbfoundedly at them.
At the sight of Ruka, Mikan quickly bowed. Clearly he did not expect Mikan Sakura Yukihira, the strict A+ student council president, to be bowing to him in an apologetic manner like she was doing now.
"Nogi-san. Please forgive Natsume for not being there on your birthday. It was my fault as I had asked him to accompany me to the beach that weekend. I sincerely apologize for the hurt it may have caused you and I hope this has not put a stop to your friendship."
Needless to say all three boys were speechless. It was rare for Mikan to show this kind of behavior. Especially to three notorious school delinquents like themselves. But having remembered what Natsume had confessed to them in the parking lot, it made a lot more sense to Ruka that she had put her own self-interests first. Still, he wasn't the type of guy to hold a grudge, especially to a girl. He softly touched her arm and gestured for her to stand upright.
"It's alright kaichou, I understand. He's here now, so I appreciate you taking the time to come with him and join us in my post birthday celebration." He said with a warm but guarded smile.
She let out a sigh of relief and she settled down on the vinyl seat in between Ruka and Natsume. While the boys were catching up, she took it as an opportunity to observe the place. She'd only been to the town stadium a few times to watch the football games that Alice High participated in. Football was not one of their best fortes in the sports department. Their best teams were the varsity basketball and cheerleading teams.
From her recollection, the stadium had gone from sporty to dark aura. There were strips of black crepe paper hanging from the banners and lots of the people who attended were wearing black shirts. Given, some of the tweens were very fashionable. But then again she had no idea what this band was all about. She had only insisted they go because of what happened between Ruka and Natsume. Now she was wondering what she had gotten herself into.
Even Ruka and Tsubasa were donned head to foot in black. The main show would start in ten minutes as announced by an emcee who was trying to pump up the enthusiasm in the crowd. She'd never been to an event like this and it rendered her silent in awe.
"I'm heading to the bathroom real quick. Want an orange soda? I'll stop by the concession stand on my way back." She nodded as Natsume stood up and left.
His absence had an immediate effect and she suddenly felt self-conscious next to her two other classmates. Ruka took it as an opportunity to pick her mind a bit.
"So…" he said to get her attention. She turned around in her seat to face him.
"I understand you're only doing this to help Natsume make Luna jealous." It was rare for him to be so upfront and he felt Tsubasa's elbow making contact with his abdomen, trying to shush him. She decided there was no point in denying it.
"Yes. Does that bother you?" She said holding his stare with her own. That was the moment that Tsubasa decided he needed to get a drink. He stood up and left the two in their seats.
"Whatever Natsume decides to do, I can't stop him from doing it. But I have to ask, what's in it for you?" When she didn't answer, he decided to push her a little further.
"I mean, you don't really expect us all to believe this gender-bent Cinderella like change in Natsume was just for you to secure a date to the homecoming ceremony, right? You've been at each other's throats since middle school, and suddenly after one night, you're all chummy? I don't get that. I want to know what your ulterior motive is." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and proceeded to train his cerulean eyes at her every move.
She bit her lip. She'd been asking herself the same question since she'd begun to see Natsume's other side. The one without the angst. The happy one. The one whenever she was with him. She'd initially thought this was just to save face. After the fiasco of Reo meeting and dating Yuri, she couldn't stand being shunned out to the sidelines. Having Natsume by her side guaranteed her a date, and got the attention that she would have gotten (probably more) if Reo never met Yuri and went out with her instead. It was pretty much expected by everyone that Reo Mori would ask her or one of the elites to the dance with Mikan at the top spot. But they had all been blindsided by love.
It was a self-centered thought. Conceited and selfish. And suddenly, hearing this from a person outside her daily clique made her feel shallow. And ashamed. Definitely ashamed. All those feelings would disperse though, whenever she was with Natsume. Even if at first she had been pretending, eventually they had begun to hang out without the elites. Just the two of them. And she would definitely admit that she had fun and felt free whenever she was with him. He invoked different feelings within her that she never thought she'd feel. And it scared her. Because she knew if she fell victim for her own scam, she was screwed. Because the moment Luna would take him back, she knew he would go. And there was nothing she could do to stop him from going because that was what they had agreed upon. An easy out clause; Then she'd be back to square one, alone.
"Am I in love with Natsume Hyuuga?"
"Are you?" He asked softly.
"Am I what?" She asked confused. She didn't realize she had unintentionally asked her question out loud.
"Are you in love with Natsume?" He prompted her.
That was when she realized that she had fallen. Hard. Ruka could see the realization dawn on her as she suddenly looked up panicked. She didn't need to answer the question because Ruka could see it in her eyes.
"I – " She was at a loss for words but her face said it all.
"It may seem odd to you.." He decided to save her from her embarrassed state, ever being the gentleman. He held her hand.
"..to receive such advice from a person you barely know except by name and grade point average, but you'd better tell him before it's too late." She was startled at his words. And a hundred emotions surged through her. Relief, that his best friend seemed to approve; Fear, that Natsume didn't feel the same way; Scared of rejection and ending up alone; and most of all it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Despite the fear, she felt happy that she finally found the answer to what she had been asking herself.
She was in love with Natsume Hyuuga. But then, the pressing matter of his best friend knowing crept up into her brief moment of elation. She turned to Ruka and clutched his hand tightly in hers.
"Please, Nogi-san, please don't say anything to him. At least not until I get the courage to tell him."
"Call me Ruka, kaichou." He chuckled.
"Only if you call me Mikan." He nodded in consent and let go when he spied Natsume arriving with Tsubasa and their drinks.
"Your secret is safe with me." He whispered in her ear as he turned to both of his best friends with a smile.
Both Ruka and Mikan didn't know that Natsume had been standing at the entrance of the concert grounds talking to an acquaintance who was also at the concert. And he had seen Ruka take Mikan's hand in his. He couldn't explain why his breath caught in his throat and the pounding of his heart got louder as the conversation with his acquaintance began to fade in the background. He could see Mikan's face blush beet red and could sense that what they were talking about was serious. He wasn't about to interrupt it, but God, he wanted to know what the hell it was about.
Tsubasa clapped his back, telling him to move so they could catch the beginning of the main act and his legs seemed to work on autopilot. He focused on going down the steps one at a time. He saw Ruka let go of Mikan's hand, and let out the breath he had been unknowingly holding. His mind was swimming with thoughts he didn't think he'd ever have. His logical side was trying to battle it out with the inexplicable emotional one.
He wasn't supposed to feel angry seeing Ruka hold her hand because:
1 – Ruka is his best friend.
2 – He didn't think Mikan was Ruka's type and vice versa.
3 – Ruka knew he was pretending to go out with Mikan.
4 – He was only pretending to go out with Mikan. They aren't even really officially together.
5 – He was doing this so Luna would get jealous and want him back.
6 – Mikan didn't even really feel anything but rekindled friendship with him.
His rational self was in turmoil. Why did heat creep up his neck when he saw Ruka whisper into Mikan's ear as they drew near. Why was he so jealous? He decided not to let it get to him and tried (in vain) to calm his thoughts. He thought of the end game. The Gold Homecoming Ceremony which was three weeks away. That soon. And now, here he was wishing to himself to let time go slower. He couldn't quite answer if it was because he needed more time to make Luna realize that it was a mistake to leave him, or if he wanted more time with Mikan.
Outside of the stadium, Hotaru pulled up to a miraculously free parking space and walked purposefully to the entrance. She could hear heavy metal music blaring but at the same time, young voices singing. It was as if she was listening to an anime soundtrack. She was about two steps in when a heavyset man stepped in front of her.
"Tickets miss?" He said with a menacing look. Apparently he was a bouncer hired to keep freeloaders from walking into the event.
"I don't have one. I need to purchase one and get in. My friend is in there." She cringed inwardly at how lame that was which was definitely beneath her. But then again, thinking back, she'd originally thought it was beneath her to join a social chat site and bare her feelings to total anonymous strangers. A stranger she was for some odd reason her mind couldn't comprehend, she seriously wanted to meet.
She attributed that to her most hated feeling. The feeling of not knowing; Of not being in control of something (or someone); The feeling of being in the dark. She hated not knowing who he was and why he could make her so at ease to the point of talking about things she wouldn't even talk to Mikan (her best friend) about.
"Too bad girly, concert's sold out and we're fully booked. Now go on and go home." He ushered her away from the entrance much to her dismay.
'Now what?' she asked herself.
She'd made a complete fool of herself. From googling this absurd band (she prefers classical music), leaving in the middle of a perfectly stocked seafood buffet (the party wasn't that much important since she'd been to many in the past few years), to driving back into town 2 times faster than the allowed speed limit, and trying to get into a concert to find a boy she didn't even know.
It was so not like her to act all impulsive. Her actions had always been calculated and pre-planned. But tonight, she felt more alive than she ever did in all her years of existence. It was an exhilarating feeling. She liked it but at the same time, didn't like how it made her act. She stood outside the stadium, thinking of what to do. For the first time in her life, she had no clue or inkling of how to even begin to fix this dilemma.
Her rumbling stomach (albeit a soft rumble that only she could hear) reminded her that she had not eaten that much from Reo's party. She looked around to see a 24 hour diner a block away from the stadium and decided that she's already too far off the beaten track, why not just push it a little further by having a greasy dinner at a place she knew she would never return to. She walked swiftly to the diner, hugging her coat tightly against her to protect her from the chilly wind.
It was your typical diner, bar type setup at the counter and booths all around. They even had a jukebox sitting in the far corner and a small makeshift dance floor. Not that anyone would want to dance at a small rundown place like this. Hotaru wiped a paper napkin on the surface of the table and the seat before she sat and minutes later, a tired looking, middle aged waitress approached her with a menu that was laminated but a bit dog eared on the sides, proceeding to rattle out what the specials were for tonight.
She ordered the house special burger with a side order of large fries and a malt shake. While waiting, she pulled out her phone and proceeded to log in to FRIENDCHAT. Both SkaterDUDE and Lapin Garcon were offline. Well, what did she expect? If she was at her favorite concert, just pulling out her phone would be considered rude. But then again, her tastes were on a completely different plane than Lapin Garcon.
When her food was served fifteen minutes later, she added an order of crab cakes and peach cobbler since the menu offered them too. She was halfway finished with munching on her burger before the small bell on the door jingled, indicating that another customer had arrived.
She glanced outside and noticed cars were beginning to leave the parking space. She wondered which of those cars carried her anonymous chat friend and was startled when a familiar voice spoke beside her.
"Imai-san?" Her purple eyes took in the sight of Ruka Nogi and Tsubasa Andou standing outside of her booth.
"What are you staring at Nogi?" She said with her brow raised.
"N-n-nothing.." He stammered but another look at him confirmed he was still gawking at her.
"If you have nothing of importance to say, then you either leave or you can sit by the booth and order your food." Just like that her thoughts about her anonymous online friend disappeared as annoyance set in.
Of all people that she could have encountered tonight, she had to encounter one that she worked with in an almost day-to-day basis. And it seemed like her tone of annoyance did not carry through as Tsubasa slid into the booth seat across from her followed by a slightly hesitant Ruka. She let out a small sigh and slid the menu across the table.
"I didn't expect to see you here Imai-san." Ruka said, apparently warming up to her even if she remained silent.
"Why not?" She asked without looking at him.
"Well, to be honest.. uhmm.. this doesn't look like your kind of place." Tsubasa offered when Ruka stammered trying to answer her question without being rude.
"Your point being?" She eyed the grinning star tattooed prankster.
"It's just unexpected, that's all…" he momentarily got distracted when he saw the heaping plates of food on the table. This place was cheap but the food was actually passable. She might even consider coming back here on a quiet day with no one to judge her.
"Is all of this for you?" Tsubasa was relentless and this time, it was Ruka who elbowed his rib.
"Got a problem with that?" She asked coldly.
"No. Wow. You must have great metabolism. With a figure like that, and an appetite like this…" he gestured towards the food. ".. your girl friends must envy you." He chuckled.
Silence ensued in the next few minutes before the waitress came back to get the two boys orders. Hotaru proceeded to finish her burger and fries when a notification popped up on her phone.
Lapin Garcon has sent you a message.
She picked up her phone casually, not minding the sudden fast beating of her heart.
Lapin Garcon: Hey Chantage! Sorry I left abruptly earlier. Just got out of the concert.
She waited a few minutes before sending a reply.
Chantage: it's cool. Had stuff to do anyway.
Lapin Garcon: Didn't you miss me? :0
Chantage: Keep dreaming bud. How was the concert?
She couldn't help but smile at her response. And then she wondered if he was smiling at his end.
Lapin Garcon: Jam packed. It was fun. My best friend, well, other than SD came with his girlfriend.
Chantage: N? The one that ditched you?
Lapin Garcon: Yeah. It was nice of him to do it. And her too. I found out something though.
Chantage: What?
Lapin Garcon: Well, they have a complicated story, and it's not really mine to tell, but I hope the outcome is good though.
Chantage: If you're not talking about it then I deem this story boring.
Lapin Garcon: Let's talk about something else then. What are you doing?
Chantage: Eating dinner all by my lonesome self. You?
Lapin Garcon: Same, but I'm not alone, I'm with SD and another friend.
Chantage: Didn't you just get out of the concert?
Lapin Garcon: Yeah, we're eating at a place nearby.
Somehow the setting he was describing seemed all too familiar to her. She looked up to find both Tsubasa and Ruka on their respective phones. She had an inkling but it was still too circumstantial to tell if her suspicions were correct. So she decided to test her theory out.
Chantage: So the Babymetal concert was held at the town next to where I live in. Does it mean you live in that town too?
She felt a bit guilty for the lie, but she had to protect her identity.
Lapin Garcon: Looks like someone did her research. Yeah, I live in the same town.
Chantage: So you go to high school in the public high school there? Or one of the private ones?
Lapin Garcon: I could tell you.. but..I'm going to have to kill you.. XD
Chantage: You know that line is like the great grandfather of cheesy lines.. *rolls eyes*
Lapin Garcon: My ego just took a huge burn. :(
Chantage: Answer the question, else I'm going offline.
Lapin Garcon: Why do you wanna know so bad? You gonna spring up on me and surprise me?
Chantage: Hell no. I'm just an innately curious person.
Lapin Garcon: One of the private ones. I'm not telling where.
Chantage: Easy. There are only 2 private schools in that town. Alice High and Serina Yamada's Private School for Girls. And I'm pretty sure you're not a girl, so you're from AHS.
Lapin Garcon: Jeez, you're smart. But yes, guilty. I'm from AHS.
Her heartbeat went up a notch. That was one thing off the list. Now she just had to make sure. Her food was getting cold and once again thanks to this interaction with her anonymous friend, forgotten.
Chantage: So, does SD go to the same school?
Lapin Garcon: Well, since we're talking about my life then yeah, he does. So does N and his new girlfriend.
Chantage: Speaking of N. Why isn't he with you?
Lapin Garcon: How do you know he isn't with me?
She tried to think fast. She scrolled up on their conversation history and found that he said he was with SkaterDUDE and another friend. Thank the Gods she was still thinking rationally.
Chantage: You said you were with SD and another friend. You didn't mention N or his girlfriend. Is he or isn't he with you?
Lapin Garcon: Oh yeah, I did say that. He had to take his girlfriend home. They already ate at some party up near the valley outskirts.
Chantage: Why didn't you go to the party?
Lapin Garcon: it's not really my scene. Most of the people there are a bunch of snobs.
She raised her eye at his response. True, they weren't really friends in real life. She more or less just tolerated anyone from outside the elites that she worked with in the AV club. Before she could respond though, he seemed to have added another reply.
Lapin Garcon: Well, not all of them. N's girlfriend is one of them, she's part of this group that's like composed of the crème de la crème of our school. Cheerleaders, MVPs, Jocks, braniacs. And I thought she was one of the snobby ones too. But she isn't. I only got to hang out with her today but she seemed nice.
Chantage: That's good. Anyone else on her group you don't think is a snob?
She had a feeling now that he was talking about Natsume and Mikan. It made too much sense. He was Natsume's friend. N= Natsume. It was too much of a coincidence if he wasn't. And Natsume and Mikan had recently gotten together. And Mikan was part of the elites, the leader even. And they did just come from Reo's party. It definitely added up.
Lapin Garcon: Well, there's the basketball manager, he's sorta an OK guy. Then there's a couple of the cheerleaders who aren't really the mean girls type. And then there's the nice kid from student council. He wears glasses and isn't really mean to anyone.
A part of her was disappointed to find that she wasn't part of the no snob list. Did she really come off as a snob to people? She was always aloof, and she wondered why the thought only bothered her now. She certainly never seemed to care what other people would talk about before. Speaking of which…
Lapin Garcon: And then there's this other girl. She's calm and cool. She can be scary at times, but she's okay.
Chantage: Scary? How?
Lapin Garcon: She's manager of the AV club that I am a member of. Tech savvy girl. She's always so distant to people. Even with their circle, she's called the "Ice Queen". And people are afraid to piss her off. She knows a lot. About everything and everyone. But she's very studious and not to mention cute.
She felt a blush creep up her cheeks and if asked, she would probably suggest that the diner itself was humid and stuffy despite it being cold outside. By then Ruka and Tsubasa's food had arrived. She took a deep breath before responding.
Chantage: Do you like her?
Lapin Garcon: What do you mean? Like as a person?
Chantage: Yeah you said she was cute. So do you like her, a. as a person, b. as a friend or do you like her as more than a friend, like a crush of some sorts?
She peeked at him from the corner of her eye, pretending to be watching the activities of the people still milling around the parking lot (smoking weed probably). He paused for a second and then she could feel his eyes on her. She pretended not to notice and subtly turned as if she had just been taking something out of her purse. He didn't wolf down his food like Tsubasa was doing and she finally addressed his staring at her.
"Nogi, do I have something on my face? Or is there any particular reason that you're staring at me?" She asked pointedly.
"No. I mean, I'm sorry to have stared. I'm just getting used to the fact that you're actually here in this run down old diner with us. We don't hang out often outside of the AV club." He said hesitantly.
"Well, this is fun, but I have somewhere to be." She pulled out a few bills from her wallet and placed them on the table before sliding out of the booth and standing up.
She glanced at her phone before she locked it and put it in her case and subsequently in her bag. There was no response from Lapin Garcon. (It would have been obvious to her since he had stopped looking at his phone) . She was now 100% convinced it was him. And somehow his answer to her question both excited and scared her. Nothing could get her that riled up much these days. And nothing pretty much scared her. It was a new feeling.
"Gentlemen, dinner is on me." She said before turning around and walking out of the diner amidst Tsubasa and Ruka's 'thank yous', and heading straight for her car. She walked briskly in the chilly night, once again hugging her coat around her. She could feel him watching from the diner's window but neither showed interest or acknowledgement that he was watching.
She was about to start the ignition when her phone beeped. She fumbled in her bag for her phone and once unlocked, she saw that he had responded. Her eyes wide and her heart beating fast.
Lapin Garcon: I think I do.
END OF CHAPTER 11
So, exciting developments.
Mikan has finally admitted she's fallen in love with Natsume. But will she have the chance to tell him? Or will she let him get Luna back and let him go?
And Natsume's jelly! But he's still confused with what he wants? Will he go back to Luna?
And Hotaru's finally found out about Lapin Garcon's identity. Plus she found out Ruka's got a crush on her! Will she let him know that she knows?
Stay tuned to find out!
UNRELATED NEWS: I got so frustrated that Pokemon Go was released for iOs and Android but is incompatible with my phone. (I'm using a zenfone 2 deluxe which has an Intel CPu) The whole world has gone gaga for this game and here I am stuck on a black screen T_T
Who else has had this problem?
N Risa – I'm still thinking of a way to get DNCE inserted, so I'm gonna have to ask you to wait a bit for that. Hope exams went well!
YoNaMe – Sumire is most likely scheming up an evil plan right now. Stay tuned for it in the next chapters.. and yeah, I hope you like Philophobia! XD
newroz –Well the end of this chapter is sorta the beginning of a small arc for them in this fic ;)
lychiis – Hey! Chantage is actually Hotaru (translates to 'blackmail' in French) and Miss_U is actually just a random person on the internet that joins the chat rooms. You were right about LG and SkaterDUDE though. XD
Derp1Derp2 –She most certainly did! And looks like Ruka and Tsubasa reacted okay.
Anilissa – Definitely close but still so far. Well Mikan's finally jumped that hurdle, but when will Natsume? XD And yeah Sumire's going to be the bad girl for a change, well along with Luna XD
Guest (who I am guessing is ToukaKaneki Ulle) – So I think this was you who reviewed sans login to the site because we were talking about my updates from the last chapter review answers. Haha. And yes, in between work, sleep, and sometimes my other adulting responsibilities, I insert writing as sort of a palate cleanser. To ease my mind from the stresses of daily adult life. And thank you so much for being patient.
P.S. If ever this isn't you who's reviewing , please let me know that I just embarrassed myself. Hahaha ;)
blessifier – Ohmigosh! You can't imagine how happy I was to get a review from you! Like for real. You are one of my favorite authors from the fandom, I always squeal when I see an update for Her Gaming Life in GA! Thank you! And I am deeply humbled that you love my story coz I love yours too! From a fellow author: thank you for the love 3
pennYnnep – Well, her reaction is pretty much the title of this chapter. It's an inner struggle since she's not used to this kind of thing. Same thing for how Mikan and Natsume are feeling. The inner struggle is real XD
Guest (2) – Thank you so much! Each and every review means so much to me. May it be one of my all time followers or even anonymous guests! Arigatou! :*
So story cycle update:
Philophobia (NEW) - Secrets - Fairie Tales - Starting Over Again - The Scam
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Ja Ne!
xoxo Lexi1989
