AN: Let the "SQUEE!-ing" commence! I present to you 'Mini-Kili's.'
Epilogue: Part Deux
Anyone unaccustomed to the sight might be excused for thinking a miniature tornado had touched down in the midst of the elaborate throne room of the reclaimed Dwarf kingdom of Erebor. The dust storm rising in funneled clouds behind the oncoming noisy swarm certainly supported the theory. However, it was not some destructive force of nature that approached, but a riotous quartet of unkempt, curly-mopped, widely grinning furies. Squeals, cries, and more than one battle hymn, sung in high, squeaky voices, warned wary bystanders and sent them scurrying for safety.
Through the dust clouds swished the skirts of a young Dwarf woman as she scurried after the patter of wee Durin feet. She paused on her way to the throne room, hearing sounds of a disturbance coming from the direction of the main entrance in the adjacent hall. The heavy doors swung open to reveal Kili and Dwalin; Kili shouldering a good sized buck, Dwalin hefting a massive boar. They chuckled jovially over some mishap which had occurred during the hunt.
"And then Bain was almost gored through!" Kili said with a laugh.
"After all that bother you'd think the fool might have got his boar, but it appears Eylia will go hungry yet again. But what can she expect, marrying such a useless lout," Dwalin commented with a grunt as he shifted his boar into a more comfortable position across his broad back.
"If he didn't thunder through the brush like an oliphant in rut he might have better luck. Honestly, Bombur has a lighter tread." Kili paused and broke into a smile as he spied his wife lingering in the hall.
"Hullo love," Brede beamed. She pecked Kili a hasty kiss as she passed, looking cheerful but frazzled.
"Are the terrors at it again?" asked Kili, noting with concern the tiredness in her face. "You should go rest. Let me get rid of this and I'll take over. Go put your feet up by the fire," he ordered.
Brede swung around and swooped in for a more thorough kiss. "Mm, that sounds like bliss," she sighed gratefully. "Firin has been at Kirin all day. They're on the outs, and you know none of us will be able to rest until they make things up."
"I'll talk to them," said Kili. Arms full of deer, he nuzzled Brede affectionately in lieu of an embrace.
"Ugh, it's dripping, off with ye!" Brede scolded, giving Kili a push just in time to avoid a spatter of slain deer. Dwalin chuckled and blinked away an almost wistful expression. Like the majority of Dwarves, Dwalin had never married. He had never felt the inclination, but sometimes... Well, sometimes, it just looked nice. On the right people, at any rate.
"Drop it there and I'll take it," he offered. "It'll give you time to get that herd of horrors in order so's they're not climbin' all over me by the time I get back."
Nodding gratefully, Kili slipped the deer from his shoulders and straightened up. Brede threaded her arm through his and leaned heavily against him as they started for the throne room. She waddled slightly. Kili loved that slow, awkward walk and everything it signified.
A torrent of laughter followed by a loud crash suggested haste was in order. They crept apprehensively to the door and peeped in. The restored King Under the Mountain was roaring, doubled over on the throne of Durin, sides heaving, fit to burst with the force of his mirth. His graying head was bare; the royal crown of Erebor had been burgled. Mother and father had obviously walked in on an ongoing coup d'etat. Mischievous peals of laughter answered King Thorin, great uncle of Kirin, Firin, Brilie, and Fris, known affectionately throughout Erebor as The Durin Herd of Horrors.
"I fought battles for that bit of frippery," Kili muttered darkly, speaking of the crown. "The devils better not have lost it."
Fris, oldest of the brood and apparent usurper and instigator of the revolt, strutted down the aisle to greet his parents, proudly displaying the stolen diadem. The crown had not fit properly and he was wearing it around his shoulders like the yoke of an ox. Brilie was hanging off the back and Fris choked out a greeting as he dragged his sister forward.
"Da-DEE!" Brilie trilled when she saw Kili. The little moppet released the diadem and Fris staggered away, almost pitching forward onto his face.
Kili hunkered down and threw his arms wide. "How is my wee lass! Are you keeping those rough and tumble boys in line?"
Brilie tripped lightly over to her father, bare feet skimming over grandly polished stone. She waved a small wooden doll in her fist. Settling complacently on Kili's knee, she declared, "Kirin tried t' broke Master Boggins, but I punched him away."
Kili eyed the new doll with a bemused expression. Bofur, toymaker extraordinaire, had once again been spoiling his little monsters while he was away. The carved figure was topped with a mop of curled sandy hair. Already the toy bore the usual scars of mistreatment and rough play that decorated most of his children's playthings.
"I'm sure Master Boggins appreciated your coming to his rescue, love, but next time try not to resort to blows," Kili gently remonstrated his fractious daughter.
"S'alright," Brilie replied nonchalantly, clacking Master Boggins's tiny wooden hobbit-hands together in applause. "Kirin punched me back, so we're squared."
Kili sighed. It was quite probable he and Fili had used the same logic in the past during one of their many childhood disputes. Wisely, he let the issue drop. He turned his attention to Fris, who was now stuck with one arm over the crown and one under.
"Fris, kindly return all sovereign contraband to its rightful owner," Kili directed the youth with a sigh.
"Wha?" Fris blinked blankly and tucked his elbow down through the golden band, a maneuver that only served to worsen his predicament. He wriggled in frustration.
"Give Great Uncle Thorin back his crown," Kili translated.
"Can't, m'stuck," Fris pointed out, shaking his head as if his father were daft for not noticing.
Brilie slipped from Kili's knee and skipped off. Thorin, still denuded of pomp and state, descended the throne and heartily embraced his nephew as Kili stood. Kili smiled as he returned the gesture, reflecting on the change time and circumstance had wrought. Not so very long ago a grunt and nod were all Kili could have expected from his uncle. Not so now; The years had been good for Thorin. There was no trace of the heavy heart he had once carried, and he bore no grudge against any creature in the world. A smile was no longer an unusual expression to find on his aging face.
"What have you brought for us to eat today, boy? Salad?" Thorin motioned for Kili to join him on a bench by the fire. Brede followed, hustling Fris along and tugging at the stuck-fast crown.
"Deer and boar. The boar was Dwalin's prize."
"Venison! A great favorite of mine. Does it have good rack? You can mount it with the other." Thorin nodded at an impressive twelve-point spread displayed proudly above the great stone mantle.* "I still can't believe you managed to drag that thing back over a half year's journey."
"I hid it in a cave, if you recall. I could never have carried it over the entire quest, but I made damn sure I had room on the return trip!" Kili grinned triumphantly. "Anyway, no prize rack on this one. Just plenty of good meat."
"The most important trait in one's food."
There was a clatter and a flourish of minor swearing. Kili turned to find Brede had extricated Fris from his royal bind with a wrenching tug, landing the troublesome lad on his bottom. Fris bolted the second he was freed.
"Y'don't think they're becomin' a trifle... spoiled?" Brede sighed as she watched Fris go. She turned the crown over in her hands. "Only, we didn't have all of this growing up."
Kili watched his aging uncle laugh. It was a sight he still found refreshing. "Fili and I would have, had Thorin had it to give," he said quietly. "I would hate to take that away from him now. I believe it's something he's always regretted being unable give us."
Brede smiled indulgently. "My husband is so wise," she teased, tucking a strand of hair behind Kili's ear. She said so not entirely in jest; Kili had become rather known over the years for his creative problem solving and strategy. He had a knack for looking beyond the apparent that Thorin and many others had come to respect.
Kili glanced around the room, searching for three missing faces. "Has Fili returned? Or have the Elves thrown him in their dungeons yet again?"
Thorin snorted. 'Enemy' was no longer a word he used for Elves, but neither was 'friend.' His distrust was deeply ingrained, and whenever an emissary between the two races was needed, Fili was the obvious choice. The heir to the throne of Erebor was able to remain civil where Thorin might not. "I expect him back today. Let's hope he doesn't arrive packed in a barrel."
Kili laughed. "But there are still two Durin's missing! Where-" He was cut off by a high, outraged squeal of incomprehensible twin-speak as Kirin suddenly exploded out from behind the high throne like a scalded cat. Immediately after him marched his twin, Firin, proudly brandishing an empty tankard. Kirin scrambled up on his father, dripping wet. Kili caught a strong scent of mead. "Mahal, how did they get into mead at this time of day?"
Thorin looked sheepish. "I might have left a cup out," he admitted.
"We're lucky they've only bathed in it," Kili said irritably. "Can you imagine those twin terrors in drink? You can't leave such things about when they're around," he chided.
A flicker of irascible King Thorin surfaced. Glowering, he responded with a hint of his old acerbity. "You might keep them in a pen if you're that worried. Surely I'm entitled to indulge in a tankard of mead in my own throne room."
Kili sighed. "Aye, I suppose everyone should be entitled to at least one glass with this lot running amok. Just try to keep it out of their hands. I can't imagine the havoc if it got into their heads to drink it instead of pour it on each other."
Beside him, Brede shuddered.
The door was thrown open. Kili looked up, expecting to see Dwalin returning after carting off the fruits of their hunt. Instead he was greeted by a magnificent vision of gold and furs as Fili swaggered into the room. Upon his entry Fili was treated to a rousing chorus of "UNCA FEE-WEE!" in four-part harmony shortly before being struck in the knees by a flurry of incoming missiles.
"Can't you corral them somehow, brother?" Fili sighed in mock exasperation, niece and nephews dangling from him like kittens. Brede waddled over to greet her brother-in-law with a peck on the cheek.
"If uncle Thorin couldn't manage to contain the pair of us, I hardly think it reasonable for you to expect me to be able to do so with four of the little blighters ransacking the place. Aule, I'll be glad when they're old enough to play outside unattended. The mountain can't contain them," Kili grumbled, his own exasperation unfeigned.
"Won't do any good," Thorin commented, finally wresting the empty tankard from Firin's grasp. "They'll just bring whatever mischief they find back with them at the end of the day. I remember once you traipsed home naked and covered with leeches. You were bawling fit to split my skull-" **
Kili cleared his throat as Brede's head swiveled around with interest. "Yes, anyway - "
"Oh no, I want t'hear this!" Brede laughed. She flounced down heavily beside Thorin and leaned in, batting large, imploring eyes. "Please, go on!"
"Well, the two of them were up to it together, of course," Thorin rumbled jovially, glad to take up the story for his charming listener.
Kili left them to it and trailed away after his noisome brood. Deciding he could do without another telling of their childhood misadventures, Fili joined him. Other than an occasional chuckle earned by the four inexhaustible Dwarflings, the brothers ambled in companionable silence.
"And how was dear Thranduil?" Kili asked eventually. "I do hope accommodations were better than when last we had the pleasure of his hospitality."
"Aye, there was a vast improvement in victuals, as well, as we had presence of mind to bring a packhorse loaded with jerky. If Rivendell taught us anything it's that Elves will insist on pressing 'salads' on us. Beastly stuff," said Fili, shaking his head with a grimace. "Thranduil sends his most earnest diplomatic regards, along with many heartbreaking entreaties for bridge-building, fence-mending, and the burying of hatchets. He delivered so eloquent a speech on the importance of relations between our people that I almost shed a tear. Ori broke down completely and had to be helped from the room."
Kili snorted. "Easy to suggest building bridges when you haven't been forced to float under one stuffed in a barrel wearing nothing but your unders," he grumbled. "What a magnanimous fellow is Thranduil of Mirkwood." A whirling ball of noise interrupted them as it shot past. Kirin, Kili guessed, although Firin and Kirin were so alike in looks even he couldn't be sure half the time.
A wooden groan sounded as the great door to the throne room opened once more. Three more shapes breezed past to greet the latest arrival. "DWAWIN!" chorused Kirin, Firin, Fris and Brilie as they fell upon the giant Dwarf. Much roaring and fussing ensued.
"Down, whelps! Let a Dwarf get through the doors, at least! Kili, lad, for the love of Mahal, pry the beasts off!" Dwalin bellowed and frowned convincingly, all the while allowing himself to be dragged down with a youngster clinging to every limb. Rescue did not come from Kili, however. Uncle Fili swaggered forward with a wink.
"Speaking of beasts, I once heard tell of wild creatures called 'mong-kees,' strange creatures from the land of the mighty oliphants. I'm told they're very much like brown-furred children in appearance, with long, grasping tails. Kili, are you sure that's not what these offspring of yours truly are? You've cut off their tails, haven't you? It's a mean trick. Here, Kirin, let's have a look!"
Fili scooped up the scrambling youngster and flipped him over his knee, pretending to examine him for the stump of a tail. "Hm. Well, you've made a clean job of it, I can find no sign of any such appendage ever having sprouted." With a playful slap on the rump Fili released Kirin, squealing, back into the wild current of his siblings, who had abandoned Dwalin and were now pouring through the room, weaving in and out of furniture and between pillars like a roaring spring river around rocks and ledge.
Brilie broke from the group and approached Fili inquisitively. "What do mong-kees do, Unca Fee-Wee?"
"They climb, wee girl. They climb great trees and swing from branches high in the air."
"Like this?" Fris hurled himself from a tabletop onto Fili's unsuspecting back. Almost instantly he was joined by Kirin and Firin. Not to be outdone, Brilie clambered up her uncle's leg and reached up to envelop him in a hug that could easily have been mistaken for a headlock.
Dwalin used the moment to sneak away. He removed his boots, damp from the day-long trudge through forest and stream, and propped them before the fire. Fris made a beeline the second Dwalin turned his back. The lad had managed to climb into one with both legs and was wobbling precariously close to the fire before Kili spotted him.
"Fris!" Kili called sharply. "Get out of there, Dwalin will have your hide." He shook his head and said to Fili, "More like my hide for allowing the little monster to get at his boots in the first place. I'd wager that's the same one we dug from the badger hole."
Fris tossed the boot to the hearth and clattered off to terrorize some other object. The boot toppled over and landed half-in and -out of the flames. With customary quickness, Kili darted forward and fished it out, hissing as he scorched a finger. He performed a quick examination of the boot for damage while keeping a watchful eye on Dwalin, who thankfully remained oblivious. The damp leather was steaming slightly, but free of visible burns. Kili heaved a sigh of relief and placed it carefully beside its mate.
Fili had been busy studying his brother. Kili seemed more tired than usual, but happy. Despite its many trials, fatherhood and family life obviously agreed with him. Fili suspected Kili reprimanded his 'little terrors' out of duty alone. Deep down, he thought his brother was quite proud of the amount of mischief the young ones managed. Kili could see his own unusual genius for plots and shenanigans had been passed down to a new generation.
Fili himself was content. Thorin remained hale and hardy, and Fili hoped his uncle and king would remain that way for many, many years. Fili had no real desire for the throne, although if the time came he was ready. With the experience gained under Thorin's guiding hand and Kili at his side, Fili felt he could tackle any task.
The young ones flocked to the end of the room and descended upon Brede, pawing at their mother's skirts and competing for attention. Dwalin interceded and Brede smiled gratefully. Once the herd had been driven off Fili dropped beside her to visit.
"Have you thought of any new names?" Fili asked. While acting as emissary for Mirkwood and the Elves, he had lost an entire month of this late stage of Brede's pregnancy. He was sorry he had missed it. Watching his brother's family grow filled him with great joy.
"Tholie, for a girl, and Thorli if the babe's a boy," Brede replied, stroking the huge mound of her belly. Kili sat down and laid his hand beside hers. It was promptly kicked from within. A beaming grin split his face. It wouldn't be much longer before they learned whether a Tholie or Thorli lurked inside.
"Five children... You just can't leave well enough alone," Fili chastised his brother with a shake of his head.
"It's her I can't leave alone," Kili laughed, nuzzling the nape of his wife's neck.
"Kili!" Brede exclaimed, properly scandalized and blushing becomingly. She swatted him away and Kili chuckled.
Fili rolled his eyes at the pair. Five was an alarming amount of children for a Dwarf couple. Kili and Brede were looked upon somewhat fondly as mascots for the rebuilding of Erebor, or at least its re-population. It amused Fili to no end that his brother would go down in history for his legendary ability to procreate.
Kili fished out his pipe. He was preparing to pack the bowl when a look from his pregnant wife sent him hastily packing it away instead. Brilie hovered nearby, waiting for an opportunity to pounce. Once her father's hands were clear she hoisted herself up onto Kili's lap, bunching a plump fist into his beard for leverage. Kili suppressed a surprised yelp.
Thorin chuckled. He laughed quite often now. "And to think, you used to worry it wouldn't come in," he said of his nephew's fine beard. "You look like the back-end of a pony."
"It's everything I dreamed it could be," Kili said, rubbing the spot on his chin Brilie had almost relieved of its hair.
"It tickles," said Brede with a pretty pout.
Brilie swung her crossed feet from Kili's knee. "Da, will you play for us? Please? Wi' Unca Fee-Wee?" She popped a round thumb into her mouth and gazed up imploringly at her father with her mother's soulful blue eyes.
Kili was powerless against such treatment. "If 'Unca Fee-Wee' isn't too tired from his journey."
Fili smiled. Kili had insisted on teaching him the fiddle, and no one had been more surprised than Fili to learn that he also had a natural aptitude for the instrument. "I'm never too tired to oblige my favorite niece with a reel."
At the promise of music Firin and Kirin popped up like a pair of inquisitive stoats. "Fetch the fiddles, lads," Kili directed them. They scampered off grinning and returned shortly, each hugging a fiddle. Fris was already dancing to some crazed tune only he could hear.
The brothers played; Kili's style was playful and soaring while Fili played more deliberately, favoring soulful melodies full of subtlety and depth. He played solid songs of the earth, while Kili coaxed from his fiddle the bright, shining notes of brilliant skies above. Misty-eyed, Brede hummed and clapped along. Pregnancy meant tears at the drop of a hat, but they were happy tears. Kili smiled and silently thanked his stars for the good fortune that had led them here. Of all the wildly winding paths their lives could have taken, he would have chosen no other. Life was as it should be, and life was good.
FINISH
PS: That really is it this time. I can't think of a better ending to give them. Happy happy joy joy. Review me, folks! Please oh please!
* See my story "Game"
** See my story "Of Pipes, Parasites, and Other Great Mischiefs"
