Kendall stopped banging on the door, motioning at his friends to do the same for long enough that he could press an ear to the wood and listen intently. Dread filled him as he realized he couldn't even hear James' shuffled movements anymore. With a loud curse and a well-placed kick, Kendall managed to budge the door open, James' slumped body no longer giving resistance, his knees buckling up and allowing his body to be slid partially away from the weight of force behind the door.
Kendall jumped on the opportunity, managing to get the door far enough open to squeeze in, Logan and Carlos quick on his heels.
"Fuck!" Kendall exclaimed, shocked at the sight before him and quickly dropping to his knees in front of James. "J, buddy, I need you to wake up," He said urgently, shaking the other's shoulder, feeling like he was going to be sick as he tried to avoid looking at the blood on the floor and the fresh, open wounds still oozing the thick red liquid out of his best friend's arm.
James let out a slight groan, and tried to brush Kendall away, just wanting to sleep. "Go away," he muttered, eyes fluttering open briefly before sliding back closed, his breath coming in slow, shallow gasps.
"We need to get him to the hospital," Logan stated. "He's lost a lot of blood."
James woke up a little more at the mention of a hospital. "Don't you fuckin' dare," He hissed at Kendall, eyes popping open and brown eyes drilling into green with a ferocious intensity.
"J, I think you need to go," Kendall replied, taking the wet cloth Logan pressed into his hand and picking up James' arm, attempting to wipe it clean in a futile attempt since the blood continued to seep out as fast as he could wipe it away.
"I'm not fuckin' going to a hospital. That's final," James stated, looking agitated and yanking his arm away with a grimace.
"James, you may need stitches," Logan tried to explain, crouching down next to Kendall and reaching out for James' wrist to examine his arm. "And a transfusion," He added with a sideways glance at the blood stained tile.
James jerked his arm away from Logan's grasp, eyes filling with rage and voice dangerously low. "Don't you fuckin' touch me!"
Logan backed up immediately, trying to hide the hurt he was sure was written all over his face.
"I'm fine. I'll be fine," James slurred. "Everyone just get the fuck out. Just get out and leave me the hell alone."
All three of the boys stopped their actions momentarily, surprised at James' tone. It was a tone of voice they all knew well, they'd all heard it multiple times on different occasions. It was James' warning tone that he was about to snap and the next person to piss him off was likely to receive a fist in the face. However, aside from Kendall who had heard it the previous night, none of them had ever heard it directed at them.
The three other men had never kidded themselves when it came to James. They knew he had a temper, they knew he was capable of violence, they'd even seen it firsthand a few times when someone had pushed James. He kept his emotions locked away so deep inside that when he snapped it was downright terrifying. But Logan and Carlos had never been on the receiving end of James' scary side. They both slowly backed up, away from the other male.
Kendall bit back a scream and motioned at Carlos and Logan to leave the two of them alone which they quickly complied with, scurrying out of the bathroom.
"That goes double for you," James informed Kendall when his younger friend made no move to leave his side.
Kendall shook his head stubbornly. "Hit me if you want, James. Do what you feel is necessary. But I'm not leaving you alone right now."
A sixteen year old James Diamond had lain alone in a hospital bed, eyes and fists clenched tight, willing himself not to break down as his doctor and a nurse had performed a rape kit on him. He moved when Dr. Norman asked him to, and cooperated fully, but mentally he placed himself outside of the situation, wishing he had someone there who cared about him to help him through it. His hands clenched and unclenched on empty air, so desperately needing another hand there to grasp, but he was sixteen hundred miles away from anyone who cared about him. Images of his three best friends danced behind his tightly shut eyelids and all James really wanted at that moment was one of them standing next to him, telling him it was going to be okay. Reassuring him that this wasn't the end, that he'd make it through.
But time and time again his hand merely closed in on itself and only the nurse stood next to him, rubbing his shoulder and whispering comforting words to the damaged teen.
When it was over, James was left completely alone in the hospital room, gagging and dry-heaving, wanting nothing more than to sob into comforting arms that were nowhere to be found.
Dr. Norman came back into his young patient's room half an hour later to find the teen curled tightly into himself on his side in the hospital bed, eyes glassy, and violent tremors shaking his body.
"James?" The doctor questioned, wanting to reach out to him but knowing better. "I'm going to give you a sedative to help you sleep, but first I need the name and number of your parents or guardian. My hands are tied beyond this point without an adult's consent," he explained.
"I called my dad on the way over. But it'll be awhile. He's in Minnesota and has to find a flight out," James responded in a voice void of emotion.
"Who were you staying with here? They would be a temporary legal guardian if your father gave consent for you to come stay with them in Florida," Dr. Norman pressed on, immediately realizing that was the wrong thing to say as James' trembling became more violent.
"No, no, please, no, please, you can't call him, please, he can't know I'm here, please, no," James began babbling. That was the moment that Dr. Norman knew without a doubt that whoever James had been sent to spend the summer with in Florida was the person responsible for the teen's current condition.
"Okay, all right, it's okay," The doctor reassured him. "We'll just wait for your father to arrive. But for now, all I can do is give you a sedative to help you sleep, okay?"
James nodded, willing to accept whatever the consequences were as long as no one notified his uncle as to his whereabouts.
"Don't Kendall. Just…don't. Not now. Just leave me alone," James' earlier wrath was being replaced with a contradictory plead, his voice sounding worn out and defeated,
"J, just get it through that thick skull of yours that I can't do that right now, ok? If I thought you were just upset or pissed off or whatever, I swear I'd walk away and give you your space. But this goes beyond that. You know that. I can't leave you right now because I can't guarantee you're physically okay. I promise, once I'm sure you're in no immediate danger physically, I'll give you space, but please, James. Don't ask me to walk away when I'm afraid I'd come back to find you dead." Kendall laid it all the line, his honesty cutting into the other's heart.
But James being James refused to let those emotions rise to the surface and seemed outwardly unaffected by Kendall's speech. "Fine." He replied simply, lying to himself and pretending he didn't want to curl up in Kendall's arms and cry until he had nothing left of him again. He was a man. Men didn't cry. It was as simple as that. He was pissed off enough at himself for letting his guard down momentarily the night before. That certainly wouldn't be happening again.
Kendall reached for James again, wanting to comfort him, wanting to make sure his cuts weren't life threatening and it stung deep within his soul when James recoiled from his touch just as he had from Logan's.
"Don't. Touch. Me." James said slowly through gritted teeth, jaw set tense, rejecting the comfort from his best friend.
"Sorry," Kendall mumbled, pulling his hand back, even as it itched to grab the elder male into hug. He just wanted James to know he wasn't alone in this, he just wanted James to see how much he cared. Instead he felt like an intruder in his own bathroom, felt like he was personally the one who had brought James to this point. He just wanted to fix the other man, was that really so bad?
Dr. Norman stood behind the nurses' station, typing an update into one of his patent's files on one of the nurses' computers when a voice interrupted his thoughts.
"I'm looking for a James Diamond?" The voice slurred and Dr. Norman's nostrils were immediately assaulted with the sickening fragrance of alcohol and vomit.
Dr. Norman dragged his eyes away from the computer screen with dread, expecting the voice to belong to whomever had abused James, but was surprised to find himself staring into the dull eyes of an exact replica of James, if James was an alcoholic middle aged man.
"Relationship?" He asked in a clipped voice, still not completely convinced the man before him wasn't the same person who had put his young patient in the hospital in the first place.
"I'm his dad," The man responded tightly, causing James' doctor to look up in shock. Dr. Norman felt the all too familiar prickle of disappointment settle on his shoulders as he silently studied the man before him, claiming to be James' father.
He felt all hope drain from his body, his heart sinking as he took in the man before him. He was clearly a drunk and for someone whose son had called him a few hours before with what Dr. Norman could only guess was a frenzied panic, the man looked completely unaffected and unworried.
"Can I at least clean and bandage your arm?" Kendall asked into the stretching silence, still considering calling 911, James' wishes be damned.
James gave a slight shrug of his shoulders which Kendall took as a yes, and stood up to gather supplies, feeling slightly more in control of the situation now that he had something to do. Dropping down next to James again, he used a new washcloth to wipe the area clean, relieved that the blood flow had slowed.
"This is gonna sting," Kendall warned, screwing off the cap to a bottle of rubbing alcohol. James didn't respond. Kendall sighed and gripped James by the wrist lightly, turning his arm over and tipping the alcohol onto the deep cuts, apologizing softly as James cursed, fighting the instinct to jerk his arm away. Kendall quickly applied a thick layer of Neosporin, before bandaging up James' right arm to match his left.
When he was done James quickly wrenched his arm back out of Kendall's grasp, letting it fall limply to his side and closing his eyes again, still feeling tired and dizzy.
"J, you need to stay awake," Kendall commanded gently.
"M'awake," James mumbled.
Kendall decided to try another approach. "You fall asleep and I'm calling for an ambulance," The blonde threatened.
James' eyes popped open and settled into a glare directed at Kendall, but at least he kept them open this time.
"Wanna go watch some TV or something?" Kendall asked after fifteen minutes of tense silence in which James did nothing but shoot Kendall dirty looks.
"Fine," James muttered, ignoring the hand Kendall offered him and standing up on his own, which proved to be a bad idea as dizziness from blood loss hit him and he swayed on his feet, Kendall grabbing a hold of him before he crashed down to the floor. James allowed himself to be steadied before pushing Kendall away again, and somehow managed to stalk out of the bathroom on unstable footing.
Kendall shook his head and rolled his eyes, but followed the brunette out of the bathroom and into the living room where Carlos and Logan were sitting on one couch in the same tense silence the other two had been experiencing in the bathroom. This was shaping up to be a wonderful day.
Dr. Norman led James' father towards his room, giving him a rundown of his teenage patient's condition and why he was in there to begin with. It seemed James' hadn't informed his father of anything, just called him and asked him to fly in and meet him at the hospital.
The boy's father gave mechanical, emotionless responses to everything, including Dr. Norman's revelation of the rape kit and his suspicions that whoever James had been staying with was the one who'd sexually assaulted him.
"The police will be here shortly to talk with you and James," Dr. Norman added as they arrived at James' room. "He's resting, I gave him something for his anxiety."
Mr. Diamond nodded absently, and let himself into the room without another word towards Dr. Norman.
That was the weirdest and most upsetting reaction the doctor had ever seen from a parent when he was talking to them about their child's health. Most parents would have been in hysterics, or angry at whoever had done this to their child, filled with outrage and concern and rushing to get to their child to make sure they were okay. Mr. Diamond seemed like he was annoyed that he'd been forced to leave the bar and the only emotion he'd really managed to read off the drunk was a slight bit of disgust at the mention of his son being raped.
The more the doctor thought about, the angrier he got. What kind of asshole didn't care about their kid? If that was his son lying in there he would have only had two things on his agenda. First, check on his kid, make sure he was okay and tell him he loved him. Then go to whatever piece of shit he'd entrusted the care of his son to and beat them to within an inch of their life.
James sat on the couch opposite Logan and Carlos, eyes daring either of them to say anything as he did so. Kendall followed suit and sat on the couch James occupied but down at the other end, reading his friend well enough to know he did not want him sitting directly next to him right then.
Kendall picked up the remote and flicked the TV on, desperate to drown out the overwhelming silence in the room. He tried to pay attention to whatever mindless sitcom repeat was on, but he couldn't help but continuously glance at James with worry, checking to make sure he was still awake.
He thought maybe they'd made a breakthrough the night before and that today would be different. They'd wake up, have some coffee, James would actually say what was on his mind, open up and share, let his friends in for once in his damned life. And there's a chance he might have done that, but Kendall would never know now since Logan had to go and open his big stupid mouth. The more Kendall harped on it in his mind, the more furious he got with Logan and eventually he was alternating worried glances at James and angry glares at Logan.
"Logan, can I speak to you alone for a minute?" Kendall quickly stood up, marching towards his room, not even checking back to make sure the shorter one was following him since his voice had left no room for disagreement.
Logan rose up from his spot on the couch guiltily, knowing what this was about, looking at Carlos who gave him an encouraging smile and then trailing after the blonde, in no hurry to get reamed out for his careless words. He let himself in Kendall's room, shutting the door with a sigh, trying to make excuses as he turned to face his friend. "Look, Kendall-" He began only to be cut off by the person he was addressing.
"No, you look, Logan! What the hell were you thinking?" Kendall's kept his voice low so that James wouldn't be able to hear him over the TV in the living room, but it still managed to sound like he was yelling at Logan, and Logan knew for a fact Kendall very rarely raised his voice at people. Kendall wasn't one to lose his cool, so when he did you knew he was seriously pissed off at you.
"We find out not twelve hours ago that James was fucking raped as a teenager and the very next morning you're making jokes about him being in bed with another man naked? Are you kidding me? Insensitive much, asshole?" Kendall continued, pointing an accusing finger at Logan, towering above him, causing Logan to take a step back.
"You think he's ever going to fucking talk to us now? He just tried to fucking kill himself!"
"Are you done?" Logan asked, growing every bit as irritated as Kendall, straightening up and crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.
"Not even close," Kendall scowled.
"Well let me just ask you this. Can I be the pot? I mean unless your heart's set on it in which case I'll be the kettle, since they're both friggin' black!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Kendall asked, genuine surprise on his face.
"Yeah, I put my foot in my mouth, that's nothing new. I didn't think before I spoke and James happened to overhear it and I hurt him, you think I'm not beating myself up about it enough right now as it is? But what about you, Kendall, huh? Like you said we found out James was raped twelve hours ago and it took you, what? Two hours to jump into bed with him? Classy," Logan matched Kendall glare for glare.
Kendall sputtered angrily for a moment before throwing up his hands in frustration. "It's not like that!"
"Than what is it like? What's going on between you two? Did you forget your both straight and that you have a girlfriend?" Logan's voice softened, sincerely curious as to the situation between two of his best friends. James and Kendall had always been closer with each other than the other two, they'd known each other the longest, but as far as Logan knew it had always been a friendship and he was completely baffled as to what he and Carlos had walked in on that morning.
Kendall sighed, and went over to his bed sinking down on it and burying his head in his hands, mumbling an "I don't know," at Logan. Because everything Logan had just asked him were the same questions that had been running through his mind for the past two days. And he didn't have any answers for himself or for Logan. All he knew was the way he looked at James and thought about James was changing and that scared him shitless. The thought of losing James was one he couldn't even comprehend, be it because he went and got some stupid man-crush on his best friend and alienated him or because he couldn't protect his best friend and he killed himself. Kendall knew he had to get his head straight if he wanted to have any luck at getting through to James and helping him, because right now he couldn't tell down from up.
