A Learning Curve

Chakotay watched as she pinched the bridge of her nose, a gesture he had seen the Captain perform many times when under emotional stress. Her hands were dancing expressively as she talked with the Sienn Captain. She moved the same, talked the same but he saw it in her eyes. There was a sadness there he had only seen a few times before, the most noticeable of which had been when she had found out Mark had moved on, calling off their engagement. He suspected something along similar lines had occurred with Seven. She had neither confirmed nor denied spending the earlier part of the day 'with' Seven, but then again he hadn't asked and he knew the information would not be freely volunteered. His gut instinct however told him that she had and that it hadn't ended well; her eyes gave too much away.

He glanced at Tuvok and their eyes met. The Vulcan nodded, just the slight movement of his head but it was enough. Chakotay knew that he too had noticed the painful emotion almost successfully hidden behind the veiled eyes of Voyagers' Captain. Though still concerned he managed to turn his attention back to the conversation she was having with the Sienn; it did not do to dwell on something he couldn't fix until she was ready.

"Failure to comply will be interpreted as an act of war and your ship will be destroyed." The Sienn captain snarled, his tongue flicking angrily as he spoke.

"I understand Captain, and I assure you, your demands will be met. We only wish to extract dilithium ore we have no ulterior motive." She smiled, exuding her usual charm in an attempt to pacify.

"See that you don't". The screen went black as communications were cut. She sighed and turned to her First Officer, "I'll be in my ready room, you have the bridge." She exited quickly and as the doors closed behind her he decided to give her 10 minutes then he was going in.


Pulling the Padd towards her she added to the list of Sienn demands. They were just rules really, all they were doing was trying to exert their authority. She added 'No more than 8 hours of mining a day' to the list where it joined 'detailed schematics of the mining site are required every hour' amongst many others. It struck her that there must be a reason why this species was so mistrusting and suspicious of other species'. A war perhaps, maybe they had been exploited in the past but she knew she would never find out; they were too much like closed books now. They wouldn't tell her anything. She pushed her chair back and strode to the replicator.

"coffee, black."

As requested a tall silver mug appeared filled to the brim with her one vice. She took a sip, cradling the beverage in both hands like it was her life line, her only means of survival. It depressed her to realise that the sentiment was more true than not. She took a seat underneath her windows and turned to stare into space as she drank her elixir of life. A haunting image of Sevens face, eyes overflowing with tears of hurt, mouth slightly open after the shock of being abandoned so quickly came flooding back to her conscious mind. She felt the ache in her chest tighten and become more pronounced, but it was for the best. This was the way things had to be. You tell yourself that Katie, see how well you cope. She silenced the voice with an internal glare, now was not the time, she could feel sorry for herself when she was finished her duty, when Voyager was home. After a few minutes the door chirped signalling a crewmembers desire to enter. She rubbed her eyes tiredly, hoping it wasn't Seven.

"Come in." Her First Officer walked in, momentarily disorientated by her not being at her desk but he recovered. Her gestured to the seat beside her.

"May I?" She nodded and waited for him to start.

"Kathryn," he began hesitantly, "I think we-". She held up a hand, still nursing her coffee with the other.

"If this is about Seven, I don't want to hear it Chakotay."

"But Kathryn-"

"I mean it Commander, that's an order." Her voice adopted a firm edge as she felt herself becoming annoyed. It was none of his business.

"You can't pull rank over me captain. I-"

"I just did. Last time I checked Commander you hadn't been promoted and I'm not dead so unless we are in an alternate universe I am still the highest ranked commanding officer on this ship. So I can and will pull rank." She fixed him with a force 10 glare but he shrugged it off; he was used to them by now. She frustrated him with her stubborn nature and he took a chance hoping it would pay off.

"I know you slept with her, and from the look in your eyes I assume you ran off as soon as your sense of duty kicked in leaving behind a hurt and confused Ex-Drone. Am I right?" It paid off. He watched his captains mouth open in anger then saw it close the emotion replaced by one of sadness mixed with something he did not quite recognise. Guilt maybe or regret? She placed her coffee on the table and cradled her head in her hands.

"Yes, yes you're right." She muttered quietly. He scooted closer to her and put his arm round her slender form, hugging her warmly.

"Kathryn, why are you acting this way? Do you love her?" she nodded in response. In admitting it to Chakotay she knew she couldn't bury it anymore. She had to deal with this, she had to figure out what she was going to do.

"I am a Starfleet Captain Chakotay, I don't have the luxury of engaging in romantic relationships. I have to remain focussed; I have to get this crew home."

"This crew wants you to be happy."

"This crew would be happy if it wasn't for me. They would be with their loved ones, they would be home," She retorted bitterly, "Instead we are tens of thousands of light years from Earth because of me."

"Captain, no one blames you for what you did. The array had to be destroyed. You're punishing yourself for something that wasn't your fault. You deserve to be happy, everyone thinks so." She abruptly moved away from him, standing up, coffee back in her hands. She had had enough, the image of Seven came back along with the angry faces of her crew, the moment they had been informed they were trapped in the Delta Quadrant. Christ all I do is make wrong decisions. The anger and injustice she felt at it all was manifesting inside of her and she needed to be on her own.

"You're dismissed."

"Kathryn-" He tried to stop her from isolating herself.

"I said dismissed!" She raised her voice, lacing it with anger.

"I guess Seven is better off without you really isn't she? If you loved her you wouldn't have hurt her this way."

"Get out!" She shouted, the truth in his words hitting a nerve.

"You're acting like an idiot Katie. Why can't you see that?" He shouted, trying to make her understand, she was just so Goddamn stubborn sometimes. She refused to see opportunities for happiness that lay right under her nose.

When he still made no move to vacate her office she picked up her phaser and pointed it at his chest. Immature she knew, but if it took stunning him to make him get out then by God she was going to stun him.

"Get. Out. Now." The steely glint in her eyes told him he had pushed her too far and he left, striding onto the bridge still glaring. He passed Tuvok and muttered under his breath, just loud enough for the Vulcan to hear.

"She's all yours."


Knowing the Captain as he did he had left it an hour before entering her ready room. She looked up as he entered and smiled weakly. He stood in front of her desk, ready to help her solve her self-inflicted problem as usual. She spoke first.

"Tuvok I think I need your guidance."

"Indeed," he said with the slight incline of his head, "It would appear so. You are conflicted. You love Seven, but a relationship would make you happy and you can't allow yourself that experience until you have righted all the wrongs that rest squarely on your shoulders. The most important one being the destruction of the Caretaker's array that resulted in voyager being stranded here in the Delta Quadrant."

She sighed softly, "why is it you are always right Tuvok?" She rose and started to pace, "how can I expect the crew to accept this, when I am the reason we will never see our loved ones again? And then there is the small matter of me being Captain and not allowed to fraternise with the crew."

"Captain, there is no evidence to suggest the crew would be anything but supportive and although Starfleet does not condone relationships between senior officers, it is improbable that they expect Voyager to uphold those rules here in the Delta Quadrant. However, reasoning aside we both know that the only person you have to convince is yourself and your stubborn nature dictates that it will be a long conversation." She looked up in surprise at the humour in his voice and saw the corners of his mouth twitch slightly.

"Is that a smile I see Tuvok?" she teased playfully, her fondness for her security chief evident in her lopsided smile.

"You must be mistaken Captain."

"Of course my apologies, forgive me?"

"Certainly." He replied with the arch of an eyebrow. She sat back down, ready for his advice.


Authors Note: I apologise for the extremely long wait for this chapter, I started University and everything got all hectic as life does. I am back on the ball now though and am working on my writing again. Again apologies, and have a nice christmas, should have the next chapter up in a few weeks. xSJx