I do not own anything except my OC. WARNING:Randomness, dank memes and a few grammar mistakes.

Chapter 9: Weeaboos

Nova started the video.

Frank:(in japanese)Welcome. Welcome to the Filthy Frank show.

"What language does he speak?" Blake said.

"Japanese." Nova said.

Frank:(in japanese) Today I will teach you something good.(gets closer)Are you ready to have some fun? I sure am!

"Ewwwww!" all the girls said.

"Come on! The subtitles are wrong." Nova said.

"What did he say?" Ren said.

"Something about dead jewish people or something."

Frank:Konnichiwa you magnificent bastards!

"Here we go again." Weiss said.

Frank:I've got a joke for ya. Fucking weeaboos go to Japan and be like: "Whe-wher-where are the subtitles?"

They laughed.

"What was that voice?" Yang said.

Frank:Now today I wanna talk about an issue that affects us on a global scale. Weeaboos. For those of you who don't know what a weeaboo is:(shows definition) A non japanese person who basically denounces their own culture and call themselves japanese. They try to learn the language through the anime they watch and usually end up pronouncing it wrong and looking like a complete idiot. KEEP IN MIND: that a non-japanese person can like the culture, watch anime, speak the language and RESPECT THE CULTURE, while still keeping in touch with their own. Which keeps them from being a weeaboo.(japanophile, etc.). Weeaboos basically disrespect the culture and make complete asses of themselves.

Everyone knew now what a weeaboo is and laughed with that last sentence.

"Best definition ever." Yang said.

Frank:Even if you don't know the definition, you've definitely seen these guys around. On the internet,(shows weeaboos) at your local comic book store, in your mom's smell bad, they're disgusting.

Everyone laughed.

"In your mom's attic. That so true!" Ruby said.

Frank: Now before I go into this I want you guys to realize that there's a difference between being a person that just likes anime and people that are full-on disgusting unhygienic weeaboos. If you just like watching those japanese cartoons(shows picture of anime) and you're an alright person, Go for it, bud, I don't give a shit.

"The girl in the photo has animal ears!" Nora said.

"I told you. People with animal characteristics are a thing in Japan." Nova said.

Frank:If you like to watch a little hentai on the down low that ain't my problem yo. YEAH YOU KNOW I WATCH THAT SHIT BRUH. Sex invertebrates!

"What is hentai?" Ruby said.

"Porn." Nova said.

Frank:I mean I feel with you guys. My favorite animes consist of Toy Story, Cory in the House, airplane instruction videos from the eighties, you know, Seinfeld.

"Those aren't anime." Weiss said.

"That's the joke." Nova said.

Frank:You know, we all like the same shit, I get it, I'm an anime fan as well. But this is when you have a real fucking problem.(weeaboo impression) I have a katana collection. I've been learning japanese on Rosetta Stone for like five weeks now. I've had so much sex with my body pillow that it stands on its own now.

"Ewwww!" Everyone said.

"Those are total losers!" Weiss said.

Frank:(weeaboo impression) My waifu is coming to life. Don't talk shit about Attack on Titan. It's a really good show. I've been really thinking about going to Japan soon. I know how to use chopsticks, I know hiragana, 'cause, you know, I don't feel like anybody here is on my, uh, anime expertise level. First I'll have to get a job. That's- that's the first thing.

Everyone laughed.

"Do these people really think that watching these shows makes them japanese?" Blake said.

"Yeah." Nova said.

"That's pretty sad." Yang said.

Frank:Like, dude, I get that some of you collected weapons or something but that's already kind of red flag-ish in the first place.

"Really?" Ruby said.

"Yeah, weapons are illegal on Earth." Nova said.

"Earth is lame."

Frank:But if you're wasting money on, like, japanese weapons that you can't even use, that's, that's actually like a problem, you should notify your school.

"Why the school?" Jaune said.

Frank:Just because you try and dress and act like a certain ethnic group, it doesn't mean you're that ethnic group. You know, when I was younger I used to want to be Thomas the Tank Engine(shows Thomas) , but that shit never happened! We all have dreams.

"Aww, he wanted to be a train when he was a kid." Pyrrha said.

"With a slightly disturbing face." Yang added.

Frank:I just wanted a piece of Percy's ass, you feel me(laughs)? You know, I just wanted a piece of that helicopter's ass(laughs).

Everyone laughed.

"Moment ruined."

Frank:Dreams don't come true. Face it bud, you're never gonna be japanese. And changing your avatar to hentai or waifu or whatever they're called and being a self-righteous faggot literally everywhere on the internet. It's not gonna help! These people with anime avatars are everywhere. Every comment section, every Twitter discussion, you know, everyone in the Facebook comments. And you say one thing about anime and these guys will fuck you up man. They will breathe really heavy and start typing on the keyboard really fast(he's close to the camera, types and breathes beavily).

Everyone laughed.

"That's so true!" Yang said while laughing.

Frank:You sure showed me(he makes a weird sound and it's repeated three times).

"What was that sound?" Weiss said.

Frank:Like, damn, who put a good old Rasengan up your ass, you feel me? Oh shit. Yo, a pigeon just landed on my- Do you hear that? There's a pigeon outside my window.

Everyone laughed.

"He stopped the video for a pidgeon!" Yang said.

Frank:-the fuck out.(in japanese) This is my house.

They couldn't stop laughing.

Frank:Also, the worst part is you think you know all about Japan after watching like, what, six anime series. Like, you believe that schoolgirls have eyes these big. You believe that everyone holds a fucking katana on the trains.

"Yea we do." Ruby said.

Frank:Nobody practices jutsus in the corner. And nobody talks like this(says stuff in japanese like in anime).

Everyone cringed.

"They do talk like that!" Ruby said while laughing.

"You got to admit. For a not japanese person, his japanese are good." Nova said

Getting a body pillow and masturbating to animated thirteen year old girls doesn't make you japanese. It just makes you a borderline pedophile.

Everyone was shocked.

Frank:And also guys, as much as I wish it was true, not all asians girls sound like(does japanese girl orgasms).

The girls were kinda offended and the boys liked it.

"What's going on guys? Do I see a little boner?" Nova said. They did have a boner and got red from embarassment. The girls were shocked.

"JAUNE!" Pyrrha said.

"REN!" Nora said.

"You got caught with your hands on your dick." Yang said.

"Nova got a boner too!" Jaune said trying to move the attention somewhere else. Indeed Nova got a boner too.

"Fuck." Nova said. The girls were disgusted by the boys.

Frank:I definitely woke my neighbors up. Shit. My neighbors heard that for sure.

They forgot about the boner i cident and laughed.

Frank:I think my neighbors are weeaboos, they probably think I'm getting mad pussy. 'Cause you know I get all that it is scrum-diddly-umptious.

"Eww gross."Ruby said.

Frank:As an outsider, you're literally praising one of the most xenophobic cultures that exist today. IRONY!

"Really?" Blake said.

"Kinda." Nova said.

Frank:What you're doing would be like a japanese person doing this(opens his eyes), wearing a cowboy hat and boots, swinging a rope around and going "Yeehaw!"(japanese accent) Herro. My namu is Cowboy Tanaka.

Everyone laughed.

"That accent!" Yang said while laughing.

"I don't get what he said about the eyes." Pyrrha said.

"All asian people have eyes that look like that." Nova said and showed what asian eyes are. Everyone got that now.

"You know, it's kinda weird because two of you are asian and one of them has asian eyes."

"Who?" Jaune said.

"Ren.". Then everyone looked at Ren.

"You're right, he has asian eyes." Blake said. "Who's the other one?"

"Yang."

"I'm asian?" she said.

"Yeah, your name is chinese.".

"What about me?" Nora said.

"What's your last name?"

"Valkyrie."

"Skandinavian."

"What about the rest of us?" Ruby said.

"You're American, Weiss is German, Blake is Italian, Jaune is French and Pyrrha is Greek. Any more questions?"

Everyone was surprised and fascinated by his answers.

"Okay then, let's continue."

Frank:A lot of people get defensive about this. Look, I'm always getting harassed by everybody to make fun of disease, you know race, you know, black people, jews, everyone's like "Yeah, do it, do it do it" But as soon as I even touch anime- "Woah woah woah, too far!, everybody, let Frank relax!" You can make fun of anything but anime. This is the Filthy Frank Show. Make up your fucking mind bro. Like, over here at the Filthy Frank Show, we support prejudice equality. Everyone gets shit. What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin.

Everyone was shocked except for Nova because he couldn't stop laughing.

Frank:See? Look, everyone gets shit here. Yeah, take that, white people!

White person:Follow your dreams, son.

Everyone laughed.

But still, I can't help but feel scared. Man, those weeaboos, man, they're fucking scary, I'm not gonna lie. It's almost like I can hear 'em just, breathing really fucking heavy, and just pounding down on their keyboards, full-on Caps Lock I'm not fucking around this time.

This got a few laughs.

Salamander Man:(enters the room) NYEES! (papa franku!)

Everyone was surprised.

"What the fuck is that!?" Yang said.

"Why is he twisting his nipples?!" Blake said.

Salamander:NYEES! (The weeaboos are coming!)

"Okay it got really weird." Yang said.

Frank:What the fuck, Salamander Man? What's going on? Tell me, tell me.

Salamander:Nyees!(Those fucking nerds are coming.)

"I don't want to see him playing with his nipples." Ruby said covering her eyes.

Frank:Alright Salamander Man, relax, relax. I knew this day would come.

Salamander:(plays his flute with his nose)

"That's kinda impressive." Ruby said.

"No it's not!" Weiss said.

"I want to play flute with my nose!" Nora said.

Frank:Safari Man.

Safari Man:(japanese) Franku! But aren't we japanese?

Frank:Apparently everyone has to look like an anime character, Safari Man.

Safari Man:(japanese) We have to run! Hahaha.

"He didn't sound like he said that." Ren said.

"I think he said something about liking pussy." Nova said. The girls groaned.

Frank:Now relax guys, me and Pink Guy are gonna take care of this. Pink Guy!

Pink guy:(turns at Frank)

"What the fuck is that face?" Yang said.

Frank:You remember the training?

Pink guy:(nods)

They couldn't hold their laughter, especially Nova.

Frank:Quick, to the Weeaboo Protection Chamber!

"What is happening?" Ruby said.

"The weeaboos are coming." Nova said.

Frank: (runs to the chamber) I knew this day would come. Pink Guy, Pink Guy! Where are you?

Pink guy:Ey, boss.

Everyone laughed.

"Ey boss." Ruby repeated.

Frank:Oh, there you are. It's ok now, we're safe. We're in the Weeaboo Protection Chamber.

Pink guy: CANSOMEBODYGIMMETHEPUSSYPLEASE. (Franku you are growing a neckbeard.)

They couldn't stop laughing.

Frank:What the hell are you talking about?(zooms on his neckbeard)Oh, shit. It's spreading. The disease is spreading.(sees Weeaboo Jones coming.)

Weeaboo Jones:(walks like a weeaboo)

They couldn't stop laughing.

"Why is he walking like that?" Ruby said.

Frank:Weeaboo Jones?

Pink guy:(in a corner crying) Boss! Boss, please!

Weeaboo Jones:(walks)

Pink guy:Boss, please, give me the pussy.

They were laughing so hard.

Weeaboo Jones:(walks) (screams) Rasengan! (sharingan eyes) Kagebunshin no jutsu(X2)(throws poor edited weapons with lame sound effects)

"Best fight ever. Probably a lot better than your fights." Nova said.

"What? Our fight are a hundred times better than this!" Ruby said.

Frank:(evades and makes japanese girl orgasms)

Everyone laughed.

Weeaboo Jones:Rasengan... Rossetta stone...

"What is a rasengan?" Ruby said.

"The rasengan is a ninja technique from Naruto. It's a ball made of chakra." Nova said.

"Chakra?" Jaune said.

"Life energy." Ren said.

"In Naruto it's actually ki, you know like in Dragon Ball."

Frank: It's no use. Weeaboo Jones is too strong. That's it. I know exactly what I need to do.(he gets up and gives him the middle finger) Fuck you, Weeaboo Jones! I love Family Guy! (throws reality checks)

Random voice:Reality check! Reality check!

Everyone laughs.

"Get real." Yang said.

Frank:(keeps throwing like an idiot and hits Weeaboo Jones)

Weeaboo Jones:(falls defeated) (weeaboo song starts playing with photos of weeaboos)

"What's going on? Is this a song?" Ruby said.

Konnichiwa, senpai

Please notice me

I watch Asian cartoons

I'm a weeaboo

I live in my mom's house

I'm like 32

I collect swords and throwing stars

'Cause I'm a weeaboo

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But I will always be one step ahead of you

Because I read the manga

(You're such a fucking pleb, are you even even Japanese bro?)

I haven't showered in like 16 weeks

All my friends and peers are ashamed of me

'Cause all of a sudden

I think I'm Japanese

[Chorus]

Yes, I'm a weeaboo

Yes, I'm a weeaboo

Yes, I'm a weeaboo

Yes, I'm a weeaboo

A filthy weeaboo

(Naruto's so overrated)

A dirty weeaboo

(You wanna see my katana collection?)

A fucking weeaboo

(I'm learning Japanese on Rosetta Stone)

A disgusting weeaboo

(So I'm like basically Japanese now)

Everyone was shocked.

"I want to rip my own eyes off." Blake said.

Weeaboo Jones:(moves weirdly) Konni- Konnichiwa. Rossetta Stone.

Frank :Anyways, point is: You can do whatever the fuck you want, I don't give a shit. Just don't bring that shit near me. I'm a fucking hustler. I'm gonna say it again, guys. I have nothing against anime. I have nothing against any of that shit. Everything I just said could be applied to any kind of other obsession. Like, just take it easy man. Also, if you let a 52 year old man in glasses and a dirty shirt tell you what to do with your life, that's pretty fucking sad. But not as sad as a fucking weeaboo. Sayonara bastards, I'm out. Peace.

Everyone laughed

It's Filthy Frank mothafucka, it's Filthy Frank bitch

(shows Sasuke cosplayer getting arrested) Let's get some pussy tonight.

"He got arrested? Weeaboos are insane!" Weiss said.

"Now that I watched it I want to ask you, if you were in an anime, what would it be?" Nova asked.

"I guess our lifes are interesting enough to be an anime." Blake said.

"Can you imagine our life being an anime?" Ruby said.

"Please, like who would watch that?" Weiss said.

"Everyone." Yang said.

"I was thinking something like you being in a very fairy tale like world, with knights, wizards, dragons, princesses and demons." Nova said.

"Actually that would be really good." Pyrrha said.

"I love the idea." Ruby said.

"Or a show about kids going to school and cause trouble, like a comedy." Nova said.

"Maybe, but I don't think so." Weiss said.

"I think it would be pretty fun." Ruby said.

"Or a show about you being a group of pop singers, making a band."

"I like that." Weiss said.

"Or something really girly, like you having magic powers, colorful hair and clothes, using the power of glitter and friendship and crap."

"That sounds pretty lame." Yang said.

"And having Dragon Ball type of battles."

"Really? There is a show like that?" Ruby said.

"Yeah there is. It's like if Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z had a daughter."

"Sailor Moon?" Blake said.

"It's about a group of girls being super heroines. There are no epic fights I think. It's more of just the life of a teenage girl, but with cool animation, special effect and poses."

"That sounds like something little girls and perverts would watch." Yang said.

"You're not wrong. The point is if you were in an anime, it would be cool and you would be in body pillows, guaranteed."

That last comment freaked out the girls.

"Anyway, what should we watch next?"

"Another one of those honest trailers." Ruby said.

"Ok."

And done. Next chapter is honest game trailers mortal kombat. Now about the cartoon question, the cartoon will be spongebob. Why? Because everything fits with fucking spongebob. Like, follow and review. See you soon.