Even in my hysterics, curled up into a ball on my bed, crying into my knees, my cheek burns so hotly I think it must have seared into my skull.

In my fervor to post the video as quickly as possible, I stayed up all night filming and editing it, not finishing until about four in the morning. I posted it immediately after making sure that it was everything that I wanted it to be. Not thirty minutes after, our door was knocked down and a sea of Peacekeepers stormed in.

My parents and I ran out of our rooms while the Avoxes hid throughout the house. They shoved my mother aside and one grabbed me by my hair and started dragging me down the stairs, ignoring my screams. The others rushed around, breaking or knocking things over, causing utter chaos. My father demanded to know what was going on.

I was almost to the door when one of the Peacekeepers called to the one holding me to stop. He let go of me immediately and I ran to my mother and held on tight with my eyes shut until I heard the door shut downstairs and I knew they'd all gone.

I opened them again in time to see my father reach for me. His grip was hard and painful and I looked to my mother to stop him, but she just stared straight ahead and I realized that she hadn't held me back in all that time.

Once I was standing, without saying a word, I saw my father take a half step toward me before I was knocked back down by the force of his slap.

I wanted to look up at him to ask why he'd done this through the pain, but I couldn't. I was still confused and terrified about the Peacekeepers and now I was afraid of him. Silently, he pulled my mother up and they went back to their room with a slam of the door, further isolating me in my panic and fear.

I'd never felt so helpless. Holding my hand over my mouth to keep from making too much noise, I bawled in the hallway and dragged myself toward my room. The whole way there, I didn't see a single servant. What had I done that warranted such quarantine?

I think I threw up a few times on the way in because laying in bed I smell acrid and my throat burns, though not nearly as badly as my face and heart.

For a long time I don't understand what happened or why. When my tears finally run dry, I start to wonder if it was my video. I'm appalled and aghast that Aella was right and rail against myself bitterly for not believing her when she's been right about everything so far. Accepting that there's something deeply wrong with the Capitol and our government is hard, even harder than accepting that the Hunger Games is wrong, and I still don't want to accept it, even in the face of what's just happened. I want to apologize and thank them for not taking me away, my father must have offered up a lot of money. I want to go back to ignorance and bliss. I wish I'd never talked to Daphne or Aella or learned the things I did, but it's too late. I'm trapped in the nightmare of my making.

When the door to my room opens, I cringe and roll up into a tighter ball. The person pays no mind and sets what sounds like a tray down on my vanity, and I know it's Cassie. She comes over to my bed and I feel her press a warm, moist cloth against the side of my face.

I pull my face up and peek up at her, expecting her usual neutral expression, but she smiles a kind, sad smile at me that takes me aback. She must have realized that they were going to take me away, maybe make me into an Avox like her, but my father's money saved me. Wouldn't that make her hate me?

The spot where my father slapped me stings when she moves the cloth over it and she sucks in her breath when she sees it. She gently wipes it clean before wiping my arms and hands, then brings over the tray filled with a hot, steaming breakfast.

She turns to leave but I call out to her to stay. She hesitates for a moment before closing the door and walking back. I tell her to come sit on my bed and she looks frightened and shakes her head and hands but I tell her it's okay. I really shouldn't be interacting with an Avox, especially after this morning, but I really don't want to be alone right now and I Cassie is the only sympathetic person toward me I know of right now.

It takes a while of coaxing, but she finally sits down beside me and I share my food with her. It feels normal and nice and I thank her for staying with me and for how faithfully she's served our family all these years.

Obviously she doesn't say anything and I say just a little more than that, but by the time I'm done with breakfast, this morning's events seem more like a nightmare that's passing away.

Taking the tray from me, she replaces it at my vanity before going into the bathroom to start my bath. When she comes out, she pats my head as if I was a child and smiles.

Although she's still young, still in her twenties, she's watched over me since I was about 7 and I realize for the first time that she must love me and I love her.

After my bath, I find that all physical traces of the events of the morning are gone. My vomit is all cleaned up, my bed has new, clean sheets and pillows neatly arranged on it and the hallway is cleared of all the detritus.

I gain a new respect for our servants then, but if I thought Cassie was a representative of all their opinion of me, I was sadly wrong. Except for the cook who also gives me a relieved grin, and who is not an Avox, everyone avoids me and if I'm not mistaken, their usually placid faces are replaced with tight lips and furrowed foreheads.

Upstairs, I go into my film room and find that everything is gone. Even my phone and tab are missing, but I need them to know that the President has probably taken down my account.

Not wanting to stay at home and having already missed a day of school, I make it there for the last class. My friends ask me why I haven't been responding to their messages and I give them vague answers and tell them I'm tired.

Penelope, Andy, Daphne and I decide to hang out together after school, but outside I run into Orion who looks unsettled. I have never seen him unsettled. Even when we were going through that rough patch in our relationship he remained calm and logical. My heart sinks as I try to imagine what sort of horrible thing could have happened to him to upset him so.

I promise to catch up with my friends later if they're still hanging out and we get into his car. He drives us away from the crowd of students until we find a relatively empty area and he parks.

"What's wrong, Orion?"

Staring straight ahead at nothing, he answered, "The President revoked my internship and I've been banned from working at the studio indefinitely."

"Orion-"

"And the Peacekeepers came to my house at five in the morning, tearing it apart and taking all my equipment. They didn't even leave me with my phone! When I demanded an explanation they told me it was because I'd made a mockery of the Capitol with our videos."

"But you didn't have anything to do with it-"

"I told you you shouldn't say those things on your videos!" he shouted, finally turning to me.

"Why? When did you become an anarchist?"

"Anarchist?"

"Just get out."

"Orion," I say, tears running down my face. "I'm sorry."

"From now on, we don't know each other."

"Orion, please..."

"GET OUT!"

I want to throw my arms around him and tell him I love him and remind him that he loves me too, but how can I after ruining his life?

So I claw around the door, looking for the handle until I find it. The moment I step out, he revs away and I nearly fall but stop myself. Clinging to myself, I find a secluded spot between two buildings and cry and cry until I pass out.

When I come to, I'm in a hospital bed alone. My parents must have been informed about me and their absence speaks volumes. I want to cry again but I'm so tired I can't.

The doctor tells me that I fainted from dehydration and fatigue and my body shows signs of severe stress. He says they'll keep me here overnight before releasing me, but even at home I should get a lot of bed rest and stay home from school for at least a week. He then prescribes the proper drugs for my ailment then excuses himself.

At my bedside table, I find a two sleeping pills and a glass of water. I wish there was entire bottle of those so I would never have to wake up again, but a hospital probably isn't the best place to try and kill yourself, so I make do with them.

My father comes himself to pick me up. After the doctor does a quick check up on me and leaves, my father sits down at the edge of my bed beside me and apologizes.

"I never knew what fear was like until they almost took you away."

"I'm sorry, Dad."

"Promise me you'll never go against the government again."

"I promise," I say, surprised that I'm not crying.

He hugs me then and I hold him back, but I feel disconnected. It's not that I hate him, I just... I don't feel anything.

"I love you, Princess."

I don't say anything, but just squeeze him a little harder for fear my voice would sound unconvincing when I said it back.

The first two days back home, I keep thinking that I'll shake off this sudden apathy, but then it starts to become normal and I don't mind it much. I don't care that Orion hates me, I don't care that my parents love me and I don't care that I can no longer do my video blogs.

When my friends visit me, I smile my old winning smile at them and they go away relieved to see I'm well and unchanged, but I feel the same as when they first arrived: nothing. And it's nice. Thinking about how I used to be, I can't believe it. Every little thing was enough to make me cry tears of joy, of sorrow or anger. But then everyone's pretty much like that. How do they stand it?

My parents get me a new tab and phone and I tell a worried Aella that I'm alright. She promises to visit Saturday and I'm glad. Maybe I'm not jumping up and down in joy about it like I'd used to, but I'm happy in my own new way.