Wow! A decentish sized chapter… im so proud

Disclaimer- don't own anything cept nimoe, brunehen, Rupert and bob

Chapter 11

Twas a beautiful day and the birds were twittering (shut up birds throws rocks crap! Missed!) and Nimoe had a wild urge to tinkle, for Nimoe had been dreaming of the day before.

Nimoe fell out of bed and landed on her derrière and cried 'Babushka!'

She leapt up and desperately searched for a toilet. Nimoe ran out the door to door to find a servant's little wheely trolley with a bucket on top…

"Ooo, I've seen these things in movies!" she grabbed the bucket and ran in side.

"Ahhh…" tinkle tinkle tinkle. Some elves that were walking past stopped, then sped up and out of the hallway.

Nimoe returned outside replacing the full bucket onto the tray. As Nimoe dresses she heard a high pitched scream from down the hall…

"AHHH! Purple drapes! All my life I've wanted purple drapes!"

A little while later, Nimoe fell out of her room and another scream rang out through the halls…

"AHHHH! There's pee in this bathwater!"

Nimoe stood dumfounded for a minute then looked at an invisible camera. "At least they don't have DNA tests!"

A drum sounded in the background, several crickets chirped and someone yelled 'you suck' and 'get off the stage' from the audience.

Suddenly Brunéhen came running down the hall, screaming his lungs out.

"THERE'S PEE IN MY BATH WATER!"

Nimoe just stared. "Wow… I'm hungry," she said as she turned towards the dining hall.

At the dining hall the guards opened the doors for her.

"I'll never get used to this! WHOOPS!" Nimoe tripped over her own feet to be caught by Legolas.

The whole hall burst into "ooooOOOOOOoooooo's" then all the elves started singing "Legolas and Nimoe sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" then they all started skipping around. "First comes love, then comes marriage, then come the baby in the carriage!"

Legolas and Nimoe stared into each others eyes, oblivious to what was going on around them.

"Legolas I…" said Nimoe, her voice barely a whisper.

"Shh, don't." Legolas slowly leaned closer towards her.

"Hey Legolas, catch the football!" yelled an elf as he threw a football. The ball soared towards them.

CLONKE! BONK!

The ball hit Legolas in the back of the head, which sent his forehead into Nimoe, rendering her unconscious.

"Ooooh, that's gotta hurt!" quipped the elf that threw the ball.

"Thanks a lot Rupert," said a very annoyed Legolas. "I bet that's gonna bruise!" He suddenly noticed Nimoe. "Nimoe? Are you ok?"

'Hmm, I had better take her to the healing house,' thought Legolas as he picked her up in his arms and left the hall.

As soon as the door closed the hall erupted with laughter.

Thranduil entered the room and most of the elves stopped laughing immediately.

"What's so amusing?" he inquired. By this time everyone had stopped laughing.

The hall was deadly silent.

"Well?" probed Thranduil.

By now every elf was twitching.

"Duh, it was… muffle" started Bob, the extremely slow elf (half human) as Rupert clamped his hands around his mouth.

"Shh, do you want Legolas to get in trouble?" Rupert hissed into Bob's ear.

Thranduil's keen ears quivered at the mention of his sons name.

"So, Legolas has once again disgraced his family…" said Thranduil coldly and then left the hall.

"Way to go dumbass!" said Rupert as he slapped Bob across the head.

"Duh, but you said…"

"Yeah, but you nearly almost told him and I had to stop you, so technically, it's your fault!"

"Duh, I'm sorry"

"The only way I'll ever forgive you is if you clean my room for the next 10 decades…" hinted Rupert.

"Duh, ok," said Bob as he turned to the door.

"Now, go slave go!" yelled Rupert.

Thranduil rushed down the hall asking everyone and anyone if they had seen his son.

"So that's were my little traitor of a son is," Thranduil muttered after hearing an elf say he had seen Legolas running towards the healing house with his lady friend in his arms.

Thranduil, just about ready to pop, slammed the door open to the Healing House and saw Legolas kneeling next to a bed Nimoe was on. "How dare you!"

Legolas spun around. "FATHER!"

"You've made a mockery of this family! You've lost all traces of grace and dignity! Why, if you weren't my son I'd, I'd…"

"Please father! Can't you see she's hurt?!" said Legolas turning back to Nimoe.

"It's all an act you fool!" proclaimed Thranduil. "Don't you understand? All these times she's pretended to be hurt and clumsy were just to rope you in and become the queen of Mirkwood!"

Legolas stood and faced his father. "You're crazy! No one could put on such an act!"

"Son, we've received information about her origins. She was a spy to the dwarves and plans to take over the world! First she will take over Mirkwood with you by her side and then the whole of Middle Earth!"

"Father, are you drunk?" asked Legolas.

"A little, but that's beside the point!" replied Thranduil, swaying slightly. "She'll wipe us all out!"

"Father, let's think about this, if she's really what you say she is, then she'll be awake," said Legolas sitting on the side of the bed. "WAKE UP!" he screamed in Nimoe's ear. "TIME TO GET UP!" Legolas started shaking Nimoe. "WAKEY, WAKEY! TIME TO GET UP!" Legolas laid her down on the bed and faced his father. "Do you still think she's a dwarf spy?"

"But… but… s-she's a spy!" stuttered Thranduil.

"Rigggghhhht. And dwarves fly majestically through the air and have tea parties on the clouds," Legolas said sarcastically.

"Are you questioning my judgmental authority?" Boomed Thranduil.

"No… wait a minute, yes," replied Legolas. "Judgmental authority?"

"Yes, Judgmental authority!" said Thranduil, his voice going high at the end.

"She's not a spy, you're just saying that because you're jealous! Jealous of a mortal, tsk tsk!"

"Fine! Then I shall depart from your presents!" said Thranduil as he turned on his heel and… ran into a wall. "Ow," he gasped as he collapsed.

Then through the door came his guard, followed by his heralds. His guards grabbed his feet and dragged him from the room with his heralds playing as they followed.

Nimoe began to stir. "oh… yawn What happened?" asked Nimoe.

"Oh nothing… Just a very odd man and his goons," said Legolas trying desperately to catch the sight of Nimoe's eyes.

"Oh… I need to pee," mused Nimoe.

"Hmm, so do I. I'm going to my chamber to use my toilet."

"Oh, You have toilets?!" said Nimoe, a look of shook set upon her face.

"Yes, of course we do, we're not savages!" said Legolas with a slight hint of amusement in his voice. "Do you mean to tell me that you've been hear for weeks and didn't know we had toilets?" Nimoe's face turned red and deep laughter escaped Legolas's throat.

"Hey! Shut up!" Nimoe said indignantly. "And don't even think of asking me what I've been using all this time!"

"I wouldn't dream of it!" laughed Legolas. "Well you seem all right now, and I must say, you have an extremely hard head! I'll be bruised for weeks!"

"Grrr…" growled Nimoe. "Help me up."

Legolas gladly helped her to her feet and walked her from the healing house to the halls of Mirkwood.

"Alas, I must leave you here, for the call of nature is far too strong," said Legolas kissing Nimoe's hand. "But I shall seen you later today, I'm sure of it." He turned and walked off down the hall.

Nimoe waited until he was out of her sight before returning to her quest of the toilet.

"Hmm… ahh… there it is!" tinkle tinkle

"Uh oh, it won't flush! Oh, it's blocked!" Nimoe took off her shoe and tried to force the toilet paper down the pipe. "Oh no, the shoe is caught! Crap!" The toilet began to rumble…

Meanwhile in the private 'powder room' of King Thranduil…

Thranduil was musing on his toilet to never eat curry again.

"It burns going in and it burns coming out! What rotten luck that my only son and heir to the throne has fallen for a mortal." All of a sudden the toilet began to rumble.

"Hey, that's not me," said Thranduil moments before…

KABLANG! The toilet exploded with sewerage going everywhere and Thranduil was sent flying through the air! He landed with a SQUISH on the other side of the room.

"Yep, never eat curry again…"

Meanwhile in Prince Legolas's bathroom…

Legolas stood at his toilet tinkling. He whistled and swirled it around while pondering ways to get Nimoe attention. Suddenly the toilet began to rumble and exploded!

KABLANG! Legolas got a face full of sewerage.

Meanwhile …

Nimoe yanked her shoe out of the toilet and everything went back to normal. "Well that could have been a disaster! Who's bathroom is this anyway? Oh it's Brunéhen's…" she wandered out of the room, throwing her shoe out the window.

'Hmm, I should go see Legolas and explain about last night…' thought Nimoe as she wandered into Legolas's room.

"Legolas? Where are you?" called Nimoe looking around for Legolas.

'Oh no! I can't let Nimoe see me like this! She'll never respect me!' thought Legolas as he rushed around the bathroom trying to wipe the sewerage off his face. He turned to the shower washed it all off.

"Legolas?" Nimoe called from the other room.

"I'll be out soon, I'm just having a shower," Legolas called back to her, scraping at his skin with a brush.

Meanwhile out in Legolas's room:

"OoOooo… what's this…?" Nimoe said lifting up a long cylinder thing. "Right…" she said putting it down slowly.

Legolas walked into the room refreshed and only wearing a towel.

"What's this…" asked Nimoe, holding up the cylinder, staring at Legolas.

"Oh… um… Brunéhen left it here before," murmured Legolas, turning red.

"OK…" Nimoe looked down at the thing in her hand. "Hey, look a knob!" She flicked a switch on the bottom of the cylinder and it started wriggling. "What…? Ahhh! EW! I TOUCHED IT!!! Ew, ew!" screamed Nimoe throwing the object from her hands. She glared at Legolas angrily.

"It's not mine! Brunéhen left it here before!" cried Legolas defensively.

"Sure he did! I believe you," said Nimoe sarcastically.

Suddenly Brunéhen entered the room.

"I think I left something in here before…" said Brunéhen scanning the room with his eyes. "Oh there it is!" He picked up the wriggling cylinder. "MIRANDA! Got it!"

"Brunéhen, why is it in here?" asked Legolas cautiously sitting down on the bed next to Nimoe.

"Oh, I was 'testing' it," replied Brunéhen.

"Testing it?" Legolas's eyes went wide with shock and both he and Nimoe leapt up from the bed. "Gross! Now I need a new bed!"

"Anyway, better get back to business, bye!" Said Brunéhen as he left the room.

Legolas shuddered.

"Anyway, I came here to talk about what happened this morning," said Nimoe shaking off the whole unpleasant Brunéhen situation.

"Well… um… I… um… didn't… um… well I did… but…" stuttered Legolas, turning red once again.

"Oooo… You wanna kiss me, you wanna hug me, you really like…" Legolas grabbed her and pulled her closer.

"Be quiet…" Legolas bent down and kissed her. A few seconds later he pulled back. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that." Legolas turned away embarrassed.

Nimoe turned his face so he faced hers and their lips met once again. Nimoe ran her hands down Legolas's wet chest and his strong arms embraced her. Their kisses grew more passionate, more hungry and they sank down to the bed. Legolas slowly began to unbutton Nimoe's top while her fingers gently caressed his chest. Nimoe's fingers suddenly stopped on the scar left by Brunéhen from their dual.

'I can't do this! I can't ruin his life any more!"

"Legolas stop!" cried Nimoe struggling to get out from under him.

"Why?" asked Legolas, looking rather hurt. "Is it something I said?"

"No, I just can't do this. I'm sorry," whispered Nimoe, each word like a dagger through her heart. "Please…"

Legolas climbed off her and modestly gripped the towel that still hung around his waist. Nimoe quickly rebuttoned and ran from the room, her eyes blurry from tears.

Legolas lowered his head in defeat. He had been so sure of the passion between them, but alas…

'Nimoe… why? I could feel the fire in your kisses, the passion of your and your caresses…' Legolas felt the spots where she'd touched his chest. His hand stopped on the scar. 'That's were it all ended… hmm… maybe she loved Brunéhen after all! Oh Nimoe! By saving you I have caused you more pain… but surely not Brunéhen?! Brunéhen chosen over the prince of Mirkwood? Surely it must be a mistake! She loves me! She may not know it, but I sure do and I'll help her realize it!'

Legolas flopped onto his bed and gazed up at the ceiling.

'She loves me! I knew it! And soon she'll realize it too…'

Meanwhile…

Nimoe ran down the hall to her room. She flung open the door and slammed it shut. She raced over to the bed and collapsed onto in, her tears soaking the pillow.

'Oh Legolas! I love you so much it hurts, but I can't be with you! It'll destroy you! I know you love me but I can't let you ruin your life! I must make Legolas forget about me… I know, I'll get a boyfriend, then he'll be forced to move on with his life! Then he'll be happy and safe and I'll be…' Nimoe sobbed into her pillow. 'It hurts, but it has to be done. Legolas will move on with his life and I'll make sure of it…'