Title: Attraction VS Compatibility
Author: Readingmama/Vampiremama
Beta: AcrossTheSkyInStars

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Continuity: AH/AU
Rating: M -This fic will contain talk of rape and abuse. It will discuss rape fantasies and other uncomfortable topics. If this offends you, please do not read. No actual rape will take place during this fic, but sexual assault may occur or be discussed.

A/N-Thank you to my kind and patient Beta, Tanya and to my pre reader Chartwilightmom.

Chapter 10

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

The monitor had gone from being annoying to relaxing, and back to annoying. I may have lied when I brought Edward in and told them I was his fiancé, slipping my class ring over to my left hand. I knew I could get in all sorts of problems if they found out, but Edward didn't really have any family in town and him being alone was just wrong.

They had told me he was going to wake up very shortly. The effect of the drugs could take anywhere from twelve to twenty-four hours to wear off. I had been holding his hand ever since they let me back in the room after they had done the tests needed. They explained what they were doing but I was still in hysterics and I only heard blood test.

When I had calmed down, the doctor had come back in and told me they found traces of Lorazepam in his system, a commonly used date rape drug. That had started a new round of hysterics because beyond the trauma of the evening was a massive guilt that was crushing me, making me wonder if this was fate's payback for my actions.

I knew Lauren was lying to me when I asked her if she had seen Edward. I had watched them go up the stairs and when I had finally found my nerve, I followed. There were three bedrooms on the second floor and one had James and another guy smoking some weed in it, and the other was empty. So I knew Edward was in the room with her, and willing it different would not make it so.

I don't know what possessed me to open the door. It was as if my eyes needed to see, so that I could have closure. When I saw her straddled on top of him, holding his penis, I froze.

"Sorry, Bella, but he made his choice. So if you'll excuse us."

I wanted to run but all I could do was ask, "Edward, is this true?"

The sound that came from Edward then would stay with me forever. It was a sob that could only be produced by someone who was completely helpless.

I found my nerve.

I took two steps towards the bed and hissed at Lauren, "Get off him."

She changed her angle so I couldn't see Edward's face, and she glared at me. "Piss off, Bella, we're just having a bit of fun in here."

I took another step that put me at the side of the bed. Edward looked up at me with wide eyes and then he closed them, a tear rolling down the side down his cheek. I grabbed a handful of Lauren's hair and pulled her off the bed.

"What the fuck, Bella?"

"You're sick," I yelled at her. "Get the fuck away from him."

Lauren huffed at me, standing up and pulling on her clothes. "Whatever, looks like he's passed out anyway. I guess he had too much to drink."

I came at her again but she was fast, and out the door. I looked back at Edward and sat down on the bed.

"Edward?" I shook him softly. "Edward?"

I placed my head on his chest and listened for a heartbeat. I felt his chest rise and lower but my sobbing had my head bouncing wildly up and down. I sat up and placed my hand over his heart; the thud-thud of the organ in his chest sped up wildly and then slowed down. Now, I was terrified.

Noticing that Edward was still hanging out of his pants, I tried to pull them up. It was difficult with his dead weight lying on the waist of the pants but I managed. Then I ran out into the hall and over to the first room.

"James," I cried when I opened the door. He looked up and concern came over his face.

"Bella, what is it?" he asked, jumping up from beside his friend.

"Please," was all I could say before leading him back down the hall to Edward.

James had helped me get Edward to the hospital by carrying him down to the car. Because he was still pretty stoned, he let me drive. He sat with me until they had finished the tests and let me back in, and then headed home.

I drifted off to sleep about two in the morning, and when I awoke, it was still dark. I looked up to see a pair of green eyes staring back at me.

"Edward," I wept, flinging myself off the chair and toward the bed. He flinched and I stopped. "Sorry, I'm just so glad you are awake."

"Go away," he said quietly, but his voice was hard.

"What?" My reply came out like a breath.

"Go away," he said louder. "This is not some fucking fantasy, Bella, and you don't get to come here and feed off my pain like some damn emotional vampire."

"I'm not," I denied vehemently. "Oh God, Edward, I'm so sorry."

"I said go!"

I wanted to argue with him, to deny that I was here for anything other than him, but the look in his eyes scared me. He looked empty, like someone had reached in and blew out the life inside of him.

"Please, just…"

"Now, Bella. Go!"

I turned and left the room, holding onto my tears until I reached the waiting room. I collapsed in the chair and the ugly cry began. One of those cries where you have snot running down your face and your chest hurts from the contractions. I had never cried so hard in my life.

Why had I ever wanted that? Seeing Edward in the hospital was a wakeup call. I had only ever seen tragedy from the distance of time, people who had taken their situations and become stronger. Seeing Edward in that hospital bed made me wonder how anyone could piece together anything after being so broken.

I knew the tragedy was terrible but only seeing it up close had made me realize the full ramifications of what I had wanted. I stood up and lurched towards the garbage can, leaving what little I had left of my supper in the black bin. My knees shook from underneath me and I barely registered someone asking me if I was alright before my eyes rolled back and things went black.

When I woke up, it was to the same damned beeping noise I had been listening to the last few hours. It took me a minute to realize I wasn't in the chair I had been resting on in Edward's room. My eyes flickered open and I felt the bed beneath me. Everything came back to me but I felt numb to it. I was a spectator of my memories.

"Bella?" the familiar voice asked.

"Mom?" I responded, looking around for her, but my eyes were sluggish.

"Yeah, baby, it's me. You gave us quite a scare," she said. "You had a panic attack and fainted; bumped your head on the chair in the waiting room. What happened, Bella?"

"Edward…he was—attacked."

Dad cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable as he stepped up beside my mom. He was in his uniform, and from his face, I could tell he knew.

"Yes, Bells, I was called down here to take statements. The hospital called the police; they have to when there is a case like this. I've talked to Edward but he can't remember anything. I'm going to need you to tell me everything that happened."

My eyes felt heavy and they started to close.

"Later, Charlie," my mom spoke. "The doctors have her sedated but she needs some time to settle."

My dad started talking but I didn't hear what he said as unconsciousness consumed me.

EPOV

Every time I closed my eyes, I expected an image of my night to illuminate in my brain, but there was nothing. The doctors told me I had been brought in under the suspicion that I had been drugged. They then alluded to the fact that I had been sexually abused.

Bella had been sitting in the chair at the end of my bed asleep while they explained this to me. I looked over at her, sleeping so peacefully. I hated her at that moment. She had everything, and she was willing to risk it all for this feeling. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. So when she opened her eyes, I lost it and told her to leave, saying harsh and hurtful things, giving her a taste of what it felt like. After all, she wanted it.

When my head cleared, I realized Bella may be the only one who could tell me what really happened. The last thing I remember was talking to Lauren at the party, trying to get back to Bella. I didn't even know who had drugged me.

Chief Swan came in to speak to me along with another officer, they both looked uncomfortable, not as bad as I felt, but it was still there.

"Edward," the Chief said. "We're going to need to ask you some questions, is that all right?"

"Sure," I replied, knowing I would have to answer sooner or later.

"Can you tell us what you remember last night?"

"Nothing, really, I remember being at the party and then talking to Lauren, but nothing specific," I answered.

"The nurse said they found traces of Lorazepam in your system, do you know who gave them to you?"

"No, sir." I concentrated on my breathing, trying to stay composed for the officers. I wanted this to be over as quick as possible.

"You say you remember talking to a girl named Lauren, do you have her last name?" I gave it to him. "And do you remember letting your drink out of your sight at all?"

"I remember going to refill my drink and then running into Lauren in the kitchen."

"Did you refill your drink or did she?"

I thought about it, trying to picture the event in my mind, I came up blank. "I don't remember."

"How about this, do you remember what she was wearing?"

"Um, a strapless top, I think," I said, squinting my eyes as if that would bring it forward in my mind.

"Do you know the color?"

"It could have been blue or green, I'm not sure."

"You don't remember?" he asked.

"I'm colorblind, I couldn't tell you. But I remember it being blue or green." I smiled at being able to remember something about that night, even if it had nothing to do with the case.

"And you don't recall anything that happened after you talked to Lauren?"

"No sir."

"Do you remember what you talked about?"

"No sir."

Chief Swan shifted and I knew things were about to get worse. He asked how I got out of there; who had brought me to the hospital. I couldn't remember that but I knew Bella was here when I woke up so I told him.

"Okay, Edward. Memory loss is a common side effect of the drug, and with the tests that were done, we found that there was minimal liquor in your system. If you remember anything else, please let us know."

After being awake a few hours, I was visited again. This time it was a small, meek little woman with red hair and small eyes.

"Mr. Cullen?" she asked, looking at her notebook.

"Yeah," I answered.

"I'm Vicki from victim's services. I'm here if you would like to talk about your experiences."

I sighed, I was tired and irritable and I just wanted to be left alone. "Look, Vicki, I appreciate it. But I don't remember anything, so I can't really talk about it."

"Well, we have a large staff, and if you ever need to talk to anyone, we can set up a meeting." She handed me her card and left the room quickly. I had a feeling Vicki had no idea what to do with a male sexual assault victim.

Not long after, I was cleared to go home. One of the nurses came in, giving me what I was now referring to as a pity smile.

"Your girlfriend stopped by and left you this," she said, giving me the keys to my car.

"Thanks," I muttered, not bothering to correct her.

While I was grateful Bella had retrieved my car for me, I wasn't about to forgive her. I felt betrayed by her feelings, her desire for something so vile. I didn't know how I could trust her.

Just because your mind can't remember something, doesn't mean your soul doesn't. Every bump on the wall or giggle in the hall of my dorm had me waking up in a sweat. My dreams would be fuzzy interpretations of what I thought might have happened.

The police had been hounding me, wanting me to press charges. It was through them I learned that it was Lauren who had allegedly drugged me and sexually assaulted me. But I still didn't have the details.

I quit my job at Stories. I couldn't go back there and face Lauren, or Bella, for that matter. I smoked up more and more. I avoided my friends. I was like a fucking after school special waiting to happen.

After about a week, Jane had bullied her way into coming over. Part of me was glad but I was also petrified. I couldn't squelch my fear of being alone with another person, no matter how irrational it was. Her knock on the door made me jump and I chided myself for being such a pussy.

I flung open the door and my heart started racing. Bella was standing there with wide, sad eyes.

"What are you…?"

"I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now, or ever, but I wanted to give you this." She held out an envelope and I just stared at it.

"What is it?"

"It's what happened," she said softly, not needing to elaborate any more. I took it from her and she turned to walk away. I panicked, not wanting to be left alone with the information.

"Stay?" I hated how desperate my voice sounded, but I saw no happiness or hope in Bella's face, just acceptance at what I asked.

She padded into my room and sat down on my roommate's bed. I sat opposite from her on my own bed, causing our inside legs to touch. She didn't say anything as I opened the letter. I read her words carefully, letting out a small gasp when I read how Bella had found us.

She reached over and placed her hand on my knee. The small action calmed me momentarily. When I finished the letter, I lost track of my breathing and I realized I was sobbing.

"Fuck, I'm going to be sick," I blurted as I stood and ran to the door. I knew I wasn't going to make it to the bathroom so I vomited into the trash can.

Bella stood and walked to the door. I looked up at her helplessly.

"I'll be right back," she promised.

When she returned, she had a cold cloth that she had wetted. She held it against my face, dabbing away my tears. With her kindness, I again experienced anger.

"Is this what you wanted?" I asked weakly, my anger not enough to light a real fire in me.

"No, I never wanted anything to happen to you," she replied.

"No," I spat, "you wanted it to happen to you."

"I was wrong," she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek. "So very wrong."

Another knock came at the door and Bella looked at me quizzically. I muttered Jane's name and Bella nodded, standing up to let her in. Jane stepped in, took one look at Bella and then one look at me, and turned cold.

"I think it's time for you to go, cheerleader," she stated.

Bella looked back at me, I could feel it but I didn't lift my head to meet her gaze. I was out of energy; all I wanted to do was sleep for days.

I finally looked up when I heard the door close. Bella had left and Jane looked worried. She glanced at my feet and spied the letter sitting there. I had no recollection if Bella had brought it or I had when I threw up, but I felt anger at it laying there.

Jane picked up the letter and I didn't have it in me to stop her. I didn't want her to read those words but I felt helpless, I wondered if I always would now. Jane's face morphed from concern to anger as her eyes wandered over the letter. When she finished, she looked down at me with fire in her eyes.

"Please don't," I said.

"But Edward, we can't just…"

"Just leave me alone," I said, my voice wavering. "I…can't right now." She looked at me and then sighed.

"Okay, just promise you'll call if you need anything. I may not be a lawyer yet, but I know lots of good ones."

I nodded and was grateful she left it at that. Once I was all alone again, I felt a little bit of my peace return to me. The letter had been returned to my feet; again I hadn't noticed it being put there. I picked it up and carried it to my bed where I promptly laid down and curled into a ball.

I held the letter in front of my face and read it again. And again. And again. Now that I had all the information in front of me, I thought I'd remember it. But it was like reading fiction, nothing clicked. It was worse that way. I knew the actions but I didn't know my own reactions, it was surreal.

Bella had written that I was erect when she found me; I worried that meant I had enjoyed it. But then she said I was sobbing, and so maybe I hadn't. I tried to picture Lauren's hands on me and the thought was nauseating, but not a memory.

With all that I had been through in my life, this was by far the worst. In every other situation, I had been able to fight back. Lauren took that away from me. I knew there was one thing I could do, I could press charges, but the thought of that was distasteful to me. I just wanted it to be over without hearing again and again what she had done to me.

I called the police in the morning. I told them I was going to do it, that I wanted to press charges. I went down to the station and gave my statement again. When all was said and done, they told me there wasn't enough proof. I couldn't remember, and unless someone saw Lauren slip me the drugs, it was hard to prove it had been her. Even Bella's account of how she found us wasn't enough. Lauren claimed she just thought I was drunk and had seemed willing. It was a case of he said, she said. They told me I could try but they didn't think any charges would stick in court.

I wish I hadn't even bothered.

E/N- Just a reminder- check these out:

I'm going to be squeezing my lemon for the Dirty Cheeky Monkeys "Squeeze my Lemon" writing exercise. If you want to practice your lemon writing with a prompt, head over to http:/ dirtycheekymonkeys . blogspot . com/2010/10/squeeze-my-lemon . html?zx=a40b6cafc179169a and sign up.

Second of all, I am a judge for the Fanficaholics Anon Facebook group's 100 Pictures contest. Go check out all the wonderful entries and make sure to come back and vote.

http:/www . fanfiction . net/u/2446549/Fanficaholics_Anon