-x-
Act VII: The Girlfriend
-x-
Oh no. Nononononono—
That wasn't supposed to happen. That—never should have happened.
Jason's panic got the better of him, seeping through his ears and numbing his thoughts to everything else around him. He still had Nico's face in his grasp, fingers curled around the contour of Nico's narrow face like a canvas, so he could see everything. And he didn't want to seeit.
Nico stumbled backward with his hands burying into cold soil, his eyes wider than the celestial bronze cannon balls shot from the Argo II. His face paled to a ghostly white, entire body trembling. From fear. Shock. His demeanor slackened into something Jason couldn't read above fright and alarm. Pale lips parted—attempting to conjure some speech, but he couldn't. Jason racked his brain because he could barely conjure a sensible thought either.
That wasn't supposed to happen.
"Nico—"
The younger demigod scurried three steps back, unblinking, and—afraid. Red bloomed in Nico's cheeks, but Jason could only grimace at the eyebrows knitted together—toward him—and the way Nico wavered.
He loved Nico. But Jason had decided long ago that Nico would never feel the same way—and that he didn't want to ruin their relationship. Nico deserved the world and—Jason didn't have it. He just lost it.
"Nico, I'm sorry, I—" Jason stood to his feet and took a hesitant step forward. Nico's Adam's apple bobbed as the younger boy gulped. "I didn't mean to kiss you—" Gods, he wished he hadn't done that, no matter how right it felt to have Nico in his hands. "—I didn't mean for that to happen. I swear."
The ridge between Nico's eyebrows deepened—and suddenly he wasn't scared anymore. He narrowed his gaze, fixating on Jason's nervous demeanor and steadied himself over the ground.
Jason didn't know how to take it.
"Let's just forget what happened," he pleaded, and every bone in Jason's body screamed no. His heart sank and drowned in his chest and he took another step forward, hands curled together. The word love sung in his head as a desolate melody, dissipating into the darkness as he fell to sober ground. "I-I didn't mean—"
"You didn't mean it?" Nico's voice cut through him like his sword.
Jason meant every word of it. He loved Nico's quiet smiles and the gentle way he took care of Hazel and the thought that he put into such menial things. He loved the madman glint in Nico's dark eyes when no one else was watching and the dry wit that passed when no one cared to listen—and Nico's inaudible sniggers when that pause of fear appeared in someone's eyes after he managed to scare them.
Every thought and reason why loving Nico was so right spun in his head, but was halted in his throat with every reason why it was wrong. Jason had horrible luck with relationships. Everything that got his attention was usually flicked away, ant-by-ant by the next day. He was fickle, and that wasn't what Nico needed.
But finding Nico had to be the only thing that made life worth living these days.
"Well?" Nico's voice snapped Jason out of his flurry of thoughts, with a tremor in his voice. He looked positively red with absolute rage, with his glare burning a hole in Jason's chest. "A-Answer me, Jason."
Jason cringed, with his heart sinking further down his chest until he could no longer breathe. The hole in his abdomen ached. "Yes," he said softly, voice rigid in his throat. "Yeah, okay? I meant it. I—I do love you, Nico—but I know that I'm not what you're looking for, and I don't want to ruin our friendship. I-I never meant to actually tell you. That kiss was over the line."
Dark eyes clouded over with an unreadable expression, with Nico still settled firmly on the ground. He collected himself at his feet, eyes glued to dirt—and he said nothing.
"Nico," Jason muttered—begged. "I'm so sorry." He urged himself closer to the younger teen to touch him—to place a hand on Nico's shoulder and apologize for how rotten he sounded.
Nico took two steps back instead. "Why?"
"Why, what?"
"Why do you think it's okay to do that? To take my first…" Nico's voice caught in his throat and he shook his head fervidly. Gods. He threw his arms in front of him, trembling hands directed at Jason with a hard gulp. Then Nico scowled. "You don't get to do that."
What? "Nico, I swear to gods, I never want to hurt you—"
"You don't get to yank around my feelings like—like they're a game to you!" Nico hissed. He drew a shaky breath and the shadows around him swirled at his shoes. "You can't just change your mind just so it suits your feelings so you don't have to think about it! You can't toy with me like that! You can't…" Fingers curled at his lungs, with Nico's eyes falling back to the ground with his chest heaving. "You can't just say you love me—" Jason didn't miss the way Nico's voice cracked when he said love. "—and then take it back. You can't…"
The blonde stood there, speechless, mouth parted and heart pounding. He took a step forward—and couldn't.
Shadow tendrils cuffed his ankles, binding the Son of Jupiter to the ground while Nico took another step back. This time it wasn't a joke. It wasn't for fun. Jason's head hurt too much to summon even a light breeze.
"I don't love you, Grace." Nico's throat constricted and he glared miserably at him. "I barely want to look at you."
No.
And with that, he shadowtraveled away.
"Nico!"
-x-
Jason flew back to Camp Halfblood with heat thrumming in his chest. He torpedoed through frosty clouds and through the cluster of gray nimbuses—the ones that formed around him because Jason couldn't calm down—and shot through the sky until Long Island came to view. His ears burned with the beginnings of frostbite, with shallow huffs of air freezing in his throat.
He was panicked. Angry. Confused. Frustrated.
He wanted Nico. Needed Nico. And he—didn't know what to say to Nico.
Winter blue lit up the sky in an eerie dawn, shrouding the white snow in disturbing twilight as Jason continued to fly east. He choked on his heart, catching sight of the forest, and remembered stone gray eyes that gazed back at him—entrapped by heaps of icy white.
The bonfire burned at the center of camp, with the gusto of home and warmth drowning Jason's senses—but still not powerful enough to clear his mind. He landed within the borders of the omega and darted for the Hades' Cabin.
His mind stirred like lightning ricocheting through every nerve. Jason hit the front door with his fingers and darted inside before his next heartbeat.
Hazel's shriek registered in the furthest corner of his mind, while Jason searched every lit crevasse he could find. He swept the skeleton and coat rack aside with a harsh gust and pushed the standard chest away with another gale.
Where was he? Where was Nico?
WOOOOOSHH
Wind whistled in Jason's ears and a surge of electricity crackled off the ceiling.
"Stop!" Hazel screamed. "Jason, what are you doing?!"
Her words didn't sink in until Jason found himself shoved against the wall with his gladius pressed lengthwise over him. Gold eyes scrutinized him—as big as chariot wheels—and Hazel's palms were pointed his way from her bed.
Frank was at her side in seconds—which was when Jason realized that the door was rattling outside the cabin walls with a violent flurry. Campers had ran from their cabins, still dressed in their PJs and groggily pulling out their weapons—a mix of imperial gold and celestial bronze—in response to the s they must have heard.
His mind spun—like the distressed satyrs that were whirling outside over the hearth with distraught whinnies.
Jason forced himself to breathe. To calm down. He couldn't.
"I—I was looking for Nico," he supplied weakly.
Hazel's eyebrows darted beneath her hairline. She moved the gladius and spatha away from Jason's neck and immediately demanded, "What happened to him?"
"Nothing." Jason's throat ached with pain as his senses finally caught up with his adrenaline. He lowered himself into a crouch and picked up the floppy green hat he'd knocked over earlier. "I-I…he ran away from me. I thought he'd be here."
"What?" was Frank's shout of angered disbelief. The murmurs that stirred all concluded with, Jason Grace finally lost it, and Grace is crazy!
Percy, Annabeth, Reyna, Piper, and Leo all forced their way through the crowd—no doubt stirring when they heard their old comrade shout.
He'd been the one to do it, Jason realized miserably. His hands shook over the frayed visor while his old teammates finally took in the scene. He could hear Leo's long drawn out whistle, Piper's gasp, Annabeth's 'what the—?', and most importantly—
"Damn," Percy murmured under his breath as he took in the sight of the room. He turned around, recapping Riptide as he did so. "Alright, guys. Clear out. Nothing to see here. And not a word of it in the morning. Got it?"
-x-
They sat in the rec room of the Big House, where Jason was ostracized to a stool in the center of the bean bag chairs and couches while his friends scrutinized him. Chiron had been ushered back to bed, with a unison wince shared by all when he worked his record player to soothe him back to sleep. Mr. D called them brats before hauling himself back upstairs, and Argus stared at them tiredly before dozing off with all of his eyes.
Leo brewed his special, Leo Fantastico Cocoa-ccino for all of them after fixing the broken heater and the short leg on the ping-pong table. Reyna and Annabeth were quiet in their own debate, occasionally steering hard glances in Jason's direction when he was the point of their conversation. Percy stared at him unabashedly from across the stool, arms crossed and lips arched into a frown. Pissed.
Piper sat right next to him, feet together and studying Jason with her charming gaze. Hazel and Frank joined them minutes later (the latter shooting daggers at Jason for nearly destroying his girlfriend's living arrangements) and sat at empty chairs.
Jason could have cared less.
He stared at his feet, trying to steady his breaths against the erratic beat of his heart—and only found it worst. Each breath forced shattered pieces of his heart to dig into his lungs. His chest hurt. His heart hurt.
The fact that he almost hurt Hazel made his head spin more violently, with the guilt and panic and sadness and distraught suffocating his nasal passages. Jason tried to breathe. He choked on all of the emotions that flowed through his pulse and forgot words on his tongue.
"Do you wanna talk?" Piper asked softly. The lull of her voice sang in his mind—halting the flurries and thoughts for just a moment for Jason's thoughts to straighten themselves out.
He was heartbroken.
In one night, he'd understood every reason why being in love with Nico di Angelo made perfect sense—a-and yet it all stalled into a deafening halt at the fear in those dark eyes.
"Okay," his ex-girlfriend murmured, with a mute agreement that was heard by everyone else in the room. She raised her voice, and Jason felt his brain dance at her soprano. "Raise your hand if you're possessed by an eidolon."
A collective sigh of relief flowed through the room when Jason's hand remained in the nook of his mug. It lasted two seconds.
"Then what the hell were you doing terrorizing Hazel's Cabin?"
Silence. Another ache pierced Jason's heart and he closed his eyes with a shivering breath.
"Jeez, Frank," Leo mused inappropriately, with his arms crossed over his chest. "Using bad words now, huh? Jason, you must have pissed him off real good."
Frank's gaze flitted to the Son of Hephaestus, with a frown marring his lips. As a Son of Mars, his irritation and anger radiated in the room in disturbing energy. "You don't expect me to believe that it's normal to ransack other peoples' cabins."
"It's not," Leo quipped. He brought his hands up in defense, demeanor unfazed, and shrugged. "We have a time out box with a dunce cap and stuff. Everyone else gets to wear a shirt that says, 'I survived INSERTNAMEHERE's rampage.'"
"Leo—"
"Hey." Percy touched Leo's shoulder like tugging a hyperactive puppy on the leash. Instantly, the shorter teen retracted, settling nicely into the couch with his arms crossed and the dry amusement in his eyes. "We're here to figure out why Jason's gone insane. It's not going to help if we turn on each other."
"Wise words, Seaweed Brain." Annabeth tilted her head in approval and stood to her feet, assuming her role as the rational leader between all of them.
If Jason was in better spirits, he would have realized this was the first time all seven of them were gathered in one place since the War. Percy, Annabeth, Leo, and Piper all settled like they were back home around the ping-pong table, but the seven of them together would have offered another type of synergy—like it hadn't been four months since the last time they were together.
"—son. Jason." Piper's charmspeak bubbled in his mind like a drunken sensation—setting Jason off kilter if only for a moment.
"What?" he murmured, cocking his head up to his ex-girlfriend.
Across from him, both Annabeth and Piper stood, with concern consuming both their demeanors. Piper's face twisted, eyebrows meshing together, and she approached him slowly. "Annabeth was calling your name."
"Jason," Annabeth said as if proving her point, "you're facing some serious consequences hereif you can't tell us why you lashed out at Hazel. It's not like harassing someone else outside the pavilion or having a sword fight out in the woods. You assaulted another camper in their cabin. You can get suspended from camp because of that."
"Suspension?" Percy intervened with a frown, like it was the first time he'd heard of the rule. "What—like at school?"
"Basically." She studied Jason like a complicated enigma and shook her head. "You can get suspended up to a year because of these things. And while that doesn't sound like much, being a demigod knowingly means you might not even come back by the time your suspension period is over."
"Not to mention the commotion it stirs between both camps." Reyna chimed in, causing everyone's eyes to fall on her. "You heard Octavian earlier. He's a powerful speaker and is probably trying to cause a commotion as we speak between Greeks and Romans again."
"What—because Superman over here attacked Hazel?" Leo frowned and gestured over to the blond. "But they're both—"
"Jason's about as Roman as I'm still Greek." Percy cut in, with his hand running a smooth line over the sole tic mark on his arm. Sea green eyes looked up to sky blue observantly, eyebrows pressed together and lips sealed. "More so than me. I mean—you spent eight months here in Long Island, man. You're a pretty good balance of both."
Frank groaned. "I swear to Mars. If Octavian tries to start another war—"
"But Jason didn't attack me!" Hazel finally intervened, standing to her feet.
Jason cocked his head to her immediately and watched her face scrunch. With each passing second that she studied him, he felt sicker to his stomach—coming to the realization that he'd nearly attacked Nico's sister. And that made him feel utterly worse.
"He didn't attack me. I swear."
"That's not how everyone out there is going to see it, Hazel." Annabeth shook her head and looked like she was playing devil's advocate. "You know that even if the treaty's been signed that there's still tension between both camps. This is going to be the golden gossip in the morning."
"Oh hell no. I am not going through another war over this." Leo.
"Yeah, like that's your decision to make, Leo." Frank. "Just tell us, Jason. What happened?"
"You're not putting yourself in graces, Jason." Reyna. "And boys—stop it."
"I told Nico that I love him." Jason.
Silence.
"And he—" Completely freaked and had every right to be angry at him. Hated him. Jason seethed. "And he doesn't feel the same way. I—I thought I could find him here. Okay?"
He sucked in a breath as seven pairs of eyes bore holes at him in utter shock. Shards of pain traced his lungs with their sharp edges and he sunk in his own misery as the realization continued to hit him hard.
"I'm not trying to start a war. You can say whatever you want to everyone else—I don't care."
All he cared about was Nico. And Nico was scared of him. Hated him.
Nico wanted nothing to dowith him.
"Uh." Percy was first to respond—tone unsure. His voice made the electricity bristle through the hairs of Jason's forearms, irritation crackling in his chest. "You can't expect him to be okay with that, I guess. I mean…he's from the 1940s, Jason. Greek or not, being gay wasn't exactly…welcomed."
The Son of Jupiter sucked in a breath and cocked his head to Percy for the first time. A mix of uncertainty, doubt, discomfort, confusion, and disbelief stared back at him through sea-green eyes, and a surge of anger forced Jason to his feet. Fury boiled in his heart and he bared his teeth at the roman Son of Poseidon—who jumped to a crouch on his couch cushion and tensed. "Do you seriously think you know anything about Nico?"
"Jay!" Leo gripped him by the arm, yanking him back while Piper took the other end. "Hey, hey, hey—I get that you want to throw a few punches at each other, but assaulting another demigod isn't helping your case right now!"
"This isn't assaulting! It's reasoning." Jason tugged forward weakly, with the scowl over his face.
Percy stared back at him with the goddamn poker face he'd kept since after Thanksgiving. His body language read preparation for a fight, but the eyebrow raised and lips tight like he was the most civil being in the world. "He's right, Leo. It's reasoning."
"Boys!" Annabeth stood between them and tapped Jason's chest lightly in a desist motion. "I swear by Athena that I'll murder both of you if you kill each other."
Jason glared at the Son of Poseidon, with his hands crackling with electricity. "We're not killing each other—"
Percy's gaze narrowed. "We're reasoning—"
"Quiet!" Piper shouted. Both of them shut up immediately. "Jason, go sit down. Percy, stop egging him on."
With that, Jason felt the full force of his ex-girlfriend's charm speak and ushered himself back to the stool in the middle of the room while Percy sat down as a prim and proper demigod, legs crossed and hands folded over his lap. He looked as dazzled and stunned as Jason felt, with his eyes haunted by a child of Aphrodite's tone. The force of her voice was so strong that Jason couldn't breathe until she commanded it.
"You know, Thalia was right." Annabeth paced between them with the irritation bubbling in her expression—enough to calm both teens. Annabeth was the last person anyone wanted to be on the bad side of. "You two need to keep your egos in check. I don't know what happened to your bromance in the past four months, but I am not spending the next two weeks playing peacemaker between you two."
Percy seethed. "All I'm saying is—"
"And I'm saying you should butt out." Jason snapped.
Piper made a frustrating, incoherent noise. "SHUT UP!"
Everyone in a ten-mile radius must have heard her command. The Big House was suddenly devoid of all sounds—to the point that even Chiron's obnoxious records stalled. Jason tried to sort out his fuzzy mind to speak, but couldn't conjure the words he needed. Everyone else silenced at her chilling command.
She threw her hands in the air and muttered a curse under her breath. "No one speaks unless I say so!"
Hazel raised her hand reluctantly.
"Hazel can speak!"
"If it's all the same to you all, I'd like to speak to Jason myself." Gold eyes turned, flickering with both irritation and pity—and reminding all of them why their meeting in the Big House was currently taking place.
Jason was too ashamed to look her in the eye, and instead focused at his feet. The situation had strayed far away from his punishment. Hazel took a step in his direction, which was when he realized everyone was standing at their feet—aside from Percy and he, who were forced to remain seated apart from each other. Everyone felt the need to separate them.
They certainly weren't fistbumping anymore, Jason mused sarcastically.
"Okay. That seems fair." Piper nodded slowly and looked wearily to Annabeth. "It's five in the morning. We've got to be up in three hours."
"You're right." Annabeth sighed forlornly and ran a hand through her hair. She laced a hand through Reyna's and looked over to the Daughter of Pluto for the last time that night. "You can decide Jason's punishment, Hazel. We'll try to calm the masses in the morning. And Seaweed Brain?"
Percy cocked his head, annoyed.
"This goes for you too, Jason. If you two are within ten feet of each other, I'll kill both of you."
Both boys cringed. It didn't take a genius to tell you that no one wanted to be on Annabeth's bad side. They may have been children of the Big Three, but only an idiot was willing to piss her off. The six demigods gathered toward the door at Piper's command, leaving Hazel to sit perfectly parallel to her old praetor. Frank gave her one last kiss, while Reyna caught Jason's eye.
She squeezed his shoulder, sharp gaze narrowed toward him, and Jason bit the inside of his mouth as he saw her pity. Leo and Piper lingered, both sharing glances and looking at him with concern.
All of them did, actually. Every single one of his friends watched him at the door way like he'd been diagnosed with an incurable disease. Jason sucked in a breath and shoved his pride aside. He knew from Reyna's look and Piper and Leo's worried glances that all they saw was a hot mess.
Throwing things around in a room, scaring Hazel, and readily welcoming the idea of killing Percy Jackson—one of his closest friends—weren't thoughts that a rational Jason Grace should have had. Even if Percy did kind of deserve it.
"Sorry," Jason whispered when his old teammates left.
"No, I—" Hazel's voice faltered before she withdrew a tired sigh and hugged herself. He didn't miss the sarcasm in her voice as gold eyes narrowed at her. "My night's not complete without someone bursting into my room."
Jason bit the inside of his mouth, ceasing any thought from becoming spoken word, and curled his hands over his mug once more.
"So you love my brother."
Truly, madly, deeply. Jason's heart swelled in his chest, choking the air out of his lungs and making it difficult for him to breathe. He glimpsed upward with his head spinning once more like a typhoon, and found Hazel studying his besotted face.
"Do you really?" Hazel asked.
"I've never loved anyone more." Jason squeezed his eyes shut and saw pain. Fear. The flash of fright in Nico's eyes as the other teen hurried away from him hurt Jason for the thousandth time. It hit him that he'd never told someone he loved them before.
Piper and Jason had broken up for that very reason. Leo and he…they were just a summer fling. There wasn't a guy or girl back at Camp Jupiter before his memories were stolen away that he'd given his heart to. Gwendolyn had been a big sister to him, and while Reyna was the closest girl friend he had at camp, Jason couldn't devote himself to her. Not her, nor the position as praetor over at camp.
Thalia was his sister. Of course he loved her, no matter the difficulties they were facing.
But this was Nico. Nico, who he spent four months with, separated from his half-god heritage. Nico, who had gone all the way to the Rockies to find him. Who went out for pizza with him, even if he hated pepperonis, and who shared pomegranate seeds and idle chat with like it was breathing.
Who consumed Jason with an earthy scent and with mothballs, and gave a shy smile behind his cautious, worried eyes. Who told him to get over his fear and fly again. Who leaned into him to hear his heartbeat, so Jason could do the same.
"Gods," Jason whispered, and he buried his face between his knees, trembling. Gods. "I love him, Hazel. I-I…"
"Jason." She breathed his name, faltering with worry. Hazel stood to her feet and brushed a hand over his shoulder.
"He found out my mother's name for me, Hazel." As soon as those words left his mouth, the rest of the tale followed: how after the Memorial Ceremony, Nico helped Jason fly again, and where they had disappeared off to. That also meant telling Hazel about the kiss—and about Nico's sheer shock.
Hazel's eyes had widened at every point. She pressed her tongue with a slow sound, Jason clung onto the melody. "I don't know what to say, Jason."
"He asked Thalia to tell him our mother's name in exchange for looking after me. And he's been working on that search since October. I—I can't think of any way to every thank him." Jason's eyebrows furrowed together and he tightened his grip over his mug. He wanted to laugh, thinking of all the other reasons why falling in love with Nico di Angelo felt right. "He's done so much for me. You and he went up to the Rockies again. To get my sword. All on his request."
"You mean a lot to him." Hazel frowned—an emotion running in her demeanor that Jason couldn't sort.
He ached, blood burning as Percy's twisted demeanor of confusion flashed in his mind again. "But I don't mean as much to him as Percy does."
Images of Nico's conscience—of Nico's idol stirred in Jason's head again. The living existence of Nico's favorite game, Mythomagic. His childhood hero. Only hours ago did Nico confide in Jason that he was preparing himself to tell his old crush that he was gay.
Even if Jason loved Nico, it'd been the other reason why loving him wasn't right. Nico's heart was for someone else.
And realizing it now hurt more than any spear through the chest.
"I shouldn't have kissed him." Jason buried his face in his hands miserably. "I knew that I liked him but—I never wanted to tell him. I told him that I couldn't like him like that. That…I didn't want to ruin what we had—"
"Wait. You told him that you couldn't love him?" Hazel cut him off, voice running thin. Her eyebrows pressed together and she stared at him in disbelief.
The route her tone took forced Jason into a rough halt. He looked up, meeting her gold eyes as they searched him for the hidden truth—like he'd just told a really terrible joke. Jason hadn't been trying to play the victim as he explained his case—he only meant to tell someone why he hurt so much. But somehow Hazel's pity had morphed into an accusatory glare.
"I asked if we could take back what happened," Jason said steadily. He set the cold cocoa down next to his stool and curled his hands together. "And he got mad from there."
Because Jason changed the rules. Because he flipped wanting to be friends to wanting to be more—and then pleaded for nothing else.
"That's not fair to him, Jason." Anger consumed Hazel's tone and she sat higher on the couch. "You told him you loved him and then you took it back."
"Because—"
"How many people do you think have ever told Nico that they loved him?"
He froze. His mind suddenly went blank, jaw slackening while Hazel looked increasingly more offended. "I…"
"He took care of me because he thought it was his duty. But the first time I told him that I loved him like the brother I wished I had in the past, he didn't believe me. He told me that I couldn't. Nico hasn't been told something like that since before Bianca died." The Daughter of Pluto shook her head, gaze never pulling from Jason as she made him wither with her eyes. A hand fell to her heart. "That trust we have? Both of us had to earn it. And you have no idea what it means to me that he trusts me so much to tell me that he's queer."
Nico had been heartbroken at the idea of destroying his relationship with Hazel. He'd been sick to his stomach just thinking about telling her his secret and had broken down in tears for the first time in Jason's presence when he told Jason that Hazel could barely look at him.
"I wasn't lying when I said you meant a lot to him. You didn't see him in New Rome the way I did while we were waiting for news on you. Not all of his nervous ticks." Hazel bit her lip and grazed a hand through her dark hair. "Jason, you spent four months finding my brother and earning his trust. He trusts you back—otherwise he wouldn't be around you all the time."
And Jason had said the most intimate words in the English dictionary to him. Ones that Nico blatantly made clear that he didn't hear often.
"Nico likes you back, Jason." What?
"But—"
"From the things that I hear you've done for him, I see why. But," Hazel continued, and she made a frustrated noise, "when I asked if it was true, he gave me the most miserable look I've ever seen on his face and asked me to drop the subject. He hates almost every aspect of his life as a demigod because of the stuff that happens to him." Gold eyes flickered with disappointment and disdain.
"But I've always thought of him first. I've always asked, I—" Jason always filled in the blanks when Nico was too shy or refused to answer him.
The other Roman shook her head, nose scrunching. "You took away any choice he had in the matter, Jason. You should have let him answer for himself."
He should have. Jason's eyes widened and his gaze fall to the ground as the entire situation replayed in his memory again. This time, with every spout of bullshit that he uttered. Then Nico's shaky reaction. "He yelled at me and said that he didn't love me back. That…he could barely look at me."
"Do you think you really deserve him loving you back?" Hazel's tone settled—like Jason had finally found the problem.
Jason choked on his own madness. He'd fallen for Nico, just like Hades said. He refused to act on those feelings but did so anyway. He kissed Nico and lost Nico's trust. He lost control—just like Apollo said he would.
He lost Nico.
"No," he said hoarsely. "I don't."
-x-
So this was what heartbreak felt like. Like a thousand knives through the heart and every ounce of verbal speech knocked out of you by a backbone that was shattered by wounded pride. Like every next heartbeat would be the last, because it was hard to look up and believe you could go on, and with a head that pounded from empty, recurring memories of every sweet whisper from a non-lover and the reminder that you were the one that ruined everything.
Wasn't that the feeling he'd given Piper after they broke up? After they finally realized they couldn't live in blissful ignorance where he never told her, just once, that he loved her? Then there was Leo—to whom Jason agreed that there was nothing going on other than a few makeout sessions and some release of tension. But he knew that pained look in those brown eyes—the one that knew that Jason would be abandoning Leo only hours later.
What about the Fifth Cohort? Reyna? He grew up with a Roman family when no one else by blood could take him in. Reyna and he formed a bond since her first day at camp, with the vow that they would rise as praetors together. He left them.
And now he sat beneath the window sill of Zeus's Cabin, Christmas Day, with his head buried between his knees and choking on his own misery. Even the tiny, mocking voice at the back of his head pitied him.
The knives of anguish pierced his heart every time he swallowed a breath, and Nico's shaken face blinded his vision every time he closed his eyes. Every. Single. Time.
You deserve it, Grace, he thought to himself on more than one occasion. He screwed up with Nico. With everyone. He deserved to wander in confusion, missing everything that still beat with life while he'd secluded himself in a tiny apartment in LA. The one thing that kept him there no longer wanted anything to do with him.
Jason could die without Nico by his side. (And the cruel irony, he thought to himself with a bitter laugh. He was in love with Death.)
If this was what heartbreak felt like, then he deserved a thousand deaths for every person that he ever hurt.
He had trouble sleeping with the hiss of Nico's hatred filling his ears in slumber and the bitter, I don't love you! that struck him to the core. Every time there was a pause in his Nico-induced hysteria, Apollo's declaration filled the void. The lapses between Nico and Apollo were filled with Hades.
"You'll get your challenge, Jason Grace. Something that's out of your control. You'll have to choose between doing what you think is right, and doing what you really want."
"…if you wish to continue courting Nico in the way that you have, then I only warn you of the decisions that await you."
Funny—when Jason thought challenge, he didn't think it meant matters in the heart. He chose what he thought was right—and it was wrong. So, so stupidly wrong. Hades must have had corpses rolling in their graves out of anger for Jason hurting Nico—and yet that was the furthest worry from the blonde's mind.
He could only think of the tender stroke of shadow tendrils as Hades addressed his son the night at the hospital. One glance at the Lord of Death and Riches, and Jason remembered the cold image of his mother and the forgotten memory of what Nico used to be.
A healthy boy who still had the color in his cheeks, who played an old game with his sister under the watchful eyes of their loving mother. He had a pure, unadulterated smile that lit up with his madman eyes—a gaze that wasn't hidden by curly hair that was in dire need of a haircut. Jason imagined the mother covering both her children in kisses, and Nico throwing tiny arms around his sister in gratefulness for playing a game with him.
He met those eyes when they'd hollowed. When they looked at the world like everyone was a ghost. When that pure, unadulterated grin was nothing more than a meager smile that barely reached his eyes when Jason finally accomplished something sensible to them.
Nico had only a handful of people that he cared for on the surface world. And only one of them did he care for like his mother and sister.
Frank mused the thought that Jason was as close to Nico as Hazel was. He never considered himself a tactless person—Jason received twenty too many jokes on the Argo II that he was a stickler for the rules. His un-Roman ideas didn't fit the norm for a society that strived on tradition.
Yet Nico was the only one who Jason ever felt like himself around. Searching for Nico was something that felt neither Greek nor Roman—it just felt like the right thing to do.
Jason couldn't remember the last time he'd cried the way he did after finding his mother. Hell—he couldn't remember the last time he could feel a real smile on his face before Nico and he were finally friends.
A crunch met his ears and Jason flinched as the sound reverberated off the walls. He moved his arms and stared down at his jacket. It'd been two days since he'd taken a shower, let alone change clothes. Catching his breath, he pulled out the neatly-folded sliver of newspaper that'd been given to him only three days before.
It would have been his Christmas present today.
Tiffany Grace's sky blue eyes brimmed with the sun in her candid shot. He thumbed her paper cheek with his hand and imagined that same smile directed at him when they were still together. Thalia's impish smirk tingled in his mind. He imagined a new picnic at the park, with his mother's confident, blissful grin and Thalia's smirk brimming with mischief beside her. Thalia and he would spar while their mother watched, and they'd all sit around the campfire exchanging stories of slaying monsters and idiots that inhabited Hollywood.
The dream Jason had about his family wouldn't be complete without his father. Despite everything, Jason found himself wanting Jupiter there to pull Thalia and him into a lovely embrace and pat his head like a proud father to his son, recognizing everything that Jason worked for since birth. Leo would be there, decking out the jungle gym into an obstacle course worthy of Camp Jupiter, and Piper would be there, laughing at all the jokes that weren't funny so he could keep telling jokes for her to laugh out of pity for.
Then there would be Frank and Hazel, off in their own little world as he treated her like a perfect lady and flustered at her laughs. Annabeth would be sitting under a tree, with Reyna, Aurum, and Argentum, and wrapping her mind around an idea for a beautiful building as she sketched in a drawing pad. Even Percy would be there, grinning as Thalia shoved him. They'd bicker like siblings, and Jason would laugh as she threatened to punch both of them.
His mother would be there, covering her mouth with the tips of her fingers and hiding the eloquent smile beneath. She'd separate the pair and press a kiss to Jason's cheek like the doting parent he never had.
Wrinkling the slab of paper in his hands, Jason's fantasy broke as he was reminded of the mugshot in Phoenix. His dream was only that—a dream.
And neither one made him happy, Jason thought as his chest tightened, because Nico wasn't in them. Nico didn't want to be.
-x-
"Jason. Jay, it's Christmas. I don't want to rain on your sulky parade, but it's kind of a time for family. And believe it or not—we're family."
"Jason, c'mon...house arrest doesn't mean you're grounded from the holidays."
"Christmas isn't a Roman holiday. It isn't Greek, either." Jason snorted softly and pressed his cheek to his wrist. Hazel's ultimate punishment for him was the look of frustration and pity she'd given him before they settled for the night. She declared that he would be under cabin arrest until New Year's (meaning Jason wasn't allowed to leave campgrounds for the next week. Which was fine—he barely had the energy to move) when Annabeth insisted that they needed to shut everyone up somehow.
"I don't remember Superman putting labels on anything." Leo returned Jason's wit by patting the taller teen on the shoulders. He bent over to press the pads of his fingers over Jason's coat, eyebrow arched and frown decorating his lips. "Help me out here, Beauty Queen."
"No offense, Jay, but Leo's right." Piper pinched her nose and knelt to one knee to look her ex in the eye. "You…kind of stink."
"I haven't showered in two days."
"We can tell," both his best friends responded in unison.
If Jason was in better spirits, he would have laughed. Instead, he buried his face in his arms and veiled himself from the image of both his friends, who were currently scrutinizing him like a piece of rotton meat.
"Hey," Piper started. She tugged on the slab of paper in Jason's hands. "What's this?"
"My mother."
He raised his head to the rush of silence as both brown and kaleidoscope orbs widened. Leo leaned over Piper's shoulder with his eyebrows raised beneath his cluster of curls—for once in his life utterly stunned while Piper's lips parted in effort to continue their conversation.
"Oh, Jason…" She pressed her mouth together and smoothed out the picture in her hands. "She was beautiful."
Leo snorted and tugged on one of his curls. "Looks like we found the secret to getting Superman to fall in love with one of us, Beauty Queen. di Angelo messed him up big time."
"He didn't mess me up." Jason snapped at the Son of Hephaestus instantly, with the irritation building up in him like a second nature. It was like being on the Argo II all over again, when someone would say something ill about Nico di Angelo and Jason quickly defended the younger demigod. It'd been the same feeling that throbbed in his veins when Percy voiced his rebuttal in the Big House—but with less ferocity.
Regardless, Leo jumped at the frustration in Jason's voice—a flash of fear smoldering the tactlessness in his eyes.
Instinctively Jason's heartbeat stuttered and he sucked in a breath. His old teammates visited him on-and-off in the past two days. Frank begrudgingly apologized for his outburst at Hazel's request and Annabeth and Reyna kept watchful eyes over him so he didn't terrorize another cabin—while Percy was under strict orders to leave him alone. Hazel brought him food, but Jason knew that she was worried over her brothers' whereabouts.
It was bad, if Hazel was worried about her nomad brother.
Piper and Leo were trying their best to hide the odd feeling of their threesome being reunited again. Both of them were literally on different sides of the country since August, and none of them kept contact with each other. Not since the hospital.
"Sorry," Jason whispered when it occurred to him that Leo never gave him that look of irritation before. "Gods, Leo, I'm so—"
"No—I am." Leo chewed his lip nervously and smoothed the curls over his forehead. They made tentative eye contact, where the tan demigod's gaze narrowed in apprehensive scrutiny. "I'm not doing a very good job of making you feel better."
"No. I've been a complete jerk to you for months, Leo."
"Yes you have," the Son of Hephaestus replied without missing a beat. He made a gesture with his hand and shook his head. "But still."
"How about you both are sorry?" Piper cut them off before they could get wrapped up in a huge apologizing showdown. "And you accept each other's apologies?"
Jason's chest pounded with both guilt and frustration. Looking over, he saw his once best friend's demeanor slacken from its poorly time humor into its own folly. The smoke in Leo's eyes hardened into solid remorse, and the shorter teen twitched.
Gods. Leo wasn't looking at him to make the call here, was he?
"It's been a while since all of us were together," Piper said when neither one of them uttered a word. She placed the tiny sliver of newspaper back in Jason's grasp and made a space for herself next to him. "I think we spent Christmas in your cabin, too."
The memory fluttered back to Jason's mind, and Leo's laugh echoed through the empty room. "Yeah," the latter said. "That's when I rigged that helicopter mistletoe to follow both of you around. It was set to make you kiss every five minutes."
"And you had at least ten." Shaking her head, Piper blew a bang out of her face and rolled her eyes. "I gave up trying to disassemble them."
"Consider it my Christmas Present last year. I got you two lovebirds together." Leo sniggered softly under his breath. He crawled into the small place on the other side of Jason and pressed the back of his head against the wall. A shoulder nudged the taller demigod to call his attention. "You woke up Christmas day freaking out. You did that a lot. Like you were going to wake up without your memories again."
"You guys made me a scrapbook," Jason finished. His eyes made a pathway to the tiny pedestal/bookshelf Leo built specifically for said book and warmth fluttered in his weak heart. It was enough to trigger a smile upon Jason's lips—with the memory fluttering back of when he opened the book for the first time a year ago.
Piper and Leo teased him like playful kids, jesting and joking until all Jason could do last year was laugh and agree to whatever antic they planned. His ex-girlfriend creepily and flawlessly mimicked Leo's personality for the day before they screamed, TADA! and handed him the book that consisted of every little memento they'd gained since meeting each other. There wasn't a lot, Leo apologized. Until two weeks before that instance, they technically didn't know each other.
They were the best friends that Jason could ever ask for. Even now—after four months of separation when they all had their reasons for not talking to each other, with Leo and Piper thrusting their concern upon him.
"Aw, there we go. Mission accomplished. We got old Stapler Mouth to smile." Leo slapped Jason mercilessly on the shoulder and grinned elfishly while Piper genuinely laughed. Another smile found its place across Jason's lip—and he even managed to laugh.
"Okay, okay. I get it—you can stop slapping me now."
"You know there's only one thing left to do then, Valdez." Piper grinned as Jason nudged the shorter teen away.
At the same time, Leo blinked. Obviously this wasn't part of the plan. "And what's that, Beauty Queen?"
"Well—we've both made out with Jason on one occasion or another—" Both boys winced at her declaration—but her voice radiated with no spite. Instead, Piper's gaze narrowed at the pair and she smirked—boyish mischief teeming in her kaleidoscope eyes. "Now we need to make out."
Jason blinked and Leo gagged.
"Oh, ew."
"Hey!" Whack.
"Ow! Jeez!" Leo muttered a curse in Spanish and cowered behind Jason's shoulder. The blonde did his best not to laugh while Leo's complexion paled. "Don't get me wrong, Beauty Queen—you're hot and all, but kissing you would be like kissing my sister. Plus you're kind of—I dunno—out of my—"
"Oh, shut up."
A yelp left Jason's lips as Piper leaned over his lap and yanked Leo toward her by the jacket. She cupped the Son of Hephaestus by the face and drowned his protests with a penchant kiss on the lips. His fervent cries of, "MMPHHHmmphhhMPHH" tapered off into a pleasant hum. Ten painfully slow heart beats passed before they released each other—and left Jason staring.
His gaze flitted between the two while Piper wiped the saliva off her lips and scrutinized their short friend—who looked mostly unfazed, save the wiggling. She clicked her tongue. "Did you…roll your tongue?"
"He does that," Jason dizzily responded.
"Travis isn't going to be happy about you sucking lip with your foster brother," Leo quipped. Foster brother? They waved their hands at Jason as he took in the words, in an, I'll-tell-you-later gesture. Clearly by the way Leo gagged and Piper shrugged, there wasn't a romantic future in the works.
"Percy'll be confused." She settled on her knees in a calmer pose and smirked as Leo childishly rolled his eyes. "That is, if he ever makes a move."
"Could you two do me a favor?" Jason called their attention carefully before the pair got carried away in their own little world. The knot in his throat had loosened with laughter from the two animated friends in front of him, but it only reminded him how much he missed their company.
How much he hurt them.
Piper's expression softened at his gravelly tone. The laughter ceased, and Jason's miser pointed out the two guests at his pity-party. "Anything, Jay."
"I want both of you to yell at me."
They looked at him like he'd grown three heads.
"I hurtboth of you so much. I've been such a jerk." Jason clutched his chest. He could barely feel his own pulse through his frustration. Whatever was left in the empty space of his ribcage only hurt. "And here you two are right now trying to get me in better spirits. I—" He couldn't be more thankful to have them. "I."
"Jay. Dude." Leo's surprise was evident in his tone. Scooting closer to their favorite girl, he only looked at Jason like he'd gone crazy. "We wouldn't have come here if we were angry at—"
"Leo, I left you in Manhattan without a word." Jason's miserable laugh fluttered out of his lips before he had the chance to stop it. Blond eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Why were they letting him slide with this? Just—gods. "I completely blew you off—I flat out asked you if you were cool with messing around, and—and I lied about where I was going. I didn't talk to you for two months and you didn't find out about my being in the hospital until days later."
"Hey," the other demigod snapped. He shook his head, brown eyes wary and smoldering with impending distress. Of course—Leo didn't want to go there. They were treading ice and keeping up a friendly façade for a reason. "You were unconscious, Jay. I didn't expect you to pick up a phone, you know."
"I just snapped at you. And you're just taking it." The blonde shook his head and automatically flew to his feet. He threw his arms in front of him, like turning all of his problems into a palpable worries and anxiously looked upon his open-mouthed best friends. "I-I feel like I had my heart ripped out of me and spit out by a laistrygonian. And you know what? I don't like that feeling. I've made every single person I knew feel that feeling when I turned my back on them. I made both of you feel like that."
The pair looked at each other once more like they were passing a secret message, and Jason took the sight in. It hurt—to think that maybe they were the creators of the We-Hate-Jason Club.
Hesitation flickered in the irises of Leo's eyes until it sparked the natural fire in his orbs. Leo bit the inside of his mouth and scratched his head with an offset demeanor. "Okay. We can turn this into a little venting session if you really want to."
"I do." Jason swallowed hard and folded his legs beneath him as he sat down again.
The shorter teen sucked in a breath like it would be his last. He stood to his feet, hands automatically going to the toolbelt around his hips, and shifted the weight between his legs. "You hurt me. You both hurt me."
Jason reached over to place a hand over Piper's as her eyebrows raised.
"Jay—you went to the other side of the country and lied to me about what you were doing. But Beauty Queen—you broke up with him and ran all the way back to your dad the next day—even though you were questioning for weeks before that if Jay loved you back or not. You both left Camp Halfblood." Leo bit his lip and his voice cracked. "You left me without a second thought. We're supposed to be the three amigos and yet neither one of you thought how much it would hurt me not to have you anymore. Nemesis already thought that I was the seventh wheel, and Calypso didn't want me either.
"And then I had to wait two months because I wasn't sure if calling you was okay, Jay. I wanted to talk to you, Beauty Queen, so badly, but I felt like I betrayed you. The moment we were all together in New Rome, both of you fled.
Leo studied Jason closely, and he shook his head in disbelief. "Piper and I both wanted to come see you, Jay—but stepping through the doors to get here…it felt weird. I wasn't even sure what I was doing there."
Jason nodded, his heart trembling in his chest. "I understand."
"But," Leo continued before Jason could move on. He sat back down next to his best friend, one hand latched onto the blonde's shoulder. Dark brown eyes narrowed at Jason solemnly and the corner of his lip curled into a tentative smile. "We only agreed to dick around until you left, Jay. Yeah, you hurt me, Superman, but if you were a gentleman about leaving me, then I'd probably still be pining over you. Which I'm not. Promise on River Styx and everything." He gave the blonde's shoulder a tender squeeze. "Man, I'm so over you. Your self-righteous goody-two shoes qualities outweigh any of the bad stuff you've ever done to me."
"O…kay." Jason's frown morphed into a smile when Leo flashed a cheeky grin his way. He turned to Piper, whose eyes darkened like a storm. His chest ached as he saw the pain on her face, and he thumbed circles over the knuckle in his grasp. "And you?"
"Jason…we had closure back in September."
"No. You tried not to yell at me the entire time and I didn't let you yell at me." Jason scrutinized her. He could tell the guilt about leaving Leo. Their interaction with each other may have ended in the hospital room, but Jason had no idea how often Leo and Piper kept in touch—just enough that Piper knew everything now.
She looked like she was debating on jumping into the pits of hell or worse—letting everything out. Finally, Piper settled. "We spent nine months together in the best relationship that I've ever asked for. The only relationship I've ever had. And then on the bus, when it turned out that all of those memories we had were nothing more than the Mist messing with us—that hurt. I felt like I already loved you.
"And then we went on the mission to save Hera, and I fell for you all over again. Everything you told me was more real than any of the lies the Mist ever constructed for us." She pursed her lips, hands curling into balls and eyebrows furrowing. "But somewhere down the line I realized that you didn't love me back. That you were just confused. And it hurt more because you realized that halfway through and never planned on telling me. If I didn't point it out to you, then you'd still be leading me on now."
As he lowered his head in shame, Piper made a gesture over to Leo. Her eyebrows pinched together and expression shriveled. "Maybe it was a silly hope—no. It was. I thought that maybe you would come after me if I left, Jason. And when you didn't—when you didn't speak to me for two months, I thought that it meant I wasn't worth your time at all. And then I found out about you and Leo, three month safter the situation happened—and I find out that you two shut me out.
"Leo's right—we're not the friends we were last year. We're different. But I want us to be the same again. I-I—" Piper's voice cracked the same way Leo's had earlier and her gaze glistened with tears. "I want us to be us a-again."
Oh, gods.
"Pipes," Jason breathed. He stood to his feet at the same time as Leo—who flashed him a worried expression—and they circled their favorite daughter of Aphrodite.
A tight laugh fluttered out of her throat and she pushed both of them away pitifully. "I'm fine—I-I'm fine, really."
She'd been so calm before when she told Jason that she knew—but he berated himself for being so stupid. They knew each other well enough to spot a lie between them.
"Hate to break it to you, Beauty Queen, but this is a No Crying Zone." Leo nervously grinned. He laced an arm over Piper's shoulder and glanced over to Jason, who did the same on the other side.
"Shut up," Piper snapped. She laughed quietly. Minutes later, the tears ceased, left with a pink-faced Piper who shook her head in dismay at them.
A heavy sigh left Jason's lips and he pulled them closer to each other. "I miss this."
The scent of Piper's coconut shampoo mixed with the musk of metal and oil from Leo's dwelling at Bunker 9. It swelled in Jason's stomach in a forgotten gusto and filled the places where his heart had cracked.
"So we're all basically pissed off at each other, including Jason, who's extra pissed off at himself." Leo's voice was nothing above a calm tenor as he kept an arm around Piper. He made a face, eyes crackling with new flames of warmth as he looked to them. "Or. I was. All I care about is this. That we're together again."
"Same." Piper's breath caught in her throat and she smiled through the tear over her cheeks. "Let's agree that we're never going to leave each other ever again."
"Never." "Never, Beauty Queen."
-x-
Author's Note:
Updates will continue after finals/once the story is finished in my documents. Sorry for the delay. Thanks for reading!
