Naya's POV
After an entire week of missing Cass, she finally showed up to the set. Ryan asked her to take some time off to think and she agreed, not bothering to make contact with anyone on set, not even Lea, which totally surprised me. I'm guessing she wanted to be isolated? Or maybe she went away for the funerals? Or what if she just drowned her sorrows in ice cream and movies? Or she did some sports and listened to music? I kept asking myself questions about what she might've been doing during this week until I decided to ask her when she gets there. I know, it sounds dumb asking myself all these questions but I can't help it, I'm so curious and worried about her. I wish I was good to her ever since she joined, maybe she would've spoken to me during this terrible moment? Maybe she would've let me take care of her? Maybe she would've told me what she was up to? Or maybe she would've even asked herself for my help...and that's where my mind was, in the maybe questions, obviously thinking about her, until I saw her walking towards her trailer.
She had changed her hair, they were now black with red highlights which looked fantastic, especially with her amazing style. She rocks it so well. She was wearing ripped jeans, combat boots, a white and red tank top and a studded leather jacket. She looked hot as hell. That's until I got to her face and the blood drained from my body.
Her face seemed blank, as if she had absolutely no emotions, she was pale and there were no sparks in her eyes. She looked like a ghost except for her bloodshot eyes. Her lips were tightly shut together, she wasn't allowing herself to even smile or look at anyone, she was putting on the brave face. She walked straight, her head held up high and got into her trailer without a single glance.
I had absolutely no idea what to do in this situation, my heart was telling me to run inside and just hug her, let her cry on my shoulder while my head was telling me to leave her alone, she needed her time alone and didn't need my bugging. But I couldn't stand it, she looked so badass yet one look into her eyes and you see all the vulnerability, you see how fragile and broken she is, how a little mistake and she could completely fall and break like a piece of glass. It was heartbreaking.
I looked around before spotting Lea running towards me.
"Naya! Did Cassandra already get here?"
"Yeah she just got here and went straight to her trailer why?"
"Did she talk to you?"
"She didn't talk to anyone..she kept walking straight ahead and got inside."
"Why do you seem so low? Did anything happen?"
"You should've seen her face Lea..she looked so fragile and broken, it was horrible. Nobody deserves to go through that, especially alone."
"Wow, Naya's gotten all softy on her eh? Since when do you care about her anyways?"
"Huh what do you mean?" Yes, I was playing dumb, I really wanted to know what she had heard about me from Cassandra and besides, it's true, she's totally turning me into a softie. I was never mean or rude or anything normally I just never thought of shit like that, like how broken someone can seem or how much I wanted to be the shoulder they cried on or whatever, but once again, I stopped questioning what she does to me.
"Never mind, just let me know if there are any changes."
"Will do."
For most of the day, we filmed and Cassandra stayed in her trailer, not coming out. She probably hadn't eaten all day too, what could I do? Before I could come up with an idea to bring her food, her trailer door swings open revealing her wearing baggy sweatpants, a black hoodie and pink addidas shoes. Her hair was in a messy bun and she still looked numb...She was holding her phone in her hand and in the other, she had an Ipod music stereo. Where was she going?
Once again, she kept her head held high and walked straight passed everyone, heading to the east wing. Lea was about to squeal and run to her but before she did I managed to get my hand over her mouth. She definitely doesn't want to do that, at least not right now because I'm pretty sure she was gonna get her feelings crushed when Cassandra ignores her. I'm sure it wasn't personal, she just needed space.
Anyways, Lea, Chris and I decided to follow her from far, just to see where she was going. She stopped in front of a door that said Dance Studio. When she got in, we peaked inside and saw her placing the stereo and her music. Good thing was that this studio was paired with another room for the directors, we would dance in the studio and then the directors would be in the other room, watching us from the see-through glass, which was see-through just from our side so she would have no idea we were watching her. It was like the interrogation room in a police station, seems pretty cool eh?
There were a few couches and a table, in case the directors wanted to write notes. So we sat down and watched her, not knowing what to expect. It's so weird, she joined the cast a few weeks ago yet I have no idea if she could sing or dance, even though she must be good right? Since Glee's all about music. Unless she's just a musician? We kept looking at her until she was ready, and ironically, she was facing us.
That's when Lea gasped.
"You were right..she looks so broken..."
"Told you."
"What could we do to make her feel better?"
"Umm, how about we take her tonight, we take her to a nice restaurant then go back to my place for a movie marathon and a sleepover?"
"Mmmm I like the idea."
"Good, now shh, the music's starting, I wanna see what she's capable of."
The music started and it was Pumping Blood, our version. Before I even got the chance to speak, Lea was already squealing that she was listening to our song, hurray. She got way too excited over little things like that, it was cute sometimes but most of the time it's just annoying.
Okay, before I continue, I have to say something, Cassandra's dancing is TERRIFIC. I haven't seen a girl this good seen, gosh like forever. She was dancing hip hop, adding some techno moves and damn, some sexy moves that were making me pretty hot. I wonder what her body would feel like grinding on mine.Shit shit shit Naya get her head back into the room, no more dirty thoughts come on.
The song ended and she went to pick a song. She stood right in front of me before the stereo started blarring Valerie. She looked so ready to dance but she didn't. Why wasn't she dancing? Before I could ask more questions in my head, she shook her head and I saw a tear crawling down her face and she fell to the ground. I stood up to go see what was going on but Lea grab my wrist and yanked me back down.
"Let her be, she needs the release. Just watch."
"But it's breaking my heart Lea I don't understand how you can sit here and watch your friend having a breakdown and not do anything,I thought you guys were close!"
She mumbled: "You have no idea how close."
"Then do something!"
"Naya shut the hell up, you don't get to tell me what to do! You've been giving her shit ever since she got here so don't you dare tell ME what to do about MY FRIEND when all you've been doing is make her life miserable so shut up, sit down and watch. Got it?" , she napped at me.
I had nothing more to say so I shut up, and from the corner of my eye I saw Chris' confused face and Lea mouthing she'll tell him later, how bloody amazing. Bringing back my attention to Cassandra, she was still sitting on her knees, looking desperate for something but I couldn't pinpoint what. She looked so broken and sad, it was hard to stay still and watch her like this. She doesn't deserve this.
She had her eyes closed, as if she was taking in the music, the perfect melody of the song, the-
"You see how she has her eyes closed?" Lea asked, turning to look at me.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"She's taking in your voice, she's concentrating on your voice because it soothes her, it makes her happy. But at the same time, I'm pretty sure that's why she shed a tear..."
"What do you mean? Why would she shed a tear because of me?"
"Because you're her freaking idol Naya, you're the freaking person she looks up to, you're the person she listens to when she's sad or tired or feeling not good enough, you're the person who gives her strength yet ever since she joined the set, you're her strength yet you're her weakness...you're her hero yet you're her tormentor..she's so confused and sad and she just doesn't know what to possibly do! You're supposed to be the person who's there for her but you're not, you're the person she runs away from! She was so excited to see you! She used to talk about you with such enthusiasm, with such joy and there's this sparkle in her eyes when she spoke about you but now every time she mentions you, she's ready to bawl her eyes out! You destroyed her!"
"I-I.."
"Shh, she changed songs!"
We looked back at Cassandra, only to see her staring back, emotionless. When the music started, my breath got cut as if I had received a punch in the stomach...it was my version of If I die young. Nonono why is my baby girl listening to such a depressive song? What the hell did I just call her? Head back to the situation, right, the song, gosh no not this song. She was still facing us, she backed away though until her back hit the mirror and slid on the ground. And the waterfalls began. She started crying an sobbing, her eyes closed, head leaning in her hands. It was heart breaking to see but it was worse aftr what Lea had told me. I was the reason this gorgeous girl was crying her eyes out, or at least a part of the reason. I had treated her like shit over something ridiculous that she had no idea of. I have never felt this terrible in my entire life. I wish I could just go over there and hug her, I never want to let go. I was her hero and I let her down, who does that? Ugh I can't stand myself anymore.
I stood up, with tears streaming down my face and ran outside, falling face to face with her. I hadn't noticed she got out of the studio and shit, there she is, standing in front of me with red and puffy eyes. I looked like crap I was sure of it, I was still crying and I hate it when people see me cry. I was about to turn away and leave until she lifted her hand and placed it delicately on my cheek, once again. Bringing back memories of that night, I gasped by accident and she took her hand back down, muttering a few apologies, looking at her feet. A few seconds later, she looked back at me, staring me in the eyes. Her entire face softened when she saw my tears. How could someone so broken have so much compassion and care for the person who broke her? I don't understand.
"Naya are you okay?"
Her soft voice snapped back to reality, her puffy eyes looking right through my soul, I couldn't lie to her but I couldn't tell her what was up, she'd hate me forever so I whispered no and walked away, leaving an even more broken Cassandra behind me. I saw how her eyes went back to her emotionless state, how sad she seemed... I couldn't fix her, I was too much of a terrible person to do that.
Cassandra's POV
Today I had to get back to the set, no matter how much I didn't want to. I wasn't feeling up for it. I looked like a zombie, I didn't want Naya and the rest to see me that way but oh well, I don't have a choice. I spent the entire week at home, crying myself to sleep, drowning my sorrows and sadness in music and chips, I look like a mess no doubt about that. But I'm stronger than that, I don't have to let anyone see me broken again, the crew saw me once, it ain't gonna happen twice so I showered and got dressed.
When I got to the set, I felt everyone's eyes on me and I hated it, the attention, the quizzical faces, everything. But I didn't let it show, I went straight to my trailer and sat there, not knowing what to do. I didn't want to go out and talk and I most definitely didn't want to film so I got changed into some sweats, a hoodie and my dancing shoes, grabbed my phone and stereo and got out, heading towards the dancing studio I passed by a few weeks ago. It was quiet and nobody seemed to go there which was exactly what I needed, to be alone.
I got to the studio, plugged my stereo and chose Pumping blood by the Glee cast, this song was always able to make me move and it hasn't lost its magic. I started dancing to the beat, letting the melody take over my body, letting myself go.
After it ended, I was drained of energy, and angry. I needed the only thing that could calm me down...Naya singing. I went through my songs and settled on Valerie, her voice is so raw and sexy on this song, it makes my day just to hear her voice. To think that I have the person behind the voice so close to me and I can't even tell her how I feel. I can't believe I'm so close to the person I'm head over heels in love with, to the person who saved me yet so freaking far. I didn't even realize I was tearing up until I felt a salty residue on my lips. I stood straight, staring at my face in the mirror, looking at the failure that I was. I don't blame Naya for hating me, I would hate me too..
And then came If I die young, the song that represents my life at the moment, my thoughts and my mind. What's the point of my life? I lost one of the only people who ever loved me in my life, my hero hates me, I'm a total failure, what's left for me to do? I backed to the mirror and slid down. I couldn't be able to stop it anymore, I just let my tears flow and I started sobbing, not knowing if I'll ever be able to stop crying...I felt so empty.
The song ended and I decided to leave, to go back to my trailer and 'practice' my lines for the next few scenes. I packed my things and as soon as I turned to make my way in the hallway I stumbled upon someone. Someone who makes my days better and worse, someone who makes me cry tears of joy and sadness, someone who makes me confused yet completely in control...I stumbled upon a crying Naya. I looked up at here and couldn't help my caring side to show up. She was about to leave until I lifted my hand and softly placed it on her cheek, the way I did the night I brought here to my place. Gosh her skin is so soft, I just wanted to keep my hand there forever. She stared at me and as soon as my hand touched her cheek she gasped. Shit wrong move, I shouldn't have done it. I looked down and mumbled a few apologies, not knowing what to say to make this less awkward. I looked back at her and saw sadness.
"Naya are you okay?"
I saw in her eyes the debate until she finally decided to leave me out of the loop and just run away.I didn't know what to feel, I guess she was back to her old hating me status, she probably also hated my outburst a week ago. I couldn't help it, my face just got back to the same state its been in for the past week. Numbness, emotionless yet somehow hurt.
One thing was clear, I was a mess.
Hey there guys, wouhouu longest chapter yet! I hope you like it, there's a lot of emotions in this one and it was sort of hard to write but anyways I hope I lived up to your expectations. Thank you to those who have been voting and commenting it means the world I swear I look like a 5 year old kid when I see that people are enjoying the story so thank you guys so much i love you xo
Stay strong
-L
