Strange Things
Disclaimer: I can only wish I owned Kakashi and Iruka…If I did I'd make them dress up like cute doggies and…'Cough' never mind!
A/N: Noooooo I had so much work to do I neglected my fanfiction!
So sorry (again). Hope this chap will suffice, lol.
Iruka scratched his head in confusion, wondering why his friend Itachi hadn't called or even popped by to say hello today. Iruka had befriended the Akatsuki Stripper a while ago and everyday he would usually pop by or phone for a nice long chat. But today…there had been nothing.
The dolphin stepped over to the phone, hand hovering over the receiver, waiting for it to ring and when it did not, he picked it up and began to dial.
Ring Ring. Ring Ring. Ring Ring…
Iruka perched his bum on the edge of his couch, listening to the drone.
Ring Ring. Ring Ring…
Then Itachi's voice came on:
"Hi! I'm not in right now. Really sorry! But please leave me a sexy message after the beep!"
Beep!
Iruka put the phone down and decided to go out for a walk. As he passed the buildings of the usual Konoha Village scene, he also wondered why Kakashi had not contacted him with information on their next training session yet.
Normally there would've been a soft poof and Kakashi would've let himself into the dolphin's apartment and began chattering randomly about an exciting location he'd discovered. Once he had popped in whilst Iruka had been on the phone.
Iruka thought fondly over that certain moment…
Flashback…
"Yo Iruka!" Kakashi chirped, poofing into the living room.
"Ah..Ah! Kakashi!" Iruka stammered in surprise, "What…uh…sorry, I'm on the phone…"
Itachi laughed on the phone, "Guess I must say bye bye for now! Have fun with Kakashi kun! Ooh, play that game I told you about! The one with the chocolate sauce and doughnuts! And! And! Remember to use some strawberrys too! And put on some hot music, I recommend the salsa!"
Iruka blushed, "Um…don't be silly Joe! Bye!"
"Joe…eh?" Kakashi said softly, "Random acquaintance?"
"Umm…no, just a…uncle…uh…parent, of a child I used to teach…" Iruka said quietly.
"Intriguing." Kakashi replied sitting on the couch.
"So…"
Kakashi smiled teasingly, "What? No hot beverage for your visitor?"
"Sorry…what would you like?" The dolphin apologised.
The other ninja thought for a moment, "I was thinking of a tall glass of Konoha Pub's beer."
Iruka sighed, "Okay, let's go."
"Oh wait!" Kakashi said, "Actually I changed my mind…how about some Camel Milk?"
"What?!"
"No…hmm…Tree Sap."
Iruka's eyebrow twitched, "Have you been on drugs or something?"
"No…but I read on the internet Camel Milk can make you have more defined pecs…and Tree Sap…hmm…can't remember exactly, but it was mentioned in Icha Icha Paradise three!"
End Flashback…
"Such strange moments…" Iruka laughed quietly to himself.
"Hey!" A voice called to the dolphin, making him look up in alarm.
"Yes?"
Kisame marched up to Iruka, his face frozen in an expression of deep frustration, "I'm…er…Itachi's room mate…"
"Pleased to meet you." Iruka said smiling softly.
Kisame sighed, "You wouldn't have seen Itachi today, anywhere, would you?"
"Um…no, sorry." Iruka replied sadly, "Is there something wrong Kisame san?"
The shark sighed again, the air from his vast mouth so heavy with emotion that Iruka took a small step back, "Itachi and I are supposed to have a double job placement today, but he hasn't been home since yesterday…I'm worried something has happened to him."
Terrible things flashed through Iruka's mind, such as Itachi bound to a pole in an old woman's cellar, or handcuffed to a frisky young sumo, or strung up naked against a wall in a young fan fiction writer's home whilst being tickled with large peacock feather's…
"We'd better look for him!" Iruka said urgently, "We'd better…"
Kisame sighed again, "I've been looking for him all morning. I've been to all his last work places. The restaurant where a young Sally was celebrating her 21st and then Bob's house…"
"And?" Iruka probed anxiously.
"And Bob said that Itachi and some other guy had done their job, but then got violent and knocked him out."
"Other guy?"
"Not sure who that might've been, but Bob said when he was conscious again both of them were gone." Kisame finished with a super sized frown, "I really can't figure out where he could've gone, or what happened to him. I just hope the guy with him isn't some manipulative son of a…"
"Kisame san," Iruka butted in impatiently, a strange feeling of danger uncomfortably lurking in the pit of his stomach, "Where else have you been to look for him?"
"His favourite ramen stall, favourite pub, favourite bookstore, favourite bathhouse…practically everywhere he normally goes…I just don't get it…It's like poor Itachi's been kidnapped."
"We can't give up on him." Iruka declared, "A friend of mine taught me never to give up, even when times are tough."
"Really?" Kisame mumbled apathetically as Iruka bit on his thumb and made a motion against the ground with it.
"Summoning jutsu!" Iruka said as there was a small puff of smoke and then a brown puppy appeared.
"Hi! Hi!" Squealed the dog.
"Hi…" Iruka said sheepishly, "I thought this jutsu called Pakkun?"
"Naw!" The puppy giggled, "I'm Pakkun's nephew, PeePoo!"
Kisame stifled a laugh and ended up choking, "PeePoo…"
Iruka patted the hyper excited dog and then said, "I need you to locate Uchiha Itachi…do you think you can do that?"
PeePoo barked positively, "Yessir! Yup! Yup! Gimme his scent! I'll do it! Yup! Yay! Woof!"
Kisame leaned over stuffing a piece of material into the dog's nose, "This is Itachi's favourite handkerchief."
"I'm on it dude! PeePoo's off!" And with that the small dog darted away, rapidly rounding corners and scaling small walls, with Iruka and Kisame following closely behind.
Meanwhile…
Itachi had been sleeping soundly in a certain frustrated ninja's bed. Kakashi had attempted to comfort the previously crying man, failing to do so he had suggested Itachi come over to his apartment so that they could talk about it.
Flashback:
"…the one Iruka likes…is you…"
Kakashi stiffened up, "What?"
"You hate me so much…" Itachi sobbed, "No one loves me…they just pay to see me look pretty and dance, but no one actually cares about me…just because I'm an Akatsuki stripper…doesn't mean I don't have feelings…"
Kakashi frowned and reached out to pat his shoulder, but couldn't seem to bring himself to do it, "Itachi…"
"Day after day, this is all I ever do… Play some music, dance around like an idiot… and then strip..."
"…" Kakashi glanced at the unconscious Bob uneasily.
"Strip and dance... no wonder Sasuke hated me all those years... the only person to ever understand and actually truly care was probably Iruka."
The scarecrow looked at the poor crying man before him and this time he reached across and wiped the tears from Itachi's eyes, "Iruka is a great guy... if he were here… I'm sure he'd say something like don't cry Itachi kun… or you'll drown in sorrows and…"
"And…" Itachi murmured, "And then…the crops would drown…and the villagers would starve and the sorrow would spread…"
"Yeah…" Kakashi quipped, "Exactly."
Itachi burst into fresh tears, hunching over in dismay, "Oh Iruka kun…you have someone to love and I have no one…"
Kakashi bit his lip and talked over the loudness of the other man's sobbing, "About the…um Iruka thing…I think you should come over to mine and we could talk about it a little more?"
Itachi sniffled and leapt onto Kakashi, knocking the wind out of him for the moment as Itachi just wanted some comfort. He nodded and they left the horrid place known as Bob's place and ended up at Kakashi's place.
However, as soon as they had entered his home Itachi had mumbled that he was severely tired, stumbled into Kakashi's bed and fallen asleep. Kakashi wondered if it was just an act to prevent their little chat, but gave up for the time being and slept on the sofa for the night.
End Flashback.
PeePoo wagged his tail frantically as his feet came a halt, "He's in there sir! In there!"
Iruka's face flashed with apprehension once more, as he recognised this certain place to belong to a certain silver haired ninja, "Are you sure PeePoo?"
"Definite! Affirmative! PeePoo would never fail, PeePoo is a relative of the great Pakkun!" The dog panted excitedly.
"Thanks…"
"Anytime sir!"
Iruka patted the dog on the head and he was dismissed with a poof of smoke. Kisame stalked up to the window of the apartment they were outside of and peered cautiously in.
"He's there!" Kisame whispered in a dumbfounded manner, "Look! Sleeping in the bed, the little nincompoop!"
A lead weight sank deep into Iruka's stomach, "I can't believe it…"
"Neither can I!" Kisame laughed nervously, "The lucky devil probably went off with a handsome guy and had the time of his life last night! Damn…wonder who the guy is?"
Iruka felt tears well up in his eyes and he turned away, "Well…at least we know he's safe…I'll be going now…"
The heartbroken dolphin began walking away, desperate not to be seen by Itachi or Kakashi, adamant on hiding his tears.
"Hey!" Kisame said brightly, "Don't you wanna check out who the Casanova is?"
Iruka shook his head and his walk became a run, his voice was a little broken, but he tried to sound carefree as he called over his shoulder, "I've got an appointment today…say hi to Itachi for me."
"Roger that." Kisame grinned as he pressed against the window and his breath made a flurry of steam.
Itachi stirred in the bed, but didn't wake. Kakashi suddenly appeared beside Kisame, a kunai pressed to his throat.
"Hope you're not planning to rob the place." Kakashi said calmly as Kisame gasped and ogled at the kunai.
"No…I just…my friends in that bed…"
Kakashi put his kunai away, "Oh…"
"So…you're the Casanova eh?" Kisame said with a quiet chuckle.
"What?"
"Erm…" Kisame said cheerily, "Could you wake Itachi up? We've got a big job today…"
Itachi opened the window and peered out, "Hey…Kisame kun!"
Kisame grinned, "Hey."
Itachi rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and then he declared, "I'm not going to work today…not now…not ever."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow and Kisame almost forgot to breathe and his face turned a funny shade of purplish blue.
TBC
Umm… Hope you liked it!
Please tell me if you did, it'll make me smile.
Ring Ring. Ring Ring…
Itachi's voice: "Hi! Thanks for reading this chapter! Please leave me a sexy review after the beep!"
Beep!
