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Chapter 11: Unfixable
" Memories forever haunting, memories I cant kill,"-From the poem Unfixable, by Just Sierra.
I roll over groaning the sound of my phone ringing shrilly in my ear. I blink my eyes slowly trying to clear my vision to see what time it is. Seven? How is it possible that I slept for twelve hours? I answer my phone trying to stifle my yawning.
" Hello," I say, stretching slowly.
" Bonjour, Brooke," Olivia's sweet and happy voice flows through the phone making me grin.
" Liv, how was the flight? How's the school?" I ask, sliding out of bed as I walk through the apartment.
" The flight was great, long, but good. I sat next to this really amazing guy, his name is Alexander, so hot girl," she says and I smile as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
" Leave it to you Olivia," I tease lightly as I drink deeply from the bottle.
" Hey I don't ask for it to happen, it just kind of happens," she says, " So what if I switched seats with a few people in order to sit next to him." A giggle bursts through my lips at the thought of Olivia finagling with perfect strangers to get what she wanted.
" Whatever you say Liv. So how's Paris?" I ask, hopping up onto the counter crossing my legs as I listen to her chatter on.
" Okay Brookey-Bee, I'm going to go now, its almost four thirty in the morning, I love you, ciao," she says and I say my good bye's as I hang up the phone. I stare around the apartment wondering what to do now. I turn my head from side to side, looking around my apartment. It seems so empty now without Olivia. I sigh heavily sliding from the counter walking to my room.
Two weeks later I sit in the middle of the apartment trying not to hyperventilate. With Olivia gone keeping up on rent is going to be impossible, the evidence is right in front of me. Twelve hundred dollars for rent was feasible when there were two of us splitting the responsibility.
" What am I going to do?" I murmur, pushing the stacks of papers away from me. Any way that I put it, it just wouldn't work. Even if I were to knock my diet to nothing but top ramen and yogurt there is just no way that I'll be able to make the rent on my own. My phone rings making me jump.
" Hello," I grumble rubbing at the headache that's pounding in my temples.
" Brookey-Bee," Olivia sings through the phone.
" Hey," I murmur, laying my head back to stare at the ceiling.
" What's the matter?" she asks and I roll my eyes, nothing gets by her does it?
" Just realized that with you gone there is no way that I am going to be able to make rent," I sigh, " Even if I were to eat nothing but top ramen and yogurt for the rest of the lease I wont be able to make it."
" Ahh Brooke, I'm sorry," she says her voice ringing with guilt, " I didn't even think about that before I left. I can send some money."
" No, don't even think about it. I'll figure it out. If anything I can just downsize to a one bedroom, or better yet I hear that there is a free spot available under the overpass," I say laughing darkly at my own cynical joke.
" Stop it Brooke, please let me help," she says and I roll my eyes.
" No," I say simply and the sudden silence tells me she is dropping the subject.
" Anyways, how is the album going?" she asks and I smile at the thought of Michael.
" Good. Great actually. I'm telling you Brooke, this album is going to be insanely good. Nobody has ever heard anything like this," I murmur as I pace the apartment, " I cant believe that I'm going to say this, but it's going to be epic Liv."
" How much time do you spend out at the ranch?" she asks and I close my eyes thinking.
" I don't know, I stayed there the last two weekends, and then I go out there at lest three days during the week," I say, realizing suddenly that I spend a good chunk of my time with Michael, locked away in his studio.
" Hmm. Okay well I got to go Brooke, I'll call you soon bye," she says suddenly hanging up the phone before I even have a chance to say anything. I stare at the phone in my hand, before tossing it down. I pick up my laptop sitting on the couch as I wait for it to boot up. I look around the apartment my heart aching slightly at the idea of having to leave.
I slam my laptop shut in frustration, I have called at least sixteen different apartments that have listing available online only to find out either A.Those apartments aren't available anymore, or B. the rent posted has skyrocketed due to the downward spiral the economy is currently on. I pace around the living room my heart hammering wildly against my ribs as I start to panic. There's no way I will be able to make rent, and pay bills. I have no one to fall back on now that Olivia is gone. No one to tell me that everything is going to be okay, just breathe. I press my hands to my chest as pain rips through me knocking the wind from my lungs. If I hadn't quit that job, everything would be okay. If I wouldn't have been driven to empty my savings account last month to cover my part of rent, and insurance I wouldn't be in this predicament. If I hadn't signed a stupid contract with Michael agreeing that I wouldn't get paid for the work I do on the album until the album is done I would be flying free without a worry in the world. Of course I could always ask for an advance, but I cant do that. Why? Because I'm too proud, and lets face it what does Michael know about not being able to pay rent. My stomach heaves as my anxiety levels rise through the roof, the room feeling as if its closing around me, when a knock on the door catches me off guard. I pull open the door trying to clamp down on my bubbling hysteria.
" Brooke?" Michael says his eyes scanning over me as I nervously bunch my hands into my shirt, " Are you okay?"
" No, no I'm not okay. This isn't a good time Michael," I say, whirling away from the door so that I can pace the living room.
" What's wrong?" he asks, closing the door silently behind him.
" Everything Michael. I cant make rent on my own, every apartment I have called either isn't available or the rent is still to high for me to cover, I have no money left in savings because well lets face it since I quiet my job, that's been the only thing to keep me going. But what would you know about having nowhere to go, you've been set for life since you turned thirteen," I say my voice raising as I lose whatever slippery control that I have.
" Brooke, its going to be okay, that's why I came to see you," he says, his eyes looking into mine deeply.
" What are you talking about?" I ask trying to breathe.
" Olivia called me," he says, and I groan. Even half a world away and Olivia still doesn't know how to just let me figure things out for myself, " Don't get angry okay? I was thinking about this even before she called and said you were in trouble."
" Thinking about what?" I ask, my voice rough with anger as the room spins around me.
" I want you to move in with me Brooke," he says, and everything goes quiet as I stare at him, " I mean it makes sense. You stay at the ranch five days a week anyways, this way at least until the album is done you wont have to worry about rent, and when it comes time for you to move out you'll have the money to find a place." Fear courses through me at the idea of living with Michael.
" I cant," I stammer, clutching onto the counter.
" Why not?" he asks, and I shake my head.
" Because I'm scared of you Michael okay!," I scream out a look of torment crossing his face as I admit to him the truth.
Michael's POV
Scared? She's scared? I watch as Brooke clutches the counter her knuckles turning white as her chest heaves. I can't help but laugh, nobody has ever been scared of me, not even my younger siblings.
" Don't laugh," Brooke growls, her voice thick as I realize that she is serious. I clear my throat wiping damp palms against my black jeans.
" Brooke, what is there to be afraid of?" I ask, holding my hands up palm out to her, indicating that its just me. The same man she met just over a month ago.
" I just, you wouldn't understand, please just go," she pleads and I shake my head standing firm, my feet planted as I watch her.
" I'm not going anywhere Brooke," I say, " So stop trying to push me away. What do I have to do to prove to you that I want to be your friend, I want to help you."
" You cant help me Michael okay, nobody can," she murmurs squeezing her eyes shut tight.
" That's bull Brooke, I can help you, but your being so stubborn about it," I say walking forward putting my hand on her arm. She jumps violently stepping away from me a look of shear fear on her face.
" Please don't do this Michael," she murmurs, and I ball my hands into tight fists.
" Why Brooke? Why cant you just take the help, why cant you just let me be your friend?" I ask, my voice raising involuntarily and I curse under my breath when the tears slide down Brooke's face.
" I don't know okay, I don't, so please just go," she begs opening the door. I debate with myself, as I walk out of the door, but before I can turn around to say anything she shuts the door the sound of the locks being turned firmly telling me that I just screwed everything up, in a big way.
Brooke's POV
What do you do when you know that someone is only trying to help, but you cant accept that help? I don't want to be fixed. My problems are just that. Mine. I don't need Olivia or Michael trying to repair me. I think I have done pretty well for the last year and a half. The first six months were the hardest. The nightmares, the fighting, the being told constantly that I need to just get over it. I drop my head to my knees, shaking with my tears.
" Brooke," Michael's voice fills my room and I look up at him confused. I locked the door, how did he get in? He holds up a small silver key his face riddled with anguish.
" Olivia gave it to me, at the airport. Told me I should keep it, just in case," he says, placing it back in his pocket, " Brooke, I'm sorry, I never meant to make you cry. I just, its so hard to know that your hurting and you need help. Its even worse because I don't know the full story, so I'm constantly afraid, afraid I'm going to say something, or do something that's going to have you melting down all over again." I stare at him, his words coursing through me as Olivia's words race through my clouded head.
'Don't shut him out.' I watch as he turns towards the door, and I instinctively get up from my bed, pulling open my closet.
" Your right. So is Olivia, and I think that's what pisses me off so much. If you want to know everything just look at this," I say, handing him a thick scrapbook, his eyes looking at me curiously, " Anything and everything you need to know, I'll tell you." I sit down on my bed waiting for him to sit across from me. I watch as he lowers himself to the bed opening the cover of the black book.
