Jane turned the car off and looked to Maura who was chewing her lip in the passenger seat. The doctor had insisted that Jane drive them much to her annoyance.
'What if I have a panic attack?' Jane had complained as she'd slipped herself into the car. Maura knew she wouldn't, driving would give Jane enough of a distraction to keep her focus away from the panic.
"I can't do this Maura." Jane whispered, her head coming to rest on the steering wheel.
"Why not?"
Jane looked up at her. "Because… I…." a frown crumpled the detective's usually chiselled features. "I don't know." She conceded finally.
"Good. Let's go." Maura stepped from the car, closing the door with a loud bang that made Jane jump.
'Outside the station….. that grasp, so strong around her neck… burning pain through her middle….and then she was falling, there was nothing as the blackness crept into the edges of her vision.'
"Jane?"
'Maura's voice calling her name, she could hear the worry in her tone, so clearly…'
"Jane!" Maura knocked on the window, making Jane jump again. Her hands were shaking as she looked around. She was in her car. Safe.
Maura pulled the door open and yanked at the rubber bands around Jane's wrist, the snap on her skin making even the doctor cringe. "Dammit Maura!" Jane was out of the car and advancing on the doctor before she'd even registered the movement of her limbs.
"Don't forget the list." Maura smiled sweetly as she realised that Jane had snapped from the verge of the panic attack she'd seen building. Jane couldn't help but chuckle. While she'd initially dismissed something as simple as a rubber band as a treatment for her panic attacks, she had to admit, they really did work.
"I owe you for that one!" Jane laughed as she jogged to catch up with Maura who was struggling with a shopping cart. "Here, gimme that." She pulled the cart from Maura's hands and handed her the list, following her blindly into the store.
"Is there anything on this list that is actually good for you?" Maura asked as Jane slumped over the cart, staring at the fresh produce.
"Bananas?" Jane offered, waving the yellow fruit triumphantly before dumping them unceremoniously into the cart. She watched Maura with fascination as she carefully examined the melons, feeling each one and pressing its flesh before finally selecting three and carefully putting them in a clear bag and placing them delicately in the cart.
She was as precise when it came to selecting the fresh food for Bass, strawberries, broccoli, spinach, organic pears and carrots. "Your turtle eats better than most people." Jane quipped as she threw a punnet of strawberries into the cart for herself.
"Really Jane, you'll bruise my melons, and he's a tortoise!" A middle aged man looked up at her from his own fruit selection, his eyes roaming over her chest before flicking quickly to Jane and back to Maura's ample bosom. Laughing heartily, Jane was glad she was leaning on the cart as tears ran down her cheeks.
"What?" Maura glared at the man next to her, his eyes suddenly finding the apples incredibly interesting. "What did I say?" Jane wheezed as she tried to control her breathing, a control she lost every time she looked up at Maura, her eyes being drawn to her breasts and reducing her to more giggles.
"Melons…" she cupped at her own breasts, before dissolving into more laughter. Maura's face burnt a fiery crimson as she realised what Jane meant.
"You know that's not what I meant." She chastised the detective sternly, pulling the cart away from the produce.
"I know Maur." Even through her giggles, she could hear the embarrassment in Maura's voice as she was dragged into the next aisle. "Hey, slow down." She rooted her feet, causing Maura to lose her grip on the cart. Reaching out, Jane caught her hand, pulling her back to her side. "C'mon Maur." She searched the warm hazel eyes as she tried to ignore the electric hum in her hand caused by Maura's. "I didn't mean anything by it." Her eyes flicked to Maura's chest and she licked her lips unconsciously.
"I don't like when you make fun of me." Maura whispered, her fingers brushing over the scars on the backs of Jane's hands sending shivers through the brunette. Maura watched her intently; the tell-tale signs were there, the hitch in Jane's breathing, her pupils dilating wildly. Maybe she wasn't alone in her feelings.
"I'm really sorry Maur…" Jane shifted uncomfortably, feeling suitably reprimanded. Maura smiled and pulled Jane by the hand. "Pick some coffee, ok?"
They were halfway around the store before Jane felt it closing in on her. Everything felt too tight, too small. There were too many people in the aisles and everything was too loud. Snapping the bands on her wrists was failing to do anything, other than deepen the bruise that was already forming there. Reaching out with trembling hands, the tips of Jane's fingers brushed the doctor's shoulder, a feather light touch that she was sure she hadn't felt.
"Maura." It was a croaked and desperate plea that barely escaped her lips.
The doctor turned from the rows of organic whole wheat breads. "Jane!" she straightened herself, preparing to catch the detective who looked on the verge of collapse, her face as pale as snow. Digging her fingers painfully into Jane's shoulders, she shook her gently. "Jane, name me Red Sox players in the Hall of Fame."
Jane's eyes glazed slightly as she struggled to focus on the woman before her. Maura pinched her earlobe, making Jane squeak. "Hall of Fame people, Jane." She repeated. "Now!" her tone was clear and stern. "Look at me!"
Jane squeezed her eyes closed before focusing on the doctor, her warm hazels eyes holding a supportive smile. "Al Simmons." Jane croaked, knowing Maura wouldn't know if she was lying or not. "Babe Ruth." She offered a name she hoped that she would know. "Tom Seaver." Jane felt the panic clearing as she focused. "Dick Williams." Maura smiled and relaxed her vice like grip on the detective, she could feel the tension draining from her lanky form. "Erm…" Jane was struggling but that was good, she was focusing on anything other than her own panic.
"Keep going." Maura released her grip and moved to stand behind Jane, her hands falling naturally to her slim hips as she guided her around the store.
"Tris Speaker." Jane's stride grew in confidence with each name. She felt Maura's hands leave her body only to throw another grocery items into the cart. "Oh… Pennock…." Jane gritted her teeth as a box of muesli flew past her. "C'mon Maur!" she grumbled, putting the cereal back on the shelf and replacing it with Lucky Charms.
"Pennock?" Maura asked, ignoring the change in breakfast stuffs if it meant Jane kept moving. "What's his first name Jane?"
"I don't know." Her fingers gripped the cart, turning her knuckles white as she guided it into the adjacent aisle.
"I need some coriander." Maura whispered, her breath tickling Jane's neck.
"Herb!" Jane cheered, louder than she meant to. "Herb Pennock."
Maura tucked the coriander in the cart and glanced quickly at the list. Jane had done much better than she had anticipated and while there were a few items she still wanted to get, she didn't want to stress Jane anymore.
"We'll just get Joe some food then we'll go, ok?" her hands never left Jane's hips as she fell back into step behind her. "I'll collect her for you tonight." Jane shook her head, her ponytail bobbing and ticking Maura's nose.
"Not tonight.. I can't do more today." Jane's voice was thick was emotion and Maura could feel her shaking.
"You're amazing." Maura whispered, pushing Jane towards the shortest line so they could pay and get out. As it turned out, there was a good reason for that line being the shortest; it was manned by the slowest checker in recorded history.
"Maur.." Jane whispered softly, careful not to draw attention to herself.
"You'll be fine Jane." Maura offered, reaching out and squeezing her fingers gently.
"$107.21" the cashier grunted up at them.
"Really?" Jane growled. She was tired, she was on the verge of losing her mind and now she was being grunted at by some pimply idiot.
"Jane." Maura warned softly. "Do you want to load the car?" Taking to her heels, Jane rushed from the store, cart surfing as she left Maura to pay the cashier.
By the time Maura got to the car, Jane was curled up in the passenger seat, her head resting on the window as she slept. Maura adjusted the seat, Jane's ridiculously long legs meaning she couldn't reach the pedals. As she started the engine, she smiled as Jane mumbled in her sleep. "Not my fault.. too hot." The detective whispered, "Made me do it, couldn't stop." Maura covered her mouth, hoping she could stop the giggles escaping as Jane's childlike voice filled the car. "There's melons in the crazy crop."
Reversing from the space, Maura drove home, the journey punctuated with Jane's unconscious but comical mumblings and Maura's soft giggles.
Pulling into Jane's parking space, Maura nudged the detective gently. "Jane, we're back." She whispered, reluctant to wake her from such an obviously peaceful sleep. Jane groaned and snuggled herself into her seat. With a new respect for Angela Rizzoli and how difficult it must have been to wake a teenage Jane, Maura got out of the car and fetched the grocery bags, leaving Jane to sleep a few minutes longer.
"Come on Jane." Maura had taken all the bags into the apartment and returned, hoping Jane would have woken of her own accord. "Time to get up." She shook Jane's arm gently.
"Don't wanna let go.. " Jane mumbled, a small smile spreading over her sleeping face. "You don't know why…" she broke into song in her sleep. "but you're dying to try, go on and kiss the girl."
"Jane!" Maura shook her, harder this time. "Wake up!"
"What? I'm up!" Jane sat up quickly, forcing herself forward only to be slammed back into place by her seatbelt. "Why are you killing me?" she struggled against the restraint before realising she was sitting in her car. "Oh."
"Why are you singing Disney songs?" Maura asked. She couldn't keep the excitement from her voice.
Rubbing at her face, Jane frowned at her. "Huh?" she stepped from the vehicle, rubbing the exhaustion from her face. It had been an exceptionally long day for Jane Rizzoli and in truth, it was barely lunchtime. "Disney… what?"
"You were singing kiss the girl." Maura told her, thankful for having caught the film after falling asleep on the sofa and leaning on the remote in her sleep, changing the channel in the process.
"I was?" a deep red blush shot across Jane's face and her eyes dropped to some discarded gum on the floor, studying it intently. "I don't know." She said, turning and heading upstairs without another word.
Maura watched her leave, her mind returning to the morning's conversation. 'Could you live knowing you might have let the best thing in your life walk away because you were too scared to take a risk?' With her mind set, Maura Isles followed her friend upstairs.
"I'm going to bed." Jane announced as Maura closed the door to her apartment. "I'm dead on my ass." She kicked her shoes off and headed to the bedroom. "Thanks for today." Her words were cut off by a huge yawn but she paused, leaning sleepily on the wall and looking at the doctor with curious eyes. Maura noticed the blush that had appeared in the garage was still heavy on her cheeks.
"Will you be here when I wake up?" she asked.
Maura shook her head slowly. "I need to spend some time with Bass." She explained, her weak smile disappearing as Jane's face fell. "Plus, I have groceries to take home too."
"Oh, ok." There was a pause and even Maura could feel the anticipation in the air. "But I'll see you tomorrow?"
Maura nodded. "Of course you will, now go and have a sleep, you look exhausted." Jane was too tired to argue and smiled, long dark hair dropping into her eyes as she turned and headed to her bedroom.
Maura had intended to head straight home, instead she made herself some coffee and put Jane's groceries away before settling down on the sofa with a legal pad and pen. If she was going to take the biggest risk of her life, she was going to word it properly. With heavy snores coming from the bedroom, she began in the only way she knew how.
'Dearest Jane.'
