Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's folly
Chapter 11: Quid Pro Quo
Scarlet Devil Mansion, early morning
Aya was poking the still-paralysed Remilia. Her facial expression wouldn't have shown it, but Remilia's eyes were glowing with hatred.
"Come on, vampire! Unparalyse! I need a story! And stories need quotes! Argh! Do something!"
Remilia remained silent, standing in the same spot she always had been since Patchouli froze her.
"JUST MOVE!" Aya frustratedly yelled, and kicked the statue-like vampire, causing her to topple over like a papiér maché model in the wind.
The shout caused an interested Flandre to venture out the basement. Aya heard the footsteps, but didn't react in time as the blonde vampiress shouted "Boo!" to shock Aya.
"Oh... the... little sister... so, you got your sword back, no problem, I see. It was stolen, just like I said, huh?"
"What's wrong with Remi?" Flandre asked.
Aya knew where this was going and worriedly tried to 'explain', "Um, your big sister's um... sleeping..."
"On the floor? With her eyes open? I sleep with my eyes open, but only because the basement's so dark. Onee-sama, are you okay?" Flandre asked in a friendly way, tugging Remilia's cheek.
When Remilia didn't respond, a rebellious spark entered Flandre's eye. She picked up Remilia like a puppet, and then 'asked' her, "Remi, is it okay if I go outside and play?"
'Remilia', who for obvious reasons had a voice similar to Flandre's muffled voice, said, "Yes, little sister, you're a good girl and you can play out whenever you want."
"Thank you, Remilia! You're the best!"
"No, you're the best!" 'Remilia' replied.
"Aw, I guess I am..." Flandre concluded, and dropped Remilia to rush out of the mansion grounds.
Aya had just sat out to avoid confronting the slightly deranged, super-powerful vampire, but was slightly worried. She knew that for once, her information could be vital. She scribbled everything she could down, and dashed towards Hakurei Shrine.
Hakurei Shrine, immediately after
Reimu was enjoying a good bowl of Yukari-Os, some form of cereal-based food, and was ready for a good day of... shrine-maideny work. Of course, whenever Reimu was relaxed, this meant one thing. The wall smashed, somewhat predictably.
"Reimu! Reimu! Scarlet! Scarlet! The little sister! Escaped! Remilia! Incapacitated! Help! Now! Please!"
"Slow down, Aya. And please use the door. It's getting tiresome rebuilding my walls over and over. What is it?"
"Flandre Scarlet's escaped! Remilia isn't with her! She's paralysed because she was being mean to Sakuya and Patchouli shut her up with a spell, then I kicked Remilia over, which was a mistake, but anyway now Flandre's out and dangerous and I don't know what to do!"
"W-w-w-WHAT? Why didn't you stop her?"
"Would you stop a crazed, destructive vampire?"
"Yeah, probably."
"Oh... I guess that's why I came here. Anyway, please, we need to catch her!"
Mayohiga, circa eight anti meridian
"Yutaka, please get me some tea... green, with a hint of cumin."
"Yes, Yukari-sama..." Yutaka said, with a genuine grin on her face.
Once the tea was brewed, Yutaka brought the tea through from the kitchen, to Yukari's living room. About a foot from her, though, Yutaka tripped and fell, spilling hot water all over Yukari.
"AH!" Yukari screamed as the scalding water hit her, "Stop falling over! At first, it was Moé and cute, but now it's annoying! Stop it!"
"Sorry, Yukari-sama..." Yutaka insincerely said.
"Oh, you'd best mean that... now, dry that spillage at once! Jeez, it's all over the couch, you're just creating more work. Ugh... I'm going to find Ran, maybe she'll help you out."
"Actually, I heard from Ran that she found a new master."
"W-w-when did she tell you this?"
"While you were hibernating. She said something about my old boss, too..."
"Huh? That retard's dead, ain't he?"
"Nope, I'm pretty sure she's working for him now. Can't think why else she'd mention him and a new master in the same sentence..."
Yukari looked like she was going to explode. "ARGH! That traitor! I'm going to find her, and then, I'm gonna fry her 'til she becomes an interesting new dish!"
"Fried fox? Doesn't sound too tasty, why not let me do the cooking?"
"Because you've been cooking terribly ever since yesterday! What the hell's wrong with you, anyway? Get that smile off your face and start drying the tea stains! I'm going out. DO NOT LEAVE. Got it?"
"Yes Yukari-sama. Anything for you, Yukari-sama."
Dawitsu Mansion, some time later
Dawitsu was practising a dance routine. He was doing a complicated, eight-beat routine while Ran and Chen were simply hip-swaying with their hands placed on top their heads like ears.
The speakers in his mansion were playing 'Caramelldansen', whatever that was, and Sakuya and Patchouli were enjoying the show. The music was interrupted, however, by the door-bell ringing.
"Sakuya, please can you get that?" Dawitsu exasperatedly said, while still dancing.
"Okay, okay..." Sakuya muttered, backing towards the door, still watching the performance.
She opened the door, not looking at who was outside- a thunder-faced Yukari Yakumo.
"Hey! Hey!"
"Yeah, hold on, this dance is hilarious!" Sakuya said, half-paying attention.
"Look, we've all seen Caramelldansen."
"I haven't. Look, how awesome does he look with those Shikigami as his backing dancers?"
"THEY'RE MY SHIKIGAMI!" Yukari shouted. This caught Sakuya's attention.
"Oh... uh... Yukari... well... uh, come in, I'm sure that we can explain everything."
"That's better. Why are you here, anyway?" Yukari mused.
Dawitsu and co stopped dancing, and he smugly declared. "So, oh mighty Border Youkai, what brings you to my humble abode?"
"Shut up and give me back my Shikigami."
"Oh, you are mistaken. These are my Shikigami. Ran's term with you finished on the day you battled me. She then volunteered to join me."
"But... but... hold on, Chen's still mine!"
"No, she's Ran's, which means by proxy, she's mine."
"But... Ran, you don't want to stay with this loser, do you? He's so feeble compared to me!"
Ran calmly replied, "He treats me with dignity. Power isn't everything."
Yukari growled, "Look, you worthless kitsune! I don't have to take this defiance! It's no way to talk to..."
"To who? Your mistress?" Dawitsu mocked. "You're not her mistress. She is happily here. So, please leave. I have several dance routines planned, so please leave. I intend to act as a support act to the Prismriver's concert three days from now, so we have a lot of practice to do."
"Hmph! That Yutaka's useless, and now that... ugh!" Yukari quickly disappeared into a gap.
Patchouli asked Dawitsu, "So, do you reckon it's worked?"
"Perhaps. I'm still not sure how we're gonna keep Ran from being re-hired though..."
Aya broke into the Dawitsu mansion at just the right time, along with Reimu. Aya was hysterically shouting random words, including 'Flandre', 'Escaped' and 'Danger'. Reimu was considerably calmer.
"Look, Dawitsu, I don't like you, you don't like me, but have you seen Flandre Scarlet anywhere?"
"No..." Dawitsu attempted to continue, before Patchouli gasped, and flusteredly said, "Oh God! I never should have froze Remilia! She's gonna kill us all if we don't do something! Ah! No!"
Reimu sighed. "If you can't help, then I'll head off."
"So cold, Reimu. You tsudere, you!" Dawitsu cheekily remarked.
"Shut up. I still don't know what that means. Come on, Aya."
Aya, who had been babbling nonsensically throughout the conversation, nodded, continued babbling, and dashed through the wall. Reimu slowly floated out the fresh hole.
Sakuya and Patchouli were panicking. Dawitsu was concerned, but suddenly had a light-bulb moment that required him to be all but concerned.
"Hey! That's given me a great idea!"
"What? How can this crisis give you an idea?"
"I know exactly how I can get Yutaka back..."
Forest of Magic, Mid-day
The dense canopy of the Forest was keeping Flandre nice and sheltered. She was approaching Alice Margatroid's house.
Within the house, Alice was nursing an injured Marisa. Humans tended to be more susceptible to knife wounds.
"Marisa..." Alice said, concernedly, "You need anything?"
"You've been waiting on me hand and foot for like, half a week... why?"
"Well, um... I still need you to fix my house..."
"Oh... here's me thinking you were helping me because you had, like, some lesbian crush on me or something..."
Alice blushed, and turned away from Marisa for a bit. "Uh... heh, in your dreams, Marisa."
"...Heh, I was only joking, I knew you were getting something out of this. Why so serious?"
"Eh... what are you talking about, I was just playing along with the joke..."
The atmosphere could be cut with a knife, but Flandre felt that a Laevateinn was a better instrument for the job. Alice's house was bisected, leaving the upstairs bedroom Alice was nursing Marisa in intact, just making the rest of the house ten times more visible... and plaster-covered.
Oh yeah, all the fire didn't help either.
"Ah! Marisa! Flandre's attacking my house!"
"Well, I'm crippled, I can't do anything!"
"Oh damn it!" she yelled, and picked up Marisa and the duvet that was covering her, and rushed outside.
Flandre caught sight of Alice, "Hello! I'm just playing with your house! Don't worry, I'll give it back!"
"It's no good if you give it back destroyed... NO!" Alice suddenly remembered her doll collection.
She lay Marisa on the ground, ran into her blazing house, and picked up a horde of Dolls, before leaving.
"Okay, head count. Shanghai, Hourai, France, Holland, Tibet, Kyoto, Russia, Orleans, and... secret project. Yeah, you're all here."
"Who's secret project?" Marisa moaned, rolling over to see the pile of dolls.
Alice frantically tried to hide the 'Secret Doll' in the pile. Flandre ruined her efforts as she turned her attention from slashing Alice's house to the doll.
"Oh, that doll looks tons like Marisa! You're so talented!"
Alice was red from head to toe. "Uh... what are you talking about, Flandre?"
Marisa crawled towards the doll collection, and searched for the doll.
"D-don't look at my dolls... I'll never forgive you..."
Marisa eventually salvaged her own effigy. "What the hell's this?"
But before any answer could be heard, Reimu's voice screamed, "FLANDRE! I know you're here, I can see your flames from here... oh, no! Alice!"
Reimu appeared on the scene, Flandre quickly flew away, and Aya appeared shortly after.
Marisa weakly looked at Reimu... "Before you say it, no, I didn't set Alice's house on fire. But, please, get her to explain why she's got a freakin' DOLL OF ME!"
Aya, who was hysterically babbling a millisecond before, quickly took to writing down the new gossip.
"So, you have a Marisa Doll! It's so cute!" Aya remarked, taking it off Marisa, and started to play with it.
She put on a 'Human impression' voice, and said, "I'm Marisa, I save the day because I want to steal things. I'm a thief, and Alice likes me a lot!"
Reimu sighed, "Damn it, I know that this fire was caused by Flandre. I need to catch that girl!"
Alice was trying to sneak away with eight ninths of her dollerama, but Reimu stopped her.
"Damn it, Alice, put that fire out! It's your house. I'll try to get Flandre to repair it, though I make no promises. Also, the best policy is the truth, so make whatever strange obsession you have with Marisa known... it'll give Aya something to write about while I catch that girl."
Mayohiga, two o'clock
After five close encounters with the local disaster resolution specialist, Flandre decided to go into hiding. She was hiding behind a dog youkai's house, and she seemed to have finally outrun the shrine maiden. However, she soon felt hands on her mouth.
"Don't scream." a voice not belonging to Reimu said.
She turned around to see Dawitsu. "Who are you? Why don't you have long hair, and what's this hair-like stuff on your chin? What are you?"
"I'm Dawitsu. The guy who stole your sword. I just want to say I'm sorry..."
"You made my Laevateinn go missing?"
"Yeah. Also... come out, guys."
Ran, Sakuya, Patchouli, and Chen all revealed themselves from their hiding places (A hole in the ground, a rift in time-space, a post, and a bin respectively) and joined Dawitsu and Flandre.
"Why are you... no, I'm not going back to the basement! No!" Flandre shouted as she saw Sakuya.
"No, no, no, stop shouting... we're gonna let you play... a little longer. Just come with us..." Patchouli explained.
Patchouli led the group to where she knew Yukari lived. "Here, Flandre. We're going to ask Yukari if you can play with her house. And if she's a big meanie, we'll let you." Dawitsu told Flandre. "Now, stay for the moment."
Dawitsu knocked on Yukari's door. Yutaka answered the door. Overjoyed, Dawitsu hugged his ex-shikigami. "Alright, soon, you'll be living with me again. Just... play along for now. Act shocked."
Yutaka nodded, and shouted falsely, "Oh no! It's my ex-boss! Yukari-sama, oh Yukari-sama, help me!"
Yukari approached, and pushed Yutaka out of her way. "Right, what do you want? There's nothing you have of value to get her back, you know..."
"Well, how about this?" Dawitsu proposed, gesturing towards Flandre. "This... escapee is having a lot of fun destroying properties. And she's turned her... quite pretty, actually, eye to your house. Now, I'm willing to let her have fun, but if you're not up for that..."
"You're bluffing. You wouldn't dare..."
"Really? Wouldn't I? Flandre, go ahead, she's a big meanie after all..."
Flandre ran towards the house, excited.
"No, no, no, no, no, NO!" Yukari screamed. "Okay, okay, fine. She's terrible anyway. She'd always do as she was told, but mess up! She was trying to be Moé, but too hard! She doesn't even have animal ears or a tail! She's pointless! Go on, take her! That's what you want, isn't it? Take her! Just don't take my house!"
Dawitsu quickly told Flandre, "Stop! She's listened to me. Don't play with the house."
"Aw, but I was really looking forward to it..." Flandre moaned, and continued walking towards the house.
"NO! Listen, Flandre, if you don't stop I'll..." but Dawitsu only had empty threats. Patchouli did not, however. She poked Flandre, recited the same spell she did on Remilia, and watched as she froze and fell over.
Yutaka ran out of Yukari's house, happy that the plan worked. Dawitsu ran towards his Shikigami, and they both hugged it out as if they were a pair of gym buddies. They performed some form of secret handshake, and Dawitsu sang, "Oh, how I've missed you..."
"I've missed you too..."
"I have a special task for you when we get home, Yutaka..."
"What's that?"
Sakuya grinned, and said, "Oh, you'll see..."
Dawitsu Mansion, late night
Dawitsu, and his set of three shikigami were all prepared to dance the routine.
"Argh! This ain't right unless there's a fifth dancer! Patchy, do you want to join us up here?"
"Well I'm not sure if I'd be that good, with my asthma and all..." Patchouli used as an excuse, "Sakuya's probably good, you know, timing and everything."
"Um... er... well..."
"Come on, Sakuya! Dance up here! It's energetic, but real easy to remember! It's called Hare Hare Yukai!"
Sakuya smiled, and said, "Sure, why not."
So the five danced the night away, while Patchouli and a frozen Flandre watched, laughing and humming the whole way.
Aru, hareta, hi no koto, maho ijo no yukai ga. Kaneriniku, furisosogu, hukai no janai wa! Ashita, mata au toki, wara ina gara HUMMINGu, urahisha wo, atsumayo, kantan nandayo konano. Oikakatene... tsuka maete mite... ookina yume, yume, suki desho.
Author's note: Aw, how sweet! They got back together. And what's more HARE HARE YUKAI! OH MY GOD! I'VE BEEN WAITING TO INSERT SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR AGES!
