So, here is another chapter – just filling some space here! I hope you like it nonetheless and I am looking forward to your reviews!
In this night, Severus was not able to find sleep.
He was lying awake in his bed, and even though he felt both physically and emotionally exhausted from taking care of Rolandas wounds the whole day, he could not come to rest properly.
It had been impossible to heal the deep cuts by magic without causing her more pain that was so agonizing that she had fallen unconscious again, so he had been forced to give up on that. Whatever Bellatrix had done while cutting her, performing some complicated charm or using a rare kind of poison, he was not able to take its effects away.
At least he had stopped the wounds from bleeding.
His unsuccessful attempts to help her with her injuries had not exactly improved the burning feeling his guilt caused in his stomach and by the time evening arrived, he felt sick.
He had thought about it before, but in his mind he was just going over and over how he blamed himself for the torture and how is actions had made Bellatrix believe that Rolanda was sleeping with him to protect herself.
Severus could only imagine how dirty Rolanda had to be feeling now, how Bellatrix had obviously taken her dignity and ripped it apart.
All he wanted was to keep her safe, he was horribly worried about Rolanda's well-being and he knew that it would be a little bit of repayment for his debt, but still he saw the problems.
Smuggling Rolanda out of the Manor would mean trouble, regardless how good he planned her escape. And therefore, it would conflict with his duty to fulfill Dumbledores wishes.
Damn, how he hated this.
He was sure that he would not be able to decide... but on the first look, it was clear that he would have to choose between Rolanda's well-being and the success of the plan.
It did not seem like he could be able to succeed in both things alike.
Turning around yet again, he stared at the thin streak of silvery moonlight that was breaking through a small gap of the heavy curtains at the window.
Even if he decided to get Rolanda out of the Manor, it seemed like an impossible task to fulfill. There were so many opportunities on which he could easily fail if he was not cautios enough. He had been foolish enough throughout the last days, forgetting about the easiest ways to prevent any damage, it would be a hard piece of work to figure out as many possible ways the events could go as he could imagine.
Literally every step done for the sake of rescuing Rolanda from the hands of the Death Eaters from within could be his last one – and of course, hers.
He was sure that Bellatrix was spreading the seed of distrust towards his person with her usual dedication – not that there were much people within the Dark Lord's ranks that were not at least a little bit suspicious about how he had behaved after their master's disappearance. And of course, about his delayed reapparance at Lord Voldemort's side after he had regained his body.
It was a bit to his benefit that all of them, except for Bellatrix of course, did not dare to say anything negative about him openly, at least not in front of their master.
But with Bellatrix working so fiercly against him, he was sure that she would be able to convince more people to express their thoughts openly. That they would support her suspicions if she decided to address Lord Voldemort about them.
And if their arguments were good enough and convincing, the Dark Lord would give in to them. Severus was not foolish enough to believe that the evil wizard was trusting him enough to make him or somebody else sublimely about suspicions.
Lord Voldemort did not trust anybody.
Thinking about it more closely, Severus realised that there was a possibility that Bellatrix would try to survey his steps from now on. Maybe this thought was exaggerated, maybe he overestimated her interest in revealing him as a traitor, but surely, he would not underrate her. Bellatrix Lestrange was capable of everything, regardless how crazy the ideas seemed. Because she was insane.
Taking a deep breath, Severus rolled onto his back, his eyes fixed on the magnificent carved mahagony ceiling of the room.
What was he going to do?
He could not deny to himself that he liked Rolanda a lot, a lot more than he wanted to admit to anyone, not even Albus Dumbledore. And the last days had showed him that he could hardly stand seeing her in this state of agony and distress.
But there was still the plan. The plan he had cursed to hell so many times, even before he had found that Rolanda had been captured by the Snatchers.
It was clear that he had to consider if saving Rolanda was worth the risk.
And above all, did he, Severus Snape, have the right or the importance to decide between the life of a single person and the fate of the whole wizardkind?!
With that in mind, wanting to save Rolanda seemed like a ridiculous and utterly selfish idea.
What was the life of a person, regardless how important to someone personally, in comparison to the lifes of thousands and thousands of people in the magical and non-magical world alike?!
It was clear which side weighed more, and probably this should have made it easy for Severus to decide. For some people, there would not even have been a choice.
Maybe, if this had happened years earlier, there would not have been a second thought for him either because Rolanda and him had not been very close then.
But things were not easy. They were like they were, horribly complicated, stealing his sleep.
He would have to decide, not later, but sooner. Or better, tomorrow morning.
Severus had no idea what could help him with making his choice.
His lids fell shut, but immediately he saw Rolanda's pleading eyes in front of him and he heard her faint whisper begging for him to kill her...
But this was not an option to him.
Although he did not yet know what he was going to do, there was no way he would let her give up so easily. At least he was sure about that, and maybe that was a beginning...
And slowly, after what seemed like hours of lying awake, he drifted away into a uneasy sleep, Rolanda following him into his dreams.
Next up – finally, Severus deciding about what he is going to do!
