:Chapter 11: The Closer I Get To You
((((( Jake's POV )))))
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in my story although I wish I did I do not. They belong to Stephanie Myer.
A/N: To my readers/reviewers, I love you, and thanks for taking the time to drop me a line of encouragement. Your reviews mean the world to me.
Day 16
I woke up to find Bella gone from my arms. I jumped up, and ran to the door. "Bella!" When I stepped out the door, I saw her walking up to the room with a huge smile on her face. She had food in both hands, piled high. I frowned. "Bella! What are you doing? Why did you leave out of this room?" I was clearly angry. I thought she had ran off.
"Jakie, don't be like that. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast this morning. You had a long night last night, and I let you sleep in. Is something wrong?"
I snatched the food from her hand, and threw it on the bed. "What did you do!" I grabbed her by her shoulders, shaking her. "Where did you go! Answer me, Bella!"
"Jake, you're hurting me. Stop, Jake."
"Answer me, Bella! You called him, didn't you. Is that why you let me do that to you last night? So I would be tired this morning? Damnit, Bella!"
I began throwing all our stuff into bags and told her to sit her ass down.
"Jake, listen to me. I called no one. I spoke to no one. I saw no one. I told you my intentions already..." She stood up and walked toward me, squeezing my upper arm as much as her little hands could. "Jakie, I love you. Didn't I show you that last night?" She put her head down. "It meant nothing to you? Because it meant everything to me." She said in almost a whisper.
I stopped everything and looked at her. "Bella..." I whispered. "Do you mean it? Was it really?" I lifted her face up by her chin. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I just thought that..."
She looked up at me and placed her hands on both sides of my face, smiling. "I know...I know. You think that the first chance I get, that I will leave you. Well, baby, it will take more than that to get rid of me. I hope this is what you want. I will not be changing my mind. Never. So, relax...please Jakie."
I smiled and kissed her. "OK...I'll try. I just can not imagine losing you now. We have gotten so close. It would crush me. I know I would probably kill myself. Please, Bella, let this be real."
The rest of the day went by fast, but sweet. We laid in the bed, practically naked all day, and just kissed, and touched.. It seemed like days went by like this. I had lost all the tension from earlier in the week when she got us breakfast. I believed her, but I didn't at the same time. It just seemed too good to be true.
We decided to drive north. We had no direction, we just were driving. We stopped at rest stops for her to use the restroom, and ended up three or four days later in Sacramento. We took our time, and stayed at a couple of hotels and shopped when we could. She really enjoyed shopping.
Sacramento was a beautiful city. The water, the people, the shopping. I could see us staying here. It could be a great place to raise our children. We could resume our careers, and grow old here.
Day 25
Ever since our first time pleasuring each other, she has let me suck on her any time I wanted now. It was so easy to make her come. She even came one time just from me fingering her and sucking her nipples. I want to be in her so bad. To feel her walls tightening around my shaft. Pumping in and out of her. Holding her close. Her opening her legs wide for me, the way she does when I suck her. Inviting me in deeper and deeper. My body feels like it is breaking, being so close to her without actually being in her. She did help me get my releases though. She would suck me and lick my shaft until I just could not take it any more. She was so good at it. She would take every inch of me. She even seemed to like it. She sucked me in the shower, the bed, while I read the paper, anytime she felt. I did the same to her. She filled me to full. Made me not want, or think about anything or anyone other than her.
That night, we were very tired. Our room was really nice, and I had surprised her with rose pedals all over, new lingerie, and a diamond necklace, waiting in the room for us, when we arrived. She was so excited and thankful. We touched and kissed all day. So, when bedtime came, we were both no good.
I crawled next to her, and wrapped my arms around her body. She slept with the pink lingerie I had delivered for her. I kissed her shoulder, like I do every night, and told her I loved her. She replied, groggily, "I love you too, Edward."
"What! What did you say to me! Bella! Get up!" I shook her awake. "What did you just say to me?"
"Jake, what's wrong? I don't know...I think I said I love you last. Why are you angry?"
I slapped the spit from her mouth, and jumped on top of her on the bed. I was screaming so loud in her face that I was spitting, demanding her respect. How could she be here with me all this time, and be thinking of him. I grabbed her by her shoulders and squeezed her so tight that it would probably leave bruises of my fingers. I slapped her again. "You will respect me! You will get your mind right, Bella! I am tired of this shit! You dream of him almost every night. Now I get called his fucking name! I have enough of this! I have been patient enough! Now, its your turn to be patient. Bella, turn over on your back!"
I turned her over, and ripped her underwear off. Then, I took mine off. My erection rose quickly, anticipating what we were about to do. She fought me, kicking and screaming, begging me to stop, but I was much too strong. "Jake, I'm sorry. I am trying. I'm sorry, please Jake."
"Bella, shut your lying ass mouth! You probably aren't even pregnant!" I crawled on top of her, and choked her as tight as I could. "You lying bitch!" I pulled my already hard shaft into my hands, repositioned myself, and pressed against her opening. She was dry, so my entrance was not as easy was I had imagined it would be. She shifted her hips, and it moved me away from her opening. I pulled her back.
"Jake, please, baby. Don't. Jake, please. Not like this. Not while you are angry. Jake...baby, this would be our first time. Not like this...please, Jake, and the baby. Jakie, what about the baby?"
I paused. "Shut up, Bella. I am not mad anymore. I just want you, badly. Now."
"But Jake...OK, I will allow this, even participate, if you give me three minutes. Just three minutes. If you still want to do this, then have at it. I will not fight you any more."
"What is it, Bella?" She knew this was what I wanted more than anything...for her to give herself to me, willingly.
"Go over there, and look in my purse. I want you to see something." She said.
I looked at her apprehensively, but got up and did as she asked. Three minutes could not change that much, anyway. I rummaged through her small purse and found two things of interest to me. Both made me feel very warm inside. First, was a picture of she and I that we took forever ago, in the mall. Second, I found the pregnancy test. "You kept this picture all this time?"
"Yes, Jacob, of course I did. You didn't?"
"Why, if you chose to be with him?"
"Jake, you were my friend before all else. You made me feel alive again. I loved you, just different than I did Edward. None the less, I still loved you. And I missed what we had. If you hadn't gotten so possessive, and had been patient, we could have still been friends. It was just a little hard for me at first to talk because of all the things going on in my life. I did miss you, though. I looked at the picture when I needed to talk or if I wanted to see you, Jake." She said with her head down. "Now...that's it...what is happening here, today, Jake? I need to know." I froze where I stood. Never breathing a word. "Jacob?"
I put the picture down at the end of the bed and walked to Bella. "Get up, put your clothes on." I helped her up and turned my head, allowing her to dress. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I have messed everything completely up, haven't I?" I turned to her. "I mean, I have hit you, bruised your face and shoulders, demanded your love, willing to take your sex, disrespected you and now, kidnapped you." I put my head down.
"Jake," she began walking to me, "I forgive you for it all. And I do love you. Its just not the way you love me. Not yet, but I am willing to try. If you still want to. I know I am a mess, and will take a lot of work to get use to, but I hope you are still willing to take a chance with me, Jake." She smiled at me. "Wanna do that?" I grabbed her up, swinging her around. She giggled loudly. "Wait, Jake, the baby. I feel sick." I slowly put her down. She ran to the bathroom, and threw up.
She was distant the rest of the evening even though she said she forgave me. She still talked to me, but nothing like it had been earlier. I could tell she was very sad. I even saw her drop a few tears when she thought I was not looking. I just do not know what to say to her to make it better. I have really messed up, and I deserve this, plus some.
Later that night, I was still feeling really bad for what I had done to her. The more time passed, the more her bruises darkened. Her face was black and blue and purple from me slapping her twice and her arms looked the same. It was hard to look at her. "Bella...I am so sorry." I traced the bruise on her face. "I promise to never put my hands on you like that again. Only in love. I'm such a stupid man. Is there anything I can do for you. I could suck you and make you come all night if you like."
She looked at me. I could not quite place the look. Maybe shock or disgust, or maybe it was nothing. She quickly smiled through the look, and touched my face. "Jacob, I'm alright. Just a little sad. I'm also very tired, and sore. I am bruised up pretty bad, and it hurts, Jacob." She said, kind of annoyed.
"Jacob? Bella? You hadn't called me that since you first left him." My eyes looked down. "Bella, you are mad, tell me the truth. Tell me. I will not get mad." I looked at her, begging for the truth.
"OK, Jacob, I am very angry at you! Look at me!" She stood up. "You keep saying you love me, but all I really am to you is just a whore. That's how you look at me. And a bitch. And someone to control. I have done nothing to deserve this treatment, and I really do not want you touching me right now. I expect to be treated with some respect around here, or I will turn my love off from you so quickly that it will make your head spin! I will not willingly love you, and at the same time feel like I am being forced to love you. If you insist on forcing me, I will not willingly do it. You are welcome to force me all the time. Do you want me? You want to fuck me, Jacob! Well, go ahead, because I will not willingly be giving it to you for a long time. Your actions make me sick!" She looked at me and paused. She took her night clothes off completely, and laid on the bed. "Come on, Jacob, take it. That's what you want, anyway. Come on, Jacob!" She turned her head away from me and spread her legs open. "Come on! I'm just a whore any way, right! That is what whores do, right, Jacob? Fuck men for chore? Come on, lets get this shit over with. That way, all of my bruises can heal at the same time."
I stood there with my mouth open. She has never been that honest with me all the years we have known each other. "Damn, I have really messed up. Bella..." I whispered. "Put your clothes on." I pulled the sheet on top of her, and walked to the side of the bed she was facing. She turned over, the other way. "Bella, please, I do not look at you like that. I have a horrible attitude and and even nastier mouth. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I adore you. I am just stupid, please forgive me."
She never answered. I looked over her at her face. Her face was soaked. Tears flowing everywhere. She began sobbing. I felt like my heart was being ripped out. How could I? "Bella, do you want me to leave for the night?"
"Yes." She said harshly.
"OK, I'll get another room. I will see you in the morning. Again, I'm so sorry, baby."
"Don't call me that."
"OK, Bella. I am really sorry." I walked out and got another room for the night. I felt so bad. I knew winning her back would be a total challenge. She would not easily forgive me, or forget. Damn me. I lay in my new bed, alone, cold, lonely. I had been with Bella every night for weeks, and I missed her. I never slept.
DAY 27
Morning came. I was still hesitant to go back to her. Her wrath stung. She did not have to hit me to hurt me. She had taken back the one thing that I wanted most of all. Her heart. I got up the next morning, got dressed and left out the room only when I had to check out of it.
When I entered our room, she was up and dressed. I walked over to her. She was obviously still really pissed. I smiled a huge smile at her. She turned her head. "Bella, please, talk to me."
"What do you want me to say, Jacob?"
"I don't know. Scream at me, cuss me out. Just talk to me." She turned and looked at me.
"Jacob, I forgive you, but I need some time to not be angry. I feel so small right now and unloved and unappreciated. I know what you said, but one thing I know about you is when you are angry, your raw truth comes out. That is the real you. Your real thoughts. You can't deny that."
I looked down. I had nothing to say.
"Now, lets go down and find me something to eat. I am very hungry, and my stomach hurts terribly in my side."
We left to find a restaurant to eat at. We rode downtown, and noticed people putting fliers on telephone posts all over the city. Neither of us gave it any thought until we stepped out the car. It was on the ground as we walked through the door of the restaurant. "Have you seen her?" It said. It had a huge picture of Bella taken recently. "$1,000,000 REWARD!" We both gasped. Everyone looked up and started pointing, asking if that was her. I grabbed Bella and ran out the door. We ran to the car, and burned rubber out of there.
"I think that guy got my license plate number." I said quickly. "We will have to get another car. Another city."
"Jacob, I do not want to leave this city. I love it here. Who cares anyway if they find me. I thought we were past that."
I looked at her. "What?"
"Jacob, no one can make me go anywhere I do not want to go. Just relax. I am still hungry. Stop here."
We went to a quiet little Spanish restaurant. Very sweet. She took my hand and led me quickly in. I was still very distracted at the fliers posted all over town. I could not get my head back to Bella. She saw me about to lose control. She knew where this may lead. I knew, but I had to hold down. Remember, she has done nothing wrong. I chanted to myself over again.
"Jacob, you wanna get married?" She asked.
I looked at her with my mouth open. "What?"
She smiled. "You heard me. Wanna get married?"
I picked her up. "Really, Bella? Really? No one could take you away then. Really?"
She smiled, again. "Sure, lets eat, and do it immediately. Why not?"
We sat and ate. I could barely chew my food for being so excited. My smile was attached permanently to my face. She giggled at me the whole meal.
We left there, and found the courthouse to get the license. People noticed her from the poster, but said nothing. I could tell they were questioning themselves, looking at her being so happy. We got the license, but we had to wait three days to get married. That was fine. We would just stay hidden until it came time to get married.
We got back to the hotel and got lots of eyes looking at us, whispering. She kissed me deeply, in front of them in the lobby, and went to our room. When we got there, I grabbed her up, kissing and hugging her. The only problem now was that her stomach was a little larger, so I did not want to hurt her or the baby. I put her down, still kissing her. "I love you so much, Bella." She seemed distant again. "Bella, what is it?"
"Well, I just thought about last night. It still really hurts. I hope no one noticed the bruises through my heavy make-up."
"Oh, Bella, how can you marry me if you are still angry with me?"
"Jacob, I want you to be happy, regardless. I can't give you me fully sexually, but I can give you me forever."
"But, you are not happy." I said sadly.
"Oh, I am. It's just his constant reminder of yesterday is not helping me. I will be fine."
"Bella, we can wait. I do not want you to marry me like this."
"What ever, Jacob." Walking off.
"That's another thing. I will not marry you, either, while I am still 'Jacob'."
"Whatever, Jacob. Whatever you like." She said dryly. "I am too tired to have this discussion with you. I'm going to bed."
"What do you want me to do?"
"What do you mean?"
"Can I stay the night, or do you want me to leave, again?"
"Oh, you can stay. Lets go to bed."
We lay in the bed. She laid as she usually did, on her left side, but I stayed on the other side of the bed with my back to her. I knew she did not want me holding her, yet, and I did not deserve it, anyway. I barely slept the whole night, warring with myself to stay away from her. It was the hardest night of my life.
Three days passed, four, five, six days. She still was no happier than she was before. I took her to another hotel, hoping the change of scenery would help her mood. I went out and bought her the largest diamond necklace I could find. I was afraid to buy the ring just yet. I even got myself a room for two nights, next door to her. All with the hope that she would return to me. She did still talk to me, even smile, but she was not the same. Honestly, it scared the hell out of me. I thought maybe she was planning to leave me, and go back to him, so the same morning I bought the necklace, I also bought a gun off the street. I hid it in the car so it would not upset her.
She was still very sick in the mornings, and sometimes throughout the day. She was now about six months, I would guess, and was showing greatly. She was so beautiful, even pregnant. She complained about pains in her sides often, but dismissed it as her body was stretching.
Day 34
I woke up that morning, excited to see and talk to Bella. She had allowed me to lay with her all night. She even asked me to hold her. It was definitely a step in the right direction.
Alright..let's review...Reviewing is better than Bella sucking Jake while in the shower.
