Thank you to all who have left comments - I truly appreciate them! Next - thank you for your patience! I am in the middle of transitioning between two jobs - so free time has been a rarity. Finally, a small angst warning for this chapter (come, now - you knew it couldn't ALL be happiness and fluff right? Besides, that makes the "making up" even sweeter when we get there!)
Enjoy!
Chapter 11:
Scene: Thirty days after Clarisse and Joseph return home from San Francisco – Year 1 (May)
To say life had been hectic when they returned to the palace would have been one of those gross understatements that people sometimes make when they don't like to acknowledge the reality of a situation.
Clarisse had done her best to keep up with things while she was in San Francisco; but, truth be told, a country simply cannot be governed in absentia. There were endless political meetings that had to be attended to ensure that everyone was of one accord, with the exception of a few members of Parliament, with regards to the future reign of the newly discovered Renaldi heir. She had missed her people as well. Over the years, she had come to look forward to the weekly sessions when they would come and share their lives with her – it gave her an important connection to them and made her feel that all of the hard work and sacrifice she had made over the years was indeed worth it. Between Parliament and the people…there had been little time for anything else.
Joseph couldn't understand how he could be so far behind when the most important part of his job responsibility had travelled with him to the States. Oh he knew that security encompassed far more than just protecting the Queen; but he was uncertain how everything could have fallen so far behind while he was away. He knew it meant that both he and Shades would need to spend more time with the junior members of the security team. He could never knowingly allow any harm to come to any member of the royal family or their staff, for that matter. They WERE a family and he saw it as his job to protect them all.
This family, just like other families, was affected when distractions and the busyness of life kept them from spending quality time together. It wasn't something that happened noticeably – nothing like an argument or fight that clued others in that there was tension in the family. No. It was more like a slow growing tumor. By the time you realized it was there…it was almost too late.
…
"What do you mean Genovia II will be ready for me tomorrow morning?" Joseph asked Charlotte as they shared a cup of coffee in the kitchen while the Queen was having dinner with the Prime Minister. Shades was providing security while Joseph was on his dinner break.
"Joe, I told you two weeks ago…" she started.
"How can I be expected to remember something that far in advance?" He interrupted.
"And a week ago…" she continued.
"Really?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes, the tiredness seeping into his bones. Not only had they all been operating at a non-stop pace since they returned home from America; but the absence of quality time with Clarisse had been wearing on him mentally.
"You know I'm no good at lying."
"How long will I be gone?"
"Ten days." She advised and then braced herself for the outpouring of negative emotion he was about to unleash.
"Ten days!! Charlotte! How can I be expected to be away for ten days??!! I've only been back from America for a little longer than that!"
Fortunately Charlotte knew he wasn't angry at her, merely at the situation, so she shrugged her shoulders and answered. "The Royal Security conference information arrived by messenger exactly two weeks ago from tomorrow. The location will be radioed to the pilot just prior to take off. You know the drill."
Indeed he did. Once every year for ten days, heads of security for prominent people including royal families, gathered at undisclosed locations for anywhere from five to ten days, to discuss current security concerns and political factors. Joseph knew it was important that he attend; but feared he may never get caught up again. "Fine. I'll go pack.
**C/J**
Later that evening…
Clarisse collapsed on her sofa; she was exhausted. Responsibilities had been overwhelming and had left her little time for any personal interests. It had taken its toll on her and, she knew, on Joseph. Her eyes closed as she remembered:
"I will find it hard not to kiss you at every opportunity" … "Now that I've tasted you; I fear I may never get enough."
"And I shall find it hard to resist you wanting to kiss me at every opportunity."
It seemed a lifetime ago and even longer since they had kissed. As much as she hated to admit it, she missed the closeness. She had been neglectful. She needed to make it right.
The knock on the door roused her from her thoughts. She sat up straighter and held back a sigh. "Come."
Warmth filled her veins as she heard his voice. "Good evening, Your Majesty."
She turned in the direction of the deep voice and smiled. "Good evening, Joseph. To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"I came to say good-bye."
Clarisse stood, an uncertain and unexplainable fear gripping her heart. "What do you mean…good-bye?"
His hands rubbed over his face. "The annual security conference. I leave for it tomorrow. Charlotte swears she has been reminding me for two weeks. Apparently I've been pre-occupied."
Clarisse momentarily lost her train of thought as she watched Joseph's eyes run appraisingly over her body. Her breath quickened as she recognized the look reflected in his sapphire depths: A look of longing, desire, need, and a myriad of other emotions that she feared to give name to. She shook herself mentally. "How long will you be gone?"
"I assure you, Shades is capable of providing security in my absence. I would not leave otherwise."
His tone took her by surprise. "I have no professional concerns; surely you know I trust you and the men you choose."
His jaw clenched slightly. "Then what are your concerns?"
"I don't have any…concerns. I shall simply miss you."
With her statement, his control started to slip, letting the frustration and hurt he had been holding back since she had shut him out. He knew it was irrational; but he couldn't seem to stop it. "I've been missing you since the moment we returned to Genovia. You, on the other hand, don't seem to even notice the change in our relationship until I'm not going to be in the palace."
"Joseph…I…I don't know what to say. We've both been so busy. I…" She could see the hurt clearly displayed on his face.
"I know we've been busy, Clarisse. We agreed, though, that we would find moments to be together." He stepped closer, invading her personal space, his hand tentatively tucking a strand of errant hair behind her ear. "Apparently our relationship wasn't important enough…"
At his implication, uncustomary anger surged through Clarisse. She pulled away from his touch. "It's not that simple, Joseph! And what responsibility do you take in all of this? A relationship is a two way street – or so I've been told. You haven't made much of an effort either. I've been trying to run a country. What is your excuse?" She couldn't believe she had just lost it with Joseph. There was something about the emotion that he evoked in her that caused her to say and do things she never thought possible before.
Joseph just stood there in stunned silence. She was right to ask the questions. Her statements were accurate. How could he explain? He couldn't. Not here. Not now. Perhaps not ever. He finally found his voice. "I have none. If you will excuse me?"
Clarisse found she couldn't speak either. She knew her words had been harsh; but there was a haunted look on Joseph's face that she felt could not be attributed to her statements. He looked as though he had seen a ghost. Before she could say anything further or move to comfort him, he had turned and was gone.
*One week later*
Joseph had been miserable over the past seven days. He was unable to focus on the conference. He called to check in with Shades on the secure line that had been provided for him, the reports revealed that all was quiet and within acceptable parameters. He asked about the Queen and was told that she had been very busy and had been taking meals in her private suite. Joseph shook his head. It was just like her to withdraw. They had not spoken since their encounter a week ago. Why did he always fall in love with women that he couldn't have? He crawled into bed, praying that at least a fitful rest would be granted him.
Joseph grabbed Camilla's hand and pulled her into the alley way. "Joseph!" She giggled. "What do you think you are doing?"
"Stealing a kiss." He answered as he trapped her body between his and the brick wall of the corner store.
Her voice was thick with desire as the merriment lingered. "Since when have you ever had to steal a kiss from me? You know I cannot resist you."
Their kiss was ardent: filled with passion and laced with the excitement of forbidden love. Joseph loved her with his whole heart and gave of himself unselfishly to her. She came from a different world than he was a part of – privileged and pampered. But fate had crossed their paths and together they had found a connection that defied logic, rules and class. Camilla would sneak away when she could so they could have stolen moments together. Her father had other plans for her; but the love she felt for Joseph had blinded her to anything but wanting to be with him.
Joseph broke the kiss. "Meet me tonight at the park – the gazebo in the back."
Camilla was breathless from the kiss. "I'll be there."
She kissed him quickly again before stepping back out of the shadows and into the sunlight. Joseph watched her go. He had been patient for five years; being content to love her in the shadows. They were both twenty-one now and, he believed, on the brink of their future together. Tonight…tonight, he would ask her to marry him.
He watched as Camilla approached the gazebo he had chose for its location hidden amongst a dense covering of trees. Her white dress complimenting her bronzed skin; her raven hair blowing gently in the night breeze. Joseph took her hand and kissed it. "I love you, Camilla."
"And I, you, Joseph."
"I want to spend forever and always with you."
"Oh Joseph…"
He knelt before her taking her left hand while his right reached in to pull the small box out of his pocket. With practiced ease, he flipped open the box to reveal a moderate sized diamond surrounded by smaller cut emeralds. He had thought they matched the brilliance of her jade green eyes.
He admired the piece that represented five years of hard work and savings for a few moments before turning his gaze upwards to see her reaction. Rather than sparkling, excited eyes, he saw fear, confusion and, even more importantly, doubt. It was the doubt that worried him most. What was she doubting? Fears can be allayed; confusion cleared up; but doubt…doubt was a very powerful force.
He stood and asked the question he most needed to hear the answer to. "What are your doubts, my love? Do you doubt my love for you?"
"No!"
"Do you doubt my ability to provide for you?"
"Of course not!"
"Good. Because someday, Camilla, I will live in a palace fit for a King! So what is it, Camilla?"
Her face was sad…sadder than he could ever remember. "I doubt my father's blessing. I have responsibilities and a duty to uphold to my family."
"And you cannot marry me without his blessing?"
"It's not that simple, Joseph. It's not just about me and you and our love."
"That is ALL it has ever been about for me."
"I'm sorry."
He had left her standing there as he turned to walk away. The next day he had sold what possessions he had, including the ring, vowing to never buy another. He had set sail the next week for England and become a part of Her Majesty's Royal Navy. He had never seen Camilla again.
Joseph sat up in the unfamiliar bed, a slight sheen of perspiration covering his entire body. It had been years since thoughts of Camilla had surfaced from the deep place in his soul to which he had relegated them. He went to the bathroom and rinsed his face. This situation with Clarisse was opening up old wounds. Could he allow himself to be put in a position to try to love someone again? Someone who was definitely out of his league; someone who had been a slave to duty and responsibility her whole life; someone who was not free to love him?
Both women were different – yet so much the same.
The question that hung heavily in his mind was simple to ask but not simple to answer: Was he willing to risk the hurt? Clarisse was right. It was just not that simple.
He climbed back into bed and prayed that the answer would be revealed.
**C/J**
Clarisse couldn't decide if she was happy or nervous about Joseph's return. She had missed him fiercely. Seven days had been the longest they had ever gone without speaking to each other. She felt a gaping hole not only in her heart; but also in her life. He was such a part of her life – in many ways she had not even realized until he wasn't there.
She continued to pace in her suite, trying to think. What could she do to carve time out of her schedule to ensure they had time together? He was right in that it had to be her taking the initiative. He had very little control over her schedule unless a security matter was involved so it had to be up to her to find those moments for them to share.
Suddenly she stopped pacing. She had an idea! For the first time in ten days a smile crept across her face. With renewed purpose, she picked up the phone. "Charlotte? No everything isn't alright. I want to see my Head of Security the moment he arrives home. I have been considering changes that must be made to security once Mia starts regular visits and I want to discuss those concerns with him. Also, Charlotte, I want you to make room on my schedule for a weekly meeting with Joseph so we can ensure that we have all basis covered. Thirty minutes will be acceptable, I suppose. Thank you, Charlotte."
Satisfied with her plan, she sat at the chair near the window and watched and waited. It might not be simple – but it wasn't impossible.
