If this is what you want, you can have it all.
For I have nothing else to give.
She looks up.
(Those eyes) are filled with admiration.
He struggles to contain the question. He tells himself he doesn't want to know, that he doesn't need to. He tries. But it burns his lips and mouth even as he swallows those seeds of doubt she has planted(among many) into his tortured mind.
(They grow)
And I'm spinning
He wants her to know how low he's sunk, how far she's pulled him down. Does she know? Does she know she has reduced him into a shadow of his former self, a pathetic being awash in self esteem issues and self doubt more severe than the self deprecation of a woman? Does she know? Does she know the pain of hazy affection?
(Is it his face?)
Such a burden of affection. Those piercing gray eyes. The elegant contours. The luscious dark locks. He knows his own worth.
Her gaiety is astounding(sometimes he thinks it's a facade she puts on to punish him). How could one be so happy? Can she not see him drowning? Can't she hear? The desperate cry for help. He needs her. He needs her to tell him. He needs to know she loves him for him. He needs this, he needs more.
But
He knows he won't believe her.
When Hisana left
All the pretty people died
She left a legacy.
He delved into a world. Dives deeper. And deeper. Submerges himself below the surface. Refuses to come up for air. Air is life and life is hope. He must not hope. Hope leads to love and happiness. And no happiness is worth the pain of its departure.
Then she came along and broke the armor, years of defense crashing down around him like a glass palace of whose demise he delighted in. He doesn't catch himself as his heart leaps in a giddy whirl, he doesn't -
Does she see? Does she see how far he's
Fallen?
A weak fallen man(a weak fallen man)
And now he's left with the dregs of a joy depleted, and the haunting question.
Is it his face?
With the promise of an end.
Sometimes he finds her staring blankly at his face, a kind of teasing smile sitting lopsidedly on her lips. He knows she's thinking about just how pleasant his countenance is, and something breaks. He doesn't want this and he never asked for it. If he wasn't perfection he wouldn't be Kuchiki Byakuya but at this very moment he doesn't want to be Kuchiki Byakuya but merely a person who can be sure of her affections, that she loves him and not
a face.
But he pushes the thought away because he will never walk away from this unfounded dilemma.
Is this who you are?
He is weak.
Some sweet violent urge?
She has made him weak.
And so
"If this is what you want, take it all
I have nothing else to give"
This he thinks.
But he watches her in the shade of a sakura tree in Ichigo's yard, and he knows he needs more.
He knows he wants to be the one whose embrace she's running into.
A/N: I am losing my touch. But gosh I do love 30 seconds to mars oh so much.
