Chapter 11: Who Are You?
I leaned up against a tree, taking in my surroundings. Resting my head on the bark, I just let reality slip away for a little while. I tensed the moment I realized I wasn't alone, automatically reaching for something, but remembering I didn't have my bow or quiver.
"Hey, calm down." A boy, not much older than me, stood beside me. I was shorter than him by a couple inches. His bark hair reached the bottom of his ears, and he wore a deputy hat. "You must be the girl Daryl brought in. My names Carl." I just looked at him, not having much of a response to his statement. I looked back at the plants and flowers. There wasn't anything that I thought was a good conversation starter.
There are a lot of things I shouldn't be holding back, but I don't like getting other people's sympathy. It didn't help I had no clue where I was or who any of these people are. I didn't really trust them. There was a sigh behind me, as Carl gave up and walked off to leave me alone. He paused, looking at me from over his shoulder.
"You know, no one is going to trust you if you stay like that. All we're trying to do is help."
I started to curse myself, looking up at the top of the tree, before looking at my feet.
"Sunny." I blurted, and Carl stopped. I turned, looking at him. "I go by Sunny."
Still no response. I changed the channel.
"Bentford, come in Bentford. Please respond. Bentford.." I took my thumb off the radio button, frustrated at it hasn't worked. Again. "Please... Someone... anyone, pick up." I waited. And waited. And waited. But still nothing. "Please... anyone..." I let out a heavy sigh. Coming my fingers through my copper hair that only loosely fell past my shoulders a few inches, resting my have ad in my hands. "Just somebody." I pleaded silently through gritted teeth. I had tried so many times, with the same results. I didn't know how much more I could take of this. My chest tightened, as I held back everything. The people of EastHaven called me Hope. But I didn't have one damn shrewd of the word. It was crushed; killed, here and now. I wanted to pick up the damn radio and throw it across the room. They wouldn't respond to this. I had gotten myself caught up in my own responsibilities here, the thought of going in search for home had been long lost. Now I wanted to scream, yell. Anything. Why? Why the hell couldn't anyone just say one damned word? Not even so much as let the static fill the word? But no, the room I sat in, even with the door open. Was dead silent.
Our laughter filled my head as I sat there, not even so much as twitching. Carl's voice followed. I didn't even know what he was saying, but his voice echoed in my mind. It made me want to pull my hair out. Then I thought of CJ. How much he looked like his father. The image of Angel, Carl and I's little blond haired girl. For those I love, I will sacrifice.
For those I love
I will sacrifice
The words echoed, causing my breath to hitch. Suck it up Dixon. With as deep of a breath my lungs would allow, I sat up setting the radio down. Running my fingers through my loose copper strands I stood. Taking a second to compose myself I walked out of radio. The moment I stepped out the laughter of children hit my ears. Keira's house was right next to radio. She still watched the twins during the day most of the time. Looking over I found my kids running through the street after a few of their friends. Well, mostly Angel. The moment CJ spotted me, he paused. Then he started walking over to me.
"Is everything okay?" He asked.
I smiled, squatting to his height. "Everything is perfectly fine." My words contradicted what I felt. I brushed some rebellious strands from his face while tipping his hat up more. This was a lie. A much larger one than I cared to acknowledge at the moment. By now we had been in EastHaven for almost a year. Becoming part of the council means it was going to be even harder for us to leave. But it broke my heart to have to take my kids away from their first ever friends. I just couldn't do that to them. "Your birthday is comin' up. Do you know what you want?" I asked, as Angel ran over to join the two of us. They were turning seven.
"Ooo." She cooed. "I... Um. I kinda want us ta' meet daddy. And... And have him here for our birthday." My knees thudded onto the pavement as I sat on my legs. I swallowed down the lump in my throat, looking down at the payment before closing my eyes. That sentence had just killed me. It caused reality to slap me in the face. I had been thrown off my course to find Alexandria, and their father. I was letting them down, failing my children by doing so.
"CJ?" I choked out. "Is that what you want too?" Slowly I looked up. I could see his understanding in those baby blue eyes of his father's. He gave the slightest nod, before taking his sister by the shoulder and going back to their awaiting friends. Only one though dominated my mind. I failed them.
I failed them. I was a damn horrible mother.
I rocked back and forth on the edge of my bed. My head in my hands. I failed my kids. I'm a fucking horrible mother. My bed shifted as someone sat down beside me. Sliding my hands down, I only covered my mouth. Blankly my eyes met with the pale colored wall across from me.
"I failed them Bow." I squeaked. "Angel said she wanted to meet her father for her birthday. And CJ does too. He didn't say it, but I know. I let myself get too sidetracked, and damn it. I'm losing hope of ever getting back there." I couldn't even recognize my voice. Surely Sunny Dixon wouldn't say anything close to that. But that was the thing. I wasn't Sunny. I was Hope, and at the same time, Hawna.
"They'll meet him one of these days." Bow said softly. Then something came to my mind, causing me to stand abruptly.
"There's something I need to do." With that, I walked out of my room. A goal set in mind I wasn't going to stop till I reached it. "I'll be back later!"
"We were having trouble, ya know." Preston told me as we walked back toward the gates of EastHaven. We took a walk outside, having quite a discussion on a small, yet wide range of things. "Gettin short on food. Rations were gettin thin." He paused. "But your brother, he brought back game from hunting. That helped out a lot more than people thought. Till he lost his crossbow to some SOB that called himself D."
I sighed, not having gotten what I was looking for. "Thanks Res." He was unable to find his way back home. Not from EastHaven. We walked through the gates, about to go our separate ways, when Preston stopped.
"Why don't you go by Sunny anymore?" He asked.
Pausing, I looked over my shoulder at him. "I outgrew it." With that I walked away.
Insanity: doing the same thing every time and expecting to get different results. That was always credited to Albert Einstein. Had I have had a clue of what I was doing, I would have stood and walked out the door. The action was like second nature, I had done it so often. But I had already sat down in the hard wooden chair, and picked up the radio.
"Anyone.. Out there?" Now I snapped out of the routine induced trance, finding I was holding down the button. Damn it. I was so stupid. In the process of kicking my own ass I walked to the door. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. If I was to find home again, I'd need a map, and there were several in the courthouse. That was where I needed to be spending my time, not wasting it in the place where I'd get nothing done. I wouldn't get a response. I had wasted my breath on that one to many times before. My hand slipped around the doorknob.
"Hello?" A voice crackled. I stiffened, the color leaving my face. I couldn't move as a shutter made its way up my back. "Hello? Who are you?"
That was a damn good question.
A/N
Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I got a little busy and had a bit of writers block. I honestly wanted to get this chapter up before the season finale of TWD, but flipping writers block. Anyway...
I'm so excited for this chapter! Did anyone believe that I was just crying wolf with the radio at the beginning? In better words: who thought no one was gonna pick up and answer back?
Not much action, but maybe just a little mystery...
Who answered back?
What new information had Preston Told Sunny?
Will the twins get to see their father on their birthday?
Is there another reason why she doesn't go by Sunny anymore?
Please remember to vote and comment, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd find out in the next chapter!
