The Post-Apocalyptic Family Captain

A Series of Drabbles

Dark Lady Devinity

A/n: This one is based on oribird's suggestions of a mother's day theme. I meant to post this on mother's day but I only wrote it today at lunch.

Anyway, this is supposed to be "A Series of Drabbles" according to my subtitle. Drabbles are only 100 words long. A lot of these are 1000+ words long. I so totally fail haha.

Mother's Day

It was a cold and dreary morning when Snippy woke up in an old, burned out car. He had not fallen asleep in that car either: Snippy had gone to sleep on the couch in the base after telling Pilot and Mr. Kittyhawk a bedtime story. Snippy looked around the car and realised that he didn't know where he was. His first thought was that something had happened to the others. Yet that did not make much sense as it would have required a lot of effort and risk to carry Snippy away to an old car in the middle of nowhere while hurting the others. Especially as whoever did it had arranged Snippy's body into a comfortable position and provided a blanket. No, the most logical hypothesis was that Mr. Kittyhawk had not liked his bedtime story and had Pilot throw Snippy away. Pilot, feeling bad about that, would have provided the blanket as an apology.

When had this become his life?

Not knowing which way to go, Snippy started looking for footprints. It was a poor plan as Pilot walked lightly enough that he didn't usually leave any. So Snippy was surprised to actually find some footprints. Still, he followed them and eventually he came to an area he knew.

It took Snippy the better part of the day to reach the base and when he got back the place was deserted. There was no evidence that anyone had ever lived there except for how clean the rooms where. Furniture was straightened up and the floor was swept.

Had the others left Snippy behind and cleaned up the evidence so he couldn't tract them down?

As long as the others hadn't taken all the food then Snippy would be fine. They'd probably come back for him in a few months and Snippy was just relieved that he wasn't in a whale this time. He was not going to bother with being lonely or worried. He just wasn't.

Well, he couldn't help but worry.

As Snippy was busy worrying about how the others would feed and clothe themselves without him, he was tackled from behind.

"Happy Mother's Day!" Pilot yelled cheerfully.

"Bwah?!" Snippy asked.

Pilot let go and allowed Snippy to turn around so he could face the squad. Snippy wasn't sure how he felt about not being abandoned just yet.

"Sorry about leaving you in the car. Captain made us clean the house and then forced us into gift shopping." Engie said sheepishly.

Snippy did not like this explanation. It meant that he would have to find something Captain would like for Father's Day.

"I'm not hugging you." Engie added. "I don't care if it's an appropriate gift for a mother."

"He's in his rebellious teenager phase." Captain explained in what he thought was a helpful manner. "Now, it's time for zee ultimate Mother's Day gift."

Snippy's goggles indicated his scepticism. But, he had to admit, there was something charming about how everyone had formed a (dysfunctional) family unit. Then Captain gave him a box of tampons.

"Tampons." Snippy said. He was too surprised to even use his typical 'bwah.'

"Yes. Your sexy Captain wants hiz Snippy to be fresh yet free to move."

Snippy threw the box at him with as much force as possible. "I am not a woman!"

Captain simply caught the box in one hand and looked curiously at the sniper. "You don't need them? Are we going to be parents again? It is the bestest Mother's day ever!"

"Argh!" Snippy screamed and stormed off. He wished he really had been abandoned.

He heard Captain say "Ah. The hormonal rages have started already."

Captain was so going to get a rotting fish in a necktie for Father's Day.

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A/n: The footprints belonged to Engie. It was a family trip to dispose of Snippy for the day. Captain doesn't believe in traditional distraction tactics.

So I have a friend. Her name is 0ShadowNightMare0. When I needed gift suggestions she came up with tampons. When I asked why she said (direct quote) "Thz captain wants hiz snippy to be fresh yet free to move." I don't even know what she was on but it went into the fic. Sorry folks.

I don't think this was what Oribird was suggesting at all.