She stood in front of the door for a whole six minutes before it opened. The whole time, her mind was swirling and her heart was thumping. It had taken her half an hour, from getting home to stepping out of the shower, to realise that she had no other choice except real. It was real and she couldn't escape it. And for the first time, she didn't know if she wanted to. Maybe she wanted to collide with it head-on and see what happened.
"Violet?" The door opened and Addison was staring at her, confused. Which was understandable, since it was around 11.
"Hi. I know it's really late. And we're not friends. But I really, really need to...share." She smiled at her.
Addison stared at her for another second, before wrapping her robe tighter around her and nodding, "Come in. Are you okay?"
Yes. No. She wasn't even sure. Was she okay? What do you call it when you realise you're in love with your best friend? Oh God. This was real and she had no idea what to do with it. Well, tell him. If only that was as easy as it sounded.
Addison gestured for her to sit down onto the couch, and sat down next to her. "Share away." She smiled reassuringly.
How to phrase this? "I think I love him." She said, staring at her hands. No. She didn't think it. She knew it. She knew that she loved the way he made her coffee, even if it was a tiny bit different to the way she did it. She knew that she loved how he played with her hair when they watched movies. She knew that she loved how he bought her takeaways then ended up cooking her dinner anyway. And she knew that she wanted that dream, the cold mornings in bed, the clinks of metal bands, and yes, even the waddling, to be real.
Her red-haired colleague did not seem to understand this, "Well, sure, I mean. You two are really close, aren't you?"
She shook her head forcefully, "I love Cooper. Love love."
"Oh. Ouch." Addison said, "I take it you haven't told him."
She shook her head again, a little less forcefully and a little more regretfully.
"That happened to me once." Addison said in reflection, glancing at her.
She looked up. Hopefully this would be a story with a happy ending. "What happened?"
"Turned out he felt the same. We got married. Lived happily ever after." She paused. "Then I slept with his best friend and he fell in love with a whiny intern across the country. But that's another, very long story."
She laughed, and Addison continued, "But since you are his best friend, I don't think you'll have that problem."
Violet held her breath, "You think he..."
She shook her head, "I don't know. But telling him sure beats waiting at home for him to show up at your doorstep."
She stood up, and nodded, once again reminding herself of Cooper. And not minding so much this time. "Thank you. I should ..." She glanced towards the door. She should go figure out how to tell her best friend that friends wasn't enough.
Addison stood up as well and smiled, "Good luck."
She had rephrased the sentence "I love you." about 50 different ways by the time she arrived home. None of them sounding good enough. How exactly do you say it? Do you just blurt it out? Or write it down? Should you even use words? The idea of a repetition of the pancake kiss made her heart a little warmer.
