Thanks very much for all the reviews! And a big thanks to my editor, Alisa!
Horatio's heart was pounding in his chest as he met Mac in the lab. They shook hands and he could tell that Mac was just as nervous, or rather excited, about seeing him too. They smiled at each other and then Horatio went straight to business. No matter how much he wanted to spend more time alone with Mac to learn everything about him, he couldn't. They had victims that needed justice right now and took priority.
"How have you been?" Mac asked, once business talk had ended and he and Horatio were alone in the hummer on their way to their next destination; a horse ranch.
They had learned that Darius was there looking for a member of the Endecott family. They couldn't figure out why, but it was important that they got to the ranch before Darius did.
"I've been good." Horatio said and smiled shyly.
Mac was about to say something, when Horatio made a sharp turn and instead he had to hold on to the door handle, so he didn't end up getting tossed over to the driver's seat. When the car was straight Mac looked at Horatio.
"You have a problem with my driving?" Horatio asked innocently; teasing Mac for the first time.
"Just the way you turn." Mac said; his eyes twinkling, letting Horatio know he was teasing back.
"A little different from New York driving is it?"
"Yes, but there's-"
Mac could say no more as Horatio got on a bumpy road and the car started jumping. Mac, whom had told Horatio he had no use of a seatbelt had a hard time staying on his seat. Of course, Mac knew very well that seatbelts were important, but he felt he should be able to quickly exit the hummer in case he had to chase Darius; the thought of impressing Horatio like that made him feel like a teenager and he now understood how silly it seemed.
"This road is a bit bumpy." Horatio said.
"Really? I couldn't tell."
"I told you to put on your seatbelt when we left the lab." Horatio smirked.
"You didn't say anything about making sharp turns or going on bumpy roads." Mac said, just as the hummer came to a stop.
The two men exited quickly and walked towards the stable.
"No, but I did say that there would a part with bad road condition." Horatio said.
Mac grumbled something and then smiled kindly, as the owner of the stable met with them. Then they saw a horse running further ahead; a horse with no rider on it...
-I-
It was a good thing that Horatio's team was also busy and too focused on finding Henry Darius, to notice the tension between Mac and Horatio. They were at the horse ranch, looking for the oldest Endecott girl and talking to the injured security guard. Horatio could feel Mac standing close to him by warmth radiating off his body. Horatio was a bit shocked about himself; he usually didn't tease anyone like he had with Mac in the car. Not even his friend Jamie.
"Darius is up to something." Mac said.
"It has something to do with the woman at the airport I'm sure." Horatio said; remembering the woman he and Mac had talked to earlier.
Mac smiled and Horatio blushed. From afar Frank watched and grinned. He knew they had something going on. At least Mac was taking is easy like Frank had asked him too. If the team had been watching, they would have seen how closely the two men were standing, how their eyes were filled with curiosity about each other and pure lust. To everyone else, it would probably seem like Mac Taylor and Horatio Caine simply had a good friendly relationship. But Frank knew better than that.
When Mac went to the lab to process some evidence with Eric, Frank approached Horatio before he could leave to find the security guard's car.
"So." He said, with a slightly raised brow.
"So?" Horatio asked.
"So you and Taylor are getting on good." Frank smirked.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Horatio growled and walked away.
Frank knew that Horatio had yet to admit anything to him. He also knew that his suspicion about the redhead being gay was true. All that was left was for Horatio to tell him so as well and to trust him. Frank would guard his friend's secret with his life and make sure no one hurt him.
-I-
Later, when it had become clear that Henry Darius had gone to New York, Horatio went to his house to pack one overnight bag. Mac was arranging for them to fly to New York with the quickest flight they could catch. Then they came back to the lab to tell the team what was going on. They asked Frank for a ride to the airport. When Mac went to the men's room, Frank finally caught a moment alone with Horatio in his office.
"Horatio, I know you don't really trust anyone." Frank said, "You keep everything about yourself a secret, so that you can't get hurt."
"Frank-"
"Let me finish; I know you and Mac are close. I can see what's going on and all I'm saying is... I'm happy for you and I will help you keep this from everyone." Frank said, "My lips are sealed. Also, you don't have to hide from me. You're my best friend and I accept you for who you are."
For a moment it seemed like Horatio wasn't going to respond, but then a very silent "Thank you" came.
"No problem. It's what friends are for." Frank smiled.
"I'm very lucky to have a friend like you."
"Aw, no lovey-dovey things please." Frank said, but Horatio could see that he was pleased to hear it, "I'll start crying."
"You cry? If that day ever comes it'll be something to write in the history books." Horatio smirked.
"Ain't gonna happen." Frank said sternly and then grinned.
Mac came back and Frank drove the two men to the airport. They managed to border without having to stand in the line for the security check, thanks to Horatio and Mac being police officers. As they sat down in the plane, Horatio looked over to Mac and noticed that he seemed a bit pale.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm uh, just not a fan of flying when I hadn't had lunch." Mac said.
"You should have said something, we could have eaten first."
"Nah, Henry Darius is more important than food." Mac said, "Besides, I can distract myself with talking to you."
"I will do my best to help you then." Horatio smiled.
-I-
What a day it had been. Henry Darius was behind bars again, but not before killing four more kids in New York. It was almost midnight and Mac and Horatio should be sleeping, but instead they sat on Mac's balcony thinking of all the people Darius had killed. All the families whom had lost someone they loved.
"At least he'll never again have the chance to get out." Horatio said.
The two men hadn't said much since getting to Mac's apartment.
"Yeah. If it was up to me, that man would spend the rest of his life in isolation." Mac growled.
Horatio nodded in agreement. They drank some beer. After an hour they finally went to bed. Mac went to his bedroom and Horatio to the guest room. Within in minutes they were both asleep.
The next morning Mac woke up to the feeling of a warm body pressed against his. His eyes shot open and he stared at the familiar face just inches away from his own. Horatio had gone to sleep in his own bed in the guest room, so at some point during the night he had decided to join Mac in his bed instead. Mac smiled and ran his fingers through the red hair; it was just as soft as he had imagined. He lay there thinking what it was that had made Horatio so afraid in life. What had made him hide who he was to himself and others? Why was he so ashamed to admit that he was gay?
Suddenly Horatio sat up and breathed hard.
"Oh god, did we do something?" He asked.
"No." Mac said confused.
"Honest?"
"Yes, what would we have done?"
"Had sex, I don't know. Anything!" Horatio exclaimed, "Oh god, I'm so sorry."
"Hey, it's no big deal. At some point during the night, you must have felt lonely and decided to join me." Mac smiled, "I don't mind... far from it actually."
Horatio lied down again and sighed.
"Sorry, it's just that last time I snuck into someone's bed while pretty much being asleep I ended up making out with him." Horatio said, "It was... is... a friend, but we haven't... we never really got to the point of doing anything... sexual."
"Who is it?" Mac asked.
"Jamie." Horatio said, "I rescued him from getting beaten to death by a group of young men two years ago."
"And you became friends?"
"Yes, but... well Jamie's gay and he kind of...uh, he's been wanting to teach me. Make me open up."
"And you freak out when you get physical?"
Horatio blushed and nodded. He told Mac about how he and Jamie always managed to make out, but when it came to the point of losing the clothes Horatio would freak out. Ashamed of his body's reaction. Jamie understood and hoped that someday Horatio would be honest with himself, and admit that he was gay.
"He'll be so happy when he hears about you." Horatio said, "He's always nagging me to get close to someone."
"He sounds like a nice guy."
"He is. He's more of a friend, than anything else. I uh... we're not dating." Horatio said, "He just wants to help me overcome my fears. Mostly he's a good listener, when I need someone to talk to."
Horatio also told Mac abut Artie and his Adult Playground. That had Mac laughing until his stomach hurt. He couldn't imagine someone like Horatio to be friends with someone like Artie. Mac wasn't jealous of Horatio's relationship with Jamie. He could tell that he and the younger man were just friends.
"Tell me about your mom." Horatio said.
"My mom? Oh wow, she was remarkable woman. I loved her dearly." Mac said, "And my dad. While dad was stern and disciplined, mom was always happy, always understanding."
"Your dad was a nice man?"
"Yes, very. He and mom just had different ways of trying to teach me the ways of life." Mac said, "Dad was ex-military, so I guess the discipline came from there. He uh... he was a good role model."
"My mom was sweet as candy. Never got angry at me." Horatio said quietly, "She never raised her voice. She had a way of teaching you right and wrong without being forceful or not letting you make up your own mind."
"I'm guessing your relationship with your father wasn't very good." Mac said.
Mac could sense that Horatio hadn't had such a good relationship with his father. He had already understood that old man Caine was not a good person. It was in the way Horatio acted sometimes; how he always held people at arm's length, how he acted like everything was fine no matter what was going on. His habit of not keeping eye contact for too long except with suspects; as if he was protecting himself from a psychological threat. Mac had seen all those signs in child abuse cases.
Suspects or criminals in a crime didn't scare Horatio, even if they could hurt him physically. However, people like Mac and Frank, and he guessed also like Alexx Woods, were a threat to Horatio psychologically. They were the ones trying to uncover what was beneath his skin. What he was hiding in his heart and that's why Horatio tried to keep them away. And all of it reminded Mac of the many child abuse victims he had met, so it came as no surprise when Horatio confirmed that his father had been anything but gentle.
"He beat me... every day." Horatio said quietly, "I'll tell you why... I'm scared to be close to a man..."
"Take your time." Mac said and a few minutes passed before Horatio started speaking.
"Once when I was 16, I met a guy in school. He was new and my first friend. Everyone wanted to be friends with him, but he chose to be with me; the school's loser." Horatio said, "His name was Gabriel; I called him Gabe. He was always smiling, always making jokes and was brutally honest. He helped me build up some confidence in myself."
"He was in love with you." Mac said.
"Yes. And pretty soon I fell in love with him too. I had noticed how I was never turned on by the thought of a naked girl, but guys... that interested me. So one day after gym class he stayed to clean up and in the showers we... he saw my reaction to seeing him naked and I saw his. We were young, but he had a little previous experience with guys. So we started a secret relationship."
"He sounds like a remarkable young man." Mac smiled.
"He was. He showed me what courage was, tried to get me strong enough to stand up against my dad. When we had known each other for eight months, we hung out in my room. We were supposed to be home alone, but my dad had sensed that we were up to something so he came home early."
"Oh, Horatio." Mac whispered, sensing where the story was going.
"He caught us naked in the bed; kissing." Horatio whispered and his was beginning to struggle with the story, "He started yelling at us, telling us how disgusting we were. Gabe tried to fight him and ended up getting punched and tossed against the window. He cut himself pretty bad... dad punched and kicked him. Then turned to me."
Mac grabbed Horatio's hand, seeing how difficult it was getting for the redhead to tell the story.
"He beat me until I was unconscious, and then called an ambulance for both of us. At the hospital, he said that Gabe and I had fought each other. No one doubted him; he was the fire marshal after all."
"And you and Gabe had to play along?" Mac asked.
"No, just me. Gabe got internal bleedings in his brain from the beating and died after two days. His parents blamed me." Horatio said sadly, "Once my injuries healed I started getting beatings for being gay as well. Dad told me how wrong it was, how disgusting I was. After a while I started to believe him. I knew he was right. I forced myself to think of girls."
"Did the truth ever come out?" Mac asked.
"Yes. When dad killed mom and I killed him... in self defence; the truth got out." Horatio said, "Not about mine and Gabe's relationship. I said that dad had killed him because he saw Gabe as a threat. I never told anyone we were lovers."
"At least you were exonerated." Mac said.
"Yeah... after that I panicked whenever I got intimate with a man. I had girlfriends, but they pretty soon figured out that something was different about me. I just saw it as confirmation that I was bad... that I wasn't normal." Horatio said.
"You are prefect the way you are. Don't let your dad make you miserable." Mac said.
Horatio nodded. He told Mac how he had come home when he was 18 and found his father stabbing his mother in the kitchen. They fought and Horatio ended up grabbing a kitchen knife and stabbing his father's leg. His father then fell and hit his head on the edge of the kitchen table; dying instantly.
"I uh... I still panic when I think about being intimate with you... I uh, I'm sorry for that." Horatio whispered.
"Horatio, just because you have admitted to me that you're gay doesn't mean we will be intimate right away." Mac smiled, "These things take time and I will be patient with you."
"Why? If you walk away now you don't risk getting your heart broken or getting killed because you're with me."
Mac hugged Horatio. He realized that the redhead's soul was more damaged than he had imagined; it only made him love him more.
"I won't leave. I promise to help you through this. I will stand by your side." Mac smiled.
"Thank you." Horatio smiled timidly.
Mac grinned. He knew that although Horatio had opened up to him now, there would be some setbacks, before the redhead would be happy. Mac was prepared for all the ups and downs of the relationship.
-I-
It was their fifth dinner so far. Marisol had once again cooked for Horatio (he had cooked for her too on their earlier dinners). Many people thought they were lovers, but they weren't. Marisol could read Horatio like an open book and was a very good friend.
"So, how was New York?" She asked, as she put the food on plates and gave Horatio one before sitting down with her own plate.
"Good. We caught the killer."
"Yeah, I saw it on the news." Marisol smiled, "But I'm more interested in the other thing."
"What thing?"
"Mac Taylor."
Horatio choked on his water and blushed. Marisol had never once tried to flirt with him and there was very good reason for it; she knew right away that Horatio's heart belonged to someone else.
"Shocked?" She giggled.
"How do you know that Mac and I have something going on?"
"Oh come on, I saw a clip of you guys on the news when the camera crew filmed the crime scenes. I saw the way you looked at him." Marisol said, "I won't tell anyone."
"It's not enough proof of your theory."
"Okay, how about this; you mumbled his name when you took a nap on my couch." Marisol grinned.
Horatio blushed crimson. He had promised Marisol to help her while she was sick with her cancer. He had already accompanied her to one of her chemo sessions. It's why Eric and the team thought that they were dating. They couldn't be more wrong.
The more Marisol and Horatio got to know each other the more it seemed like their relationship was going towards more of a sibling-relationship. Marisol was like the sister Horatio had never had.
"You know, I can see that you're a broken soul." Marisol said, "You've suffered a lot of heartache in your life."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Horatio said defensively.
Marisol smiled, recognizing that Horatio was trying to defend himself from her digging into his heart and soul. She, like Mac, saw immediately that Horatio had suffered a lot in his life.
"Look, I'm not here to dig out any secrets. Just trust me as a friend." Marisol said, "I think you will find that sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who doesn't work with you."
"I have two friends already that I don't work with." Horatio said.
"But would they be as patient with you as I am or as Mac is? Would they understand and accept everything about you?" Marisol asked.
Horatio thought about it. He was sure Jamie would understand and not mind listening, but Jamie was also young and in some ways he and Horatio were on two different levels in life. Artie... well, he wasn't one for always being so patient.
"What if I don't want to talk?" Horatio asked.
"You don't have to. Just know that you can if you want or need it." Marisol smiled.
Horatio smiled and continued eating. He and Marisol were quickly becoming close friends.
-I-
In New York Mac was once again caught with the non-stop flirting medical examiner Peyton. As she tried to charm him while talking about a murder victim, Mac kept thinking of all the evidence they had. Paying no attention to Peyton at all. When he turned to leave Peyton called his name.
"Do you wanna go out some time?" She asked.
"Yeah, we can get the team together and do something." Mac said; knowing it was not what Peyton meant.
He hoped she would get the hint in what he was saying, but if she had she didn't show it.
"No, I mean like a date. Just you and me." Peyton smiled.
Mac sighed and knew he had to be clear with her.
"Peyton, I'm uh... I can't do that." Mac said and saw her smile falter, "I'm already seeing someone."
"Oh, oh... okay." Peyton smiled, "No worries."
She quickly turned around and didn't show her anger to Mac. Mac left the morgue and Peyton watched him leave. She was not about to give up that easily. Mac Taylor was hers!
Please review!
Editor's Note: This would have been up a day sooner, but I was really tired the night I got this...and didn't want to mess it up, so that's why it's late...sorry...I always "loved" Marisol and Horatio together...was sad, when she was killed...here, I'm pleased they are friends...bring on the reviews. Alisa123
