Disclaimer: Wicked is mine, assuming we're referring to my favorite CD.
Notes: This chapter was probably the most fun to write, likely because we're back to Fiyero's point of view for most of the chapter. I know that "um" isn't actually an interjection, but it worked so well that I decided Boq could be so awed at Galinda's presence that he forgot his grammar. That sounds really random, but… well, you'll see what Fiyero gets himself into.
She needed to cool down. That would involve forgetting Fiyero and his idiocy, of which the changes were slim. Besides, she wasn't very cool at all. Just cold-hearted and hot-tempered.
Elphaba knew she was being selfish, a rarity indeed. But then again, she wasn't exactly herself.
She knew that this wasn't Fiyero's fault, that she would have had to date Galinda soon anyway, or people would begin to suspect something was wrong. But she also knew that she had enough problems in her life and that she didn't need Fiyero to add to them.
This wasn't a solution to any of her numerous problems at all; but, at the very least, it would be funny. Wickedly so. Maybe she was a wicked girl, as Avaric had suggested.
Avaric. Her next victim. He wouldn't be in the crowds of the courtyard, and even if he were, it would be the last place she'd look. After all, Elphaba aimed to avoid Fiyero. Maybe he thought- not that he ever did- that he could help, but seeing him would only make things harder. For him.
Where would a guy like Avaric go? If he were a normal person, he'd be socializing right now. As he was not a normal person- at least, using her definition of normal, which, granted, was out of whack- Avaric would be somewhere unexpected, and therefore in some place quite expected in her line of thought, which even she was losing quickly.
Think, Elphaba stated, as hard as that might be for Fiyero, you're not him. Glancing at herself, she amended with a sigh, Discounting the literal sense.
Avaric wanted Elphaba, but he wouldn't be stalking her.
He's already done enough of that for a- forever, she thought, recalling his late night adventure. Wishing she hadn't, Elphaba returned to the topic at hand. Avaric. Who would be doing anything he could to gain an upper hand in dating her, most likely.
Perhaps preparing to face Bruce, Elphaba concluded. Then he'd be in the gym, practicing with a punching bag or something. Except for the fact that the gym is currently in use by the yoga club- though why they need a gym, I have no idea…
How else could he prepare himself to face Bruce, or to date? she fumed. He doesn't even know anything about this Bruce…
She trailed off, suddenly certain she knew where Avaric was. Somewhere unexpected where he could prepare for dating Elphaba and familiarize himself with Bruce.
"What is it with kids these days?" she wondered aloud. "Don't they know that the library is supposed to be empty at all times?"
Shaking her head, she raced off towards the lonely refuge of her past, hoping she wasn't wrong.
xXx
"Elphaba!" Fiyero shouted loudly, earning him dubious glares from several students. "Yes, I'm looking for myself, get over it!"
He didn't know exactly what Elphaba had said as she stormed away; the accursed cramps had distracted him, the very same cramps that were preventing him from racing after her this very instant. But whatever it had been didn't sound good.
Knowing her, it was probably "I'm going to kill you, idiot." Which would mean she'd departed to find weapons, which would be… where?
God, I'm stupid. Probably the only true statement of the bunch. She couldn't kill herself.
Clutching his stomach, Fiyero pushed himself up, limping across the courtyard and bumping into several irritated students in the process, which he ignored. Not being the social king had its advantages, such as not having to stop every other moment of his life to engage himself in a lengthy and useless conversation. Of course, the downside was that just as many people stopped him to push him into a tree, spit at him, steal his history notes. (Wouldn't the sucker be surprised to find a bunch of scandalous doodles and "Princess Elphaba" written a hundred times in the margins.) Plus he couldn't scan the crowd for the familiar flash of green that most certainly meant "go!" Not that it would have helped anyway. Elphaba was gone. Well, not really gone, just not in sight. Which was probably the same thing as gone.
He figured she had run because she needed some alone time. Hence, he decided, he needed to find her as quickly as possible.
But what to say? He had to say something, since his nonverbals were unlikely to go over well. I can't imagine what it's like to be you right now. Their situation only brought out the cheesiness in everything. Come to think of it, he still couldn't imagine what it was like to be her. He'd walked in her shoes for almost a day, yet he was still no closer to understanding her.
And, for an insane moment, he swore liked it that way.
Still, he knew she wasn't the girl for the rose or pearl. Or cheesy love speech. How was he possibly supposed to comfort her, then?
Simple. He wasn't. He was a Vinkan Prince. She was… well, green! He had a trophy girlfriend, she had… no one.
And all he could give her were false promises and truths she wouldn't believe.
Regardless, Fiyero decided, I have to find her. Because… because… I don't know, because I want to!
But where? Had she been herself, he'd place his money on the library, but as Fiyero, she'd avoid the place like wildfire. Plus, he'd know to look there, and he got the feeling that she was trying to avoid him. There was the remote possibility, of course, that she had simply felt like taking a spontaneous cross-campus jog mid-lunch hour.
Oz, he was supposed to have her brains, why couldn't he use them?
Running aimlessly, Fiyero rounded a pillar and nearly bumped into a certain blonde he had been avoiding all day.
"Have you seen Fiyero?" he asked automatically, only to hear her echo the same question. Both stared at each other in surprise, simultaneously continuing, "You're looking for him too?"
At this, they both glared at each other. "Stop that!"
Groaning, a forceful "I mean it!" followed suit before each clamped their hand over the other's mouth in one quick movement.
"Move your hand, or I'll drool," Fiyero threatened, his words slurred as her hand pressed against his mouth. At the same time, Galinda cried, "Get your stupid hand out of my face!"
Both hands withdrew quickly as Fiyero commented, "Hey, we didn't say the same…" He trailed off as he realized Galinda was in the process of uttering the same sentence. Raising his hands, a movement copied by Galinda, they both shouted vigorously, "STOP IT!"
Before Fiyero could continue, Galinda covered his mouth once more, speaking alone, "So, have you seen him?"
Fiyero gestured to his mouth, muttering something unintelligible. Sighing, Galinda reluctantly unclamped his mouth, and he sputtered before answering, "Would I be looking for her- uh, sorry, him- otherwise?"
"Well, maybe you saw him earlier today," Galinda sniffed.
"Oh, I did," Fiyero stated. "Actually, he just ran away. I mean, to get food."
"If you knew he went to get food, why would you not know where he was?" Galinda hammered. "Why are you looking for him anyway?"
"Uh, tutoring?" Fiyero tried.
"He's tutoring you?" With an incredulous expression, Galinda took his hand sympathetically. "Um, Elphie, I don't think Fiyero even knows what the word 'tutoring' means, much less be able to tutor someone as well-versed as yourself."
"Hey, I know what tu… I know he's not smart. I'm tutoring him, remember?"
"Oh. Right. But not Saturday, right? We're going to the dance together," Galinda explained unnecessarily, fluttering her eyelashes flirtatiously.
"Yes, about that…" Fiyero began.
"About it, you need a date too!" Galinda declared. "I've been spying on Avaric for you, and I think he likes you."
"But Bruce," Fiyero argued.
"Elphie, my name's Galinda, remember?"
"No, Bruce, you know, the Brute?"
"Who?"
"Well, I haven't met him yet, but I think we're going out, possibly even marrying," Fiyero stated. Galinda stared at him, utterly lost. "It's complicated. Don't try to understand."
"But… I don't understand," Galinda stammered.
"That's why I said you didn't have to understand," Fiyero repeated.
"O-kay," Galinda stated. "Sooo, can I ask Avaric out?"
Fiyero snapped his head up. "Yes, totally, a world of yes, do you want me to tell Fiyero?" One glance at her told him that was not what she meant. "Oh, you mean ask him out for me?"
"Do you really think I'd betray you like that?" Galinda asked. "Ask out the one person you love? I'd never do that to you, Elphie."
As guilt overwhelmed him, the words spilled from his mouth before Fiyero could stop them. "I have something to tell you."
Galinda waited. "Well?"
Oz, why do I put myself into situations like these? If he was going to confront Galinda, it would be in his own body, where he could take responsibility and Elphaba wouldn't be blamed. Besides, he wasn't all that certain any blame was to be cast on her. She hadn't shown much sign of wanting his company, after all.
"I just wanted to say, um… yes, um, I wanted to say um."
"Um?"
Why do I get myself in these situations?! Out loud, he babbled in the guise of calmness, "Yes, um. Although it's a, um- see there it is again- it's a… it's on the tip of my tongue, and no, that is not what um is… what is um?"
"Um…" Galinda sounded.
"Yes, you heard me right, um!"
"Um, where are you going with this?"
"I'm going down a long and painful road of agonistic, and, uh, agonizing, as well as agony-invoking-" Another cramp rampaged through him. "-blah, agony, agony," he listed, "grammar." Pausing for a moment to breath, Fiyero questioned, "Am I the only one not able to follow that? What was I trying to lie- er, talk, talk about- again?"
"Um…" Galinda began.
"Yes, that was it, um!" Fiyero declared. "Yeah, it's a conjunction." He straightened himself proudly.
"Um, it's an interjection, actually," came a small voice from beneath Fiyero… heck, it wasn't beneath anymore, Boq was almost level with him. Something had to be done about that.
"Yeah, right," Fiyero scoffed. "The only interjection I see here is you, mini-man, so I'd shoo, if I were you- hey, that rhymes- and besides," he continued as Boq started to interrupt, "we were not talking about 'it,' we were talking about the finer delicacies of 'um.'"
"Um…" Boq began timidly.
"Yeah, um," Fiyero repeated haughtily.
"Um?" Galinda interrupted, raising her hand.
"How many times do I have to tell you this, we're talking about um!" Fiyero shouted.
"What's the point of this, Elphie?" Galinda asked.
"M-miss Galinda?" Boq stammered. She turned to him. "I-I like talking about grammar too, Miss Galinda,"
"Well, I don't," Galinda declared.
Bog giggled nervously. "Me neither."
"Guys? Can we get back on topic?" Fiyero interjected, waving his hand in front of the pair, feeling vaguely jealous.
"Can we not?" Galinda begged.
"No, I need to finish this," Fiyero argued before muttering, "Great, now I have to finish this, don't I? So," he continued loudly, "um, don't use it too much, teachers dock points."
"I thought you said we were talking about um, not it," Boq said, mildly confused.
"It's called a… a… well, I don't know what it's called, something like antidote?"
"Antecedent?" Boq tried.
"Sure, that," Fiyero said. "The lesson here is not to use um." Noticing Galinda staring at him, he shrugged. "Hey, I'm a grammar freak, what did you expect me to say? Something mildly pertaining to the topic? Because I'm not cheating on you in any way, shape, or form, and I'm not going out with you anyway, so how could I cheat on you, and I'm babbling again anyway, so there!"
"Um, okay," Galinda sounded slowly.
"Gah!" Fiyero declared. "What did I just say about um?"
"Um…" Boq began.
"What is it with you guys?!" Fiyero shrieked, flailing his arms around, rather enjoying his overreaction.
"Um…" Galinda started.
"STOP WITH THE UM!" he screamed. Boq opened his mouth while Fiyero continued loudly, "And if you say um, I'll kill you!"
Boq closed his mouth quickly.
"Damn, guess I can't kill you yet," Fiyero mused, snapping his fingers in regret.
"She was talking about you yesterday," Galinda stated sincerely to Boq, who didn't seem to be listening to the words, instead lost in awe that the lovely Galinda was addressing him.
"No, that was Bob," Fiyero disagreed.
"She wanted to kill him too," Galinda remarked.
"It's the time of the month," Fiyero explained proudly. Both Galinda and Boq stared at him, Galinda horrified and Boq confused. "You know, with the babies?"
"Um, Elphie, this is one of those things you don't talk about in front of guys," Galinda squeaked. "Okay?"
"You have to kill babies once a month?" Boq asked, confused.
"Ha! I know something you don't!" Fiyero declared, doing a little happy dance where he stood. "I know more than one thing you don't."
Boq gaped at him, utterly bewildered, whereas Galinda studied Fiyero with concern. "Have you been drinking?"
"No," Boq answered automatically with a slight jump. "W-why would you think that, Miss Galinda?"
"She was asking me, idiot," Fiyero retorted, eyeing the munchkin suspiciously and recalling Elphaba's account of last night. "You know, I seem to use that word a lot, especially around Fiyero…"
"I haven't been drinking around Fiyero," Boq interrupted a little too guiltily.
Fiyero's eye narrowed, wondering if Elphaba had left anything out. "What did you do last night?"
"I-I didn't drink, and I wasn't with Fiyero," Boq stammered. "Unless you're talking about water, which isn't dangerous, even though it k-kills thousands of people a year."
"Water kills people?" Fiyero questioned, distracted. "It must be female." He frowned. "Or would it be she must be female? And is water singular or plural?"
"That's it, you two can speak grammar language together, alone," Galinda said irritably.
"And that's a contradiction," Fiyero stated.
"Assuming grammar language is English, aren't we already speaking it?" Boq asked.
Galinda had stopped listening. "Anyway, that's great, I'm going to ask Avaric about that date," she prattled, skipping off into the crowd, or perhaps dashing off.
"Now you're dating Avaric?" Boq questioned desperately, eyes widening and shoulders slumping.
Fiyero called after Galinda, who either didn't hear or ignored him. Growling, he turned to Boq. "We need to have a little talk, which fits perfectly with you seeing as you're a little man."
"What do we need to talk about?" Boq inquired innocently.
"First off, quit flirting with Galinda," Fiyero ordered, "you're making me even sicker to my stomach than I already am."
"I- I don't know what you're talking about," Boq stammered.
"The cramps, duh! You know- that whole female punctuation thing?"
"Females like grammar?" Boq repeated, exasperated.
"Or maybe she's just allergic to munchkins," Fiyero replied, gesturing in Galinda's direction. When Boq feigned innocence, Fiyero snapped, "Oh, come on, we all know about your crush on her. You'd have to be blind not to see it."
"Miss Galinda's blind?" Boq fretted anxiously.
"Okay, well, like grammar, there's always the exception to the rule," Fiyero consented.
Boq sighed. "Women can be so oblivious at times," he fumed, dropping the meek act.
"Trust me, I know what you're talking about," Fiyero sympathized with a nod. Boq raised an eyebrow. "Hey, don't go all Spock on me!"
"Do you think Galinda will ever see me?" Boq asked.
"Well… maybe if you wore stilettos," Fiyero put forth to Boq's horror. "What am I saying? You can't have Galinda!" He glowered at the munchkin, for once glad to possess the infamous Elphaba glare, and with emphasis, he stressed, "She's mine."
Boq's eyes widened. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "I didn't… I mean, I wasn't aware you had such feelings for Miss Galinda."
Fiyero blinked, remembering who he was, and more importantly, that he was trying to break up with Galinda anyway. Disengaging Fiyero-possessive-mode, he said, "Nah, it's alright, mini-man, I meant that she's mine as in you need my consent before dating her."
"Wow," Boq breathed. "The rumors must be true."
He narrowed his eyes. "About this permission thing…"
Boq stiffened. "I'm sorry, sir, madam, miss."
"I'll let you date her, but you've got to get her to break up with Fiyero first," Fiyero bribed, "which could be more than just potentially problematic. He's slipping, sure, but she's still hooked on him majorly. It's going to take more than smarts- you've got to show her you exist, that you're more than just a boring study buddy. If all she sees is a bookish introvert, she'll try to set you up with Elphaba," Fiyero yammered, and realizing his slip, he quickly added, "which is me."
"So I have to exist?" Boq questioned, obviously not very well versed dating. With a shrug, Fiyero nodded. "Cool, I've already got most of it accomplished!"
"It's more than that," Fiyero argued. "You've got to be cool. You've got to be popular."
Boq's shoulders drooped slightly. "But how do I do that? I can't even successfully date Nessa, how do you expect me to date Galinda?"
"That's right, you're dating Nessa!" Fiyero declared. He frowned. "Ah, well. You'll just have to find some way to dump her. Good luck with that."
"You want me to dump your sister?" Boq questioned uncertainly.
"Nessa's my sister!" Fiyero proclaimed loudly, only mildly surprised.
Boq studied him, looking for any sign of a joke. "Well, last time I checked…"
"That means that I have an inside influence on her," Fiyero stated. "I mean, I am older, right?"
"You're asking me?"
"Right. I'm older. I have to be, because I'm taller, except she's always sitting down, so maybe I'm not taller, meaning maybe I'm not older," Fiyero babbled. "Seriously, how come we can't just count rings to find out our age? I mean, trees can do it."
"But, you're not a tree," Boq stated.
"So I've been told," Fiyero commented. "Listen, you need major dating help."
"Actually, I'm rather gifted at keeping a calendar," the munchkin noted proudly.
Fiyero covered his face with his hands. "Hence the 'you need major dating help' part." He glanced at the munchkin. "Okay, here's the deal. I'll help you get together with Galinda- and I'll try to convince Nessa to dump you- if you help me get Galinda to break up with Fiyero."
Boq stared back blankly. "You help… me?"
Fiyero shrugged. "Sure. It doesn't mean we have to like each other."
"Right, because I like Galinda."
Fiyero glared. "I cannot believe I'm actually doing this…"
"Me neither," Boq admitted. "What do you know about dating?"
"Well, I do specialize in one night stands… but if there's one class in Shiz I'm qualified to teach, it's this one."
"And if there's one class I'm likely to flunk…"
"Just copy my homework," Fiyero instructed with a shrug. "It's what I do. Don't worry mini-man- in no time, you'll be a real boy."
Boq reached forward to hug him. "Whoa!" Fiyero yelped. "One, don't swing that way, and two, you're beginning to convince me that you do."
"Huh…?" Boq frowned. "Wait, you don't like guys?"
"No!" Fiyero groaned. "I don't like munchkins."
"But isn't your father the governor of Munchkinland?"
"He is?!... uh, he is… I guess… if you say so…" Hmmm… a governor's daughter… Sure, Elphaba was no Princess of Oz, but the eldest daughter of a governor could be quite… eligible. For marriage, that was. If she ever got past hating him. "No more questions- just remember." Fiyero cleared his throat. "Let's go down to the Ozdust ballroom, we'll meet there later tonight."
"And we'll dance?" Boq asked.
"'Til it lights!" Fiyero grinned. "Find the prettiest girl, give her a whirl… that would be Galinda, of course, but we can use me as a practice dummy." He flipped his hair back in a Galindafied manner. "I've got the second part nailed."
"So…"
"So, I'll be picking you up around eight?"
"After all," Boq stated.
Fiyero stopped. "No. No way, I am so not… you did not just…" Dramatically, he dropped to one knee. "Oh, Elphaba, thy beauty hath made me effeminate!" With that, he dashed away. On second thought, he poked his head back around the corner. "Don't laugh," he called to a puzzled Boq, "I have actually read a book… play… whatever!"
Okay, lame, but I was listening to Aaron Tveit's "Dancing Through Life," and the lyrics just leaked onto the page… review, and the next chapter will be up in another two weeks. (I'm alternating with my Harry Potter fic, though I'm considering abandoning that since I've gotten next to zero reviews for the last two chapters. So, if anyone wants to read that… I'm shamelessly self-advertising again… And for anyone who reads "Spring Mistakening?" there will an update on that tomorrow.)
