A/N: Thanks for the reviews and all the feedback, everyone, really appreciate it, I know that a lot of you are wanting her to just choose Chris already, but I really am trying to balance it, and I do hope you enjoy the chapter. :)
"Hey, you okay?"
Stephanie looked up at him, yawning a little bit as she tore her eyes away from the papers in front of her. The words had been swimming on the page for about a half hour now, but she couldn't sleep. She'd tried, climbing into bed, settling in, finding that sweet spot on the pillow, but when she closed her eyes, the sleep wouldn't come. After an hour of just lying there, she decided to simply get up and do some work. Maybe that would put her to sleep.
"Yeah, I'm good."
"It's just that it's 2 in the morning, and you're sitting here doing work," Chris said, walking over and sitting next to her, "what's up?"
"Insomnia," Stephanie told him, and it was, partly. Ever since her life splintered in two, insomnia had been something she had on occasion. It usually occurred at times like this, times when she spent a lot of time in one world. It was like her brain was willing her to get to the other one, but something was resisting. She'd been with Chris for almost two weeks now, and she missed her other world, she missed her other family.
It wasn't that she didn't love Chris or love her family here, but her heart ached for the other half. She had created so delicate a balance between the two worlds that when the scales started to tip in one direction, it made her entire self feel off-kilter. That's how she felt right now, she was just off, and it was affecting her sleep.
"Poor baby," Chris teased good-naturedly, reaching over and rubbing her lower back. "Did you want some warm milk?"
"I'm not five," she told him, but she threw him a smile to let him know she was just joking with him. He knew without her telling him though, and he leaned forward so he could rest his chin on her shoulder. She reached up with her right arm and ruffled his sleep-flattened hair. His breath on her neck tethered her to this world. "I don't think warm milk is going to help."
"Um, do you want me to read you something boring, um, I think we have Paul's book somewhere around here or maybe War and Peace."
"Lay off Paul," she told him, turning slightly to her left to kiss his forehead. Although Paul might not be hers in this world, she didn't think it necessary to rag on him all the time. There were going to be times where she let it pass, the same went for Paul when she was with him. She knew the two of them, while not the bitter enemies that everyone claimed them to be, had no love lost for one another, and that was fine, but sometimes she just didn't want to hear it, especially since she hadn't seen her Paul for almost two weeks.
"Sorry, sorry, it was just too easy," Chris kissed her shoulder in hopes that she would see that he meant his words. "He's just such an easy target, I mean—"
"With the nose," she finished for him, "talk about going after the low-hanging—"
"Brow ridge, I know," Chris cut her off this time, and she couldn't help but laugh because that was a good one, and she had to acknowledge that it was. "So what exactly are you working on?"
"Nothing of real consequence," she told him, "future plans, storylines, short-term, long-term, every term. I was about to start gathering numbers for attendance for the quarterly report, and I think my dad wanted me to sign off on the expense reports this month."
"Okay, that sounds like a lot of consequence," he told her, "way too much consequence for two in the morning. You're going to be part of the walking dead in the morning if you don't try and get some sleep now. I can take care of the kiddos tomorrow morning, get the big one off to school, and you can just sleep in."
"You don't have to do that," she told him. Now she felt bad for wanting to be in the other world because Chris was being so sweet to her, and she felt guilty for wanting to leave him, but wasn't it for a good cause? She missed her girls in the other world, and she worried for them. She knew that other Stephanie took good care of them, but she wanted to be there to take care of them, to know they were okay.
"It's not a matter of having to do anything, it's a matter of wanting to do it for you because I love you," he told her simply and plainly, and God, now the guilt was coming at her full force. She almost wanted to tell him to stop being so sweet to her because it was making it harder for her to want her other life.
"I love you," she turned to rest her forehead against his. "When I'm with you, I just…I'm happy."
"Thanks," he told her, and she gasped because he didn't say he loved her back, and he laughed and kissed her cheek. "I love you back too, and I'm happy with you too. I don't think I could be this happy with anyone else."
That made her wonder about the other Chris. Was he happy with Jessica? He seemed to be, she'd heard they separated for a while, but then they worked through whatever problems they were going through, and the last time she'd seen them together, they seemed happy. But she and Chris never went through any separation, so did that mean he was happier with her? She didn't think she was supposed to be with Chris in the other world, but it just made her curious. Was there just one person you were happiest with, no matter where you were?
"Do you ever feel guilty for that?" she asked out of nowhere, and she wasn't even sure where she was going with this, but it was making her think.
"Guilty for what? For being happy?" he asked. She nodded, and he pulled away, looking at her, studying her, and she wondered if he was suspicious of something, maybe he'd misinterpreted her.
"I just, like, you know, I'm not fully awake so I'm not articulate or anything right now, but just…do you ever see people getting divorced or people who should be together and aren't, and you just kind of feel really lucky you have happiness, but kind of guilty because it's not what everyone has?"
She was really thinking about how guilty she felt feeling so happy when she should feel bad for having two lives. Shouldn't she hate herself for stringing two guys along, having them both unaware of the other? She should probably choose, but if she chose, would it even make a difference? She couldn't will her way into her other life, so it was completely out of control.
"You just have to hope that everyone finds it, I think."
"Do you think there are parallel universes?"
"Yeah, probably, why? Can you imagine me in a parallel universe, I might be some huge dork who likes classical music. I would be an accountant or something, or even a journalist like I studied. I would have the perfect Stepford wife and Wally and the Beav for children."
"I don't think that could ever be you," she told him. "Do you think you'd be married to me or no?"
"I think that in any universe I would find you," Chris told her, "I think that I would always be drawn to you no matter what the circumstances. You could be homeless on the street, and I would probably still find you the most beautiful woman in the entire world."
"Don't say things like that," she blushed.
"It's true though. I don't know, I'm not necessarily sure there's that whole one person for everyone thing because, well, sometimes people are widowed and they find love, and it's like, oh, was that other person not their person, but I'm about as sure about you as they come. I just don't forsee myself with anyone ever."
Stephanie gulped a little because she couldn't say the same. It wasn't the same, and why did she bring this up? Now she felt even worse. "Can you hug me right now?"
"Yeah, come on, I'll hug you in bed, but not the dirty kind of hugging," he told her. He stood up and grabbed her hand, helping her stand up. Once she was standing up, he lifted her off her feet, carrying her in his arms.
"What are you doing!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck for leverage.
"You work too hard," he told her, carrying her upstairs and throwing her on the bed. She crawled under the covers, getting settled as Chris climbed in next to her. He got settled too, pulling her into his arms, and she rested her head in the crook of his neck, watching as he reached out to turn off the light. "Hey, you didn't answer the question, do you think that I would be your one and only in all the universes?"
Stephanie's mind flashed to her other family, her other life, and to the other Chris. No, she didn't think it, but what could she say? Tell him no, she didn't believe in that, because she had another life and another husband? She didn't think that would work. So lie, deny, make it seem like everything is alright. "Yes. Yes, I think that, I think we're it for each other."
"Aww, I hope parallel us are happy," he mused. "Man, if I didn't like metal music though, that would be so strange."
She yawned, "Yeah, it would be."
"Get some rest," he told her, "remember, you get to sleep in tomorrow, take advantage of your really hot, really considerate husband who is willing to take on three kids by himself just so you can get an extra hour or two of sleep. You know, you shouldn't even go into the office tomorrow. You have like 17 years of vacation piled up, you can take one day off."
"Not as the boss, I can't. You worry about me too much."
"I worry because you are the most important thing to me, you and the kids, that's my job. I hope it's other parallel Chris's job too, I'd hate to think other me is a jerk."
"I'm sure he's not a jerk," she said, knowing he wasn't, but that he wasn't hers either. Here Chris was, believing, thinking, practically knowing that he belonged with Stephanie, and she knew it wasn't the case. He loved her so completely and she couldn't even give him that. She couldn't give her complete self because she was split in half, two lives, two different Stephanies.
"You sure?"
"I'm pretty positive."
"Okay, well, I guess I can live with that," he yawned this time. "I'm going to sleep now. I'll see you in the morning. I'll bring home coffee and donuts after I drop Rora off."
She was going to answer him, but just left the quiet of the room intact. She listened for his breathing, which evened out soon enough. When she knew he was asleep, she wrapped herself around him tighter, as if using him as a life preserver. She just wanted to hold him. She might not be able to give him her whole heart, but here, now, she could give him every part she did have. It would have to do.
"Chris," she whispered, but he didn't answer, and she knew he was definitely asleep. She took a deep breath and didn't speak for a few moments because the words out of her mouth were going to be difficult, but she needed to say them. She needed to see. "I choose Chris. I choose this life. I want him, in this universe and all universes, I want Chris."
She breathed out, like saying it would instantly change everything, but it didn't. Nothing changed, and she closed her eyes, letting sleep drift over her. She wondered if things would be different when she woke up. If she chose, was this it? And if this was it, did that mean she would forget everything else? Only time would tell.
She opened her eyes, blinking a few times, wondering if everything changed. She turned over, and she looked around. "Morning, Steph, breakfast is downstairs, you slept in late." She looked towards the door.
"Paul…"
