she was broken

because i wasn't there

because she said 'i'll be back soon'

and when soon didn't come

only then did i panic

i was supposed to join

but we were upset at each other

(as usual)

about something petty, i think

i was so incredibly stupid

she's only 15, only 15... what monster would hurt her like that?

and i collected her in my arms, waiting for the wailing to begin

the mourning

the loss of my friend

the loss of a beautiful girl

someone with whom i argued and fought and played with too much

never mind the drops of blood on my cloths and skin

she was still warm

and as if this God had heard me, the commotion began

kaien, yagari and the usual crowd became visible in the horizon

they were sprinting

there were flashes of light

ambulances

my vision began to blur

where art thou, my reliable focus?

i was lightheaded

i saw the paramedics shock her, putting masks and plugs all over her. zap, again. it should've been only 5 minutes that passed but it felt like an hour. i strained to see the body through the handful of petrified people. zap, again. was it 5 minutes later? it felt like another hour.

and those lids began to twitch.

i nearly cried.


so when i learned that she was back

and different

like me

of course i lost my shit


something, not zero, looked to be in control of his body right now. and it was seething.

he wanted to burn the building down. send each scientist to the other side of hell.

he snuck into the main conference room of the hunter's association. no one was there. it was 3am.

and he let loose.

he unleashed

rage that couldn't be contained in this body

hatred for people he'd never met

fury that would dissolve stone

destruction was what he knew would happen

all on behalf of a girl who didn't understand what happened to her

that someone else has decided how she would live

a long and painful and merciless life

just like his own

victim of a hunger and thirst that couldn't ever be quenched

a desert never meeting its rain

zero flipped the table in a fury. smashed paper towers aside. threw the chairs to the other side of the room. hoping to break a hole all the way to china. smashed the table centerpieces. heck, why not smash the electronics too.

screw this place. screw these people. screw this - this planet. life is not. fair. ever.

and when 10 minutes passed, and the alarm was blaring, and zero was panting with bruised knuckles and some cuts from glass shards... he still didn't feel like it was enough.

no amount of destruction would ever be enough

to compensate for his fury