Back again for another chapter, folks!

F

No warning's for this chapter, but I would like to touch upon last week's chapter and the content implied. There is brief mentioning in that chapter of spousal rape. I felt it important to bring back up here in the author's note because while it was implied it was not discussed in depth. Something I would like to make clear since it is a subject often not discussed in conversations about consent and society in general: you can be sexually assaulted by your spouse or significant other. Let me be clear for my readers, agreeing to a relationship does not mean you have put consent permanently on the table; you can retract it at any time and anyone you are married to or dating that does not respect that is violating your consent and the rights to your body. Know your right, people. You are not obligated to sleep with someone simply because you are in a relationship with them.

Now in regards to my previous chapter, spousal rape is all too common in domestic abuse, but rarely discusses or justice received for the victim. This is because the victim, like many people in any relationship, believe that they are just supposed to sleep with their partner. Wanting to say no but not realizing you have the option is a common misconception for many people in a relationship. In abusive relationships, the victim may fear violence and so agree simply to avoid getting hurt. Coerced consent is not true consent; do not let anyone ever tell you that you do not have rights simple because you agreed out of a fear of being harmed.

Now that the heavy stuff is out of the way, let's move on to some levity and get on with the chapter.


If Someone Cared Enough

Chapter Eleven: Clear the Air

Severus' first true days of summer since his release were mercifully mild in weather. Despite what Lily had assured him was a sheer scorcher of a week while he was unconscious, the weather had evened out to a manageable, pleasant warmth with a pleasing cool breeze sweeping through the town.

Of course, none of this lovely weather would make much of a difference to Severus inside his stuffy, poorly ventilated home.

Thankfully, nearly all of Severus' time since his return had been spent outside with Lily. She had made it her job to call Severus daily—forcing him to use that confusing muggle contraption his father insisted they have—to invite him out for strolls through the park or reading in her mother's garden out back beneath the prized magnolia tree.

One place they had yet to visit was their spot down by the river, and that Severus felt was odd. It used to be their favorite place, but lately Lily avoided all mention of it. Instead she insisted on various other places to spend their time.

There was little Severus could do to refuse Lily if he wanted too—which he didn't—because Lily had all but threatened to march down to his house and retrieve him if he didn't come. The last thing Severus needed was for one of his parents to answer the door to find a pretty, upstanding member of polite society standing on their stoop. Eileen would take it as a personal affront to herself to see someone better and lovelier than her and Tobias would most likely be…well himself. Severus certainly couldn't have that.

Today's venture brought Severus to a place he was becoming all too familiar with recently. At the corner of downtown Main Street rested an old Russian tea house which Lily favored considerably. Set up long before their time, the little building had miraculously survived the tension and hostility brought on by the start of the cold war, seemingly grandfathered into the neighborhood so no one cared to belabor its presence or demand its foreclosure.

Run by an aging woman and her three grandsons, the Piroshki Tea House was a charming place with a cottage-like interior, no doubt designed to resemble a grandmother's warm and cozy home. It exuded a quaint air of welcome with fine oak tables decorated in flowered tablecloths and decked with doily placemats as well as old china plates and teacups. In the center of the room stood a circular bar behind which the grandsons prepared Kvass and strong coffees and teas the 'old fashioned way', an assortment of steel and brass urn-like objects known as Samovars placed across the bar top, emitting steam and rattling softly.

Ever the daring one, Lily tended to try something new every time they came, from a fried meat filled pastry called Chebureki, to the blini, or pancake, made with buckwheat flour and topped with sour cream and honey.

Severus, being quite wary of new foods, chose a cabbage dish shaped inside dumpling-like wraps called vareniki his first time there and got it every time thereafter. Lily found his stubbornness quite amusing.

Lily had seen to it that she and Severus became a set of 'regulars' to the establishment, preferring to take lunch there whenever possible. Normally, Severus would object to such a luxury as he couldn't afford to eat a meal out once a month, let alone once a day, but such protests had been quelled long before he could make them this time.

Apparently out of gratitude for Severus protecting their daughter, Mary's parents had sent a hefty sum of money to Severus in thanks. Not knowing where he lived or how to reach his family, the money had been sent straight to St. Mungos and had been awaiting Severus among the pile of get well cards when he woke.

It still weighed on Severus's mind and so today was no different.

"I can't believe they paid me," Severus said between bites.

Lily looked up from her cheese pie—or vatrushka as the proprietor Albina had taught them to say—and frowned, wiping crumbs from her mouth.

"It isn't payment," Lily explained for the umpteenth time, "It's a thank you. They are grateful you saved Mary."

"I didn't even know she was in the compartment until halfway through," Severus exclaimed, "I was focused on helping you."

"And by helping me, you helped her," Lily said simply, "And that's what their thankful for. And anyway, they meant it as a means of covering your medical bills, considering you did get hurt on mine and Mary's behalf."

"Yeah, so I heard," Severus grumbled, remembering the circumstances surrounding that. Severus intended to use the money to make his payment when he left St. Mungos, but when he spoke with the receptionist, he was declined. Apparently, an 'unknown source' had paid the fee in full, leaving Severus with more money in his pocket than he knew what to do with.

He tried giving his money in private to his mother when he got home. His mother did what she always had done whenever they came across a spare bit of coin; she hid it. Though Tobias didn't know it, there was a hollowed out block of wood designed to blend in with the back of the bookshelf. Eileen would place any money she got hold of inside it to avoid it being drank away at the pub. Then she placed it back behind their worn out copy of the Holy Bible, a book Tobias had insisted they have to ward off their 'heathen, unnatural ways' but he was too much of a hypocrite to ever read.

To Severus's surprise though, this time Eileen gave some of the money back to Severus.

"The less you're here," She had said, "The less trouble you'll be in with him."

"Mary brought the money over herself," Lily said, breaking Severus out of his thoughts.

"What?" Severus sat up with a start, "When?"

Lily sipped delicately at her juice, "When she came to visit you, your second day there."

"Why didn't you mention this before?" Severus asked.

Lily shrugged, looking away uncomfortably, "Well, Mary wasn't really sure if she should come or not, so I didn't know if I should tell you. You two weren't really friends before this. Plus…well she and I haven't really talked much with anyone about the whole incident, so I didn't want to bring it up."

Severus let that sink in, watching Lily carefully. They avoided the topic normally, but Severus knew it weighed heavily on Lily's mind. Even now, he could see the hint of dark circles under her eyes and the wisp of fatigue drawing down on her normally bright and vibrant face.

"So how are you doing?" he asked after a moment.

Lily turned away, glancing off to the side, a distant look in her eyes, "I don't know…upset I guess."

"I can imagine so," Severus said.

Lily ran a hand through her hair, huffing in frustration, "I mean, yes I'm upset. Of course I am, but I'm also…like…numb, I guess. And maybe…I don't know, worried?"

Severus tilted his head, "About what?"

"Nothing, it's stupid," Lily waved him off.

"It can't be if it is bothering you so much," Severus said wisely.

Lily leaned forward, resting her forehead in her cupped hands, elbows on the table. If Petunia could see her now, she would be squawking about poor table manners.

Lily glanced around them warily. The place was usually empty until dinner hours, the only other patrons at the moment being an elderly couple splitting some dumplings and a middle aged man dozing over a cup of tea.

It took Lily some time to gather her thoughts, "Back before they told me they caught Avery and Mulciber, I was worried they would get away. I thought 'what if no one catches them? A-and, they just are out there somewhere? What then?' I was wondering if it would be safe to go outside my own door without looking over my shoulder."

Lily raised her head, staring at Severus with tired eyes, "Even now with him locked away, I still worry about him getting loose. What if the Ministry throws the case out?"

"They won't," Severus assured her, "You told me Potter and his gang saw them leaving the compartment and at least one of their wands has an unforgiveable recorded on it as a recent spell. Even if they try to disputes the charges for what they did to you, they will be unable to deny the imperio or nearly killing me."

'The ministry will at least take a near death incident more seriously than Dumbledore,' Severus added mentally.

Lily stared into her glass, lost in thought.

"Lily…" Severus murmured.

"I don't really want to talk about it anymore," Lily admitted, shaking her head.

"Understandable," Severus agreed.

The pair slipped into an awkward silence, both staring at the table or their hands folded in front of them. Severus cleared his throat softly, looking around them. Lily lightly nibbled on a pastry.

"You know Severus…" Lily began, watching the condensation bead on her glass and pool on the table, "I actually wanted to discuss something with you today."

"I don't want to talk about my parents, Lily," Severus stated firmly.

"But Severus…"

"No," Severus refused to back down.

"But Sev, I shared something that wasn't easy; the least you could do is be more open with me!" Lily blurted out, regening on her own promise not to push. She just couldn't stand her friend acting like everything was fine while she was worried sick every minute he stayed at that house.

Severus put his glass down on the table with an exasperated sigh, "That's not how this works, Lily! It's not a matter of sharing things to make it fair."

Lily slumped in her seat, suitably chided, "…I know…"

Severus stared at Lily in quiet contemplation, "…but I suppose it was nice of you to trust me enough to be so open with me…"

Lily looked up at Severus, her eyes questioning and hopeful.

Severus sighed, leaning forward on his elbows, his voice low and quiet, "It's not as bad as whatever Simone has led you to believe."

"Are you being honest?" Lily questioned, "Don't think it has escaped my notice that you never let me meet you at your house before we come out here."

"That's because I don't want you to see what a dump it is," Severus supplied quickly, "Really things are fine at home. They just argue a lot."

"You know I don't believe that," Lily countered, "You're mother looked fit to beat you that day we dropped you off. Is she hitting you too?"

"My mother is fine," Severus bit out, "And I would appreciate if you didn't drag her into this."

"So I'm supposed to just ignore that look in her eyes?" Lily asked challengingly.

Severus stared Lily down, stubbornness warring with frustration, "Fine! My father smacks me around some," he admitted, hoping to change the subject from his mother, "Happy?"

"Of course I'm not happy! Sev, what he's doing is awful!" Lily cried, outraged.

"Plenty of father's discipline their kids, Lily," Severus said dismissively.

"Yes, but a spanking, not a beating," Lily shouted.

"Keep your voice down," Severus hissed, glancing warily around them. The elderly couple three booths away remained absorbed in enjoying their meal.

Lily leaned forward on the table, her voice hushed, "Sev, you can't pretend what your father does to you is normal. The healers said he's broken ribs before."

"They said I had broken ribs before, not that they knew who broke 'em," Severus replied through a mouthful of vareniki, eating just for lack of a better thing to do.

"And you look me in the eye and tell me he isn't the one who did it," Lily ordered.

Severus flopped his head to one shoulder dramatically, letting out yet another put upon sigh.

"Come on, then," Lily prompted.

Severus looked Lily in the eye, obsidian meeting emerald. For a moment, he simply stared into those gem-like orbs, marveling at their color. It was almost hard to believe that not too long ago; he had been firmly convinced he would never look into these eyes again.

Lily cocked her head to the side, raising an eyebrow.

Collecting himself, Severus coughed awkwardly, patting his chest unconvincingly. "Right. Well…" he held Lily's gaze, "He didn't…" he paused, loosing himself in those beautiful searching eyes.

"He didn't what?" Lily asked knowingly.

"He didn't…" Severus mouth felt dry, full of cotton as he gazed at his friend. Curse those eyes of hers. She always looked at him with such unyielding confidence and trust, like she could see all his untruths in his eyes.

Finally Severus looked away, breaking the connection between them, "He was drunk. He didn't mean to."

"And how many times has he 'not meant to', Sev," Lily asked cautiously.

Severus looked down at his hands. He looked at the slight lump protruding by his wrist, from where the bone never set right and a fragment healed out of place. He knew under his sleeves there would be a series of scars from when he didn't dodge a bottle in time, a patch of mottled skin that once held a birthmark before it was burned away from being struck with a kettle fresh off the stove.

He knew that behind his hair, the back of one of his ears was misshapen from when his father struck him too high with his belt and tore open the lobe. His mother hastily stitched it up later, all the while scolding Severus for spilling his father's beer and giving her more to clean up, hiding her black eye behind a curtain of hair.

Above all, Severus knew that for every beating he didn't get, there had been a myriad of insults and threats in its place. There were jabs at his appearance, at his lack of worth, reminders that he was lucky his father let him live at all when he could have 'drowned him when he had a chance', as Tobias so often loved to say.

"More times than I can count," Severus admitted softly.

He couldn't look at Lily now, not when he knew exactly what he would see. Lily's eyes swimming in pain and heartbreak, so unendingly kind and compassionate, so pitying and desperate. He didn't want her pity. It was bad enough he couldn't defend against his father without magic, he didn't need her feeling sorry for him on top of it.

Severus started when he felt a gentle caressed on his hand. Looking up, he saw Lily's fingers curling around his own, holding his hand tightly. Her sun-kissed skin was a sharp contrast against his pale, washed out complexion.

"That's why you hate muggles, isn't it?" Lily asked sympathetically.

Severus groaned, falling back in his seat, eyes closed, "Lily, that's neither here nor there."

Lily squeezed Severus' hand pleadingly, "Isn't it though?"

"Lily, why are we here anyway," Severus asked, changing the subject, "We've come here every day for lunch since we got home. Why not go to our spot?"

"Because things aren't back to normal with us yet and I don't want to do what we used to do until we fix things between us," Lily explained.

"Fixed what between us?" Severus asked bewildered, "I thought you forgave me."

"But you still called me that awful name," Lily replied.

"But I apologized!" Severus exclaimed.

"You apologized for hurting me, not for what you said," Lily stated.

Severus floundered helplessly, "I never meant to call you that. I am sorry for saying it!"

Lily pulled her hand away, smoothing her skirt out primly. Taking a sip of her drink, she regarded Severus sternly over the rim of her glass, "What I mean is that you are only sorry you used that word on me. If it had been anyone else, you wouldn't think twice about using that word and that's the problem. I can't be the exception to your rule, Severus."

"You're not," Severus insisted futilely.

"But I am," Lily replied, "Don't try to deny it. In your eyes, everyone else can be treated like dirt for all you care, but I somehow you think I'm different; that I'm better than them. The problem is I'm not better than anyone else. I'm just Lily. If you don't think I deserve to be treated that way, then no other muggleborn should be either."

"I can't help it if they aren't as brilliant or clever as you," Severus insisted stubbornly.

"Grades aren't everything," Lily informed him, flushing at the compliment, "As it is, plenty of muggleborns are intelligent. You would know this if you actually spoke to some instead of writing them off simply because Avery told you to."

Severus sneered, hackles rising at the mention of Avery's name, "I wasn't just doing what he told me."

Lily smiled sadly, "I know. You hated muggleborns because they did just as little to help you as anyone else, right?"

"There's more to it than that," Severus replied.

"And that's something you need to work on," Lily told him, "You once told me that blood doesn't matter, and years ago, I think you meant it. I want you to mean it again, Sev, but you first need to work through this prejudice. Not all muggles are bad."

Severus snorted.

Lily rolled her eyes, "I'm serious. Haven't you had a fun time with your new friends from Ravenclaw? And what about Hufflepuff? I'm sure not all of them are purebloods."

"Their minds more than make up for anything one could find undesirable about them," Severus answered vaguely, arms crossed in front of him.

"Oh come off it! You like their company and what their bloodline is couldn't matter less to you," Lily said hotly.

"Okay, so they're alright," Severus relented, "So what? They're magical. It isn't the same as hanging out with muggles."

Lily nodded, "You're right. It certainly isn't. With muggle you have to hide a whole big secret with most of them, locking a part of yourself away out of obligation and with the muggles who do know the real you, there's still aspects of our world they can't grasp. But that doesn't make them bad."

"Tell that to my father," Severus snapped, "Or your sister."

Lily huffed, "Your father is a rare case, Sev. Good people don't beat their children and let's face it, with how much he drinks, he probably would be an unfit husband and father even if you weren't a wizard. Tell me I'm wrong."

Severus opened his mouth, but found he couldn't think of a retort. He pictured his father; a man with a superiority complex a mile wide coupled with low self esteem and little to boast of in the way of skill or charm. He thought of the man with a bottle always in his fist and few to call friends except a repugnant bunch of bar trash. Try as he might, Severus couldn't picture Tobias being any different even if he never married Eileen.

Lily ventured on, "As for Tuney, well she's…Tuney. She's a tough nut to crack. I wish I could make her like magic, but I don't see how I could. But even you can admit she's been a little better recently."

Now that Severus couldn't dispute. Ever since their brief exchange in the hospital, a sort of understanding had passed between Severus and Petunia. They had gone from frosty looks and offensive barbs, to silent nods and no words exchanged. Like two ships passing in the harbor late at night, they barely acknowledged each other's presence other than to stay out of one another's way. It was…nice.

"Yes, she acting different, but for how long?" Severus queried.

Lily shrugged, "I don't know, but I bet if you keep up your end of the civility, you can drag this out a long while. She's even stopped insulting me! Granted, we don't talk that much, but still it's better than it was before."

Lily shook her head, chiding herself for getting off track, "Anyway, my point is that not all muggles are mean or hateful. Most of them are just as nice as most wizards."

"Not the best example," Severus said with a raised brow.

"Oh…right," Lily flushed, recalling how most of the school was either indifferent or antagonistic towards Severus, "Well…what about my parents? You like them, don't you?"

"Very much," Severus admitted freely, "They're very kind to me."

Lily nodded, "Well plenty of muggles are just like them. If you got out of Spinner's End during the summer and hung around the parts of town NOT dripping in crime and alcohol, you'd get to meet them and see I'm right."

"Gee tell me how you really feel," Severus said snarkily, a bit of a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

Lily pursed her lips, "Oh you know what I mean. Look, I really want you to work on this with me. Muggles aren't all bad. Don't let your father ruin life for you by making you hateful."

"My father isn't making me do anything," Severus said warningly, "I don't let that man control me. And he isn't making me hateful; I'm not like him."

Lily's eyes softened compassionately. Reaching out, she took Severus hands between her own again, "I know you aren't. After all you've been through, the last thing you want to do is make others feel the way you've felt, right?"

Severus stared down at Lily's hands, mesmerized by her thumbs gentle caressing his skin back and forth.

"Well…not unless they deserve it," he offered up quietly.

"But that's still too much anger in you, Sev," Lily said beseechingly, "You don't really want others to hurt like you do, do you? Not after knowing what that's like?"

Severus thought about it, chewing some skin on his chapped lips, "I don't know…" he hated what was done to him, hated how it felt, how others laughed, how no one helped him. Did it really make him any better to wish that on someone else? "I guess I just want people to leave me alone."

"And they should," Lily agreed readily.

Albina coming by to refill their glasses interrupted the pair.

"You two such precious couple," she said in her thick accent.

Severus turned a splotchy red up to his ears and Lily jumped back, startled.

"We're not together," Severus said quickly, detangling Lily's hands from his own.

Albina merely laughed, the many beaded necklaces around her neck clacking together. Winking at them, she wandered back off to the counter.

Lily watched the friendly matron walked away, feeling suddenly very aware of how her and Severus must look, coming here together every day. Shaking the thought from her head, she cleared her throat, calling Severus' attention back to her, "Listen you aren't the only one who has some things to work on," Lily stared down at her hands, "Or apologize for."

Severus looked at Lily questioningly.

"I'm sorry I smiled," Lily said after a pregnant pause, "Down by the lake. I'm sorry."

Severus was stunned, "Lily…"

Lily pushed on, determined to get this off her chest, "I never should have smiled. I guess…I was mad. We were fighting so often and I felt like you couldn't understand how it felt for me when your friends—those other Slytherin," she corrected hastily at Snape's frown, "when they put people like me down. It hurts, you know? And I felt you were okay with it, like you couldn't understand how they hurt me even when the comments weren't directed at me; they still hurt."

Severus listened patiently. Lily had never gone this far into her feelings on Pureblood rhetoric before.

Lily took a deep breath, "When Potter came after you at the lake…I thought maybe you were finally getting a chance to feel how I felt, how embarrassed and ashamed I feel when someone comments on my blood, as though I should hide myself away so as not to embarrass myself."

"Lily," Severus wanted to reach out to Lily, to give her some reassurance, but after Albina's interruption, he felt too self-conscious.

"I say it doesn't bother me, but it does, Sev," Lily admitted, "It's like being constantly told I have this sign on my face that says "doesn't belong" and everyone can see it. I feel humiliated and I guess I wanted you to feel the same…only I guess what you deal with on a daily basis is far worse than anything I go through."

Severus went to say something, anything to comfort her, but Lily raised a hand, silencing him, "I also want to apologize for not taking things with Potter seriously. You're right, it shouldn't matter what magic he uses to bother you. It's still bullying, it's still harmful," she looked Severus dead in the eyes, "And it's still wrong. Severus, you don't deserve what he does to you because you exist, no matter what he says. What's he's doing is just as bad as someone going after a muggleborn for existing; it isn't right. I'm sorry I wasn't listening to you."

"N-no, Lily," Severus stammered, lost for words, "No...it's alright, really…I'm sorry I try to tell you what to think all the time. I can't tell you who to hang out with."

"You wouldn't be doing anything that I wasn't doing," Lily pointed out sadly, "I was demanding you pick me over your house. And I'm sorry for getting so caught up in the whole Slytherin/Gryffindor rivalry. I tried to act like I wasn't judging Slytherin as a whole, but I was and I'm so ashamed of that." She buried her face in her hands.

"I was doing the same," Severus volleyed back, "I was acting like everyone in Gryffindor was just as bad as Potter. I shouldn't tell you how to feel. I just…I just wanted you to understand that Potter wasn't what he made himself out to be."

Lily hummed, musingly, "I see that now. While I'm grateful that they helped us on the train, it doesn't change what they've done in the past and they have a lot to make up for," she turned to Severus, her eyes full of understanding and knowing, "A lot more than I ever realized."

Severus frowned, "What do you…?"

"I know about the Whomping Willow," Lily stated, "About what really happened."

Severus gaped at her, "How?"

"Simone," Lily elaborated, "I don't know how she did it, but her and Thea got hold of his records from the Hospital wing. Needless to say, neither of them think to highly of Potter or his friends right now."

"As they shouldn't," Severus said with surety, "Those bastards are rotten to the core."

"Can't say I find it in myself to disagree with you at the moment," Lily revealed.

"Oh?"

Lily looked up at Severus, a scowl firmly fixed in place, "You nearly died and they still kept coming after you. They go on and on about right and wrong, good and evil, and yet they don't see the injustice in you almost dying and them getting off with hardly a punishment?"

Lily took a vicious bite of her pastry, finishing off the remainder in two bites and wiping furiously at her hands with her napkin. Slapping her napkin down on the table, she took a calming breath, "Potter had us all thinking he had done some noble thing, rescuing you, but if he really had done it out of the kindness of his heart, then he wouldn't continue to mistreat you after you've been wronged not only by them but by Dumbledore."

"This really bothers you," Severus observed.

"Of course it does," Lily cried, "I almost lost you and I wouldn't have even been given the honest truth as to how or why. It would have been covered up and Potter would probably still play the hero for trying to save you."

Severus smiled faintly, truly touched.

"I'm glad you know," he said.

Lily gave him a kind smile, "Me too. I'm still so…furious with Dumbledore, though. How could he swear you to silence while letting them go off without a real punishment? Black should have been expelled; suspended at the very least."

"No arguments here," Severus said contentedly.

"And how can Black say he's different from his family when he thinks siccing a werewolf on you is a prank?!" Lily went on, "And he used a friend as a tool to do it, no less. A friend!"

"Let's not go feeling bad for Lupin now," Severus cautioned, his mood turning sour.

"Sev, his own friend was willing to risk him being exposed and even executed all for fun. Don't you feel the tiniest bit outraged by that?" Lily asked.

Severus snorted, "Given that nothing Black does surprises me, not at all; I knew he would turn on someone as soon as help them."

"Yes, but this was his friend," Lily pushed.

"Well Lupin should pick better friends then," Severus said snidely.

"Maybe he thinks bad friends are all he deserves," Lily pondered quietly, "Like someone else I know…"

Severus scowled, glaring at Lily.

Lily held his gaze with ease, "Sev…I don't think I could handle the life Remus lives. To know that you have no life, no future, because society won't let you exist in peace. To become something that terrifies you every month and worry you'll hurt everyone you care for. Severus, I don't think I could go on. Could you?"

Severus thought about it, face pinched in displeasure, "I already know what it's like to be an outcast Lily," he told her, "And it isn't like I have much of a future either."

"It's not the same, Sev," Lily argued, "Remus probably hates himself, fears what he is. Isn't that sad?"

"If you're asking if I feel sorry for the wolf, then no," Severus said obstinately.

Now it was Lily's turn to glare.

Sucking in air through her teeth, Lily tried again, "Severus, it is like turning into the thing you dread the most. You can't control it and you can't keep it from hurting people. It's like," she paused an idea coming to mind, "It's like if once a month a curse turned you into your father."

Severus' head snapped up, horror and shock in his eyes.

"Wouldn't you hate yourself, Sev," Lily whispered.

"I am nothing like that man," Severus hissed.

"But what if you couldn't help it," Lily ventured, "What if a spell or something made you do it every month. Wouldn't that be terrible? Wouldn't you be scared…would you be afraid I might judge you for something you couldn't help?"

Severus stared horrorstruck at Lily. For several agonizing minutes, neither spoke.

Finally, Severus slumped back against his seat with a growl, arms folded over his chest.

"Fine," he bit out, "I suppose Lupin has my pity. Happy?"

Lily smiled, "It's a start."

"That still doesn't change that he has terrible taste in friends," Severus pointed out, "And that he lets them do as they please."

"That's why you hate him, isn't?" Lily asked, realization dawning, "He knows what it's like to be mistreated and bullied for who he is and yet he does nothing to stop it."

"He's a coward," Severus said, nose in the air.

"Maybe so, but like I said, perhaps he thinks Potter and his gang are the best he can do for friends," Lily suggested, "They know his secret and still want to hang out with him; maybe he thinks he owes them?"

"That or he's afraid they'll out him if they don't get their way," Severus theorized darkly.

Lily shook her head, "No, that can't be it; Remus went a while without talking to either of them after the Willow incident—never knew why before, now that I think about it. Now it makes so much sense why he would be mad at them. Anyway, Potter and Black didn't out him then and he had essentially severed ties with them."

"Maybe it is debt, then," Severus said.

"It must be; they're his first real friends and so he thinks he owes it to them for 'putting up with him' or something."

"Some friends he's got," Severus snorted, "Surely they must know he feels like he can't do any better than them. Clearly they're taking advantage."

"Now I'm mad again," Lily declare, smacking her hand on the table, "They're jerks to you and jerks to him, and you're both the most brilliant minds I've ever known. They should be sucking up to you both, praising you for your accomplishments, not walking around like they're Merlin's gift to Wizardkind."

Severus flushed, "Lily…"

"I'm serious!" Lily vented, "Both of you have been some of the nicest people I could ever know and you're so smart and inventive and-and it's like the whole world couldn't be bothered to notice because Potter and Black are so busy stealing the show," Lily sighed, "You both deserve so much better."

"Well," Severus coughed, hiding his blush, "It's nice of you to think that way…" he awkwardly returned to the remains of his meal.

"He stood up for you, you know?" Lily said suddenly.

"What?" Severus asked, confused, "Who?"

"Remus," Lily explained, "He questioned me on my decision to end our friendship. Wanted to know if I really wanted to go through with it. I think he blamed himself for what happened."

"Well he certainly didn't help matters," Severus griped. Seeing Lily's glare, he sighed, "…but he didn't make me say it…"

"No, but he blames himself for you being humiliated. He knows he should have intervened and he thinks we wouldn't have had a falling out if he had," Lily replied.

"If he wants to blame anyone, then blame his friends," Severus said angrily, pointing his fork at Lily, "Kick them to the curb if he wants to do the right thing."

"It shouldn't even be his job to babysit them," Lily stated, "Dumbledore should be the one handling them, not one of their friends."

"Now that's something we can agree on," Severus said with a smirk.

"Glad to hear it," Lily replied. She glanced down at Severus plate, "You finished?"

Severus nodded, setting down his fork, "Yes, I'm afraid all this talk about Potter has ruined my appetite."

"Of course it did," Lily laughed, rolling her eyes.

Leaving their money on the table, they nodded to Albina on their way out the door, the elderly matron smiling merrily at them as they left.

The pair walked along the sidewalk together, enjoying the rare glimpse of sunlight peering through the smoke from the mill.

"So, do you want to come by my house?" Lily asked, "I'm sure there's a book in my dad's study that you haven't read yet."

"Maybe for a little while," Severus said, "But I can't be out too late, my da' wants me to clean out the attic."

"You're supposed to be taking it easy," Lily gasped.

Severus shrugged, "No such thing at my house."

"Sev, I really wish you didn't have to go back to that place," Lily said sadly, "You should have told that man from the Ministry the truth."

"And what good would it have done, Lily?" Severus asked.

Lily stared at him blankly, "What do you mean?"

Severus huffed exasperatedly, "I mean, what would it have fixed? They can't make my father treat me better and if he is arrested, how will mum and I survive? Mum doesn't work, Lily. She never has a day in her life. And she was disowned so there is no chance of money coming from there."

"The ministry could…" Lily began weakly.

Severus shook his head, "The ministry doesn't help with finances. They hardly have a decent department set up for abuse, let alone funding the victims after they escape the abuser. The best they could maybe do for me is take me out of that house, and where would I go? I have no extended family who could take me."

"Maybe a friend could take you," Lily suggested.

"That's a big burden for someone to take on themselves," Severus pointed out "That's an extra person to care for and feed."

Lily knew Severus had a point. Her own mother had been grasping at straws and suggested taking Sev in, but after a lengthy conversation with Lily's father they concluded that they didn't have the funds for it. They wouldn't feel right taking Severus in and not giving him all the essentials like good food, clothes, and luxuries that they had. But all those things costed money they couldn't provide at the moment.

"What about Simone?" Lily asked.

Severus blanched, "I'd rather kiss a Dementor."

"Don't be so dramatic," Lily chided, "So fine, we don't go to the ministry for now. But on one condition."

"Name it," Severus prompted.

"If anything and I mean anything bad happens in that house, you call me," Lily ordered, "I mean it, if he lays a hand on you and its more than a pat on the back, you call my house straight away and we'll come get you."

"Things haven't been as bad as they used to be," Severus assured Lily, but it was useless for all the good it did.

Lily stayed firm, "I'm serious. If you are in danger I want you to have the common sense to get help, you hear me?" She took a step towards Severus, "Well, do you?"

Severus put his hands up in surrender, "I hear you, I do."

"Well?" Lily asked expectantly.

Severus sighed, "Alright…I'll call you if things get bad."

"Promise?" Lily held her pinky out.

It was such an insignificant, childish gesture, one that usually held no real binding of trust, but it had been so many years since Lily had requested a pinky promise that Severus couldn't help but feel there was something far stronger being wound around this promise.

"I promise," Severus conceded, linking his pinky around Lily's.

Lily smiled, her face lighting up, "And you're going to work on this whole muggle issue."

Severus raised a brow, "I am?"

Lily nodded, "Uh-huh. We're going to show you not all muggles are bad. First step: spending more time with my parents." With that she got behind Severus and began to push him the rest of the way to her house.

"Do I get a say in this?" Severus asked.

"Nope!" Was Lily's chipper response, "You'll be spending lots of time at my house, mister."

And really, Severus wouldn't have it any other way.


Another chapter down, huzzah!

So this chapter covers a few things that Lily and Severus really needed to hash out. As dramatic as the big heroic rescue and near death experience was, it doesn't fix the issues they need to resolve. They can't move forward until these things are address.

This chapter also touches on something I think people who vilify Lily forget about canon; she wasn't upset at being called Mudblood, so much as the knowledge that it was just further evidence of Severus going down a bad path. Even if he had never called her it, they're relationship was still on a fast track to failure, because while Severus didn't think of Lily as a Mudblood, he thought it about other muggleborns, or at least condoned their mistreatment. Lily doesn't want to be the one person Severus never treats that way; she wants to put an end to all mistreatment. And unless Severus could come to terms with that and work on his bitterness and distrust towards muggles, their friendship would always be on the course for failure.

Now Lily isn't without flaw either. She fights for what she believes in, but she sees things in limited perspectives. She trivialized what Severus went through because it was at the hands of people she viewed as the lesser of two evils. To a degree, she probably even thinks the words thrown around at her by wanna be death eaters to be worse than the constant bullying Severus endured because, from her perspective, he's being prank by "silly boys" and she is being insulted by future dark wizards. In this Lily was also dooming her friendship with Severus. Both of them have things they need to work on and hopefully now they can.

As always read and review (and please share this story around, I love gaining new readers)