In Mr Rochester's absence, life continued on at Thornfield Hall. Shaken by the fire and Mr Coles continuous presence, I found settling into sleep at night troublesome for a time. After a week with no unusual happenings and the companionship of Pilot, I finally began to relax and get some much-needed rest. If I happened upon Mr Coles during the day I tried my best to ignore him. Though I did not understand why he was allowed to remain here, I came to believe that there must be more to the story then I knew. Mr Rochester was a good and kind man who was always very dedicated to the wellbeing of those in his care. I had to believe that he would not willfully endanger us.

We all went about our duties, falling into a peaceful routine. Between lessons with Adele, my walks and taking tea with Mrs Fairfax, days began to blend into one another. The monotony of life at Thornfield was actually very pleasant. I was able to work for a living in comfort, surrounded by those I considered good friends. But I could not deny that I had been cast down since Mr Rochester left. Though I knew I had no right to feel disappointed, my heart still ached in the evenings when I thought about where he was and who he was with. Rather than mulling over his nightcap before the fire with me, he was attending dinner parties and balls with the fashionable and glamorous women of the ton. I missed him desperately, but I knew he was not mine to miss. However, I was not entirely convinced my disposition was solely a result of heartache. As the days past, I began to feel fatigued, vague and disorientated at times. The burn on my arm was not healing well at all. It had been over two weeks since the fire and it continued to pain me greatly. Where cuts and scrapes would usually scab over and heal this continued to fester and sting. I had taken to changing the bandage morning and night but so far it was making no difference.

It concerned me that as time went on my whole arm began to ache more and more. At night I lay awake feeling feverish and flustered. My apatite dwindled and my dresses began to hang on my delicate frame like before. Mrs Fairfax had voiced her concerns a number of times, telling me I was as pale as a ghost. I assured her I was fine but I could feel her watching me sometimes, agonising as I changed before her very eyes. I knew it was not healthy, that I needed to seek treatment, but I had no way to account for the injury without revealing my part in the fire. I wondered if I might say it occurred in a separate incident but the coincidence would be too great to believe. Mrs Fairfax was an astute woman, she would see right through any story I fabricated.

The last thing I wanted to do was betray Mr Rochester's trust, so I decided I would simply make do for the time being. I rested more, trading in my afternoon walks for restorative naps, attempted to stomach as much sustenance as possible and even concocted a salve from a recipe in a book I found in the library. I was determined to nurse myself back to full health before the master returned.

On a late Aprill morning, several weeks after Mr Rochester's departure, I woke to hear activity in the room next to mine. I knew that the only other rooms in use on this floor were that of Mrs Fairfax who was across the corridor and Mr Rochester whose room was around the corner. Therefore, I was puzzled as to what could be happening. I had slept ill again that night and woken with a blistering headache. However, I wished to begin the day and satisfy my curiosity so dragged myself out of bed. I began by cleansing the wound, washing it first with warm water and fresh rags. Even the slightest pressure was agony, but I knew it had to be done. Next, I applied the salve, a concoction of herbs and oils designed to prevent irritation and infection. It smelled truly horrid but it did ease the pain somewhat. I then wrapped it tightly in gauze and rags, setting out clean ones to change it with later that day. I had told Mrs Fairfax I required linens to sew new undergarments from in order to obtain the fabric needed for the large number of bandages I was using. Lastly, I pulled on a day dress. I had altered many of my clothes to accommodate my injury with lose fitting sleeves. Thankfully these were the usual fashion in the warmer months so the choice was not noted with any suspicion. After styling my hair as well as could be with my painful arm, I left my room to find the maids diligently cleaning all the guest quarters.

"Good morning, Mary" I smiled. Mary had become a close friend of mine during my time at Thornfield. She and Nan were excellent company, kind and witty. "What is going on?".

"Good morning to you, Jane. Mrs Fairfax received word from the master early this morning. He's coming home tomorrow so we are readying the house". This still did not explain why they were thoroughly cleaning the spare rooms.

"Is he bringing people with him?" I asked.

"Aye, he is. Nearly thirty people in all. The house will be full to bursting" she laughed. "The whole place is a madhouse! With such short notice, we've had to call in for extra help from the village". I was immediately filled with both joy and trepidation. I was eager to see Mr Rochester again, but I was also wary of the people he would bring with him. I had not forgotten Gorbey and my aunt. My time on the run had taught me that people were not to be trusted. One word to the wrong person could see me caught within their grasp, doomed to a lifetime of black misery. I must be sure to blend in and be as discrete as possible.

"Goodness! No wonder we are in such an uproar. I will see what I can do to help once I have tended to Adele today".

"Aye, I'm sure Mrs Fairfax would be glad for the help, but do not trouble yourself. You are looking awfully pale, Jane. Are you feeling alright?". She reached out to place a comforting hand on my arm. I jerked away in fear that she touch the painful wound.

"Oh, I am fine. I did not sleep well is all". She gave me a quizzical look, tilting her head to the side in suspicion.

"Alright then, well I best carry on with this". She picked up a large sack on cleaning sheets and set about her task while I turned to find my pupil for breakfast and lessons.

The day was long and hard. Between lessons, Adele, Sophie and I helped make beds and dust cabinets. The headache I had woken with grew more burdensome by the end of the day. By dinner, I was struggling to compose myself. My arm and head throbbed mercilessly and the food on my plate held no appeal what so ever.

"Did I mention the Ingrams are coming?" Mrs Fairfax said from the opposite side of the table, pulling me from a daze.

"Pardon me?" I replied. So lost in my exhaustion I had failed to hear her.

"Goodness me dear, you look positively worn out. I said, that the Ingrams are coming. All of them in fact".

"All?".

"Why yes. Lord Ingram died years ago but Lady Ingram, her two daughters and her son will all accompany Mr Rochester tomorrow. Blanch Ingram is such a fine young woman, I wonder if they have already come to an understanding. She might be coming to see all that she will be mistress to". I tried to smile, but I had little energy to express joy I did not feel. Thornfield had become my home, a place of happiness and sanctuary, but the thought of staying here and being forced to watch as the man I loved married another was horribly distressing.

"How charming," I said with little enthusiasm.

After twenty minutes of pushing my meal around the porcelain plate, I laid my fork down.

"I am afraid I quite tired, please excuse me, I think I shall go to bed early tonight". I retreated to my own room, desperate for a moment of solitude. Despite my fatigue, I still slept very badly. I woke often in the night, dripping in sweat, my head and arm throbbing. Even in rest, I was plagued by horrid dreams. Dreams of abandonment. Mr Rochester leaving me alone, turning his back on me with a beautiful woman at his side while I fell into the clutches of Aunt Reid and Mr Grobey.

I rose the next morning feeling even more dreadful then I had when I went to bed. I felt so crippelingly fragile that I wondered at how I would make it through the day. However, It was a very important day for the house and I was determined to try my hardest.

The eagerly anticipated party arrived during morning lessons with Adele. Excited as she was to see the glamorous women of the ton and their pretty dresses, it was a challenge to get her to focus. Eventually, when the clatter of carriages arriving was herd I gave up and joined her at the window watching the spectacle of them all arrive. Luxurious barouche carriages entered the courtyard filled with finely dressed dandies and flawlessly outfitted ladies. Swaddled in brilliantly coloured silks and expertly fashioned gowns each woman was more beautiful than the last. They giggled and laughed together as they descended into the house with a welcome from Mrs Fairfax. Finally, I saw Mr Rochester, as handsome as ever climb from the final carriage. Dressed in a fine navy coat, black trousers and polished tall boots he looked like the epitome of British class and fashion. I had not seen him since he wished me goodnight at my bedroom door. The night I saved him. The night he wrapped his arms around me and laid gentle kisses against my brow. I wanted nothing more in that moment then to run to him and throw myself into his embrace. To my distress, he turned and handed down a breathtaking young woman. With a luxurious head of perfectly formed blond curls and a tall curvacious figure, she was the most elegant woman I had ever seen. Even from a distance, I could see her angular features and large blue eyes were stunning, a far cry from my dark, unconventional looks. She smiled up at Mr Rochester, wrapping her slender arm in his.

"How charming! It is a beautiful house, Edward. It almost makes up for the truly ghastly ride here" she giggled. Her voice was soft and light as she flirted with the man I loved. Mr Rochester laughed heartily at her teasing.

With little hope of regaining Adeles attention, I ended our lessons for the day. I was feeling positively wretched and wanted nothing more than to hide myself away and wallow for a time. After escorting young Adele back to Sophie's care I made my way back to my room, encountering Mrs Fairfax on the way.

"There you are! I have been looking for you" she said, bustling towards me. "I have just spoken to the master. He insists that you join the party in the drawing room after dinner tonight". I looked at her in sheer horror.

"Surely not" I cried. "He can't possibly mean for me to be there, I am just the governess".

"I assure you, my dear. He was quite insistent. He would like you and Sophie there to escort Miss Adele and take part in their festivities".

"But… But what if one of them knows my aunt? What if I am recognised?". Not only that but I could not bear to watch as Miss Ingram and Mr Rochester dotted upon one another.

"Now I am sure none of Mr Rochester's fine friends would be connected to such despicable people. The master said to tell you that if you were not present he would come to get you himself". With that, she carried on her way, coordinating the footmen in their efforts to place the correct luggage in the right room. I retreated to my chamber feeling hopeless. I threw myself down intent on having a good sulk. I curled up, cried a little and tried to prepare myself for the trials of the evening ahead. My headache had returned to full force, bringing with it a disgusting sense of vertigo. I prayed it would diminish by dinner time.

Sadly my prayers were not answered. Feeling pitifully unwell, I decided to forgo supper that evening. Instead, Mrs Fairfax had a tray sent up which I had left untouched. I readied myself by bandaging my arm, which had become concerningly inflamed, and dressing in my best gown. Though nothing could be done for my ghostly complexion I managed to tame my hair into an elegant bun which framed my face well. With the same enthusiasm of one walking to the gallows, I went to find Adele and Sophie.

We arrived at the drawing-room before the party were finished dinner. Feeling dizzy and feverish I selected a secluded seat in the corner, far from the fireplace, out of the way, where I would not be noticed. Sophie and Adele chatted animatedly about the beautiful ladies while I picked up a book and pretended to read. The stress and fatigue were wearing me thin and the words danced about the page before my tired, unfocused eyes. Eventually, the doors opened and the guests filtered in, followed by Mr Rochester with his beautiful companion who clung to his arm like a limpet. Without a glance my way, he seated himself next to Miss Ingram casually laying his arm across the back of the sofa behind her.

The large party talked and laughed and sung. Adele was in her element, dancing and singing for their entertainment, enjoying their compliments and flattery. The sheer noise of the loud party was knawing at my resolve. My grip on my book would tighten each time the young ladies would break out in a fit ok coquettish laughter. Luckily I had managed to go unnoticed. That is until I caught the eye of flawless Miss Ingram.

"My Lord, Edward, who on earth is that ghostly little thing in the corner?" she laughed, making no attempt to quieten her voice to prevent me hearing. I kept my eyes on my book, pretending to be oblivious.

"Ah, that is my ward's governess. Miss Elliot".

"Oh a governess, well, of course, she is" she tittered. "I think all governesses are such horrid little creatures. Lucy and I had at least six of them before we went to school. Oh, how we used to torment them!". Her sister joined her in laughing heartily at my expense.

"Yes indeed," said an older woman, who I later learned to be Lady Ingram. "I am not convinced there is any value in having a governess. If they are not inattentive and shallow they are making eyes at the master of the house". Her words struck deeply, as I felt the weight of her glare. "You should send the girl to school and save yourself the trouble, Rochester. I would be more than happy to recommend a suitable establishment".

Mr Rochester hummed in lieu of a reply, neither agreeing with them nor standing up for me. I knew that they were his friends and he would not wish to offend anyone, but his lack of care wounded my pride and nearly brought tears to my eyes. My emotional turmoil was only made worse when he turned to Miss Ingram, asking her to play a duet with him. He stood over her shoulder, turning the pages and singing beautifully with her as her fingers flowed effortlessly across the piano keys. I stole a glance or two and noted that they did make a very fine couple. Such a well suited, beautiful couple. I knew that if they were to marry, it would be excruciating to watch. I had never assumed that he would be free to make an offer to me, but I had not anticipated the difficulty of witnessing him give his heart and soul to another. Nevertheless, I had a duty to him and Adele. After all, he had done for me, I could not abandon my post. I would have to be strong and support him as his employee and his friend. However, tonight, feeling as unwell as I did, I was not sure I had the strength.

It had been a long day and I once again felt my composure slipping. The censure of the guests and my own condition were becoming too much to bear. When the room began to spin I knew I had to take my leave. While the was still so engrossed by the charming duet I crossed the room and quietly spoke to Sophie, asking her to look after Adele while I went to bed. Creping from the room, I made it safely into the corridor where I grasped the staircase bannister for support. I realised in that moment I was truly unwell.

I had managed the first flight of stairs, resting heavily on the rail for support when I heard the Drawing room door open and close behind me.

"Why did you leave the room?". It was him. Mr Rochester's presence would usually sooth me, but now in this condition - a fevered sweat breaking on my brow, emotional tears unshed in my eyes, I simply wanted to get away. I turned slowly and saw him standing defiantly at the bottom of the stairs.

"I am tired, Sir. I am going to bed" I said. He seemed to scrutinise me for a few seconds. Deep frown lines creasing between in brows.

"You do not look well, Jane. Have you been ill in my absence?" he questioned, taking a step up the staircase towards me.

"No, Sir. I am fine" I said, feeling the very opposite. I prayed he would not detain me much longer. Black spots began to cloud my vision as I felt my grip on reality begin to slip. He seemed unconvinced by my answer and continued taking small steps towards me as if he were approaching a wild animal that may scurry away in fear.

"It has been a while since we have seen another. What have you been doing while I was away?"

"T-t-teaching Ad-dele, Sir" I stuttered.

"But of course," he said, drawing closer. "Why did you not come and greet me before?"

"You… you seemed engaged, S-sir". By then he had reached the top of the stairs and my knees were beginning to sag. I stumbled back to clutch the wall for support but it was too late.

"Whatever is the matter, Jane? Jane!" I heard him yell as I crumpled to the floor, landing painfully on my injured arm. I felt him kneel next to me, but with a small whisper, everything faded to back.

"I'm sorry".