A/N: I listened to Abracadabra by Brown Eyed Girls while writing this, so... just thought I'd mention that it wasn't quiet, and the music may affect the mood. With that said, I will begin.

Esme's POV

So. I'm in Volterra thanks to Alice. This whole thing bugs me. I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish I could just stay home where I can stay with my family. Especially Carlisle. I feel sorry for them, really. They have to endure through a week with Sulpicia. Okay, actually I feel sorry for my husband. I really don't think my family will miss me a whole lot.

I just made it to the castle thing. Still deciding whether or not to feel sorry for myself. I opened the door. Aro was there.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen!" he said, jumping up and down. "Check out this bunny suit!" Yep. I feel sorry for myself.

"Um," I said uncomfortably. "Aro, I don't want the bunny suit."

"It's not for you, silly!"

"Oh?"

"It's for Cauis. The other one's for Marcus."

"I really think they'll want the bunny suits, Aro."

"Why not?" he said. He began to sob. Oh, no.

"Um, I don't think they can take the awesomeness."

"Oh, well, that makes sense."

Of course it does, Aro. I thought while smiling at him.

"Well, come on in!"

"Oh, okay."

I stepped inside. I've never been to Volterra. Actually, I've never been outside of America. This was a whole new thing for me. I took in the beautiful architecture. Everything was so fascinating.

"So, you like my house?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes, it's very nice."

"Cool."

He gave me the grand tour. It was almost tiring despite the fact vampires don't get tired.

"And this is what happens if you cross an apple with an orange," he explained while showing me the apange. This was one of those times I wished I could go to sleep. (A/N: A version of the first line from Midnight Sun)

This was a pretty unfair trade. I'm sure Aro doesn't even miss Sulpicia, but Carlisle must be sick with worry for me. I felt terrible about this whole thing.

A/N: You have noticed and you may have not, but I've been stalling to get to the main part. I'm not sure how to do the whole thing. Sorry. And I realize that some people may not even know what Wife Swap is, but you're still reading this. Please, watch at least one episode. You may not get some parts of the story if you don't. And if you watch Wife Swap regularly, they'll have some jokes from things in past shows.