Chapter 11

Jane opened the front door to her apartment and almost collided with Casey who stood, knocking hand in the air, poised to strike.

"Oh hey, I didn't know you were coming over." Jane said, obviously a little startled by her fiancé's sudden appearance. "I was just heading out." She unnecessarily pointed to the hallway.

Casey nodded and stepped past Jane into the apartment anyway. "I was just out for a walk and I ended up here." He explained, rubbing his jaw with one hand and looking thoughtful. "I need to talk to you anyway Jane." Casey announced as if he had just decided something.

Jane still stood with the door open and glanced toward the hall and escape before relenting and letting the door fall shut.

"It won't take long." Casey assured as Jane crossed to the kitchen placing the counter top between them.

"Sure, what's going on?" Jane tried to calm herself, there was no way that Casey knew what had happened with Maura so why did she feel like it was written across her face in neon flashing lights.

Casey looked down at his hands before he spoke. "I need to speak to you about the vows, Jane." Casey half smiled and looked for Jane's reaction. It's safe to say she looked thrown.

"Vows?" Jane asked, clearly at a loss.

Casey smiled fully now. "Yeah, I mean usually at a wedding you have vows, promises you make to each other. It used to be the hold honour and obey, but most people write their own these days." Casey came around to Jane's side of the counter and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.

Jane had stiffened at first, against the embrace that was meant to comfort but now she relaxed into it and sighed. "So you came over here to tell me to write my vows?" She was a little relieved but also daunted by the task.

Casey turned her around to face him and looked into her eyes. "And to get a little inspiration for mine." He admitted and kissed Jane gently on her mouth. "I haven't seen you much over the last couple of weeks."

Jane tensed up again, if she were to be honest with herself, she had been avoiding Casey for more than a week now, she frowned and avoided his gaze. "Well, we still haven't solved this case and I'm trying to get all my paperwork up to date before I take the leave for the wedding." Even to her own ears this sounded like a poor excuse and caused Jane to wriggle uncomfortably out of Casey's embrace.

"I know you're busy Jane." Casey started reasonably. "I just need to know what you're feeling, what's going on in your head. That you're not having any doubts?"

Jane's heart started beating double time and she was sure it was going to burst through her chest. Did he know that something was wrong? Was this Casey giving her one last chance to call things off? Should she take it? It was so difficult for Jane, she had always trusted her gut and her instincts had never let her down, she didn't have to think too much, she was always sure of what was right. But not now. There was so much to consider, so many lives, Maura, Casey, her baby, herself and that was before she even thought of the rest of her family, her colleagues.

Jane felt her stomach sinking as she looked at Casey waiting patiently for a response.

"Come on Casey, I don't know much about weddings or marriage but I know that everyone has doubts, nerves, even you right?" Jane almost sounded breezy as she tried to scrabble through this conversation.

"Nerves? Yes. No doubts, not so far." Casey looked seriously at Jane. "I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you Jane, I think you're amazing and I want us to make each other happy and make our children happy. I want us to be a family." Casey had taken Jane by the shoulders and looked like he was trying to truly get this message through to her.

"You should be saving that stuff for the vows." Jane smiled self consciously and then took a moment to try and muster an honest reply. Casey had let go of her now and waited.

Jane turned away, still hoping to find the words and instead found she was looking at a photo stuck to her fridge. Frankie had taken it a few months ago when Maura had finally gone along to her first Red Sox game. Jane and Maura stood together smiling into one another's faces and laughing as they shared a private joke, unaware that Frankie was snapping the photo. Jane's heart filled as she recalled that day, she had been to a million games in her life and more important games than this, but she had enjoyed this one the most. Sharing something she loved with the woman she loved... Shit, the thought hit her like a truck.

Jane turned quickly back to Casey. "I guess I had just accepted that I would never be getting married, that I probably wouldn't have kids. I just thought it was me and the job." Jane said truthfully. "This was never in my plans." Jane shook her head and tried to hold back the tears that were welling up inside her.

Casey put his arms around Jane's shoulders now pulling her close to him. "We'll make new plans." He whispered, stroking her hair.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Maura felt the presence of someone else in the room only a moment before she hung up the phone. Even as she turned to view the woman, she knew that it was Angela standing across the room and watching her quietly.

Maura composed herself and smiled cordially at Angela, betraying no emotion. "Hi Angela." Maura began.

Angela didn't speak for a moment and the silence unnerved Maura a little.

"I didn't know you were home." Maura continued as she crossed to busy herself in the kitchen.

Angela remained silent as she slowly crossed to stand in front of Maura. "You're leaving."

It wasn't a question, Angela had clearly been listening to Maura's phone call, and there would be no point in denial, even if Maura could.

"I am." Maura confirmed. "I have been offered a job in San Francisco; I'll be leaving in a few weeks."

Angela sighed unhappily and looked at her own hands on the counter top, resisting her urge to reach out for Maura, but having learned that that usually frightened the young woman off.

"Don't worry Angela, you can stay here indefinitely. I'll be keeping the house on for a while and I may even end up renting it out. I'm not certain about all my plans at the moment; it has all come about so suddenly." Maura rambled on, trying her best to sound excited about her new prospects.

"I didn't realise you were unhappy here, with your job? You always seemed to love your work, at least the puzzling things out and getting justice for victims and their families."

Maura smiled politely. "I've loved working here of course, and getting to know everybody, I've felt accepted here. I think this is the first place that has really felt like home since I was a child." Maura hadn't meant to go down this road and she had to quickly do a u-turn. "I just, well, I guess that everyone needs a new challenge from time to time and new adventures, certainly professionally, but also personally." Maura hoped this would placate Angela.

Angela looked doubtful but was willing to let Maura to hold on to the pretence. "Does Jane know?"

"No." Maura answered quickly. "And I would really rather that she didn't. At least until after the wedding, she has enough going on." Maura was as firm as she could be.

Angela shook her head. "I think she would wanna know Maura."

Maura frowned. "You must admit that this is hardly the best time." Maura had planted both her hands firmly on either side of her on the counter and pushed herself a little to be standing tall.

Angela gave out another unhappy but also frustrated sigh this time.

"We'll really miss you Maura." Angela said softly with an audible quiver in her voice."Do you really have to go?" Angela had begun to tear up and now couldn't help herself reach out her arms for Maura.

Maura who had been expecting some kind of battle was shocked when she read the sincerity of the emotion in Angela's words. Since making her decision Maura had spent a lot of time thinking about how difficult it would be to leave her job and even longer imagining the way she would feel leaving Jane behind but she hadn't allowed herself any thoughts about everything and everyone else she would be losing. Maura gave herself up to Angela's strong hug and felt for the first time how much she would miss having this woman in her life.

A/N- Sorry, bit of a sad chapter, I've been listening to Damien Rice all weekend. Speaking of, I imagine that after these little scenes the girls get drunk alone and Maura is packing at her house listening to Damien Rice's "Cheers darling" While Jane is trying to write her vows listening to "The weakness in me"- Joan Armatrading.