Yay, I'm back! It took a while (read as 'forever'). Just to say, I made some tweaks to the previous chapter but nothing major. That's one of the reasons this took so long. Another reason is Tumblr. Serious, that shit is addictive and now I have an account. This does not bode well for my update time :/

This is not beta'ed cause it was already taking too long. Meowse I swear I'm bringing you in on the next chapter.


Tony peeked over the table he was crouched behind, watching the stray Tevanni out of a broken window carefully. The beast was poking idly at some rubble and for now seemed unaware of the billionaire's presence, something that he was grateful for. His suit couldn't take another pounding.

The helmet of the suit still sat across the room where he had dropped it and he cursed softly when he realised that it was just laying there in plain sight.

'Way to go genius,' he berated himself silently. 'Where the hell is the rest of the team?' As soon as he thought it there was a whir and the air once again exploded with the sound of a machine gun. From his limited view he couldn't see the quinjet but the flashes of bullets ricocheting of the Tevanni's armour plating gave him a vague idea of its position. The massive creature roared, whirling around madly to find the source of its distress – the well trained soldier-like movements Tony had observed before were completely gone.

He didn't have time to wonder about that before Clint's voice was bellowing at him through a loud speaker.

"Stark, get your ass to the roof right now!" Tony didn't waste another second, lunging forward to grab his helmet and racing towards a door, helpfully signed with the word 'stairs.' On open ground, unencumbered by the suit, the engineer was fast. He had put a lot of time into training since becoming Iron Man and a benefit of that was that his muscles were strong and quick – he could run faster than pretty much anyone (except for Natasha and perhaps Clint but that wasn't exactly a fair comparison). Right now though, he was in a metal suit of armour that was heavy and unforgiving, not to mention completely fried; moving was a thousand times harder than normal.

Behind him, he could hear the Tevanni tear through the wall in pursuit now that it had worked out where he was and it was gaining on him.

'Faster Tony,' he urged himself, throwing himself into a sprint and ignoring his aching muscles. The suit protested noisily as various twisted, damaged plates crashed together, no doubt angering the beast behind him more. Tony crashed through the door just before the Tevanni could pounce on him. The creature smashed into the wall instead, too large to fit through the door frame.

As the billionaire started pounding his way up the stairs he could hear the enormous animal trying to tear down the wall to get after him. Over the noise of falling rubble and screeching metal he couldn't hear the quinjet anymore but Tony was praying that it was on the roof waiting – it was going to be a close one.

He'd just passed the third floor when there was a roar of triumph from the Tevanni and it was clawing its way after him, slowed down in the too-small space. Despite that, it was still catching up to Tony who was now panting with the exertion and was flagging dramatically. The suit was a dead weight around him and his heart raced within his chest, beating to the rhythm of his heavy footsteps on the concrete stairs.

It wasn't until he was two floors down from the roof that he faltered, stumbling over a step. The Tevanni lashed out, just skimming the suit with a terrible noise of tearing metal. Tony lurched to his feet again and dived clear of the flailing limb, only just avoiding a clobbering as he started climbing once more. The beast was just behind him now, grunting and roaring in equal measure as it tore its way through the building when there was insufficient space to allow it through. The billionaire was reminded of a lion in a cage, clawing at meat just beyond its reach.

Tony burst onto the roof with an audible cheer of relief but the emotion was short lived. With a final burst of primal power, the Tevanni smashed his way through the building, rubble flying everywhere – including at Stark. A particularly solid piece of concrete slammed into the back of his suit and he was thrown forward, hitting the floor face first and cracking his head hard against the unforgiving surface. His thoughts swam for a moment but he shook it off, he couldn't lose focus right now.

Rolling, he saw the Tevanni approaching slowly and his heart sunk.

"Tony!" The shout came out of nowhere and before he could turn to look something huge and green was smashing into the creature advancing on him, knocking them both clean off the roof and out of sight. He could hear the two beings wrestling somewhere below him.

Thor was at his side, prodding his shoulder and Tony turned to looked at him jerkily – maybe he had hit his head harder than he thought, everything seemed a little fuzzy.

"Man of Iron, we must depart. Are you injured?" He shook his head and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, suddenly realising that his helmet was miraculously still clenched in one hand.

As soon as the two of them set foot inside the jet, Clint was whisking them away and Natasha was turning around from the co-pilot's seat to berate him for his stupidity – again – but he wasn't really listening. He nodded in all the right places and tried his best to look ashamed or repentant but she wasn't fooled. Master spy after all.

"Are you even listening to me Stark?"

"Is there a correct answer to that question?"

"Probably not."

"Then no, not really." She started looking a little pissy but he just looked at her pitifully. "Can you not wait to yell at me until later? I have a headache."

"I'll wait. But bear in mind that you'll have Bruce to deal with later too, once the other guy has a nap." Tony grimaced at her but let it lie. There was a long moment of silence and then Tasha got up from her seat and approached the billionaire, examining the cut on his head that he had gained from his dramatic faceplant. Thor and Steve watched them silently. "The headache probably means you have a concussion."

"Probably," he agreed, then swore as she shone a penlight – 'where the hell did that come from?' – directly into one of his eyes. "Damn it Natasha!"

"Stop being such a baby. Seriously, I've known three year olds that are more tolerant than you."

"Then go and find a three year old and shine a light in his face. I'll be fine."

"Famous last words Stark."

"If I drop dead you can write 'I told you so' on my tombstone. Happy?" She glared at him and he grinned back, wincing a little as his head throbbed.

"You know, there are painkillers in the medkit but oh, I forgot. You don't need my help." It was her turn to grin.

"You're a cruel woman," he told her petulantly, pouting a little. Thor actually giggled. Steve just remained impassive but the billionaire had a sneaking suspicion that he found this whole situation hilarious.

"You knew that already." Tony attempted a nod at that and then aborted the movement as his head screamed in agony. "Here," Tasha said, handing him an innocent white tablet. He dry swallowed it without complaint, already prepared for the effects of the drug. It was something that S.H.I.E.L.D had developed in association with the medical branch of Stark Industries: a painkiller that took effect within two minutes and was remarkably effective. The main problem was that it was incredibly expensive to make and so couldn't really be released to the general public. Oh, and it may cause mild hallucinations. Nothing to worry about.

"Could have just given me Tylenol," he told her after a moment. She was watching him very closely and merely shrugged.

"Who's to say I didn't?"

"Unless Thor recently dyed his hair pink and I didn't notice, I really don't think you did." At this, Steve cracked up and the demigod frowned.

"My hair is not pink friend Stark. Are you well?" For reasons that he would later blame entirely on the drug in his system, Tony found the comment hilarious. Within a few seconds, the billionaire was on the floor of the jet, curled into a ball, laughing so hard it hurt. In the background the two spies were trying to explain to Thor and Steve the nature of the drug and trying to convince him that Tony hadn't actually gone insane and there was nothing to worry about; it only made him laugh more.

"Tony, it's not that funny. Calm the fuck down," Clint said eventually. He tried to sober himself but he was still giggling when the jet approached the helicarrier. Nat informed him that another jet had been sent to pick up Bruce for when he calmed down again and to make sure that the Tevanni was neutralised. Tony wanted to ask about that but then they arrived and Fury was there and 'oh god he has a rainbow coat. His coat is a mother fucking rainbow.' He was lost in hysterical giggling before the director could even ask what was happening.


Tony awoke the next morning in the room reserved for him on the helicarrier with a massive headache and stiff muscles. He stretched, wincing as bruised muscles shifted under his skin unpleasantly and made a mental note to install those impact upgrades he'd been thinking about for the suit. There was a tablet on his bedside table and he poked at the blank screen to wake it up.

"You there J?"

"Always Sir," JARVIS replied, polite as always.

"What time is it?"

"It's two fifteen in the afternoon sir. You have been asleep for nineteen hours."

"You didn't think to wake me up?" He asked, a little annoyed that he'd been left to sleep for so long. Normally he wouldn't care but there was actually something happening at the moment and he wanted to be a part of it.

"Director Fury ordered that you be allowed to sleep off the drug sir. He said that it was... not prudent for you to wander the halls of the helicarrier declaring that he was 'a fairy from another dimension, here to shower us all with smiles and cookies and rainbows.'"

"I said that?"

"You did sir. I have video footage if you want evidence." Tony grimaced. That was sure to hit Youtube soon enough if it hadn't already and that meant that he would have a very annoyed Pepper on his back unless he was careful.

"Delete it."

"It is on S.H.I.E.L.D servers sir, I do not have sufficient security status to be given control of such data."

"Who the hell cares? Hack it and delete it."

"Yes sir. Though I feel it wise to inform you that records show several copies of such footage have been made and the whereabouts of such files are currently unknown."

"Perfect," he muttered, rubbing his eyes with a sigh. His head was pounding away as if there was a miniature Thor in his brain, trying to break out with Mjölnir. "Where is everyone else?"

"Master Odinson is with Director Fury in his office. Doctor Banner, Captain Rogers and Agents Barton and Romanoff are all in the common room." Tony sighed again – he really didn't want a grilling from Bruce or Steve but they just had to sit in the room with the coffee machine, didn't they? Knowing Banner, he'd probably done it on purpose.

Still, whatever danger he may be in from vengeful, worried teammates, the threat of no coffee with a headache of this magnitude was far worse. Forcing himself onto unsteady feet, he pushed himself upright and staggered forwards, barely glancing down to make sure he was decent before he made his way down the hall to the common room frequented by the team. The rest of the S.H.I.E.L.D agents stayed away, so they normally had it to themselves.

As soon as he appeared in the doorway, Clint burst into laughter, ignoring the glare Tony sent him. Without saying a word, the billionaire strolled over to the coffee machine and began jabbing at buttons – no self respecting machine should need buttons. That's what voice interfaces and holograms were for. Barbarians.

"Are you having issues over there?" Bruce asked him with faux casualness, barely suppressing his giggles. Tony glared at him too.

"I'm just fine, thanks," he hissed. The doctor shook his head with a slight smile. Natasha was watching him like a cat might watch a mouse but she said nothing, her face giving nothing away. Steve was frowning slightly but at least he wasn't yelling – Tony didn't think his head would stand that. Clint still couldn't stop laughing.

"How's the head?" Bruce asked, just as the coffee machine figured out what he wanted and set about doing its job.

"Fine," he shot back, biting the words out. It took a lot to embarrass the great Tony Stark but wandering the halls of one of the most secure facilities in the world declaring that the most uptight and downright creepy man in existence was a rainbow fairy from another world just might do it. Barton wasn't helping.

"It wasn't that bad you know," Natasha offered, looking pensive. "I thought the whole thing was rather amusing."

"Well that's nice. At least when Fury decides to paint this ship with my entrails, I'll have died knowing that I entertained the great Black Widow." He bowed slightly, using the hand that wasn't gripping a steaming coffee cup to tip an imaginary hat. He straightened with a scowl. "I'm a dead man."

"Fury won't kill you."

"Want to bet?"

"No."

Clint was beginning to sober up at this stage, wiping genuine tears from his eyes. He looked up at Tony with a strange combination of awe and admiration.

"Stark, whatever happens from this point on, you're awesome man. Like, I can die happy now that I've seen that." Bruce chuckled as the archer pressed a hand over his heart. "You're my hero. Whatever you need, it's yours."

"Save me from Fury." Clint immediately shook his head.

"No can do. Sorry." The funny thing was that he looked genuinely repentant and Tony found himself laughing, despite his terror and mortification. As soon as he began to laugh, Bruce stopped trying to remain calm and allowed himself to break down into remarkably girly giggles, which in turn made Clint guffaw like he was choking on something. Natasha watched them, amused, while Steve just looked entirely lost.

After a solid minute of watching the others in hysterics, the captain leaned over to the spy.

"What's happening?" Natasha blinked at him, then looked at the rest of the team – apart from Thor – and sighed.

"Cap, I've absolutely no idea."


So yeah. I made Tony stoned. Why? you may ask. Cause why the hell not, that's why.

This chapter is just for fun. It's not meant to make sense. Storyline can come later. Banter is more fun.

About the whole Tumblr thing, I was planning on posting some stories and stuff there, so if you wanna go check it out, that would be awesome. Same username as FF. This totally isn't a shameless plug for followers or anything... xD I'm a terrible person.

This story is taking a turn back into light hearted banter I have decided, cause it's so much fun to write. If you want whump or angst go read my other story 'Taken.' It has plenty of both. Or go and find another author, that's cool too.